


It's the Apocalypse, Sweetheart

by EllanaSan



Category: Hunger Games Series - All Media Types, Hunger Games Trilogy - Suzanne Collins
Genre: Apocalypse, F/M, Zombie AU, Zombie Apocalypse, Zombies, but not too explicit smut, some violence, warnings for some cursing and steamy times, what you can expect from a zombie apocalypse, when I say steamy time I mean bordering on smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-07
Updated: 2014-12-28
Packaged: 2018-02-03 18:45:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 29
Words: 110,512
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1754455
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EllanaSan/pseuds/EllanaSan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“It probably was a virus.” Haymitch shrugged. “Or a bacterial attack. Maybe it was the rebels, maybe it was Snow’s idea of a preventive strike and it got out of hands… Who knows and who cares? It’s the apocalypse, sweetheart, store the booze, grab a gun and try to enjoy the ride because it’s probably going to be short…”</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Sooooo, this is a zombie AU because of reasons involving me and a current obsession for zombies, also hayffie and zombies… I am super nervous about this story, I tried to stay in character as much as possible and to find parallels with HG situations as much as I could. I hope everyone enjoys the ride… I will try to update on every Saturday. 
> 
> As a side note, I should mention that I’m rating this M for ulterior chapters (and ok, I’m not sure it deserves to be rated M so I might eventually lower the rating) and that even though it will focus mainly on hayffie, there will be some side pairings involving Annie/Finnick and Peeta/Katniss. =)
> 
> As always, thanks to Akachankami who made this more English. Also, if you checked her tumblr (akachankami and tumblr as key words on google will get you straight home) you will find an amazing photoset for this very story. ;)

There was a definite upside to a zombie apocalypse : the roads were clear. Well… The roads that weren’t cluttered with dead people, abandoned cars and half-eaten bodies, at least. Anyway, Haymitch could drive as fast as he wanted without any danger of hitting another car. Not that crashing _his_ truck was out of the equation… He was drunk enough that his reflexes were starting to become sluggish but not drunk enough that his common sense forced him to stop the car and sleep it off. He couldn’t afford the luxury of getting _that_ wasted.

Downside to a zombie apocalypse? – aside for the flesh-eating hordes of zombies that wanted a nice bite of you, that was – Booze was _damn hard_ to find.

He took a swing of the bottle of cheap whiskey he had unearthed in a Walmart somewhere in the last state he had driven across, wondering how long he could make his stock last. The back seat was full of guns, ammunitions and bottles of alcohol, the truck was full of gas cans – not the safest way to do things but Haymitch didn’t particularly care. An apocalypse wasn’t enough to stop the nightmares and, without alcohol to dull them, his night terrors were unbearable. He couldn’t even remember the last time he managed to actually _rest_ for a few hours instead of thrashing, turning and screaming in his sleep. He swallowed more whiskey, welcoming the familiar burn in his throat and speeded up a bit, pretending for a few second he could actually leave the past behind.

There wasn’t much to see around him. The road was a typical countryside road, a straight line that seemed to go on forever, fields on either side, blue sky ahead, bright sun over his head… If it hadn’t been for the dead cows on the left and the withering crops on the right, you could have thought nothing had changed.

The last mouthful of whiskey had been one too many. His sight was becoming blurry and the high speed was starting to make his stomach churn, he slowed down a bit to avoid losing control of the car and ending up hitting a rotten cow corpse. That would be hell to clean up.

He slowed down even more when twinkling spots appeared in the middle of his range of vision. That was new. Whiskey had never done that to him before. Maybe he was having a stroke. Maybe he would finally die there, on a deserted road leading to nowhere of all places. But no… Fate wasn’t kind with Haymitch Abernathy and if Death was an old friend, He certainly wasn’t in any hurry to reap him.

He wasn’t having a stroke, there was something in the middle of the road reflecting the sun. It was blinding but small and he could perfectly see it from far away. Well… He could see the blinding thing but it wasn’t until he was a few feet away that he saw _what_ the blinding thing was or, rather, _who_ was wearing the blinding thing. A zombie clad in a golden sequin dress – if you could call a dress something that barely covered anything – walking in the middle of the road. A shame too. Endless legs, slender neck… She probably had been beautiful. He slowed down more. Should he bypass her or run her over, he wondered? Running her over would probably damage the car but, at least, it might kill her and, as far as he was concerned, a dead zombie was a good zombie – a dead _er_ zombie anyway.

Running her over it was. But the moment he speeded up again, she turned around and looked straight at him. He crushed the brakes before he could even think twice about it, heart racing in his chest. Zombies didn’t have eyes that widened in fright, they didn’t have high heels dangling in their right hands, and, above all, they didn’t look as alive as this woman did.

For a second, he was afraid he had reacted too slowly. The tires screeched on the asphalt, smoke raised above the car and the sickening smell of burned rubber spread all around. However, when the smoke cleared, she was still standing in the middle of the road, still blinding him with her stupid dress, and worse, she had the nerve to look angry.

Haymitch immediately got mad. “What the hell, lady!” he shouted, forgetting she probably couldn’t hear him with his windows closed.

She went around the hood and pulled the passenger side door open. “You nearly ran me over!”

High-pitched voice. Never a good sign. All irritating women had an high-pitched voice.

Not to mention dark blond hair pinned high on her head in a sophisticated bun that left some strands free to curl around her face, her blue eyes sparkling in anger, the heavy make-up and the body-to-die-for the dress was so nicely revealing. Gorgeous woman with a high-pitched voice… She was obviously a pain in the ass.

Her face, for whatever reason, seemed familiar but he was positive he had never seen her in his life. He never forgot a face.

“Sorry, sweetheart, I thought you were a zombie.” he snorted. “’Should have seen you were a clown.”  

Her eyes narrowed. If glares could kill…

“You, sir, are _very_ rude.” she huffed and folded her arms on her chest in what was probably supposed to be a stern attitude. He had half a mind to tell her she should think twice about doing that in that kind of dress. It made for a pretty sight but not really for the severity she was obviously aiming for.

“Sure thing.” he shrugged. “That will be a nice story for the next car that you blind into crashing. That is if zombies don’t get you first.” Because, with that dress? She was a bloody moving target with flashing arrows pointing at her.

She clutched the passenger door handle in her hand with a frown. “There is no need for sarcasm.” She threw her heels on the bench sit, climbed in the car before slamming the door shut and buckled her seatbelt. “There. You can go now.” she added helpfully.

Haymitch who, he realized, was gaping, snapped his jaw shut and stared at her with his most intimidating glare. She remained absolutely oblivious.

“Which way are you going?” she asked, chewing on her lower lip thoughtfully. “I think I should head for D.C. It’s the sensible thing to do.”

Sensible? Sensible for people with a death wish!

“Sweetheart, you go where you _bloody_ want to go but you get out of my truck right now.” he snapped.

“What do you mean?” She looked at him in obvious confusion. “Oh, do you think the tires are damaged? I know nothing about cars you should have a look yourself.”

He blinked at her, wondering if she was for real. And because he was a pragmatic man he asked : “Are you for real?” She couldn’t be. Surely it was a ploy. She would wait until he was out of the car before stealing it and probably running him over in a spiteful act of revenge.

“I assure you I am.” She smiled. It was just as every bit blinding as her dress. “Effie Trinket in flesh and bones! I know you must be a little overwhelmed, most fans are when they meet me, but…”

“Fans?” he cut her off. He had the feeling she was the kind of girl to chatter on and on about silly things. And she didn’t make _any_ sense.

“Aren’t you?” Her brow furrowed.

Haymitch turned sideways a bit, to face her properly, all the while wondering why he didn’t just push her out of the car. “Can’t say I am.” he snorted. “You’re too cheerful for my taste _and_ you look like a clown.”

“I don’t look like a clown, I look like a trapeze artist. I was in the middle of a photoshoot, if you please.” Her face crumpled a bit and all the cheerfulness that, he was beginning to suspect, had been faked seemed to slip away for a second. “It all happened so quickly…”

“Zombies?” His hands slowly slid to the gun he was keeping tucked in the waistband of his pants.

“We were shooting in the middle of a field and…” She swallowed with some difficulties and looked away. “I thought it was a joke at first or a candid camera for some show… They love making fun of celebrities but then… Then that guy bit Portia and…”

He didn’t let himself feel sympathetic. You didn’t make friends during a zombie apocalypse, it should be the first rule if someone ever did a guide on how to survive that kind of things. Awful things happened to a lot of good people every day, apocalypses had nothing to do with that. Don’t make friends, period, and you would be okay, that had been Haymitch’s motto ever since… “Did _you_ get bitten? Scratched? Are you hurt anywhere?”

She shook her head and avoided his eyes, worrying her hands in her lap. “I ran.” she confessed, obviously ashamed. “I ran and I didn’t look back.” Her jaw clenched and then she looked at him again with a smile. Fake but convincing. She was good at acting, that one. “Thank you for your concern, though.”

“I’m not concerned, sweetheart, not for you anyway.” He looked her over again. She didn’t appear to be lying. He didn’t know where she could hide a bit or a scratch, almost every inch of her creamy skin was on display. It was reddish in some spot, probably because she had been walking under the sun for some time, but he couldn’t see any wound. Not on her legs, nor on her arms or shoulders. “You’re sure you didn’t get bitten or scratched? It’s better to tell me, I can give you a clean death. A shot in the head and you’re good. If you’ve been infected, it won’t be pretty.”

Her lips wobbled, he was afraid she would start crying. He didn’t want to deal with a crying woman.

“I’m… I’m not, I swear!” she argued, showing her arms in proof of good faith. “They’re… slow. It was easy to outrun them.”

He lifted an eyebrow and nodded at the shoes serving as shield between them on the bench sit. “In those things?”

“I’m practically born in high heels.” the stranger sighed, before shrugging. “They say jogging every morning can save your life, I guess they are right. I’m good at running.”

Haymitch moved his hand away from the gun. She hadn’t even noticed. How clueless was she? She wouldn’t last a day out there. “Good for you, now get out of my car.”

And there was that angry pout again. “You can’t be serious!” she exclaimed. “You wouldn’t let me on the side of the road, it would be… _barbaric_! That’s what it would be: barbaric. Not to mention extremely rude and the complete opposite of chivalrous behavior.”

His lips twitched. “Who says I’m not all those things?”

She folded her arms again in a desperate attempt at seriousness. He got a good show of cleavage so he didn’t complain.

“Nobody would be so heartless as to leave a helpless woman in the middle of nowhere.” she said.

“Wanna bet?” he snorted. She was kind of amusing though. Irritating too, of course, but she would be good company for a while. Haymitch hated people but his last contact with a human being dated back to… What ? Five months before zombies even broke down his back door?

Maybe he could give her a lift for a few hours and make fun of her while he was at it. Stupid people were always entertaining.

“I can pay you.” she said, obviously resolute to convince him.

“Yeah? With that?” Although, given her dress, a few ideas came to mind… He shook that train of thoughts away. He wasn’t that despicable yet.

“Money, of course. Name your price.” She was so dismissive, he decided she was probably one of those girls with a wealthy father.

“Money isn’t worth anything anymore.” He rolled his eyes.

“I am not talking about a few notes, I can pay you a fortune.” Her smile was smug and assured. “You really don’t know who I am, do you?” She sounded almost sorry for him.

“Look, Princess…” He hated people who thought everything revolved around them.

“Effie.” She gritted her teeth. “Not sweetheart, not Princess. _Effie_.”

“You’re _fucking_ annoying, _Princess_.” he chuckled. “I don’t care who you are, you…” And that was when it clicked in, why her face felt so familiar. He had seen it on countless posters and adverts, her face had been plastered all around a locker room once upon a time. “You’re Miss America.”

She blushed and cleared her throat. “Runner-up for Miss America, actually. A few years back now.”

“No.” He didn’t know who the current Miss America was and he certainly didn’t know who Miss America had been a few years earlier, that wasn’t it… He was sure he had seen her face on posters for President Snow’s administration, back when he still worked for the agency. She had been one of the numerous famous people Snow had paraded around to make his term glamorous just after he had declared martial law in a feeble and obvious attempt at staying in charge. Well… Couldn’t be that feeble because nobody but a selected few, who had quickly disappeared or died in curious accidents, had protested. No foreign country had tried to act either, nobody would dare rise against someone as powerful as Snow. “You’re Miss Patriot.” The name came back because it had been a running joke between the agents. Miss Patriot… She was a part of that travesty of democracy they had been living in all those years.

He hoped a zombie had taken a big juicy bite out of Snow’s neck.

He hated the guy, he hated the government and he wanted nothing to do with someone who had dabbled in that.

“Get out of the car.” He was serious now.

“Please don’t tell me you’re one of those would-be rebels…” she sighed.

“Would-be rebels?” he repeated. He opened his mouth to explain exactly how good it was for the country that some people still had the common sense to _react_ against tyranny but then he closed it and decided it wasn’t worth it. “Get out. I’m not helping Snow’s supporters.”

She just crossed her legs patiently. “You know, the President is a charming man.”

If she wanted to impress him with her connections, it wasn’t working. “He’s a snake.” he argued. “He’s cruel and he will smile at you while he stabs you in the back.”

“If you knew him personally…” Her patronizing tone was enough to make him slam angrily on the wheel. She fell silent immediately and watched him warily. Good.

“I know him.” He met her blue eyes, challenging her to try to argue some more about that. He knew everything there was to know about Snow. He had been in his office when Snow had given the order to have his family killed. He felt blindly over the bench seat for one of the bottles in the back seat, he found the butt of a few guns before his fingers finally coiled around the neck of a vodka bottle. Vodka wouldn’t sit well with the whiskey he had drank earlier but he still uncapped it and took a long burning swallow.

“You know the President, right.” she chuckled, a bit hysterical. “Of course you do.”

“You don’t believe me.” he observed, forcing himself to calm down. The vodka helped dulling the over-present pain.

“You’re a guy in the middle of nowhere, in an old truck that reeks of alcohol, is littered with bottles of liquor and is full of guns; given the smell you haven’t seen a shower in days, and, no offense, but you appear to be crazy.” she replied, very honestly. “So, no, I don’t believe you when you say you’ve met the President of the United-States, you will have to forgive me I’m afraid. And while we are on the subject of apologies, believe me, I deeply, _deeply_ regret it, albeit for my sake rather than yours, but I am not getting out of your car so could you _please_ start driving so we can part ways as soon as possible?”

That made him laugh. He blamed it on the vodka. “Sweetheart, do you really think I couldn’t kick your ass out of my truck if I wanted to?”

“ _Effie_. And no, I don’t think you couldn’t.” she shrugged. “I just don’t think you _would_.”

“And why is that?” he asked, curious now.

“Because I’ve been sitting here for half an hour and you still haven’t done anything about it.” She forced a smile on her lips. “So you can pretend to be a heartless man who really wouldn’t help me all you want but, please, do it while driving. I am not getting out and you are not throwing me out either.”

He stared at her for a few seconds, debating between actually kicking her ass out of his truck and doing what he knew he would have done anyway and start driving. In the end, he shook his head at her and turned the engine on.

“I will drive you to the next town. Nothing more.” he warned her. “Whatever we find there, that’s the end of the line as far as I’m concerned.”

“Thank you.” she breathed out in relief.

“Don’t thank me yet.” he shrugged, taking a swing of vodka. She eyed the bottle with some wariness but if she wanted to argue that drinking and driving was dangerous, she was clever enough to hold her tongue. “The next town is probably full of flesh-eating monsters. Last one I saw was.”

She didn’t answer. She looked through the window silently for a while and Haymitch started to relax. Maybe she wasn’t as chatty as he had feared she would be. He could bear human company for a few hours. It wasn’t worse than the dead animals on the side of the road anyway.

“Are they really zombies?” she asked, after almost fifteen minutes of silence. It was soft and uncertain.

“Where have you been those last few months?” he snorted. “They popped all over the country.” Although to be fair, medias had made sure to rationalize the event and reassure the population that everything was under control. Except it really wasn’t.

“They said it was a virus.” the woman – Effie – argued. “They said it was safely contained… They said it wouldn’t spread.”

“It probably was a virus.” Haymitch shrugged. “Or a bacterial attack. Maybe it was the rebels, maybe it was Snow’s idea of a preventive strike and it got out of hands… Who knows and who cares? It’s the apocalypse, sweetheart, store the booze, grab a gun and try to enjoy the ride because it’s probably going to be short…”

She nudged an empty bottle with her bare foot. “My friends… My stylist, the photographer… They’re probably dead, aren’t they?”

He glanced at her. She looked miserable. “Sorry, sweetheart.” he offered.

“I should have stayed and helped…” she sighed, tugging on the sun visor in front of her to check her reflection in the small mirror. She wiped the smudged make-up under her eyes and wiped most of the powder covering her face away.

“You would either be dead or flesh-hungry dead.” He speeded up a bit which made her look at the empty bottles all around in obvious distress, she checked that her seatbelt was working. He speeded up a bit more and she glared at him. “Afraid of speed?” he mocked. “Let me guess… You’re one of those girls who always drives ten miles under the limit.” She rolled her eyes but began pulling pins out of the tangle of hair piled on her head and he slowed down because it was distracting to see strand after strand escaping the bun and falling on her shoulders. “You said you wanted to go to D.C.?”

“Yes?” She didn’t look like she knew what she wanted to do. It was sad, Haymitch thought, because that girl wouldn’t last long out there. She obviously wasn’t cut out for that kind of situation. “My parents live in D.C. I should try to find them.”

“Are they old?” He shouldn’t ask and he shouldn’t care… He cursed himself for stopping the car in the first place. He should have driven around her and continued on his merry way. “Your parents?”

“In their late fifties, why?” she frowned. It probably was an odd question to ask someone you just met.

He ignored her. “One of them is in the military? Working for the government, that sort of things?”

“No.” she replied and he carefully kept his eyes on the road. Her parents were dead, then. Too old and not well enough connected. “If this is about your rebelling tendencies again…”

“Washington is a huge city, sweetheart.” he interrupted her.

“My name is _Effie_ and thank you I am well-learned in geography.” she huffed, tousling the curls that were now freely falling on her shoulders.

He showed his irritation by speeding up again. Perhaps he should let her go and not tell her. That would teach her…

“The virus spreads faster in big cities.” he said anyway. “They evacuate a few people and place them in quarantine but at some point they block all the roads to the city. Nobody in or out. That’s what they did on the west coast.”

“That’s impossible.” she gasped. “They would have talked about it on T.V. I saw the news only yesterday morning and…”

“Did they talk about zombies at all in the news?” he snorted. “They’re trying to keep a hold on the whole thing, Princess. And they’re failing. The whole country is infected.” He switched the radio on. There was a screeching noise, he played around with the buttons a bit and a guy started talking quickly about how Sacramento was almost destroyed. He switched it off. “You want news, independent radios are the way to go.”

“My parents aren’t dead.” she snapped coldly. “Don’t think I don’t know what you’re implying. I am not as stupid as you think. They aren’t dead.” She turned her head away to stare stubbornly at the landscape flashing by.

“Whatever, sweetheart.” He rolled his eyes. That was what you got for trying to help. He drank some vodka and decided to ignore her until he could finally drop her somewhere without any guilty thought. It was hard to say who was ignoring who, though, because she seemed damn set on pretending he didn’t exist.

“Los Angeles?” she asked, after nearly a full hour of silence.

He almost didn’t answer her. “It’s District One.” Some people had organized themselves by radio, they tried to warn people about where to go and not to go, even though it seemed as if there was _nowhere left_. They had divided the country in zones or districts. “Done for.”

Her shoulders sagged and she completely turned her back on him then, curling on the seat. Her despair was so crushing he couldn’t help but feel a tinge of compassion for her. He extinguished that quickly. Tough world, they were living in. She wouldn’t make it. No sense in feeling bad for her. He was just getting soppy because she was pretty _and_ difficult, two things he had a soft spot for. The sooner he got rid of her, the better.

That road seemed endless.


	2. Chapter 2

Night had fallen while a field gave way to another field as the truck rushed by. Effie didn’t know where they were. She and her team had been staying at a motel not far from the little town and the fields where they had been shooting in but she couldn’t imagine it would be safe anymore so she was happy to let the strange man – who hadn’t deemed proper to introduce himself – drive at random provided that he took her far away from there.

Each time she closed her eyes, she saw Portia’s face when that _thing_ bit her. There had been ten or so… _zombies_ , since it was apparently the proper term, and the rest of her team had screamed and _yelled_ but they hadn’t been clever enough to do anything else. Portia would have run with her probably… But Portia had been the first to fall and Effie had run without looking back. Guilt and shame were a raging fire in her belly.

Keeping herself together was taking all of her strength. She could feel the burning pressure of tears behind her closed eyelids but she was sure if she started crying she would never stop. Now wasn’t the time to cry. She needed to find her parents, they couldn’t be dead she refused to believe it. That man was crazy anyway. _That man had probably saved her life_ , argued a little voice in the back of her head. Not without a lot of convincing though.

Washington could still be untouched. For all she knew the virus was localized to the part of the country they were currently in. She had never been lucky. It would be just like her to agree to a lame photo shoot in the backcountry where there wasn’t even a good phone reception or wifi only to be attacked by creatures escaped from a bad horror movie. It was the same sort of luck that let her survive a zombie attack only to get almost run over by an alcoholic madman. _Who had rescued her_ , added the same annoying little voice. Well, that sort of rescue, she could do without.

Her mind wandered to Los Angeles and the nice house she owned there, it was nothing to her penthouse in Washington but… She immediately felt even more guilty. She had friends in L.A. – as much as you could get friends in her professional environment anyway. Models, actresses, singers, producers… It was always for show. Despite what she had told her not-so-chivalrous-rescuer, she wasn’t totally fooled by President Snow. She _did_ agree to be the face of his administration for a while but, to be honest, the pay and the fact that her face would be seen everywhere had more to do with it than actual patriotism. She had needed the money at that time. When she had met him, at an official event, President Snow had been very courteous, charming and attentive but there had been something about him that hadn’t sit right with her.

Still, her friends deserved better than a fleeting thought. She should have worried about Seneca sooner for instance. Their on and off relationship often hit the headlines but she did care about him dearly even though she wasn’t in love with him. As far as boyfriends went, Seneca had certainly been the best she ever had. And now he probably was dead or roaming around in search of someone to eat. That was both sad and disgusting.

And she was a terrible person for thinking of Seneca becoming a zombie as disgusting.

She turned around and curled on her other side to face the man. It really wouldn’t be polite to give him the cold shoulder much longer and she needed something to distract her from her somber thoughts. The headlights were the only thing separating them from darkness, it was barely enough for her to make out his face. He was quite handsome for a madman. A bit unkempt but… It rather suited him. His dirty blond hair was a much too long messy thing, the stubble covering his jaw was threatening to become a full beard, his grey eyes had made her pause for a second when she had first met him because they looked so sad, exchanging a simple glance had made her heart break a bit, his clothes were stained and well-used, as was the truck. But the clothes _and_ the car had once been expensive, she could tell, she was a fashion expert and her father had bought the same model a few years ago. The bottles of alcohol everywhere were easy to explain, the man was obviously addicted. He had taken a shot every time he had gotten upset or they had brushed a sensitive topic. The guns though… She had only taken a glimpse at the back seat but it had been enough to know there was a lot of weapons there and boxes of ammunitions too. That made him either a redneck or a veteran, that would explain the paranoia too either way… But she would bet there was something else. Something that related to those sad tortured grey eyes of his. In short, the man was a mystery and Effie had never been able to resist a good riddle.

The bottle of vodka was half-gone but he didn’t seem sleepy or really drunk. The car was going in a straight line – and at a normal safer speed since night had fallen – he had propped and arm against the window, his other hand was carelessly resting on the wheel. He seemed lost in thoughts.

“Do you have a name?” she asked at last.

The man startled. Perhaps he had believed her to be asleep or perhaps he had forgotten her. She didn’t know how mad he was after all.

“Done sulking, sweetheart?” He glanced at her.

She stayed huddled on herself because it kept the cold away. The golden dress wasn’t meant to be worn, it was every bit as much an accessory as her high heels or the clips in her hair. It was thin and a bit too revealing for her taste given that she was lost God knew where with a stranger. A gentleman would have offered her his jacket but she had very much understood the man was everything but a gentleman. Propriety didn’t seem to be his prime focus – probably for the best since he was taking her away from zombies. Given a choice, she’d rather have a rude man focused on getting them far away from monsters as a companion than a gentleman.

“My name is _Effie_.” His patronizing nicknames would be getting old really fast. “You never properly introduced yourself.” she insisted. “Poor show of manners, that.”

His lips stretched in a small smirk that did strange things to her stomach. She immediately stifled the thought. “Who says I care about manners?”

“It’s very obvious you don’t.” she retorted. Her hands wandered towards the bottle of vodka resting between them on the bench seat, propped on her heels, but in the end she didn’t dare. The man didn’t miss the aborted move though.

“Go for it.” he said. “But don’t drink it all. It’s hard to come by.”

It didn’t seem hard to come by, the car was full of alcohol. “Would you… Would you happen to have some water?” she hesitated. She didn’t know how far she could go. He had agreed to get her to the next town not to feed her and gave her something to drink. She would drink the vodka if he had nothing else but it wouldn’t quench her thirst.

He looked at her like she was the most insufferable person in the world. “There must be some somewhere on the back seat. Food too.” His eyes trailed down the length of her dress and stayed on her legs much longer than necessary. “Grab a shirt while you’re at it before you freeze to death.”

She had to unbuckle the seatbelt and bend in two over the back of the bench seat to rummage around all the crap piled up at the back of the car. She was sure he was getting a really good view of her behind but, at that point, she didn’t particularly care. She managed to find a small bottle of water and a box of crackers. Further investigation showed that there were indeed some clothes randomly balled in corners or stuck under guns and boxes of ammos. She caught a flannel shirt and quickly slip it on, before downing half the bottle of water.

“Slower or you will get sick.” the man warned without even sparing her a glance. For someone who didn’t care, he acted very much like he did. He puzzled her.

“So…” She opened the box of crackers. She was starving all of a sudden. “I apologize, I didn’t quite catch your name.”

“That’s because I didn’t give it, sweetheart.” He was still smirking so he was probably making fun of her. She decided she wouldn’t rise to the bait about her name.

“Should I call you sweetheart too?” she teased.

“You can try.” he chuckled. “You can also walk to the nearest town.”

She ate the crackers slowly and with as much poise as she could. It wasn’t because the man had no manners at all that she had to stoop as low.

“Haymitch.” he grunted after some time. She almost made him repeat himself before she realized he was actually telling her his name.

“Haymitch.” She tried it out, it rolled easily on her tongue. She offered him a real smile. “Nice to meet you, Haymitch. I’m Effie Trinket.” She outstretched her hand but he barely glanced at it.

“So you’ve said.” he snorted. “Repeatedly.”

“Well, you must have heard it wrong each time because you’re still calling me by stupid monikers.” she replied, taking back her hand.

The smirk came back full force. She wondered if he was enjoying the banter and if that was the reason he was being so difficult. “You have a very annoying voice. Somebody ever told you that?”

She rolled her eyes and stretched her arms above her head. “Do you want me to drive?” she asked. “You could sleep for a few hours. You must be tired of all the…” She feel silent at the very last moment. She wasn’t sure calling him on his drinking would have been wise.

“I can drink and drive, sweetheart.” He speeded up a bit, just to prove his point. She fastened her seatbelt very quickly. That only amused him. “Besides, I don’t sleep.”

“Everybody must sleep.” she argued, settling herself as comfortably as she could on the leather seat. It was soft and cracked in some places. “What are you? A superhero?”

“Maybe I’m a zombie.” He replied very seriously. “How would you know? You jumped in my car and you never once asked if I had been bitten or scratched. Not very smart, _Effie_.”

“You’re not a zombie.” She waved his bad joke away. “A gun dealer, maybe, but not a zombie. _And_ you’re not suffering from short time memory loss, you actually _can_ remember my name.” She offered him the box of biscuits. “Crackers? If you insist on driving with that much alcohol in your blood, I would feel better if you were to eat something.”

He shook his head in disbelief but still dug in the box for a handful of crackers. “Why, thank you for offering me _my_ _own_ _bloody_ _food_ , sweetheart.”

“And here we go again with the memory loss…” she clucked her tongue. “You should have it checked, you know.”

He snorted and she giggled a bit, feeling very stupid. Perhaps it was because she was feeling so emotional… She often laughed before starting to cry when she was exhausted. And she _was_ exhausted. Walking under the hot sun hadn’t been a piece of cake and that was without taking in the stress of being jumped upon by a horde of zombies. The sole of her feet was hurting, the road had been burning hot. Some antiseptic cream probably wouldn’t be amiss…

“So, Haymitch, what do you do?” she asked, to distract herself from that train of thoughts. “Except rescuing girls barely wearing anything from the side of the road in the middle of a zombie apocalypse, that is.”

“I didn’t rescue you, you high-jacked my car.” he corrected, glancing at her. “I’m retired.”

“You’re young to be retired.” she observed. How old was he? Around forty? He couldn’t be more than six or seven years older than her. “What did you do before? Gun dealer?”

He smirked at her joke but he didn’t reply at once. He looked at her thoughtfully and then shrugged as if whatever he had been thinking about didn’t matter anymore. “CIA.”

She blinked twice and then rolled her eyes. “Right.” She curled back on the seat, making sure the seatbelt would still work. “Are you ever serious?”

“Says the girl wearing three inches of fabrics and so much make-up it makes every clown in this state die of jealousy.” he retorted. “All that’s missing is a red nose.”

“ _Trapeze Artist_.” she argued. “It was an artistic photoshoot.”

He stole another handful of crackers. “Famous last words, sweetheart.”

“How many times did you crash the car because you were drunk?” she frowned. Now that she was fed and her thirst was clenched, she could feel the stress taking its toll on her body, her eyelids were dropping.

He let out an irritated sigh. “None. You can sleep in peace. Worst comes to worst, you won’t even realize you’re dying.”

She mumbled something but she wasn’t sure what it was, she was already dozing off. Her dreams were confusing and nerve-wracking and she bolted awake when the car jolted on a bump on the road. It took her several seconds to remember why she passed out in a stranger’s car. The sun was barely up and Haymitch looked wrecked, dark circles under his bloodshot eyes, the bottle of vodka was gone replaced by a bottle of whiskey and he had slowed down to a snail pace.

“Did you drive all night?” she asked.

“I took a nap.” He barely spare her a glance and took a swing of whiskey. “You whimpered in your sleep.”

“Sorry.” she said sheepishly. She didn’t remember her dreams. “I could drive. I don’t mean any offense but I don’t see how you can safely stay behind that wheel any longer.”

“We’re almost at the next town.” he nodded at a sign on the side of the road. “Trust me, we’ll probably need me behind the wheel for that. The last two I passed while you were sleeping weren’t easy.”

She rubbed her face. “Zombies?”

“Everywhere, sweetheart.” he sighed. “They’re popping all around like _bloody_ daisies.”

They drove in silence for a while until they started to pass by a few farms.

“Haymitch.” she warned when she spied the first grey skin human-shaped thing by the road. Haymitch only speeded up with a curse. He didn’t look tired anymore, just damned focused on the road. “Maybe we should try another road.” She didn’t fancy another meeting with a group of zombies.

“You wanted a town.” he reminded her. “I’m giving you a tour. Make sure your seatbelt is on.”

She unfastened it and fastened it again just to be on the safe side of things. The town outline jumped at them out of nowhere, it was a classic little town where everyone must have known everyone and their neighbors… Now, it was a ghost town. As soon as they heard the noise of the engine, the _things_ began to converge toward them. They were slow and decaying and it sickened Effie to no end. Some of them still looked like human beings but barely. They snarled pathetically, trying to catch the car but it was faster than them. Haymitch speeded up again, bypassing those in the middle of the road, hitting others on his way… It wasn’t easy because he had to sidetrack around abandoned cars. Effie clenched the edge of the seat, her nails digging at the leather. She allowed herself to breathe again only once they exited the town.

Haymitch stopped the car when the last farm was far behind in the rear-view mirror. “That was a small country town.” he said without looking at her. “Do you still want to go to Washington?”

She undid the seatbelt and stumbled out of the car. She retched in the ditch. The graying green rotten skin, the smell… It was disgusting. Properly disgusting. She felt weak, her legs were shaking so badly she leaned against the car and closed her eyes, trying to find her breath back, to hold back the tears that wanted to fall down.

How many people had there been in that town originally? Five hundred? A thousand? How many had managed to escape? How could anyone survive in a bigger town, not to mention a city where you couldn’t take two steps without bumping into someone? It would take a few hours only for the virus to spread.

Haymitch didn’t do anything to help. He got out of the car and propped his elbow on the hood, staring at her. Her lips wobbled and some tears fell despite her best intentions.

“Are my parents dead?” Her voice was small and fragile. She didn’t know why she needed to vocalize the question. The answer was obvious. They were old, her father had a bad hip, he wouldn’t be able to run and her mother… Her mother would have been more concerned about looters and being robbed…

“If they’re lucky, yeah.” he offered.

She hated him for not lying to her.

She forced her sobs under check. Crying never helped, her father always said so. When she was sure she wasn’t going to fall apart, she took a deep breath and turned to the man who was still staring at her.

“Well, thank you very much for your help.” She slipped the borrowed shirt off her shoulder, the dress immediately started reflecting the sunlight – she felt like a disco ball – and handed it back to him. Then she grabbed her heels from the car but didn’t bother putting them on.

“What are you doing?” Haymitch asked, obviously lost.

“We had a deal, didn’t we?” she forced a smile on her lips. “Next town, end of the line. It’s rude to impose.”

He rolled his eyes and flung the shirt back at her. She caught it instinctively. “Don’t be stupid, sweetheart.” He shrugged and avoided her eyes. “You can crash in the car until we find you one of your own or a group of people you can stay with.”

“Really?” She was surprised and not a bit unhopeful. She had to remind herself that she didn’t know the man – and that he was very obviously _mad_ _and alcoholic_ – and that she shouldn’t feel as enthusiastic as she was about that. But even a possibly crazy man she’d known for less than twenty-four hours was better than no one.

“Yeah, sure.” He gave her a long suffering sigh. “’Can’t exactly leave you here, can I?”

She put her heels and the shirt on the roof of the car and sidestepped the hood quickly to hug him. “ _Thank_ _you_!” He was clearly startled and didn’t hug back so she let go quickly and cleared her throat, a bit embarrassed.

“I’m already regretting this.” he grumbled. He looked her up and down again and shook his head. “First thing first. I’m taking you shopping.”


	3. Chapter 3

“Careful. Careful. _Careful_!” Haymitch was ready to tear his hair off his head. He grabbed the back of the bench seat to steady himself as the car rushed on the deserted road of the back country. He had finally given up to the woman’s request and relinquished the wheel, intending to take a short nap. She was something else, that girl. Equal part irritating and funny. And hugging him? _Really?_ Like he would have left her to be eaten by zombies in the middle of nowhere anyway. Well… He might have. But her big sad blue eyes convinced him otherwise.

He would find her a good car and send her on her merry way. _After_ they found a store and she got rid of that sparkly thing she called a dress. She didn’t stand a chance in that thing. He would teach her a few ‘survive the apocalypse’ tricks and then they would part ways and that would be for the best. Haymitch wasn’t a people person.

He saw the sharp bend but she was driving so fast he barely had time to fasten his seatbelt, sure they were going to crash. “Sweetheart, slow down.” he ordered, cursing himself to hell and back for trusting her with his truck. As for his nap? It had been forgotten as soon as she had started the car. He would have thought she was a responsible driver, she looked like someone who would go at a grandma pace but she _really_ wasn’t. Haymitch liked speed, that wasn’t a problem. But he liked speed _when he was the one in control of the_ fucking _car_. “Effie!” he barked when, instead of slowing down, she pushed the car faster.

Her only answer was a laugh.

The second she had started the car she had been happier, carefree. It was nice to watch even though Haymitch wasn’t a real fan of happy people.

He didn’t close his eyes when she took the bend at full speed, forcing the car to do something he was sure was against the law of physics, he wanted to greet death with eyes wide open. But Death didn’t come. They survived, the car survived, and she finally slowed down to a more reasonable pace, a smug smile on her lips.

“I can drive, _sweetheart_.” she mocked him with a wink.

He had half a mind to throw her out. The other half of his mind was quickly making up a list of why it would be a _Very Bad_ _Idea_ – with capital letters – to kiss her. Her obvious madness was at the top of the list underlined three times, closely followed by the fact she wouldn’t survive more than three minutes out there.

“I thought you were a model.” he grumbled. “You double as a racing driver too?”

“I am a woman of many talents.” she replied. “You can sleep now. I promise I won’t crash your precious car.”

He prayed for patience but still closed his eyes. He didn’t fall asleep. He could never fall asleep without a much larger dose of alcohol but he did doze off a bit. It was nice not to worry about being attacked while he nodded off for a while. He was in that nice little place between awareness and sleep – where nightmares didn’t have any hold but where you kind of forgot everything – when she tapped his shoulder uncertainly.

“There is a Walmart.” Effie nodded to a big building lost on a lone road. “Should I enter the parking lot or…”

A store this size meant there was probably a town not far away and that meant zombies. “Yeah.” he said. Time to get ready for a fight. He grabbed the bottle of whiskey and took two long swallows before discarding it. The parking lot counted ten abandoned cars. There was a lot of empty spaces, she could have parked anywhere. She neatly aligned the truck between two white lines. Probably bad manners to do otherwise even if she was the only driver in that part of the country… She cut off the engine and went for the door but Haymitch stopped her from getting out just yet. She looked at him in interrogation but he didn’t say anything. He waited ten minutes and when he was sure no pack of undeads would fall on them, he finally nodded at her.

She seemed relieved to get out of the truck and stretch her legs. She wandered a few feet away and Haymitch barely contained his irritation. Really… How stupid was she? He grabbed a rifle from the back seat, enough ammos to make sure he could get out of there if needed be, and picked up a small handgun. He caught up with her quickly and handed her the handgun before she could get herself killed for lack of weapons to defend herself with.

“Oh.” she said, surprised. “Thank you.”

“Whatever.” He rolled his eyes. “Try not to aim at me. You see a zombie, you pull the trigger. You will probably be shit at it but at least I won’t have your death on my conscience.”

If glares could kill…

They were walking towards the entrance when he stopped next to a red pick-up that probably had seen better days but was still in good shape. It was zombie-free in any case.

“What do you say?” he asked her. “Fancy a red car?”

He wasn’t a mechanic but he could probably get the engine to start again if it wasn’t too busted. Effie didn’t look too pleased at the prospect though. She shuffled her feet nervously.

“Would you mind it terribly if I stayed with you for a while?” She winced. “I mean… It’s an awful time to be alone and… It would probably be safer if we stayed together. For a while.”

“Safer for _you_.” he pointed out. “More dangerous for me.” Just the way she was letting the gun hang by the tips of her fingers was giving him chills. Arming her had been a mistake. She would either shoot herself in the foot or shoot him. “Look, sweetheart…”

“Please, Haymitch.” she cut in softly. She looked at him with those big blue eyes of hers … “You did a lot for me and I’d loathe to ask for more but… _Please_. Until we find other people. I don’t do well alone. I hate being lonely.”

They looked at each other for a few minutes and Haymitch sighed. Damn those eyes of hers. He was _so_ fucked-up. “You’re really good at the kicked puppy face, aren’t you ?”

She grinned, all sadness forgotten, and went for another overenthusiastic hug. “Thank you! Thank you, thank you! You won’t regret it, you’ll see! We will be the best of friends.” He patted her back twice and then pushed her away.

“I don’t need a best friend, Princess.” he snorted. “We’re not friends, don’t make any mistake. You’re just the clown crashing in my car.” He pointed a warning finger at her. “And just for a while, get it? First group of people we meet, you’re out of my truck.”

“Yes, of course.” she beamed. He wasn’t sure she meant it but he didn’t have time to warn her again. She was already gripping his arm tight and dragging him towards the store. “Let’s go shopping now. I really need a hairbrush. And a toothbrush. Oh, and I _do_ hope they will have some…” He stared at her, completely disbelieving, as she started listing everything she needed. He wasn’t sure if the bubbly personality was an act or not. At times, she was snarky and seemed smart, at others she just looked oblivious to everything.

Her chatter died by itself as soon as they slipped in the Walmart through the broken windows. The silence, once inside, was eerie and set Haymitch on edge. The store was bigger than he would have liked.

“Okay.” he whispered, touching her arm to get her attention. “First rule, whatever happens you don’t panic. You panic, you’re as good as dead. Use your head.”

She nodded but she still looked a bit frightened. She needed to learn though. He wouldn’t always be there to babysit her.

They crept along the aisles, some were knocked over, there was a foul smell in the air. He bet they would meet some unpleasant dead people before the end of the day. They finally found the clothes section. He put her in front of the selection of hiking clothes and grabbed two backpacks for himself.

“I’m going for food.” he told her. “Get a change of clothes and grab a bag. I will meet you back here in ten minutes. Don’t shoot me when I come back.” He hesitated. “Be careful, sweetheart.”

“You too.” she mumbled absent-mindedly, already engrossed in the selection of clothes in front of her. Well… He thought, if she died, she would probably die happy at least. He couldn’t help a tinge of worry as he moved away. He didn’t care, he told himself. And maybe if he repeated it often enough, he would start to believe it.

He filled the first backpack with all the imperishable food he could take. Boxes of crackers, energy bars, some canned meat, jerky beef, whatever he found that looked good to go. He grabbed water bottles too and since he hadn’t heard the woman scream yet, he went to check their alcohol stock. The aisle was full of delicious looking bottles of liquor. Karma, he decided, was sweet. Maybe that was how it worked. Help a girl, get alcohol.

Knowing he couldn’t take everything, he focused on stocking up on whiskey, his poison of choice. He was contemplating taking some wine too when he heard the rasping for the first time. He made sure the safety was off the rifle and went investigating. He found the poor guy in the next aisle, crawling on the ground, dragging what was left of his legs behind him. The thing snarled as soon as he saw Haymitch.

“Sucks to be you.” Haymitch said, not unsympathetically.

Usually he would go for a mercy kill but he was sure there were more zombies around and he didn’t want to alarm them with a shotgun. He grabbed his bags and headed back to the clothes section. Effie wasn’t where he had left her.  

_Of course_ she wasn’t.

Fortunately, she wasn’t hard to locate. She was three aisles over, inspecting a rack of leather jackets that had once probably been expensive. The sparkling golden dress was nowhere to be seen. Apparently, “Get a change of clothes” meant “please, sweetheart, get changed in a Walmart potentially full of zombies when there is no one to watch your back” in her mind.

“What happened to the hiking clothes?” he asked. Her new outfit was definitely not fit for fighting zombies or running from them. She was wearing tight dark blue jeans in which he was sure she wouldn’t even be able to sit, brown leather boots with small square heels and a black tank top with an intricate laced back. She completed the whole thing with a red leather jacket. To better blend into the background probably. He was going to kill her if zombies didn’t get to her first.

“They were hideous.” she shrugged and then grinned and twirled for him to admire her new outfit. “What do you say? I know it isn’t _haute-couture_ but… it will have to do. The key is accessorizing.” She waved at her hair, she had tied it in an intricate ponytail with a pin that looked like a butterfly.

The butterfly thing was ridiculous. As for the rest…

“You look hot.” he admitted readily. “Let’s hope that prevent you from freezing. You’re not borrowing any more of my shirts.”

“Please, Haymitch.” She smiled. “I’m nothing but far-sighted.” He really doubted that. And he doubted it even more when she showed him the four backpacks waiting at her feet. _Four_. “I planned for every type of weather.”

“Never heard of traveling light?” He rolled his eyes. “There will be other stores, you know.”

“First necessities only.” she argued. “Two bags of clothes isn’t excessive, really, Haymitch. The other bag is toiletry products. For me _and_ for you. You could use a shave.”

He opened and closed his mouth, counted to ten and then decided he wouldn’t get irritated just yet. “That makes three. What’s in the fourth?”

“Why, suitable clothes for you, obviously.” she replied, eyeing him critically. “I plan on burning those pants you’re wearing. It’s almost a crime against fashion.”

He ran a hand on his face and, this time, allowed himself to actually _get_ irritated. “You do realize we’re in the middle of an apocalypse, right, sweetheart?” he snapped, grabbing the first thing that he found in one of the square metallic rack. That happened to be hat. A Stetson to be precise. He put it on his head just to make a point. “We’re not going to a _fucking_ fashion show!”

“No need to be vulgar.” she replied. “And not in that hat you certainly aren’t.”

He caught his reflection in one of the broken mirrors and decided he rather liked it. “Too bad, I’m keeping it.”

He didn’t have time to move before she snatched the cowboy hat from his head. She threw it back in the rack carelessly. “Over my dead body.”

“Don’t tempt me.” he warned, taking a step closer and very much invading her personal space. Most women would have retreated but she just narrowed her eyes at him in annoyance.

“Be reasonable.” she clucked her tongue. “Those pants have to go. I’m speaking as a friend, here.”

“If you’re so eager to take my pants off, you could have said so, Princess.” he mocked. “I wouldn’t dare refuse a lady.”

She glared. “Fashion isn’t a joke. The apocalypse is no excuse to let yourself go.”

“Dress like a clown all you want.” he shrugged. “I’m keeping my clothes.” She didn’t look like a clown anymore though. She had cleaned her face from the remnants of powder and smudged make-up at some point, she had even applied a new lighter make-up that rather suited her. But really… Playing dress up in the middle of a zombified store… “Fashion will kill you, sweetheart.” he predicted. He rummaged through the hats and found a simple black woolen beanie. He put it over his hair and gave her a smirk.

She shook her head, looking dejected. “You are fashion-blind. It’s really sad to see.”

He was about to retort that she was the one wearing a ridiculous plastic butterfly in her hair when her eyes widened and she grabbed the gun she had tucked in her belt. He barely had time to step aside before she took the shot. The snarling and rasping he had been steadily ignoring stopped and the dead crawling zombie that had been following him from the liquor aisle didn’t move anymore. It would have been hard to with his brain splattered all around the floor… Perfect shot, he noticed in the back of his mind, beginner luck.

“What the hell did you do that for?” he hissed, balancing the backpacks of food and alcohol on his back and readying his rifle.

“What do you mean what the hell did I do that for?” she replied, copying him and putting on backpack after backpack. She looked like a mule and she wouldn’t go far. He grabbed the fourth one and pulled it over the ones he was already carrying, all the while glaring at her. “He was a zombie!” she shouted defensively. “I don’t fancy becoming a zombie snack! Are you subscribing to the Zombie Defense League all of a sudden?”

“Less sass, more running.” he grumbled, pushing her down the aisle. He could hear the noise already. Rattling, things falling on the ground, the shuffling of tired dead feet on the tile floor…

“Oh.” she seemed to realize what the problem was and walked faster. “It’s alright, they’re slow.” He didn’t know who she wanted to convince, him or herself?

“The older ones are slow ‘cause they’re rotting corpses.” he winced and nodded to the three dead corpses approaching rather quickly on their right. “Those ones? They’re not that old.” The rifle made an awful racket when he took his first shot.

“Well, you should have told me that earlier.” she argued, taking down the second one while he was reloading. Between the eyes again.

“What are you now? Lara Croft?” he exclaimed, staring at her in puzzlement. “You said you didn’t know how to shoot!”

She took down the next zombie and turned around to face him, arms folded on her chest. She was treating the gun a little too carelessly for his taste and he quickly pushed the barrel away from him.

“ _You_ assumed I didn’t know how to shoot. Just like you assumed I didn’t know how to drive properly.” she snapped. “I suspect you are a misogynist.”

Her eyes darted behind his shoulder and he immediately stepped aside to let her shoot. He took care of the two coming from the left. “Excuse me from thinking a girl dressed like a clown and obsessed with fashion wouldn’t know how to handle a gun.” he grumbled, reloading the rifle quickly. “My bad.”

“Yes, it is.” She glared daggers at him. “And you don’t say “excuse me”, you say “I would like to apologize”.”

“In your dreams, sweetheart.” he scoffed. They had managed to clear the path back to the entrance. He passed the broken window first and helped her out, steadying her by grabbing one of the backpack on her back. Not a good idea, they almost toppled and fell.

“It’s proper to ask a woman to go first, you know.” she commented, as they hurried to the truck.

“I hate you.” he shot over the hood of the car. He quickly put the backpacks on the backseat, she did the same on the other side.

“No, you don’t.” she grinned, before getting inside the car. She slid along the bench seat until she was behind the wheel and he had no choice but to step around the car to get in the passenger seat before the zombies spilling out of the Walmart realized where the two walking pieces of meat had gone. “Admit it, you were bored before I came along.”

He admitted nothing although she wasn’t wrong. She was… _lively_. And he was a broody old man…

He took the beanie off his head and ruffled his hair as she drove them out of the parking lot and to the main road.

“Where did you learn to shoot?” he asked. Because she was good and he knew from experience you didn’t get that good without training.

“Oh, I had to learn for a movie…” she explained. “We did some training but I didn’t get the part in the end. The trainer said I was a natural. I didn’t like it much.”

“You’re awfully good for someone who didn’t like it much.” he commented. “You’re an actress too?”

How many things was she?

“No, that didn’t work out.” she replied with a small shrug.

“Is that how you ended up being Miss Patriot?” He didn’t bother hiding his disgust.

She didn’t take her eyes off the road. “It was a job. It helped give me a name. I fail to see what your issue is with that. I was just a face for the government, nothing more.”

It was _so_ _much_ more. It was distracting the civilians from the horrors Snow was committing while everyone was busy looking at her with envy and desire. However, he sensed that any kind of explanation would be lost on her. Like she said, to her it was a job and nothing more. She probably didn’t even realize.

The silence in the car was tense and she pushed the truck faster as if she wanted to leave the conversation behind. After a few minutes, she giggled.

“What now?” he asked. She always went from sulking to laughing so quickly he wasn’t sure how her mind worked. _If_ it worked. She _did_ get changed in a mall full of zombies after all.

“A Stetson?” She shook her head with a smile. “ _Really_ , Haymitch?”

He rolled his eyes. “The Zombie Defense League?” he shot back. “ _Really_ , sweetheart?”

She started laughing and he couldn’t help the smirk that tugged at his lips.        


	4. Chapter 4

The car slowing to a stop woke Effie up. A few days of that on-the-run life had been enough to make her body accustomed to the slightest change in their pace. She had grown used to falling asleep with the purring of the engine in her ears and the sensation of speed pinning her body to the seat.

“What’s going on?” she asked, blinking away the last remnants of sleep.

It was still dark outside, she couldn’t have been asleep for more than a few hours. Haymitch didn’t mind sleeping during the day – he drank himself to sleep anyway – but she disliked it so they had come to the perfect agreement. She drove by day and he drove by night. It was probably better anyway, he drank less when it was starting to get dark and the roads treacherous.

“People.” Haymitch spat.

People? That was a first. They must have crossed two states already and they had seen no one. Burned house carcasses, highways cluttered up with abandoned cars she had learned to siphon the gas off, lots and lots of zombies staggering or crawling around that they avoided at all costs, the occasional dog and cat but no living breathing person.

She scrambled up from where she had slid down the bench seat while she was sleeping and peered through the windshield. The road was blocked by what appeared to be a campfire and there were indeed two men standing on each side of the flames, both holding rifles. They were looking at them and didn’t appear to be very welcoming.

 _First group of people we meet, you’re out of my truck_ , Haymitch had said. Well… She hoped he wouldn’t mind her passing on that offer. She didn’t like the way they looked.

“Go into reverse.” she suggested. There was no way they would be able to drive around the big campfire in the middle of the road. But they could back out and do a U-turn further down.

“They might shoot the car.” he replied, apparently coming to a decision. He grabbed the handgun he was more or less always carrying around – he said he felt naked without that or the knife he religiously kept in the glove compartment – and made sure it was loaded which, even Effie could tell, it always was. It didn’t take more than a few seconds and he kept his hands under the wheel so the men wouldn’t see.

“They might not.” she argued.

“Yeah, a word of advice, sweetheart.” he snorted. “A zombie apocalypse tends to bring the worst out of people.” He opened the door and glanced back at her, his grey eyes wandering to her chest. The blue tank top – one she had found during their first shopping outing, that would have been a crime to let such a cute thing left to rot in a store full of zombies – was rather generous with her cleavage, he winced. “Zip up your jacket and stay in the car.”

She did pull up the zipper of her red leather jacket but she didn’t stay in the car. She hastily grabbed a gun from the back seat – no one was paying attention to her anyway, they were all looking at Haymitch – and she hopped out of the truck. They were all glaring stonily at each other but Haymitch spared her an annoyed glance that, she was sure, would guarantee a lecture about her inability to follow simple instructions.

He always acted like he knew everything there was to know about a zombie apocalypse and, usually, she was happy to let him lead – even though she often had to draw a line at some point otherwise he quickly became insufferable – because he was obviously clever. She admittedly wouldn’t have known how to siphon a car or use the back roads instead of the highways without him. She probably would have figured out that newly infected zombies were quicker and stronger than older ones although maybe not in time to save her life. She had learned a lot with Haymitch in only a few days and he was… an _interesting_ companion to say the least. Irritating, maddening and all the synonyms anyone could come up with, but she was glad their paths had crossed despite his patent alcoholism and grouchy personality.

“Hi!” she said brightly, forcing herself to smile. It wasn’t difficult, she had been forcing herself to smile for years.

The two men stopped glaring at Haymitch to look at her but Haymitch never glanced away from them. Perhaps, everything would go for the best, she thought. Haymitch didn’t look very friendly either with this awful beanie tugged low on his forehead – small concession to the clothes he had finally accepted to discard in favor of the jeans and sweaters she had found him, not fashion-worthy but still better than his old stained pants and tee-shirt.

“Hi.” one of the man answered, he sounded amused. “What’s up?”

She shot a triumphant glance at Haymitch and relaxed, putting the gun back in the small of her back. “We would appreciate it if you didn’t shoot us while we drive away.”

The man who had spoken first pointed the rifle down and smiled at her. The other one was checking her out so very obviously it wasn’t even subtle. He shifted closer to the fire and she realized he was younger than she had first thought. Not much than a boy really.

“Sweetheart, why don’t you let me handle the talking?” Haymitch growled.  

He was glaring daggers at the silent boy who was leering at her. Effie almost rolled her eyes. _Men_. She was used to being stared at that way, it didn’t bother her.

“Maybe we could do some trading before you leave.” the other one suggested.

“We have nothing to trade.” Haymitch replied suddenly sounding very calm. His hands, she couldn’t help but notice, were very steady. That was odd. His fingers usually shook unless they were a little too close of zombies for comfort. Then adrenaline kicked in and she had yet to see him miss a shot. “Princess, get back in the car. Your turn to drive.”

She frowned. It definitely was not. She had driven for _hours_ that day.

“I think it’s Effie Trinket.” the boy told the other man, pointing at her quickly with the rifle. Given the way he was handling it she could tell he was new to it. “You know? The model?”

“I am.” she confirmed with a smile. “Are you a fan?”

“You really got to stop asking everyone that, you know?” Haymitch snapped at her. “Back in the car. _Now_ , Effie.”

She startled at the use of her first name. He never called her Effie. It was always sweetheart or princess and she had stopped arguing about that days ago. She could count on one hand the number of times he had called her by her name and it had always been during some sort of emergency. She had taken two steps back towards the car when the man lifted his rifle again. Right at her. The boy took his clue from him and aimed at her too.

“Not so fast.” the man said. “I really think we should trade.”

“We have nothing to trade.” Haymitch retorted. That wasn’t true strictly speaking. They had quite a lot of guns, some clothes, and enough food and water to last a few days.

“You have a girl and a car.” A voice boomed out from behind them. Effie turned around to see a huge man stepping out from between two trees, a gun that was clearly newer and more expensive than the others’ rifles pointed right at Haymitch. “Worth your life, you think? Fair trade, in my humble opinion.”

Effie’s eyes widened at what he was implying. The strangers had no cars… It was no surprise they would try to steal theirs but her? No wonder, Haymitch had told her to zip up her jacket…

“I was wondering when you were going to show up.” Haymitch replied, stepping aside so he could have all of them in his line of sight. “How’s the ambushing people business these days?”

The newcomer looked amused. “It will be better when we have your car.”

“Kill him already, Brutus.” the man with the rifle said nervously.

“Effie, get in the car.” Haymitch said again. “Now.”

“She takes one step towards that car, she’s dead.” Brutus said, shifting his gun to aim at her. “Nothing personal. That’s how the game is played nowadays.”

“Too bad.” Haymitch shrugged. “I can play that game too.”

The first gunshot took her by surprise and she jumped out of her skin, sure she was dead. By the time the second gunshot rang in her ears, she realized two things : she was still alive and Haymitch was still standing. They were the only ones left near the car, the boy had dropped the rifle and had started running as fast as he could. Haymitch took aim without even blinking. She acted without thinking. She threw herself at his arm and the shot rang out in the night, the bullet lost somewhere in a nearby tree.

“He’s just a boy.” she whispered frantically. “He’s just a boy. He’s just a boy, Haymitch.”

He looked at her like she had grown two heads. She started to shiver uncontrollably but it wasn’t from the cold. She couldn’t tear her eyes off the bodies. It was one thing to shoot at zombies and to watch them fall, they were already dead, it was quite another to see somebody be killed right in front of you.

“He’s just a boy.” she said again. “Don’t hurt him. Don’t…”

“Okay.” Haymitch said and steered her gently to the car. She climbed back in and curled on the passenger side, relieved and glad to feel the worn-out leather under her hands, the smell of liquor wrapped around her like a familiar comforting cocoon. She took the bottle of whiskey he handed her and drank three long swallows before the trembling started to ease. Shock, she decided once she passed the bottle back to him, she was in shock.

Zombies and Portia dying in front of her hadn’t made her go into shock but Haymitch, a man she didn’t know that much all things considered, killing two people did. Something was seriously wrong with her.  

He started the engine and drove away, hands clenching the wheel so hard his knuckles were white. The silence was anything but comfortable.

It took an hour for him to say anything, his fingers were still strangling the wheel. She was expecting an explanation, a justification. Those men would have probably abused her and then killed her after they had murdered him first. There was nothing to explain really. Their life had been in danger, he had acted to protect them. Self-defense. It was the brutal and quick killing that had shocked her, not the motives behind it. He had saved her. Again.

“I will stop when we pass a good car.” he said, eyes straight on the road. “You can have half of the food and water.”

She was left speechless. His shoulders sagged a little. He snatched the beanie off his head angrily and threw it on the backseat. The truck made a swerve and almost hit a tree.

“Sorry.” he mumbled, feeling around for the bottle of whiskey that had rolled on the floor. He uncapped it one-handed and began to gulp it down as if it held his solace.

“Stop the car.” she requested softly.

He finally looked at her then. The truck took another unplanned turn in the direction of a tree before he pulled it back on the road. “No, I can… You shouldn’t take off like that, sweetheart.” His voice was strained. “Wait until we find a car.”

“I don’t want a car and I’m not leaving.” she snapped. “Stop the truck before you kill us, Haymitch. You’re in no state to drive.”

It took a second before what she was saying registered in his mind but he pulled out on the side of the road without a fight. “You don’t want to go?”

“Of course not.” She uncurled and stole the bottle away from his grip. She hated whiskey but, still, she welcomed the burning sensation as she swallowed it down. “I’ve just never seen someone being shot before.”

“They were kind of asking for it.” Haymitch’s hands were shaking very badly when he reached for the whiskey. Perhaps she wasn’t the only one a bit disturbed by the whole thing. It felt surreal. Just as surreal as running away from zombies.

“Not the boy.” she pointed out softly.

“He was an enemy, I couldn’t tell the difference anymore.” he said in a matter of fact sort of voice, before gulping down more whiskey. “Good thing you didn’t let me shoot him.”

She supposed that was a thank you.

She licked her lips nervously. “Were you really a CIA agent?” Because she _really_ had thought he had been joking.

The bottle of whiskey froze on his way to his lips. “Once upon a time.”

He was guarded and she sensed it was a treacherous topic but… She needed to know. “Is that… Is that why you have nightmares?”

She had never brought that up before but he must have known she was aware of his night terrors. It would have been hard not to given that they were sharing a car. Usually he was too drunk to dream but sometimes… Sometimes he would doze off or take a nap and… She might whimper in her sleep but he outright screamed. For help, for people he never talked about, for mercy… She had thought something bad involving zombies had happened to his family but…

“I don’t talk about the people you left behind to die, you don’t talk about my nightmares.” he snarled in a threatening way. Except it wasn’t that threatening to her. It was the snarl of a wounded animal who didn’t want to let people come close in fear of being hurt all over again.

“That’s unfair and uncalled for.” She averted her eyes and snatched the whiskey back. He was right of course. She had left them behind to die. Portia and Cinna and all the people she had never bothered to learn the name of. Guilt felt raw and heavy. It tasted like whiskey.

“Life’s unfair and uncalled for, sweetheart.” he chuckled bitterly. “Look at me, having a drink with Miss Patriot…”

“How is that unfair?” she asked, passing the whiskey back. “Apart from you holding me up to something I did years ago when I needed money and was too young to know better, that is.”

She met his grey eyes with poise. She liked his eyes. They were a very particular sort of grey, like a stormy sky right before lightning stroked. She liked the stubble covering his jaw even more even though she had convinced him to shave his beard – well, she said convinced, he said talk his ear off until he gave up. Her fingers itched with the need to touch but she didn’t think that would be a good idea.

“It’s not.” He took a swing of whiskey but she thought it was an excuse to avert his eyes. “Look… I had to kill a lot of people. Some were bad, some were good, it wasn’t my choice. When I tried to get out, I only got my family and my girl killed. End of that pathetic little story. Bottom line: piss off about the nightmares.”

He wouldn’t look at her again. He was clutching the whiskey like it was the only thing keeping him alive. That was sad. How long had he been alone before he had found her? Or maybe she had found him. Maybe they were meant to meet and help each other not being as lonely. Effie’s life before the apocalypse hadn’t been a piece of cake either contrary to what people would expect. Being famous, rich and beautiful was rather a lonely life.

She took off her jacket and then pried the bottle away from his grip. She put the cap back on and dropped it on the floor.

“What are you doing?” he scowled, watching her with annoyance. “I was drinking that.”

“Whiskey won’t comfort you.” she argued, stopping him when he tried to snatch the bottle back. She nudged it further away with her foot.

“Bad time to put an sobriety crap speech on me, sweetheart.” he grumbled. He obviously gave up on that bottle and turned around to rummage on the back seat.

She seized his arm and forced him to sit properly not without much struggling on his part. But he didn’t want to hurt her and, ultimately, that gave her the advantage. “I’m not saying stop drinking, although that wouldn’t go amiss. I’m saying you drank enough for tonight. There are better way to get comforted.”

“Oh.” His eyebrows shot up. “Are you offering me pity sex?”

She pinched her mouth in a hard line and tilted her head in disapproval.

He smirked and winked. “Would you offer me pity sex if I made the story more pitiful?”

She rolled her eyes and slid back on the bench seat until she was pressed against his body.

“What are you doing?” he sounded alarmed.

She slipped her arm under his and snuggled up, resting her head on his shoulder. “This is called sharing a moment, Haymitch.”

“I’d rather share pity sex.” he snorted.

She elected to ignore his barbs. “You’re supposed to hold me be back, you know. Friendship is a two-way street.”

He sighed but after a few seconds of tensed muscles when she really thought she had done a mistake and should have kept on drinking, he freed the arm she had trapped between them and put it around her shoulders with an awkwardness that was kind of touching. When it was clear she had no intention of leaving him be, he settled a bit more comfortably against the door and stretched his legs so he was half-lying. She ended up curled up on his side, trapped between his body and the back of the leather seat. It wasn’t bad. He made for a good pillow.

The unusual amount of whiskey and the backlash of their unpleasant encounter left her exhausted. It wasn’t long before she started to nod off.

“Isn’t it more comforting than liquor?” she mumbled when he started playing with her hair uncertainly. She burrowed deeper against him, almost purring in contentment. Nothing was equal to a good hug, she figured. It was the best thing in the whole world. Except, perhaps, for the satisfying glee of buying new shoes…

“No.” he grunted. He was lying though, she could tell. He was completely relaxed now. “If we get killed by zombies because you wanted to take a nap in the middle of nowhere, I’m going to kick your ass.”

“Language.” She clucked her tongue. Her mother would have been appalled by what came out of his mouth. “If we get killed by zombies, my ass will be the least of your problems.”

“It will be the last thing on my mind before I die.” His hand left her hair to move south and she wacked it away before he could even _think_ about trying to grope her. That made him laugh, a low rumbling sound that brought a smile to her lips. She didn’t know why but his laugh made her think they would eventually be fine, both of them. “I think my first zombie act will be to bite your ass.”

“Go ahead.” she teased. “It’s insured for two millions.”

There was an astonished moment of silence on his part. That hadn’t happened that often since she had met him, she treasured her small victory.

“You’re joking.” It wasn’t a statement but it wasn’t a question either. He sounded like he wasn’t sure of how stupid famous people could be. Well…

“No.” she lied.

He went back to petting her hair. “You should have gone for three.”

After she had stopped giggling, she patted his chest. Her voice turned serious. “You’re a good man, Haymitch.”

“It’s a bit more complicated than that, sweetheart.” he replied.

Her eyelids felt heavy and she didn’t fight it, she simply closed her eyes. “Not for me.” she whispered. “I trust you.”

“Bad decision.” he warned her.

She didn’t answer. His arms were around her and for the first time since that nightmare started, she felt safe. She held on to that feeling as she fell asleep. It was too fleeting nowadays.


	5. Chapter 5

“You spill some of that on the leather and I swear I’m kicking you out.” Haymitch growled, switching off the radio. It was mostly statics anyway. Fewer and fewer people broadcasted anything.

Effie hummed in response but didn’t actually reply, too focused on painting her nails a bright metallic blue color. He didn’t ask where she had found the nail polish, she probably had snatched it while he wasn’t looking during their last food raid. She had taken a habit of going for useless things while he went for the essentials like food, water and liquor.

He took a sip of whiskey but quickly put the bottle down because that one had better last. He had exactly four left and they were all in the trunk with the gas and their clothes – freshly laundered clothes, he ought to add, she had insisted they stopped in a Laundromat along the way. He didn’t know what he had hated more about that particular trip : the lecture on proper fabric care or the huge zombie that had tried to bite him while he was reluctantly putting his shirts in the dryer. It wasn’t the worst experience of the latest two weeks, though, which probably told a lot about his life.

The car had been neatly organized by Effie after a particularly loud argument regarding their living space. Two people living in a car wasn’t easy on an everyday basis, all the more so when one of them was a control freak borderline obsessive on organization. One day she had declared herself bored, she had taken a good look at the car and she had decided it wouldn’t work out anymore. Haymitch had raged and threatened to leave her and drive away but the threat was empty and they both knew it so in the end he had to relent while she put his booze and the clothes in the trunk. The guns, food and water bottles had been carefully sorted out and arranged in carton boxes on the back seat. You could actually see the leather seat again now.

Haymitch had argued alcohol was a kind of food but she had stated it wasn’t nourishing and had banished it to the trunk.

Most days, he wondered why he bothered with her, she was making his life a living hell. She was annoying, bossy and her voice was so high pitched it gave him headaches. She babbled all the time about everything and anything, she giggled for no reason and she had hooked a pink flower on the rear-view mirror that scented like roses – he had chucked the first one through the window but it had reappeared while he was sleeping and it kept reappearing no matter how often he got rid of it; he suspected she had a stock of them somewhere but he hadn’t managed to find them yet. He was tempted at least twice a day to stop near a car and tell her to go away.

However he never did. There were perks to her presence. First, she knew how to shoot and that came in handy. Second, she never said anything about the nightmares but she would wake him before they’d get too bad which spared him those familiar and painful awakenings when he scrambled up sweaty and gasping for air. And then there were the things he absolutely _didn’t_ care about like the way her incessant chatter kept his demons away even though he barely listened or answered only half the time, the regular banter or the distractions she had come up with to lighten their unplanned road trip…

Effie, he had come to learn, needed to be occupied or she would go crazy. She had studied three maps and figured out at least fifty possible itineraries to different places she thought they could go instead of driving at random, Haymitch had humored her because he had no more idea as to where they were going than she did. _Away from zombies_ was all he was asking for. She had raided the toy section of one of the stores they had visited and had brought back a few sets of traveling board games – and, _boy_ , how she sucked at chess! – and a pack of cards – it was _humiliating_ how quickly she could win at poker. And then there were the books. She wasn’t a great reader and neither was he, really, but she had grabbed a few novels somewhere along the way and she read out loud sometimes, just to break the silence.

She wasn’t always a ray of sunshine, though. There were days when she was silent and sullen and he knew she was thinking about the people she had left behind. He was familiar with guilt, he knew everything there was to know about it. Sometimes, when she was in that kind of mood, she would curl up against him and not say a word for miles. He didn’t know how he felt about that. She was a very tactile person.

“This brand isn’t good at all!” she exclaimed in annoyance, scowling at the small vial of nail polish wedged between her thighs as if it had personally offended her. The small brush was still in her hand and she was applying a new layer to her left thumb. “It is much too thick.”

“Call their customer service and complain.” he mocked. “I’m sure there’s still someone there who wants to know if you’re satisfied with their product. Who cares about zombies if Effie Trinket is unhappy?”

She shot him an irritated glance. “Worst thing?” she chuckled, oh so carefully painting the next nail. God forbid some of it spilled onto her skin! “I did a commercial for them.”

“Karma.” he replied.

She rolled her eyes and went along to the next nail. She was so focused on not messing up he couldn’t help it. He braked. The tires screeched as the car came to an abrupt stop and she yelped in distress as the brush of nail polish ran over her hand and crashed on her white long-sleeved shirt. She looked around, assessing the situation and searching for the threat that had made him stop the car so urgently but when she found none, she glared daggers at him. “You did _not_ just do that on purpose.”

“There was a fox.” he said innocently.

She narrowed her eyes, clearly not fooled and screwed the nail polish shut before making a face at the mess her shirt was. Wearing white during a zombie apocalypse was a bad idea anyway. “That means another trip to the Laundromat, Haymitch.” she snapped, taking the shirt off with no care in the world. Sauntering around him in her underwear didn’t bother her, she was a model after all, she had no problem with her body but the second she caught him ogling she would launch into a lecture about manners and proper gentlemanly behavior like he could possibly care when she was flaunting her assets at him. “And you can wash it yourself, that will teach you.” she huffed, throwing the shirt at his head. He watched her in the rear-view mirror as she exited the car and went to the trunk for the clothes she kept there.

There was something about her wearing jeans and only a black bra on a lonely road bordered by trees on each side… She was hot. Like really, _really_ hot. Worse, she was aware of it and had exerted to drive him crazy as a punishment. She had barely opened the truck when he started the car and drove for a few feet, forcing her to run after it. That made for a good show. He didn’t know what made him smirk more : making her afraid he was going to leave her there in nothing but jeans and a bra or the absolute fury he saw on her face when their eyes met in the rear-view mirror.

“Don’t you dare start that car again.” she warned, through the open trunk.

He dared.

He dared three times.

He toyed with the idea of doing it a fourth time but she was glowering at him so hard he was afraid her face would stay stuck that way forever. He stopped the car and let her put another long-sleeved shirt – a bright yellow adorned with small bows on the shoulders and the back of the neck because, _really_ , it was appropriate to wear that kind of things during a zombie apocalypse – almost sorry to see the bra disappear under the fabric. She slammed the trunk shut more violently than strictly necessary and stared at him in the rear-view mirror. Her eyes were promising a thousand painful deaths.

He was about to get out and offer her to drive as a peace offering when it happened. It was too quick for him to do anything but stare in horror.

She had taken two steps back to the car when something barged out from between the trees to their left and yelped when it saw Effie standing there in her yellow glory. Fortunately it stumbled and fell flat on the road but Effie didn’t have a gun on her and Haymitch had to struggle with his seat belt before succeeding in getting out of the car. The few seconds of distraction on his part were enough for the situation to go to hell. The zombie hadn’t stood up again but he couldn’t see Effie over the hood of the car which meant she was down. He ran around the truck, already imagining the worst – and he didn’t know how he would live with her death on his conscience, guilt was nothing new but it was nonetheless crushing – and he found…

…Effie kneeling next to a girl in dirty clothes with blond hair tied in messy braids, wide blue eyes and delicate features that made her look like a doll. She couldn’t be older than thirteen.

“It’s alright, dear.” Effie cooed in a soothing voice. “We can take care of that, we have alcohol in the car.”

The girl was clutching a bleeding knee, her eyes darted all around in a frantic panic that only increased when she saw Haymitch aiming at her with the gun. She screamed in terror and tried to scramble up but Effie held her down and glared at him for what seemed like the hundredth time that day.

“Put that away.” she ordered. “You’re scaring her!”

There were so many wrong things with that statement… He didn’t put the gun away but he lowered it. It seemed enough for the girl to calm down.

“Don’t kill me!” the kid pleaded, looking from him to Effie in utter terror. “Please, I will go away! I…”

“Don’t be ridiculous, dear.” Effie clucked her tongue. “No one here is going to kill you. Can you stand up? Haymitch, open the trunk and get some alcohol for her knee. It wouldn’t do to have an infected wound on our hands.”

“On _our_ hands?” he repeated, dumbfounded.

“She’s just a girl.” Effie snapped. “Do you intend to leave her in the woods?”

“Look, sweetheart, despite what you seem to think, I’m not in the habit of taking strays.” Haymitch retorted angrily. “I made an exception for you. We’re not keeping the kid.”

“We _are_ keeping that poor soul.” Effie argued. “Don’t annoy me more than you’ve already done today. You won’t like the outcome.”

“And how would you like walking for the rest of the apocalypse?” he shot back.

That could have gone on forever if the kid hadn’t cleared her voice shyly. “I lost my sister. She’s probably looking for me, if you could just help me find her…”

“Oh, of course, dear.” Effie readily agreed, helping her up. “What’s your name?”

“Primrose.” the girl said, before giving Effie a tentative smile. “Prim.”

“Well, we will help you, of course, Prim. Don’t you worry.” Effie promised.

Haymitch wanted to strangle her. Did they have time to roam the woods in search of another lost kid that – knowing Effie – would probably end up on the back seat of his truck annoying the hell out of him? Well, yeah… They had the time. Time wasn’t an issue when you were driving at random because there was no place to go. That wasn’t the point anyway.

“Where did you come from?” he barked, his eyes scanning the trees bordering the road. Nothing much to see, the woods seemed calm. “How did you lose your sister?”

Prim’s lips wobbled a bit and Haymitch mentally swore if the kid started to cry he would just climb up in his car and drive away. “We were driving and they all came out of nowhere. A whole pack. They knocked Peeta’s car over but Johanna helped us out and then… Katniss told me to run, so… I ran…” Tears gathered in her eyes. “I shouldn’t have left them behind.”

“Oh, sweetie…” Effie moved as if to hug her but Haymitch grabbed her arm and pulled her back, holding her against his chest and pointing the gun at the kid again. “ _Ouch_! Haymitch! Stop this at once! What are you doing?”

He ignored her. “Did you get bitten? Scratched?”

Prim shook her head with her eyes wide open. “I’m not infected! I’m not, I swear!”

She was wearing a tee-shirt that didn’t cover her arms and he could see a few scratches that could have come from her dash in the woods or from zombies. It was anyone’s guess.  

Effie kicked him in the shin and he let her go. “Was this really necessary?” she hissed. “What are we? Savages? I am helping that child and _you_ are either helping us or leaving because if you’re actually thinking about turning your back on a helpless person in need, I’m not sure I want to stay with you anymore.”

She had been the helpless person not so long ago, he wanted to remind her, and he had helped her against his better judgment so…

“I’m twelve, I’m not a child.” Prim protested but softly. She was shy that one. And probably just as helpless as Effie thought her to be.

“Alright.” he yielded. “Grab a gun, sweetheart, and give one to the girl.” Twelve or not, she shouldn’t be unarmed.

It was almost worth it for the bright smile Effie gave him. “Thank you.” she said smugly. “I knew you would make the right decision.”

“The right decision being yours, I guess?” he chuckled.

She was about to reply when a new voice boomed out from between the trees. “Step away from my sister! Prim! Prim, come here!”

Haymitch was sure he gaped at the dark-haired teenage girl who was aiming at him, not with a gun, but with an actual wooden bow. Pointy arrows, quiver and everything.

“Now, you’re just kidding me.” he grumbled. Arrows killed as easily as bullets though and he didn’t dare raise his own gun.

“Katniss!” Prim cried in relief, rushing to her sister.

Other voices joined in the call, further down between the trees. It wasn’t long before two other teenagers, a tall dark-haired one and a shorter blond one arrived, both carrying proper guns. The tall one knew what he was doing, the blond one clearly didn’t.

“Everything’s alright, Katnip?” the tall one asked.

“I don’t know.” bow-girl answered.

“It’s okay, they were going to help.” Prim said soothingly, placing a hand on her sister’s arm.

“Yeah, only going to help.” Haymitch replied, slowly reaching out for Effie’s arm and tugging her behind him. “Calm down, Gimli.”

“Gimli is the dwarf, you’re thinking of Legolas.” the blond boy said helpfully, hesitating between lowering his gun and aiming at them. Neither the girl nor the tall teenager lowered their weapons.

“Aren’t you a smart ass.” Haymitch snorted.

The blond boy shrugged with a small smile. When his blue eyes fell on Effie, they widened comically. “Oh my god! It’s _Effie Trinket_!”

“And here we go again…” he grumbled. He shot an irritated glance at the woman over his shoulder. “Couldn’t you be a little _less_ famous?”

If he interpreted correctly her glaring, he wasn’t forgiven yet.

“Effie Trinket?” the tall one repeated, staring at her with the awe only a teenage boy could muster for his favorite fantasy.

“Let me guess…” Haymitch smirked, sparing another glance to his friend. “You did some lingerie photos.”

“For Victoria’s Secret, yes.” she sighed. “What does this have to do with…” She apparently realized the way the boys were looking at her and winced. “Oh.”

“Yeah.” he snorted. “I think, it’s Christmas for them. Anyway.” He looked at the girl because the other two were obviously following her lead. “So, _Legolas_ , could you point that thing away from me?”

“She looks more like Merida.” Effie said, stepping from behind him with absolutely no care in the world for the weapons pointed at her. “If you insist on pop-culture references at least get them right.”

“Who’s Merida, now?” he scowled.

“Disney character. She’s cool.” Prim said and then pulled on her sister’s arm a bit. “They really were going to help, Katniss.”

“Put down the bow before you hurt yourself.” Haymitch insisted, not unkindly and not unselfishly. Effie would probably steal his whiskey to clean eventual wounds.

“She’s the regional archery champion.” the blond guy snapped defensively. “She never misses. You better worry about her hurting you.”

Katniss sent a grateful look his way and the tall one glowered. Well. Wasn’t she a popular girl…

“Put the gun down first.” Katniss instructed.

Haymitch considered his options carefully. He didn’t like the odds. Effie was unarmed, the tall boy obviously knew how to handle a gun which would make him his prime target but the girl would put an arrow in him before he could take a second shot. And there was the blond one and the kid to take into consideration. He didn’t particularly fancy a cross-fire.

“Put down the gun.” Effie requested softly. “They’re teenagers, they won’t hurt us.”

“You will never learn, sweetheart.” he sighed but he still dropped the gun, hoping she was right. It took another reassurance from Prim before Katniss finally put the arrow back in the quiver and shouldered the bow.

“Sorry!” the blond boy said. He seemed relieved. “We had a few bad encounters.” He crossed the road, holding out his hand. “I’m Peeta.”

Effie hurried to shake his hand with a delighted smile. “Effie Trinket. Don’t you worry, we had our share of bad encounters.”

“And you two will be the best of friends.” Haymitch grumbled, eyeing the tall boy and the sullen teenage girl warily. “So, truce?” he called out. He was aware that despite the fact that they had lowered their weapons, they didn’t look less distrustful.

Prim wandered back to Effie uncertainly but a smile from the woman and the girl was won over. “This is my sister Katniss.” Prim said firmly, waving at the teenage girl whose dark hair was tied in the same style Prim’s was. “And this is Gale.”

Gale shot a hesitant glance at Katniss and then came closer to Effie in two long strides. “I’m… a big fan.”

“I bet.” Haymitch snorted.

Effie’s mouth pinched in a disapproving line and he rolled his eyes but let her babble away all she wanted. Prim and Peeta were hanging on her every word and Gale simply looked at her like she had two heads. He wasn’t sure if it was the chatting or the fact that she was actually there that left him speechless but Haymitch took the opportunity to approach the girl with the bow.

“Is she for real?” Katniss asked, staring at Effie with astonishment.

“I’m afraid so, yeah.” He shrugged. “It didn’t really register we’re running from zombies. I think too much hairspray damaged her brain.”

Brain damaged, perhaps, but not deaf and not oblivious. Her blue eyes narrowed at him. “ _Haymitch_!”

“ _Haymitch_!” he mimicked her voice perfectly.

“I swear…” Effie huffed but the noise of a car engine made her fall silent. No… Not one car, Haymitch realized, hurrying to the gun that was still on the road, but two.

“It’s okay, it’s our friends.” Peeta said quickly.

“How _many_ are you?” He didn’t actually relax. More people meant if those guys decided to turn on him and Effie, they would be screwed.

“Well…” Peeta didn’t have time to finish his sentence. Two cars stopped on the road, just behind theirs. A truck not unlike Haymitch’s and a smaller one. A guy leaped from the passenger side before the engine was even switched off. Tall, blond, tanned, the Hawaiian surfer cliché. _And_ he had a sort of harpoon in his hand.

“You found her!” the guy exclaimed with obvious relief when he saw Prim.

“Seriously?” Haymitch couldn’t believe his eyes. “A bow and a harpoon? What’s next? A sword?”

“Try an axe.” laughed a dark-haired woman, stepping out of the small car, an actual axe in her hand. She was dressed all in black and, like Effie, seemed to have a liking for tank tops that showed quite a bit of cleavage. She appraised him with an insolent smile and when she was done she winked. “Hi.”

“Hi.” he smirked.

“A bit young for you, isn’t she?” Effie gritted her teeth pointedly. She wasn’t wrong, the woman was obviously in her twenties.

He nodded to the light brown haired girl who was driving the truck and had yet to get out. “What does she have?” At that point, he wouldn’t be surprised to see her with a saber or a spear.

“Annie has me.” the surfer claimed cheerfully, but Haymitch wasn’t fooled and heard the warning for what it was.

“Good for her.” he said, tucking the gun back in his belt as a show of good will.

The man looked at him and then glanced back at the axe-woman who shrugged. “Finnick.” the surfer said, offering his hand.

Following his guts, Haymitch shook it.

The round of introductions took forever and, on Annie’s quiet suggestion, they relocated to an abandoned rest area down the road where they would see zombies come from afar. Haymitch and Effie could have taken off but she was obviously delighted to see and speak to other people and she talked his ear off during the short ten minutes it took to go there.

Once they were sure neither Haymitch nor Effie were planning on killing them, the group was rather welcoming.

“Sorry, mate, we had to leave your car behind.” Finnick told Peeta while Prim was busy telling everyone’s story to Effie. Haymitch listened absent-mindedly, more focused on getting a feel of the whole group. It was a large one.

There were the sisters first… Katniss, the regional archery champion who allegedly never missed although she had yet to infirm or confirm the statement, and Primrose the little sister. Their father had been long dead when the first zombies had shown up and their mother, who was suffering from depression, didn’t make it out of the house. Katniss barely had time to grab her bow and her arrows but had still managed to get her sister out and unto the main road where they had met Katniss’ best friend Gale who was running to her house after he had found his whole family had turned into zombies. They had decided to take off and that was how they had crossed Peeta’s path a few yards away. According to Prim, they all went to the same school but weren’t friends except Peeta had an old pick-up and immediately accepted to help them.

They had met Finnick and Annie a week after when they had been ambushed by zombies. Finnick’s harpoon and Annie’s driving skills had come into handy and they had all decided to stay together. Finnick and Annie came from the coast, he was a fisherman and she studied marine biology. Annie was having a very hard time because she had seen one of her best friends being killed by a zombie right in front of her, she was a bit unpredictable at times and she panicked easily but Finnick always knew how to bring her back. There had been an old woman with them at first but they had lost her in the first few days of the apocalypse.

They had met Johanna by chance. She had been busy beheading zombies when they had stumbled upon her. She hadn’t wanted to join them in the beginning and it had taken a lot of convincing. She was very independent, very blunt and very outspoken and the girl seemed to be in awe of her.

Well, Prim made it all sound like a dramatic and very riveting story but that was all Haymitch took out of it.

“Where are you headed?” he asked Finnick.

“Mexico.” Finnick shrugged. “We heard it was better in South America.”

“We heard a lot of shit, if you ask me.” Johanna snickered, taking a swing of her water bottle.

“Beetee and Wiress seemed sure.” Annie countered softly.

“Beetee and Wiress?” Effie asked politely.

“Volts and Nuts.” Prim explained.

“Prim, that’s mean.” Katniss chided her sister, glaring at Johanna. “You have a terrible influence on her.”

“Oh, leave the kid be for once!” Johanna snapped. “ _Volts and Nuts_ were an old couple we’ve met. Scientists. A bit crazy, she was always muttering about clocks and mice. Probably dead by now.”

Haymitch rolled his eyes. “Did they have a zombie cure?” he mocked. Scientists. What good were they nowadays?

“No, but they had a theory.” Finnick sighed, rubbing his eyes. “Those things aren’t zombies, they’re human mutations. The virus, it doesn’t kill you, it… makes you change. And… What did they say, Annie?”

“The more it spreads, the more it mutates.” Annie said, leaning against Finnick. “The first generation was weak but they will start to become stronger and smarter.”

“Awesome.” Haymitch spat.

“That doesn’t sound good.” Effie commented.

“Wow, you’re really a bright bulb, aren’t you?” Johanna mocked her. Effie glared. They seemed to have a staring contest and five seconds later, Effie’s hand _accidentally_ landed on Haymitch’s thigh. Johanna only seemed amused.

Haymitch wasn’t.

Those people were good people. They probably worked as a group and if what had happened with Katniss’ sister earlier was any indication, they took care of each other. It was the best they would ever find. Conversations picked up and died down and no one noticed when he followed Finnick to Annie’s truck to ask a few things.

He was busy dividing their stock of food when Effie finally left the lively conversation with Prim, Annie and Peeta to join him by the car. They had all been sitting there for some time now and night was near. He wanted to be on the road before then.

“Haymitch, I had a thought.” she began firmly and he couldn’t help his teasing smirk.

“You don’t say.” he chuckled. “Did it hurt?”

She nudged him playfully but didn’t take the bait. “They’re nice people and strength is in number. It will be safer to stay with them.”

“I agree.” He could tell she wasn’t expecting that. She blinked and then smiled obviously relieved.

“Oh, good, you’re being reasonable.” she breathed out. “I was afraid it would take hours to convince you.”

“I already talked to Finnick.” he said, taking her three backpacks out of the trunk and dropping them at her feet. “They’re okay to take you.”

“What do you mean?” she frowned. “That wasn’t what I was thinking at all!”

“A deal’s a deal, Princess.” he shrugged. “I said you could stay until we found people. Well… We found people.”

“But…” He put a finger on her mouth to shut her up before she started one of those endless lectures of hers.

“Look, sweetheart, it was fun while it lasted but I don’t like people. Simple as that.” He carefully didn’t meet her eyes. Those blue eyes always were his downfall in the end. “You’ll be safe with them.”

She gripped his wrist and forced his hand away. The lecture didn’t come though, only a resolute pout. “I will go with you, then.” She threw a regretful glance at the group laughing a few feet away. “I’m sure we will manage.”

“I will, you won’t.” he replied firmly. “We had a deal, Effie. Don’t make it harder than it should be.”

“You don’t want me?” she asked, her blue eyes immediately filling with tears.

“I’m not a people person.” he repeated. “I don’t want friends. I don’t want… I don’t want _complicated_.”

“Oh, and I’m complicated?!” she huffed. Some tears fell down her cheeks and he brushed them away uncertainly.

“You’re _very_ complicated.” he confessed in a low voice. He was starting to care a bit too much and that scared him because he knew what it would do to him when he failed. Because he ultimately _would_ fail like he always did and she would die on his watch, just like his girl and his family did. He couldn’t fall in that trap again. He was done with people.

“Don’t leave me.” she pleaded. “Please, Haymitch, I…”

“You will make friends in no time. Looks like you and Johanna are hitting it off already.” he joked. “Come on, sweetheart, I’m ready to take off. Give me a smile.”

She gave him a fake smile that didn’t reach her eyes and then she hugged him really tight and she didn’t let go. He hugged back because it would be the last time and it seemed less dangerous somehow. “I will miss you.” she whispered in his ear, her voice strained and broken. “Don’t drink too much and don’t do anything reckless.”

“That’s my line.” he snorted. “Be careful, sweetheart. Watch your back.” He had put the handgun and some ammos in her bag. She should be able to find more along the way. “And don’t do anything dangerous just to get your clownish things.”

“It’s called fashion, really, Haymitch.” she chided him but her heart wasn’t in it. It fell flat.

He was aware some people in the group were watching them curiously, Finnick gave them a hushed explanation and they all turned around and gave them their privacy. Haymitch was glad for that. He closed his eyes, breathed her in one last time and then, he let go. Her arms fell down but they didn’t actually step away from each other, the lack of distance should have been awkward and yet it wasn’t. It was the proper lack of distance for a kiss and, for a second, he thought she would do it. She didn’t. She turned her head away, forced that stupid smile on her lips again and pretended to be awfully cheerful. The whole thing was pretty sad. “Thank you for the ride.”

“My pleasure, sweetheart.” he tried to smirk, it came out as a wince. He decided it would be better to cut the goodbyes short. He looked around and met Katniss’ eyes who was helping Peeta grab the food from Johanna’s trunk. The girl seemed to get what the problem was because she looked at him with sincere sympathy.

“Don’t worry, we will take care of her.” Peeta promised.

Effie’s staring was burning a hole on his face but he didn’t glance back at her as he shut the trunk of his car, he only looked at the boy. “You better. Or I will come back to kick your ass.”

That made Katniss snicker. “One last advice?” the girl asked.

He didn’t know if she was joking or not but he went to the driver side, thinking about that particular question. In the end, he shrugged. “Stay alive.” He sat behind the wheel and steered the truck away. He watched her in the rear-view mirror as he drove away, she didn’t move for the longest time, a blurred yellow spot in his line of sight. It was the last image he had of her.

He drove for three hours, straight on, not particularly caring to go one way or another. He stopped at a store, killed a few zombies that were or were not getting a bit smarter, and hoped for alcohol. He didn’t find a single bottle but there had apparently been a discount on nail polish right before the apocalypse kicked in and there were a lot of those little bottles Effie liked scattered all around the floor near the entrance. He pocketed a golden one before he thought twice about it.

He took back everything nice he had ever thought about karma. Karma was a bitch.

Back in the car, he decided to get rid of the last plastic pink flower dangling on the mirror but, in the end, he couldn’t bring himself to do it. Everything in the car reminded him of her. The traveling board games neatly piled in the glove compartment next to his knife, the white long-sleeved shirt stained with nail polish that had been forgotten on the front seat, the artificial scent of roses that made for a nice change from the smell of rot and liquor… The silence in the car was deafening too. Even when she wasn’t talking, the sound of her breathing filled the car. He hadn’t realized how alone he would feel without her. Worse, he hadn’t realized he had been lonely before she had jumped under the tires of his car. But now… The feeling of loneliness was crushing.

Nothing he wasn’t used to, though…

He only needed to familiarize with silence again. Silence was great. Silence meant no one counted on you. Silence meant you weren’t responsible for anyone. Silence meant you wouldn’t get anyone killed.

Silence meant alone and alone meant nobody would be able to hurt you.

Silence, he came to understand quickly enough, was just as much a bitch as karma was.

He turned the radio on, searching for a disembodied voice somewhere in between the statics who would fill the void she had left behind.


	6. Chapter 6

Effie didn’t like Johanna’s car.

It was small and probably made for cities, she said she had stolen it on a highway somewhere on the outskirts of Chicago, but it wasn’t made for long rides and bumpy country roads. Effie was on the back seat, squashed between the door and her backpack, itself sandwiched between her and Prim. The girl wasn’t faring much better. She was trying to use her own bag as a pillow but it was hard to find a comfortable position in that car. Prim had already lamented several time the loss of Peeta’s pick up. Until then, they had apparently used Johanna’s car mostly for supplies.

On the front seats, Katniss and Johanna were having what could be called a conversation or an argument depending on how uptight about proper behavior you were. Effie had decided Johanna was unable to talk politely to anyone. She didn’t like the woman much. Although to be fair, what had bothered her about her was first and foremost the predatory way she had been looking at Haymitch. Effie hadn’t liked the way he had looked at her either.

Not that it mattered now, she supposed.

“I’m sorry he left you.” Prim offered softly. It was low enough that the two girls bickering in the front wouldn’t hear.

“Oh, it’s quite alright, dear.” she lied, a fake smile on her lips. “We had an agreement.”

The girl frowned. “I thought you were together… You sounded like you were married.”

She couldn’t help but laugh at that. “No. No… Just friends.”

Although… She thought back to nights spent curled up against his side, to banters and innuendos, to the slow game of seduction they had been playing… That moment, right after their final hug, had been the perfect moment for a kiss but she couldn’t find the strength to do it. Kiss him and then say goodbye… It would have been too much for her. It would have broken her. Even now, she had troubles keeping her feelings in check. Kissing him would have been worse.

And yet the weight of regrets made it very hard to breathe indeed.

Prim’s face hardened. “Friends don’t leave friends behind. That’s our rule, right, Katniss?”

“Too damn right, kiddo.” Jo answered for the child’s sister. She found Effie’s eyes in the rear-view mirror. “There’re friends and _friends_ , though.”

Effie didn’t know if it was a threat or not but the message seemed clear to her. Given the choice, she wouldn’t be the one Johanna would save. That was alright with her. She preferred to do her own saving. She trusted Haymitch to have her back but those people… She didn’t know them yet.

“Don’t listen to her.” Katniss said, not unkindly, turning around in her seat to look at her. “We take care of each other.” Her grey eyes lingered on her sister for a second and then she sat straight again. “Do you want me to drive?” she asked Johanna.

“No, I’m good for now.” Johanna shrugged. “So, Trinket, spill. How does a model end up with a hobo? A s _exy_ hobo even, if you’re into the scruffy kind.”

Effie glared at her. “Do you think that’s any way to talk in front of a twelve years old?”

“I think you can’t be a very good shag if he gets rid of you the first chance he gets.” Johanna’s laugh was mean and Effie turned her head to look at the landscape through the window. “Women aren’t exactly easy to find those days. Men tend to stick to the one they got.”

“Jo, stop.” Katniss requested quietly.

It was dark enough in the car but Effie was sure they still could see the hot tears rolling down her cheeks. She hated the fact that she let Johanna’s words hurt her. She hated the fact that she couldn’t control herself better than that. She had always prided herself on a perfect public behavior, on the contrary to other models or would-be stars, she had never _ever_ made a scene in public. Her public face had always been polite, smiling and cheerfully happy. And now…

“Oh, I’m just joking.” Johanna grumbled. “Relax, would you? We’ll find her another guy. Won’t be hard to. She’s a _fucking_ model.”

“Mom used to say if a guy makes you cry he isn’t worth your tears.” Prim piped in helpfully, grabbing her hand and squeezing it comfortingly.

Effie forced herself to smile at the girl and then glared at the woman behind the wheel. “I don’t see you with a ton of admirers.” she snapped.

She had hoped to strike a nerve but Johanna only laughed again, a carefree and not so sincere kind of laugh. “I’m waiting for Katniss to decide which one of the boys she wants. I called dibs on the other one.”

“You’re welcome to both of them.” Katniss rolled her eyes.

“Both at once?” Johanna’s smile was predatory and Effie wasn’t so sure she was joking. “Now that’s a thought.”

“Not for my sister’s ears.” Katniss hissed.

“I’m twelve!” Prim huffed. “I know about those things.”

“I’m sure you’re very knowledgeable but _I_ would rather remain oblivious to Johanna’s little pervert fantasies.” Effie cut in firmly. “Enough said on that subject.”

“How is that pervert?” Johanna lifted her eyebrows. “’Cause I’m sure I can think of dirtier things…”

“They’re in high school and you’re…” How old was she? Effie gave a her a quick once over. “At least twenty-five.”

Prim started to giggle and Katniss bit her lips to hide her amusement.

“First, I’m twenty.” Johanna’s face was somber. “Second, Gale is eighteen and Peeta is seventeen. Third and final, high school is over. In case you didn’t notice, we’re all going to…”

“Jo.” Katniss’ harsh warning and her quick glance at her sister was enough to make Johanna fall silent. However, as Effie was quickly learning, nothing hushed Johanna for long.

“Wake up.” Johanna advised her, looking right at her in the rear-view mirror. “And don’t insult me again or I _will_ hurt you.”

“She’s all barks.” Katniss snorted. “Don’t worry, Effie.”

Effie wasn’t particularly worried but still nodded to acknowledge the girl’s words.

The next few days proved Katniss right, though. Johanna was all barks and no bites. Well… If you didn’t count the zombies. The young woman had a knack for swinging that axe of her the perfect way to behead zombies before they could even come close enough to her to be a threat. Between her axe, Finnick’s harpoon and Katniss’ bow, Gale and Effie’s guns were almost unnecessary.

She found her place in the group easily enough. They were nice people, a bit like a family really, and made her feel welcomed at once. Johanna, of course, was the most reluctant but Effie soon learned that as much as the woman pretended to care for no one but herself she had a soft spot for Prim. She tolerated a certain kind of familiar behavior from the child – hugs and light touches on the arms and shoulders – she didn’t allow anyone else. She often laughed and joked with Finnick and made fun of Annie but not too meanly. She was snarky with Katniss who usually retorted with something unpleasant and took pleasure in making the two boys squirm with inappropriate comments or their obvious interest in Effie and when she was feeling like it, she teased them senseless about their crush on Katniss. But she was otherwise sweet on Peeta – who wasn’t? The boy was so kind and thoughtful it was hard not to be – and liked to hunt, like they called killing zombies, with Gale.

Johanna and Effie bickered daily and about everything until the moment Johanna, pretty much done with Effie’s warnings, threw a sarcastic “Yes, Mom.” at her and Effie realized she was indeed the oldest one.

It probably explained why the teenagers seemed to gravitate around her like lost puppies. Prim often sought her company when she was upset, Peeta came to her when Gale or Johanna had said something too embarrassing in front of Katniss or when Katniss herself had been too harsh on him – he never said anything but he sat with her quietly and listened to her nonsensical chatter – and even Katniss sometimes seemed to want something she didn’t know how to ask. Advices probably but from what she had understood of their family life, the girl had been taking care of her sister pretty much all her life and was very proud and independent.

Annie was the perfect friend. She was kind and sweet and she loved Finnick dearly. It was really beautiful to watch them, they were so in love and so oblivious to the rest of the world when they looked at each other… It made Effie’s heart ache each time. Even after four days she still yearned for the truck and the comfort of Haymitch’s embrace. It was stupid she knew. She hadn’t even known Haymitch for a month and there she was mourning their – not even romantic – relationship like they had been dating for years… It was all ridiculous.

The snarl of a zombie pulled her away from her daydream and she shot without even thinking about it. It should be worrying the ease with which she had taken to pull a trigger.

They had stopped by a store to refill on food and gas if they could find some. Finnick, Katniss and Gale had gone into the store, Prim and Annie stayed in the car – Annie was very skilled behind a wheel but she couldn’t shoot straight if her life depended on it and, as a matter of fact, it did – Peeta was protecting the two cars and Effie was protecting Johanna who was siphoning gas. Or trying to. The young woman was grumbling a lot but Effie had refused to do it, she didn’t want her hands covered in filth.

“Cutting it a bit close, aren’t you?” Johanna sneered at her, nudging the rotten corpse at her feet with her boot. “Trying to get us killed?”

“My apologies.” Effie replied, her eyes darting around for a new threat. Their cars were a few feet away and Peeta was standing on the roof of the truck, making sure no zombie could approach. A bit of warning wouldn’t have gone amiss. “He’s a loner.” There was no other undead around.

“Good for him.” Johanna replied, wiping her hands on her pants. “That’s enough. Let’s get back.”

They did without much problem and the others joined them soon after with enough food and water to sustain them for a few days. They lingered a bit on the parking lot. They were slower than Haymitch and Effie had been, she had already noticed. They made regular stops to stretch their legs, the children didn’t do well when they had to stay put for a long period of time and Finnick, Annie and Johanna were barely adults themselves so they stopped the car wherever they could and that made for slow advance. It suited Effie just fine, driving gave her too much time to think. And Johanna always seemed to know how to read her thoughts and torture her with them.

“Your turn.” She threw her the keys to the small car and Effie suppressed a sigh but dutifully took the wheel. That car was awful to sit in _and_ to drive. Gale took the truck which was good news, Gale tended to drive fast and Effie very much wanted speed right then. She would have raced to the limit of dangerous if she could but she would never dare with Prim or another teenager in the back seat and Johanna’s sorry excuse for a car wouldn’t have gone very far anyway. “You can take the kids, I need adult time.” She headed to the truck, leaving her with Katniss, Prim and Peeta. A promise for a fun ride indeed.

Prim claimed shotgun and Peeta and Katniss were forced to sit next to each other, probably closer than they were both comfortable with. Effie thought Peeta’s obvious crush was sweet but Katniss didn’t give away any sign of reciprocating his feelings. She didn’t encourage Gale either, came to think of that. She wanted to take care of her sister and make right by her from what she had confessed to Effie during a long and rainy night of driving when the other passengers had succumbed to sleep.

Peeta started humming off key after a while and Katniss joined in hesitantly and soon enough, they were all singing what was probably the worst rendition of _We Will Rock You_ despite Katniss’ beautiful voice. Then the kids switched to more popular songs which ended with Katniss singing a soft and sorrowful song about lost love and Effie focusing harder on the road.

A good thing too because when Gale braked abruptly and without any warning, she barely avoided crashing into the truck. She swerved to avert it and found herself running over a zombie. She immediately went into reverse when she saw it wasn’t only one but about ten of them. They attacked as soon as they realized what the cars were and they were quicker than those she had seen until then. They ran after them. And they ran _fast_. The truck had no problem leaving the zombies behind but Johanna’s car…

“What _are_ those things?” Peeta exclaimed, turning around to look at their pursuers through the windshield.

“Mutations.” Katniss replied, snatching her bow and her arrows from the floor. “They have to be. Remember what Beetee said. Quicker and smarter.”

“Put your seatbelts on.” Effie ordered, speeding up as much as she could. Three zombies fell behind but there were still two hot on their heels. What the hell were those things?

“I can shoot them.” Katniss argued, opening her window.

“No!” Peeta objected, trying to held her back but she shrugged him off and half slid through the window.

“Katniss, dear, I really don’t think…” Effie started, trying to remain calm. Haymitch had told her enough times : _panic and you’re dead_.

The sight of an actual prey made the two zombies go crazy. Could they still call them zombies? They barely looked the part except for the rotting graying skin. They looked like feral animals.

The truck was far in front of her, she could barely see the rear lights but it soon slowed down and Gale showed at the passenger window with his gun, half of his body outside, in the same fashion Katniss was sitting. They must have switched drivers which meant Johanna was probably driving. Gale didn’t seem to be able to get a good shot and Katniss was struggling with the speed of the car. Peeta was holding fast to her legs, ready to pull her in at the smallest sign. Prim was white as a sheet and clenching the edge of her seat. Effie wasn’t feeling much better.

Katniss’ first arrow missed his target.

The second one found a knee which made the zombie tumble and roll in the dust.

The third hit the last one in the middle of the forehead.

They all breathed a collective sigh of relief.

“You are amazing.” Peeta said, as soon as Katniss was safely sitting back in the car. The girl blushed and mumbled something stupid, in Effie’s opinion, about having missed the first time.

The truck stopped a few miles further and they all got out.

“Everyone’s alright?” Finnick asked at once, giving them all a glance over.

“I’m _so_ sorry, Effie. They came out of nowhere, I didn’t have time to…” Gale started to apologize but she reassured him quickly.

“We shouldn’t stay here.” Annie said, looking around nervously.

“Right.” Finnick agreed readily. “And we definitely need a better car than this thing.”

Johanna kicked her car as if to punish it. “Garbage bin.”

“We need another road south.” Annie frowned. “We should go back to the intersection.”

Effie didn’t feel like arguing about that so she got back in the car and listened to Peeta and Katniss’ urgent chatter about this new development. Were there a lot of those quicker zombies? Katniss christened them _mutts_ and Peeta followed suit. Night had fallen when they had exhausted the topic and switched to other subjects such as how Peeta used to help his father decorate cakes in another life where the bakery hadn’t been overrun by zombies and his family wasn’t dead.

Prim had fallen asleep in her seat and Effie was beginning to slump in hers. Another half hour and she would ask Katniss to take over, she vowed. She was becoming distracted, she moved automatically, slowing and speeding up in time with the truck in front of her, and not much paying attention to anything else.

Until she spied movements in her rear-view mirror.

Her first thought was that the mutts were back. She sat up straighter and gripped the wheel in alarm, her sudden movement alerted the children who immediately tried to see where the danger was.

“What is it, Effie?” Peeta asked, fumbling around the seat for the gun he had discarded.

“I don’t know.” she replied truthfully. The dark shape in the mirror wasn’t a zombie or a mutt, it looked like…

She brought the car to an abrupt stop, startling everyone. Prim even shot awake with a distressed squeak.

“Effie?” Katniss pressed.

It was hard to tell at night. The truck that was following them was black and its shape was familiar but… And then it stopped and in the dim halo of its front lights she got a glimpse of a big pink flower dangling in the middle of the windshield.

She shot out of her seat and ran before she could think twice about it. Haymitch had barely got out of the truck when she threw herself at him, locking her arms around his neck and hugging him for dear life. He stumbled backward, clearly surprised by her attack, and they hit the side of the car but they didn’t fall. He was holding her too tight for them to fall.

“I knew you would come back.” she whispered in his ear. “I _knew_ you would come back.” She really, _really_ hadn’t known. He didn’t answer but he tightened his hold and that was enough for her. She pressed a kiss against his cheek and then winced. “You need a shave.”

“You’re hard to find.” he growled. She frowned but she realized he wasn’t talking to her, Finnick was standing behind her, harpoon in hand. She let Haymitch go and took a good look around, Katniss had her bow out, Johanna had put her axe on the roof of the truck, Peeta and Gale had their gun…

“No offense, mate, but you look like shit.” Finnick said firmly. “Got bitten while you were away?”

It was hard to see with only the car lights as a source of lighting but now that Finnick mentioned it, Haymitch did look worse for the wear. He stayed slumped against the car even though she had stopped hugging him and he looked forlorn.

“Just thirsty.” Haymitch snorted. That was when she saw the way he was clenching his hands into fists. It didn’t do much to hide the violent tremors. “I’ve been driving for three days straight, trying to find you.” He looked at Effie and then back at Finnick. “You can’t go south. They’re broadcasting it everywhere on the radio. South is zombieland. They’re saying they’re acting weird but…” He waved a shaking hand in the air and then rubbed his face.

Time to take charge, Effie thought. She forced him to sit and leaned over his shoulder to turn on the interior light of the truck. Up close, it was worse. His eyes were bloodshot, his cheeks were hollow and he looked half-dead. There were packs of chips and crackers all around the front seat, the back seat was covered in clothes and guns…

“Well. You certainly made a mess of my car.” she huffed. “Are you out of alcohol?”

There was a bottle in Annie’s truck for medical purpose only – and for Johanna to take a swing when she fancied it but everyone pretended not to notice because it was easier than to deal with an irritated Johanna – they could borrow it, she supposed.

“ _My_ car. In the trunk.” he mumbled, leaning against the leather seat. “’Couldn’t drink while I was looking for you. Waste time.”

She brushed his hair out of his eyes and went to the trunk. Finnick followed her. “We should give him water and food first. I’m not sure…”

“He’s in withdrawal.” Effie cut in “He needs alcohol.” Not that she approved of that but…

Finnick nodded curtly and let her do as she saw fit. She found a bottle of whiskey in between a bundled up shirt and an empty can of gas. He greedily snatched it from her hand and started gulping it down quickly.

“Go slowly.” she chided him, forcing the bottle away from his mouth. “You will make yourself sick.”

He tried to glare at her but it wasn’t very convincing and he made no protest when she told him to scoot over to the passenger side. “The tank is almost empty.” he told her.

“We have enough to spare.” Finnick sighed, before going to their own truck to get gas. Johanna came back with him and studied Haymitch while Finnick dealt with the gas problem.

“Well, maybe you’re not such a bad shag after all, Trinket.” Johanna sneered but then her face softened a bit. Just for a second, mind. It wouldn’t do for Johanna Mason to look friendly. “You’ve been driving for a while, I can take his truck.”

Haymitch stared at them over his bottle and didn’t look pleased by the prospect.

“No, it’s alright.” Effie quickly refused. “Thank you.”

It was soon decided that Effie would take the rear with Haymitch’s truck and they started driving again as if nothing had happened, except they headed north instead of south. She didn’t feel tired at all anymore, she was buzzing with energy.

“Driving drunk isn’t clever but driving when experiencing withdrawal symptoms?” she clucked her tongue. “Really, Haymitch…”

He finally stopped drinking. A quick glance revealed that he had downed half the bottle and he laid down on the seat, curling up as much as he could on the bench seat, his legs dangling. His head ended up cushioned against her thigh. He was bent at an odd angle that couldn’t be really comfortable.

“Seemed a shame to let you die when I spent so much time saving you.” he grumbled, placing his right hand on her knee and very much snuggling against her leg. She brushed her fingers through his dirty hair and he purred like a cat.

“This isn’t very proper, you know.” she chuckled. “They will wonder where you’ve disappeared to.”

“Shut up, sweetheart, I’m tired.” he retorted, his grey eyes twinkling with amusement. “And this is called sharing a moment.”

“What would I do without you here to teach me those kind of things?” She was grinning so hard it actually hurt.

He squeezed her knee. “Nothing good.”

“You’re exhausted, you should sleep.” she murmured absent-mindedly, still petting his hair. She wasn’t paying much attention to the road. She chided herself mentally and focused on the lights from Johanna’s car that Katniss was currently driving. She probably should have accepted Johanna’s offer but she didn’t want to share Haymitch just yet.

“Tired of me already?” he smirked.

“Don’t be daft, I _missed_ you.” she replied softly. “Didn’t you miss me?”

“Did I miss your annoying voice and your stupid babble?” he snorted. “Not a chance.”

“Then why did you come back?” she frowned, more hurt than she cared to let on. “It must have been a hassle to find us…”

“Not really.” He gave a one shoulder shrug. “I had your maps. Only three roads to Mexico from where I left you, only one less populated area. Not hard to figure it out. I was more afraid I wouldn’t catch up but you’re not moving that fast.” He stopped talking and frowned. “And you’re going _very_ slow, right now, sweetheart. Why are you driving grandma style?”

“We’re following them.” she explained. “They set the pace.” And Finnick was a cautious driver. Haymitch grumbled something that probably wasn’t nice. “You will get used to it.” she assured him.

“Who says I’m staying?” His eyes were closed but he had still to take his hand away from her knee. “Maybe I plan on taking a nap and drive away in the morning.”

“You came back, you are staying. End of discussion.” she snapped. She would be damned before she let him leave again.

“You’re bossy.” he complained.

“If by bossy you mean I’m the voice of reason, then yes.” She was going too fast and was following Katniss too closely for the teen’s tastes if the girl’s frantic waving through the window was to be believed. “Sleep now.”

“I’m too tired to sleep.” he protested, letting go of her knee to feel around for his bottle of whiskey. He found it and took a slow mouthful.

They stayed silent for a while. She drove and he drank, it was just like old times.

“I thought I was too complicated.” she whispered at some point, unsure if he was already sleeping or not.

“You are.” he replied after some time.

“Then why did you come back, really?” Because he wouldn’t have cast alcohol aside just to find them. They weren’t very fast, as he said, he’d have plenty of time to drink and still catch up with them before they went too far south. There must have been something else.

“Don’t flatter yourself into thinking I need you.” His voice was harsh but also a bit cautious. “It was easier when there was someone to drive now and then, that’s all.”

Which really meant he had missed her.

“You are a silly, _silly_ man, Haymitch.” She smiled, placing hand on his shoulder. He covered it with his briefly and then went back to his whiskey.

“Now… What is this I heard about you being a bad shag?” he asked very seriously. “I leave you for four days and you’re already fooling around with someone else? You’re breaking my heart, Princess.”

She couldn’t help but laugh at the idea of her fooling around with Johanna. “She thinks you would never have left me in the first place if you had been enjoying the sex.”

“Yeah, see, I don’t remember any sex.” His head rolled on her leg and he looked at her, his cheek pressed against her stomach. “Not for lack of asking on my part…”

“Should I stop the car in the middle of the road so you can have your drunken way with me?” she joked.

A smirk graced his lips but his eyes were very serious. The car felt too warm all of a sudden, her breath caught in her throat and she was aware of every point of contact between his cheek and her stomach even through the thick cotton tank top she was wearing. He licked his lips slowly and she had no other option but to slow down the car because she could have sworn she was about to crash it due to lustful thoughts that would have made even Johanna blush.

“Don’t tempt me.” he replied, his voice low and rough and she had a difficult time keeping her head in the game.

Zombies that could jump on the car any moment, more urgent problems than her sudden need for sex, an endless apocalypse… She cracked the window open, grateful for the cool night breeze.

“Aren’t we a bit flustered…” Haymitch chuckled, blatantly mocking her.

She whacked his shoulder playfully and pretended not to care one bit. “Sleep, you stupid man.”


	7. Chapter 7

“This is like a road trip from hell.” Haymitch complained. “I _hate_ you.”

“If you had let them drive, they wouldn’t be so annoying.” Effie shot back, inspecting her newly golden painted nails. He should have kept the damn nail polish to himself, Haymitch thought, that would have taught her.

On the back seat, Katniss and Prim were very busy singing – if that could be called singing – in tune with the blaring music coming from the CD player. The girls almost had a stroke when they realized he had a _working_ CD player in his truck. Annie’s didn’t work and Johanna’s was so old it only took tapes. Haymitch had found himself with a band of unruly teenagers who wanted to ride nowhere but in his car.

“Nobody drive my truck but me, sweetheart.” he grumbled. She lifted an eyebrow and he amended. “And you. Doesn’t mean they can _screech_ like _bloody_ cats on the back seat.”

“Come on, Haymitch, it’s Taylor Swift.” Katniss laughed, hitting him on the shoulder to make her point across. “Everybody loves Taylor Swift.”

“He’s a bit old for Taylor, dear.” Effie mocked.

“You’re both lucky I like you.” he replied.

Prim started singing the next chorus as loud as she could and that was it for the conversation. There was no talking above the girls’ singing. He had half a mind to switch the cd player off but then that would mean whimpering and pleading and Haymitch was reminded everyday of why he didn’t want kids.

 _Seriously_.

He had thought Effie was probably the only person not taking this apocalypse thing seriously but he had been awfully wrong. Johanna wasn’t much better, she actually counted the zombies she took out. She and Gale had a bet going on about who would kill the most of them. As for Katniss, Haymitch had taken an immediate liking to the girl, she was trying to do right by her sister, she was strong and generally speaking he could tell she was a survivor but really… Her choice in music sucked.

“Remind me why I came back again?” he asked Effie between two songs. He had asked himself that very same question every morning since he had joined their little group. Haymitch never liked people and he didn’t work well with others since the death of his former CIA partner. He hated being told what to do. The first time Finnick had tried that, it hadn’t gone well at all. It was his way or none at all. His way was better anyway.

Other than that, those people were bearable.

And he wasn’t really there for them anyway. The second the urgent warnings about the south of the country had began to be broadcasted like crazy, he had found himself trying to find Effie again. He didn’t know why exactly, he didn’t want to look at that can of worms too closely. He had felt like a man possessed. He had needed to find her, to make sure she was safe, to…

“Because you missed sharing moments.” Effie teased, sliding closer to him on the seat to rest her head on his shoulder. She didn’t see the need for a seatbelt when he was driving at a snail pace and, more sadly for him, almost sober. Katniss didn’t let Prim in the car if he wasn’t and he would rather take the two girls than Johanna, the two lovebirds or, god forbid, the two boys. Johanna and Effie bickered endlessly, Annie and Finnick were so in love it was sickening to watch and the boys seemed stuck between being friends and rivals which created a tension that made everyone uncomfortable.

“We’re not sharing a lot of moments.” he commented. “If we’ve been alone for five minutes in the last week, I would eat my beanie.”

She threw a contemplative glance at the black woolen hat on his head. “Is this a serious offer? Because I think it’s more around five minutes and a half.”

“I like the beanie.” he countered because he knew where this was going. “Stop trying to dress me up.”

“I’m just stating that if you want a hat that much we could probably find you something more appropriate in the next shop.” Effie sighed, defeated. “I already promised Peeta I would find him a better jacket.”

“What’s wrong with Peeta’s jacket?” Prim asked, suddenly losing interest in the soppy song playing much too loud in the car. Haymitch took the opportunity to turn the volume down to a low murmur. Much, _much_ better.

“He wants another one.” Effie told the girl.

“Why?” Katniss frowned. “The one he has is still good…”

“It’s a windbreaker.” Effie sniffed, as if the word had personally offended her. Haymitch and Katniss exchanged an amused glance in the rear-view mirror. Katniss shared his bemusement at Effie’s priorities, the others had mostly accepted that they needed to take regular trips to Laundromat and that shop raids meant new clothes. They all had their quirks after all. Haymitch wanted alcohol, Annie could kill for chocolate, Finnick never passed an opportunity to get his hands on poetry books, Prim’s latest obsession was to get CDs, Katniss loved to roam the woods they passed by in search of dinner, Gale ransacked stores for bottles of soda, Johanna was a bit obsessive in her collection of sharp objects and Peeta never missed an opportunity to find notebooks and pencils to draw with. “It’s shapeless and the color… I told him I would find one befitting a young man. He wants some leather he said.”

Like the too big jacket Katniss was carrying everywhere or Gale’s for instance, Haymitch surmised. In short, he thought leather would help him get Katniss’ attention.

“Oh… Could you find me another pair of jeans too, then, please?” Prim asked. “Those ones are rugged at the knees…”

“I will find you some.” Katniss offered but her sister winced.

“Don’t take it the wrong way but… Effie chooses the best clothes.” the girl argued.

“At least someone appreciates my efforts.” Effie triumphed and Haymitch rolled his eyes.

“Yeah, yeah… It’s a relief to known if we die we will be the best dressed zombies out there.” he snorted.

Katniss snickered, Effie sulked and Prim bit back her amusement.

Two clicks broke the sudden silence and then Johanna’s voice, slightly distorted, boomed from one of the walkie-talkie they had found in a ransacked sheriff office a few days ago. One in each car, they had thought it would be easier to communicate that way. It worked well for now.

“ _Haymitch car, did you see the advert?_ ” Johanna asked.

“An advert?” Effie frowned, grabbing the talkie.

He snatched it from her hand. “No way, sweetheart.” he told Johanna.

He had seen the sign advertising the motel but he didn’t think a motel lost somewhere on a road bordered by woods would be a particularly good idea.

“ _I told you already.”_ Johanna growled in the talkie. _“Last warning, Haymitch. Call me sweetheart again and I rip out your balls.”_

“Doesn’t change anything.” Haymitch replied. “We’re not stopping.”

“Where does she want to stop?” Katniss asked, confused.

“There’s a motel down the road.” he explained in a shrug.

“ _But, Haymitch, a bed…”_ It wasn’t Johanna’s but Annie’s softer voice now. _“Just think about it. A_ bed _. With your name on it…”_

“I wouldn’t mind a bed…” Effie commented with a hopeful face.

“Would you mind getting eaten by zombies?” he retorted.

 _“We’re game.”_ Peeta said in the talkie. “ _Not that anyone is asking Gale or me…”_

Peeta and Gale were in Johanna’s car, trapped between the two trucks. They hadn’t found a car to replace Johanna’s yet. They were all busted or had been taken apart by people like them.

 _“We’re game too.”_ Johanna had obviously taken the talkie back from Annie. _“I’m sure Trinket wants a bed.”_

A short battle for the walkie-talkie followed but Haymitch was outnumbered and very much focused on not crashing the car so he had to release the radio to Prim’s grabby hands. Damn this kid.

“I want a bed. Effie too.” Prim stated.

Katniss leaned over her sister’s shoulder to be heard in the other cars. “I’m with Haymitch. It’s too dangerous.”

 _“Of course, you are.”_ Johanna mocked. _“But you two chickens are also outvoted. We’re going.”_

Haymitch cursed but reluctantly followed the trail of cars to the little road leading to the motel, prepared for the worst. “Get the guns, at least.” he ordered Katniss who nodded her assent. The girl shouldered her quiver and readied her bow, she gave one of Haymitch’s handguns to Prim even though it was useless because the kid couldn’t shoot straight and passed a rifle to Effie.

There were four cars on the motel parking lot and trees all around them. Haymitch didn’t like it one bit, it reduced visibility. The sun was still high in the sky but the trees were making everything look darker.

“Alright, let’s be clever about this.” Finnick said, as soon as the cars stopped and they had all gotten out. “Haymitch, grab one of Jo’s shiny toys. You, me, Johanna and Katniss are on cleaning duty. The rest of you stay by the cars. Use the gun in last resort only, I don’t fancy alerting the army of zombies probably busy rotting in the woods.”

“What did I say about you not being the boss of me, boy?” Haymitch grumbled, but it was a good plan so he _did_ take the cutlass Johanna handed him. He also shouldered the rifle just in case. By the time they were ready to go, the first zombies had crawled out of the motel. They were obviously old and decaying, it wouldn’t be a pleasing task to get rid of them but it wouldn’t be hard either. None of those were mutts. Katniss was already shooting arrow after arrow, a boring and repetitive task.

Effie placed a hand on his arm when he passed by her. “Be careful.”

“You too.” he ordered, nodding to the gun in her hand. “You see a zombie, you shoot. Don’t try to get close.” She wasn’t good with a knife and he wasn’t sure he wanted her close enough to one of those beasts to take a good swing anyway. “If shit hits the fan, take the truck and go, Princess.”

She didn’t answer but her stern face was clear enough. She wouldn’t leave without him. He rolled his eyes but moved to join Finnick. Johanna was helping Katniss picking up her arrows so Haymitch supposed it meant he was to team up with their golden boy.

They cleaned room after room methodically. Some were empty, untouched by the apocalypse. It was almost surreal to see beds neatly made, lamps still on night tables and cheap paintings still hanging on walls…

“You know this is stupid, right?” he asked Finnick, as they were busy trying to get rid of a couple of zombies that had been trapped in a room without getting bitten or lose a limb in the process. “We’re risking our lives for a _bloody_ nap in a _bloody_ bed.” His car suited just fine. Or at least, it had until teenagers had started to squat the back seat.

“More stupid than driving at random until we’re out of gas?” Finnick shot back, lashing out with his harpoon at the zombie on Haymitch’s right.

“We’re not there yet.” Haymitch retorted, taking out the last one. He wiped his sweaty hands on his pants. Effie wouldn’t be happy to see the state of his jeans.

“Maybe we should start talking about it before we actually _get_ there.” Finnick replied.

Thing was, the boy wasn’t wrong. They wouldn’t be able to siphon gas and raid stores forever, they would have to turn to scavenger hunts soon enough as it was. They were already mostly eating whatever animals Gale and Katniss managed to catch or Finnick and Annie to fish…

Getting rid of all the zombies roaming the motel took an hour, triple checking that they hadn’t forgotten one took almost as long and by the time they had all agreed on who would take which room, Haymitch was sipping from his bottle of whiskey and ready to collapse on a bed, carpet or even the floor if that was the only thing left. Effie, however, had no intention to camp out and extorted them what must have been the best room – mainly because it was one the zombies hadn’t touched – with two queen size beds and an en-suite bathroom. It had apparently been implied that Haymitch was to share with her so he followed her, barely listening to how the others were splitting. Johanna was all for having a room on her own, Finnick and Annie were taking another and the four teenagers claimed the other big room similar to Effie and Haymitch’s.

Effie was delighted by the prospect of sleeping in a bed, in an actual room with four walls around her and a roof over her head. He let her wander in the bathroom while he pushed the heavy dresser against the door just in case. As for the window…

“ _Haymitch_!”

The shriek made him spin around. He was running before he even realized it, cutlass in hand. Had they missed a zombie? Had they made a mistake? He barged in the bathroom, ready to stab the first grey-skin thing he’d see but there was no one except Effie in the bathroom. A laughing, very happy Effie who was wet from her head to her waist and was half standing in the shower, her hand on the tap. “There’s water!”

That made Haymitch frown. “There must be a water tower in the next town. Or a cistern, maybe…”

“Who cares? It’s _water_.” she grinned, pushing her wet hair out of her face. For a second, he was enthralled by how attractive she was and he wondered what she would do if he just pinned her to that shower wall, all caution be damned.

He put his hand under the steady stream instead. “ _Freezing_ water.”

“It could be popsicles and I would still take that shower.” She eyed his blood stained clothes with obvious disgust. “And you certainly need one too.”

“Is that an invitation?” he teased but he didn’t let his thoughts wander too far in that alley. “Take your shower, I will watch.” Her eyes widened, she looked surprised and a bit guarded. He rolled his eyes. “Take your mind out of the gutter, sweetheart. I didn’t mean _you_. How many times a day must I remind you about the zombies?”

“There are no zombies here…” she said uncertainly. “The door is boarded up…”

“Effie.” he growled “Don’t play games.”

She frowned, obviously angered by that comment, and pulled her damp tank top over her head. He had seen her in her underwear quite a few times – there was no privacy on the road – but it was different this time. There was a challenge there when she met his eyes and it was enough for his breathing to quicken. Her boots were next and then her belt. He watched as she wriggled out of her tight jeans and then nudged them aside with her foot.

“This is called _sharing_ a moment, Haymitch.” she taunted, her hands disappearing behind her back to unclasp her bra. “You are supposed to act at some point, you know. This is just as much a two-way street as friendship is. Honestly, you would think… _Umph_.”

She wasn’t expecting him to pin her to the wall so violently, he could tell, but she responded to his kiss hungrily. It was a messy kind of kiss, all tongue and teeth and he didn’t know exactly if they were kissing or fighting. She tore at his shirt but had troubles removing the tee-shirt he was wearing underneath because that would have implied to stop kissing her long enough to get it over his head and that wasn’t working for him. The blood-stained tee-shirt dangled around his neck stupidly while he kissed her jaw line, nipped at her neck... Her head fell back, his hands moved from her waist to her breasts… Her moan shot straight to his groin.

He barely registered her hands undoing his belt, popping his jeans open… He very much registered when she pushed him back, all the while kissing him like he was the only source of air available in the room, and pinned him to the opposite wall. The sink was there and it dug painfully in his back as she flung the tee-shirt away from his neck and to the floor before kissing her way down. That was _pure_ _torture_. Sweet, painful ecstasy…

“God…” he breathed out.

She had tugged his jeans down to his ankles and her mouth was teasingly kissing along the band of his boxers. When he looked down, almost whimpering with need, she was staring at him with a smug grin that almost made him come right there. He pulled on her arm, dragged her up again before he could do something embarrassing like come in his underwear… The sink was at good height and he lifted her by the waist, perched her there and got rid of the last barriers of clothes that still existed between them. Her hands tangled in his hair, pulled him close…

“Condom.” she panted in his ear.

 _Condom_ , the word was foreign to his lust induced brain. She lifted her arm, felt behind her for the little cabinet… He finally got her meaning and rummaged around, careful not to bang her head against the door. There was a lot of shit in that cabinet : small bottles of shampoo, soap, toothbrushes still wrapped in plastic… He threw the lot on the ground, not even caring about the mess he was making… “That’s it, I’m stocking up on that next chance I get.” he vowed, dropping a brand new pocket hairbrush on the ground.

She propped her chin on his shoulder, her fingers dancing along his sides, brushing and teasing… “Find them quicker.” she whined, pressing her whole body against his. She nibbled his neck, one of her hand trailed on his back and the other… He breathed in quickly when she squeezed, his sight flashing white for a second. “Sweetheart, you do that again, we won’t need a condom.”

And just as he said that, his hand found a square little package. He had never been as glad to see one in his life, he made a quick job of dealing with it. He went slow at first, as much for her sake as his but she urged him faster. He didn’t last long.

Her disappointed sigh was much more than his ego could take, however. Fortunately for her, he had very talented fingers. She came apart with his name on her lips and that brought a smirk to _his_. He kissed her shoulder as she came down from of her orgasm, a bit unsteady on his feet himself. Her head had fallen on his shoulder, he brushed the mane of curls aside so he could see her face. He kissed her slower and gentler than he could remember having kissed a woman in a long time.

Deep chuckles weren’t the kind of answer he was hoping for.

“Laughing after sex.” He tried to sound detached but it was hard when she was still naked and pressed against his body. “You sure know how to make a man feel great, sweetheart.”

“I am not laughing at you.” She kissed his neck. “It’s just… You do know most people have shower sex in the _actual_ shower?”

He found it easier to breathe. “That water is _freezing_.”

“And that won’t excuse you from taking a shower.” she argued, clutching to his shoulders to get down the sink safely. He made sure she didn’t fall. Common courtesy, they did just have sex after all. “Be a dear and go fetch our bags.”

“What am I now, your servant?” he snorted.

“If you’re into that kind of things…” she joked. She winked at him in all her naked glory and… really, what else could he have done but go fetch the bags? He also peeked behind the curtain to check no zombies were wandering that way but the whole parking lot was clear.

She didn’t give him much of a choice about the shower. She tried to force him under the spray but he resisted, she tried to drag him but he stood his ground, she struggled to push him which only made him laugh but the second she started kissing him, he lost all common sense and she got her way. The water _was_ freezing and he didn’t linger as much as she did. It didn’t matter much. In a matter of minutes he was covered in her strawberry soap and shampoo and he was cleaner than he had been in months.

He got dressed quickly and went back to the bedroom, grabbing the rifle on the way. The parking lot was still empty, he made sure the talkie was still working and went to lay down on the bed closer to the bathroom, figuring the second bed could be used to slow the zombies if need be.

Effie’s teeth were chattering by the time she got out of the bathroom, fully clothed in clean jeans and a pink top that made him smirk. Only Effie Trinket would wear pink in a zombie apocalypse…

“Boots on the bed, _really_.” she clucked her tongue disapprovingly.

“You will be glad to have your boots on if we’re attacked.” he replied. The rifle was propped against the night table too. Everything to allow them a quick exit if they needed to. Haymitch wasn’t sure he liked being indoor much. The car was one thing, it could move and outrun mostly anything but in this room they would be trapped.

“True, I suppose.” she sighed, toweling her wet hair some more. It was already starting to curl. She disappeared in the bathroom again – probably to hang the towel properly – and when she came back, she looked uncertainly from him to the other bed.

“Do we need to have the ‘it’s just sex, no need to overthink’ talk, sweetheart?” he snorted, tapping the space next to him on the bed. “Come here. We share a bench seat, we can share a bed.”

She seemed a bit relieved and lied down next to him before closing her eyes, delight washing her face. “Can we take the bed with us when we leave?” she asked, before frowning slightly. “Wait… could we stay here?” She turned on her side and propped herself on her arm to study him. “Do you think we could? Perhaps if we’re very careful and…”

“We can’t hold the motel.” he interrupted her before she could get her hopes up. “It’s not secure enough.”

She toyed with the hem of his shirt absent-mindedly. “Will there ever be a location secure enough? We can’t stay on the road forever, Haymitch.”

“Yeah, I know. We should start looking.” He combed her hair with his fingers thoughtfully. They were all thinking about finding a place to settle down, he was sure, but no one wanted to actually suggest it yet. Moving on was what had saved them until then. Moving on was all they knew now. Settling down would be dangerous and for more than one reason. Settling down meant caring about people and caring about people meant getting hurt. “You should go to sleep, I will take watch.”

She hesitated a bit but then she seemed to throw caution to the wind and snuggled against him. She put her head on his shoulder and hooked a leg with his. He wrapped an arm around her for practical reasons only or at least that was what he told himself. It was cold and the shower had been freezing.

“Did I ever tell you how grateful I am to you for helping me when we met?” she whispered after a few minutes.

He couldn’t help but chuckle. “I think the sex covered the thank you part, Princess. Don’t worry about it.”

“I am serious, though.” she insisted, drawing silly patterns on his chest. “I would be dead if it weren’t for you. I want you to know I am grateful. And I am glad you decided to come back.”

“Well… Believe it or not, I was missing your annoying voice.” He touched her chin softly, her lips stretched in a smile and she closed the distance between them for a slow kiss that left him out of breath. “Plus, it would have been a shame to leave all that sexual tension unresolved.”

She giggled and kissed him again. It wasn’t as messy as it had been earlier. It was less frantic, less desperate too… He deepened the kiss, one of his hand sliding under her top just to feel her skin. He loved her skin, it was soft. “You think Finnick and Annie have condoms to spare?” he joked, kissing his way up her jaw to nibble on her earlobe.

“You can’t ask them that!” she protested, whacking his shoulder playfully. “They would know.”

“And what do you believe they think we’re doing?” he chuckled, rolling her top up to kiss her stomach. He regretted not taking his time earlier. She had a body that called to be worshiped. She had the kind of body poets wrote sonnets about, kings started wars for and women envied. He wanted to kiss every inch of her skin until she quivered in need… He didn’t need condoms for that.

“Screaming at each other, probably.” she argued as he popped the button of her jean open, her breathing quickening.

“Well, you’re going to scream, alright, sweetheart.” he winked.

The tapping at the window startled him but he reacted quickly, rolling off Effie and grabbing the rifle before he had even fully realized what was happening. She was no less quick in feeling around for the handgun she had put on the night table. There was a human shape figure behind the curtains. They exchanged a glance and they were moving. Effie buttoned her jeans, put her jacket on and grabbed their bags while he approached the window warily.

A peek was enough to reveal Johanna, bags on and axe in her hand. She gestured at him to be quiet and to let her in so he did, pushing the dresser out of the way as silently as he could.

“We have mutts on our hands.” she said, as soon as the door had closed behind her.

 

%MCEPASTEBIN%


	8. Chapter 8

It was bad.

Effie didn’t need anyone to tell her that.

The motel room was too small for the group of people and the tension was rising a notch every two minutes. Johanna and Haymitch had used the talkie to warn the others and they had all regrouped in their room. Peeta, Gale and Finnick were sitting on the bed she and Haymitch almost had sex on and she couldn’t help but blush every time she glanced that way. And that was nothing compared to the way her heart raced each time her eyes wandered to the bathroom door.

“We wait for daylight.” Gale argued. “It’s stupid to try taking mutts down by night. They may not have seen us.”

“They’ve seen us alright.” Haymitch snorted, from his place by the window. “They’re circling the cars. They’re cutting our retreats.”

The two mutts Johanna had glimpsed had turned into six. They were easily recognizable, they shuffled a lot less than other zombies and there was a sort of spark in their eyes. They didn’t look as dead and they moved much quicker too.

“Does that mean they hunt in packs?” Katniss wondered out loud. “Would they _actually_ work together?”

“Not a pleasing thought.” Annie replied, coming to sit next to Finnick. “I need pleasing thoughts.” He put an arm around her shoulder and held her close, dropping a kiss on her forehead.

“It doesn’t matter.” Finnick said. “There are six of them and nine of us.”

“Yeah, you’re counting the kid?” Haymitch snorted, nodding to Prim who was sleeping soundlessly next to Katniss on the second bed.

“We don’t have enough guns.” Johanna added, from where she was leaning on the wall, not far from Effie. “Most of them are still in the cars and I don’t fancy an up-close fight with those ones.”

They weren’t lacking on weapons but had exactly five guns between them all. Haymitch’s rifle, her handgun, Annie, Gale and Peeta all had a gun. Johanna had her axe and the cutlass Haymitch had borrowed earlier, Finnick had his harpoon and a set of knives.

“Katniss, Haymitch and me are the best shots.” Gale said. “Two each. It’s doable.”

“Yeah and what do we do when all the zombies from zombiewoods come knocking on the door?” Haymitch retorted, obviously fed up by the discussion. “ _That’s_ why it was a stupid idea to stop here.”

His hands were shaking, Effie noticed. He had finished his bottle of whiskey, the others were in the car.

“Your ‘I told you so’ is duly noted but not very useful, Haymitch.” Peeta sighed. “Do you have a better plan?”

Haymitch rubbed his face and let the curtain fall down. “No.” he admitted. “We wait for daylight. Johanna, you will take Prim, we will need Katniss focused on her Robin Hood act.”

“Stop with the references, already.” Katniss snapped.

“Let’s settle down for the night.” Finnick suggested. “We will take turns on watch duty.”

“I will go first.” Effie offered. It was her first contribution to the discussion and Haymitch threw her a worried glance. She forced herself to smile.

“Count me in.” Johanna sighed. “We will wake Katniss and Peeta in two hours.”

“I can do it.” Haymitch and Finnick said at the same time but Johanna glared at them.

“You’ve both been driving all day, you’re sleeping _now_ or I’m knocking you out.” she threatened. “You’re no good to us if you can’t focus.”

It took several minutes before everyone found a place to sleep; Gale took the floor between the two beds, Haymitch sat with his back to the wall and Peeta laid down between the bed Prim and Katniss were sharing and the wall. Johanna perched herself on the dresser boarding the door, leaving to Effie the task of looking out the window.

She could barely see the shapes circling the cars like sharks in the darkness but they were all there and accounted for.

“So, was it good?” Johanna asked once the snoring and the deep breathing were the only sounds in the room.

“I beg your pardon?” Effie blinked, taking her eyes away from the mutts to glance at Johanna. The younger woman looked smug.

“The sex.” Johanna clarified with obvious amusement. “Was it worth being eaten by mutts?”

“I… We…” she stammered. “This is _very_ inappropriate.”

“Inappropriate sex?” Johanna laughed. “Kinky. Do tell.”

“You’re mocking me.” Effie realized, glaring at her. “Why do you always insist on being so aggravating?”

“Nothing better to do.” she shrugged. “And you looked like you’ve just been shagged out of your mind which makes me jealous by the way. Finnick and Annie are obviously having vanilla sex but Haymitch, now… I’m sure he is…”

“Could you not?” Effie hissed. She looked around but everyone seemed to be asleep or, at least, had the delicacy to pretend.

“Are we jealous, Trinket?” Johanna chuckled. “Maybe I should try my luck with Haymitch…”

Effie had a hard time deciding if Johanna was serious or not. She was most probably taunting, she teased Annie about stealing Finnick away all day long and did the same with Gale, Peeta and Katniss but… Effie didn’t like it. What right did she have to protest however? Haymitch had never hinted that he wanted anything more than sex. She had no right to claim him as her own…

“Maybe you should focus on keeping watch, Jo.” Finnick said firmly.

Effie startled but Johanna didn’t even flinch. “Didn’t I say I would knock you out?”

“You can try.” Finnick grumbled before starting to mutter “I will give you vanilla…”

Effie went back to watching the parking lot. She frowned, adjusting her grip on the handgun. “There are two missing.”

“What?” Johanna hopped down from the dresser and took her place by the window. “ _Shit_. She’s right.”

Finnick got up to come and see for himself. There were still four mutts roaming around but Effie didn’t like the way they were looking in the direction of their room. Almost like they were waiting for something.

“Do we wake the others?” she asked uncertainly.

“Do we have a choice?” Johanna barked back.

Haymitch couldn’t have been sleeping very soundlessly because he was on his feet quicker than Gale who had jumped awake at Johanna’s screeching. They didn’t have to warn the others.

The window shattering and Finnick’s yell as he was grabbed from behind was enough warning.

Johanna gripped Finnick’s arm but the mutt was trying to drag him through the window. Effie was standing right there but she stayed frozen in her spot. Gale pushed her out of the way and shot in the mutt’s head.

They managed to get Finnick back inside.

“Back! Back!” Haymitch ordered, clasping Effie’s arm and pushing her behind him, near the bathroom. The front door was bulging : the mutts were throwing themselves at it like rabid dogs. Johanna and Finnick – who looked worse for the wear – put their weight against it but Effie could tell it wouldn’t hold.

Prim was screaming. Katniss shouted at Annie to take her sister as she notched an arrow, standing on the bed, bow at the ready.

Effie’s palms were clammy, she couldn’t hold the gun correctly. Peeta seemed to have the same problem but he still aimed his gun at the door, like Gale and Haymitch were doing. The broken window remained clear as if the mutts had understood they would be shot on sight.

They were all so focused on the banging on the door they barely heard the crash in the bathroom.

“Oh, fuck!” Gale said, swinging his gun around at the same time as Haymitch. “Was there a window in there?”

“There’s a vent on the roof.” Katniss said with a curse. “There was one in our room too.”

“A little help here.” Johanna panted, digging her feet in the ground to keep the door closed.

“If we die because you wanted a bed, I’m going to be _pissed_.” Haymitch growled, signaling them to regroup in the middle of the room.

In that second, the priority of each one of them became very clear. Katniss stayed on the bed, a foot on the night table to steady her aim, standing protectively over her sister who was huddled between the two beds with Annie. Annie was staring at Finnick and only at Finnick, Finnick obviously wanted nothing else but to reach for her and keep her safe himself but he was still trying to stop the mutts from entering. Gale and Peeta both came to flank Katniss, shielding Prim, the two boys exchanged a look and Effie knew they would both go down before anything could come close enough to even _touch_ either of the two sisters. Johanna looked calm and focused, her eyes darted all around the room searching for a solution. As for Haymitch…

Haymitch had taken Gale’s place next to the window but he kept on glancing at Effie in worry.

It was a coordinated attack in the end and that answered Katniss question : they could and _did_ work together.

The bathroom door crashed down just when another mutt tried the window. It grabbed the end of Haymitch’s rifle with dead rotting fingers and pushed it aside just when one of the bathroom mutts lunged itself at Effie.

She pulled the trigger twice, the thing went down only to be replaced by another one. She wasn’t quick enough for that and she stumbled back, falling hard on her backside, she scrambled back and soon enough found herself back to back with Haymitch who was still struggling to get the rifle out of the thing’s dead fingers. The mutt kept advancing on her, there wasn’t enough room, there wasn’t enough space…

“I can’t shoot!” Gale yelled “Effie’s too close.”

“Katniss!” Finnick barked.                                                

Effie raised her gun but Gale was right, she couldn’t shoot. If she missed, any of them would take the bullet. It was too risky.

“I have no range!” Katniss screamed in defeat “Haymitch, duck!”

Haymitch let go of the rifle, turned around and ducked, bringing Effie down with him. He covered her with his body so she didn’t see what happened next but she heard the hissing of an arrow flying past and counted at least five gunshots. And then strong hands pulled her up again.

“Are you okay?” Haymitch asked with obvious concern, running his hands down her arms, waist, legs, looking for a wound that wasn’t there. At least she didn’t think it was.

“How many left?” Katniss asked, ready to shoot another time.

There were two dead bodies on the ground next to them. Effie would have retched if her stomach hadn’t been empty. They looked human still. Well… Decaying and dead – dead _dead_ , there wasn’t much left in terms of heads– but they still looked… human. More human than the zombies they had seen until now.

“Two.” Peeta said. “We got four, that leaves two.”

“We let them in and we shoot.” Johanna suggested.

“Bad plan.” Finnick argued. “Stupid, _stupid_ plan.”

“You have a better idea?” she barked back.

“Annie, take Prim, against the wall.” Haymitch ordered before turning her eyes to Effie. “Peeta, cover them.”

The rifle was nowhere to be seen, Effie naturally handed him her gun.

“You keep it.” Haymitch said. “You’re shooting.”

“You’re the best shot.” she argued but he showed her his hands. The tremor was making them shake badly, adrenaline or not.

He didn’t join Annie, Prim and Peeta by the wall, he stayed right behind her. The small part of her mind that was still calm and not completely lost to panic wondered if that was a way to make sure nothing would jump on her back again. He put his hands on her waist for a second and then, after making sure both Katniss and Gale were ready to fire, he nodded to Johanna and Finnick. They both dived at the same time away from the line of fire. Finnick went directly for Annie and Johanna rushed for the axe.

“Deep breaths, sweetheart.” Haymitch whispered to Effie, as the door was slowly pushed opened.

“Deep breaths.” she replied, forcing her breathing to slow down to a more normal rate but her heart kept racing no matter what, blood kept rushing in her ears…

“Window!” Katniss warned. She shot an arrow but the thing was quick and turned its head in the nick of time, the arrow flew past it.

Effie took the shot. She missed.

Gale pulled the trigger but instead of a gunshot there was an empty clicking and a curse. “I’m out of ammos!”

By the time Peeta gave him his own gun, the mutt was inside. Johanna moved as if to swing her axe but Finnick’s cry held her back. There wasn’t any room for that kind of fighting, she would just be in the middle of the fray.

Effie breathed in and out, adjusted her stance like her instructor had showed her so long ago and then fired the gun. Clean shot. Right through the head. The mutt fell down.

And the door finally opened enough for the last one to slip through. It didn’t go far. It wasn’t even totally in when Johanna crushed his head with her axe.

They all stood there panting for several excruciating seconds and then Johanna started laughing in relief and almost everybody joined in. Some were hugging, other crying… Effie leaned against Haymitch, eyes closed, but he didn’t hold her, he didn’t try to comfort her or just enjoy the fact that they were still alive, he went to the broken window and let out a string of curses.

“Okay, to the cars.” he said. “ _Now_.”

There were zombies everywhere outside, stumbling and crawling out of the woods, probably alerted by all the noise. They hadn’t reached the parking lot yet but once they did… Haymitch grabbed the rifle that had fallen through the window on his way and propelled Effie forward, they ran for the truck. She thought they wouldn’t succeed. She thought a zombie would grab one of them and that would be it.

Annie reached her truck first, quickly pushing Prim inside and starting the car. Katniss screamed for her sister but Gale dragged her to Johanna’s car because it was nearer. Peeta hurried after them.

Effie didn’t know how she, Haymitch and Johanna managed to get trapped between the motel and the zombies but the second Finnick climbed into Annie’s truck, there were suddenly undead people everywhere. She tried to avoid the zombies’ grabby hands and she eventually lost sight of her friends. She fired the gun because that was all she had but she did it automatically, already convinced she was going to die. She continued pulling the trigger long after the gun was empty, as useless as it was. Someone gripped her wrist and _pulled_. She struggled until she realized it was Johanna. The young woman pressed the cutlass into her hand and ordered her to _keep it together_ \- whatever that meant. Effie wasn’t sure she was still able to comprehend such simple things.

If they managed to get to Haymitch’s truck it was equal part due to sheer luck and to Johanna’s ability to clear a path with an axe.

“Haymitch.” Effie said, once Johanna had pushed her on the back seat and slid behind the wheel. There were zombies everywhere, pressing their ugly faces against the windows. “We can’t leave without…”

Two zombies were flung aside, the door next to her opened and closed quickly after he had climbed in. “ _Go_!” he barked at Johanna and she did. Speeding up, hitting as many zombies as she could as if it was a game of bowling.

They were at the rear again, Effie noticed distractively, the others had already left the zombie crammed parking lot behind. Not that she cared. She could only stare at Haymitch in horror, he was covered in blood from head to toes. It was fear, a deep uncontrollable fear, that pushed her to rip the shirt open, to roam her hands over sweaty but otherwise whole skin.

“Hey, kept it PG back there.” Johanna warned over her shoulder. “I’ve seen enough horrors for today.”

Effie didn’t listen, she just touched and touched until she was sure he wasn’t hurt. Chest, arms, cheeks, back… She couldn’t find a wound but there must have been one because…

“Effie, it’s not my blood.” he told her calmly, clasping her hands in his to stop her frantic search. “I’m okay.”

She let out a shaky breath she didn’t know she had been holding. He cupped her cheek, his thumb wiping something off her skin. She didn’t want to know what it was exactly, she only had to look down to realize she was covered in blood and gore too. Her pink top wasn’t pink anymore.

“Are you hurt?” he asked gently, brushing her hair out of her face. She shook her head no although she couldn’t feel anything at all anywhere. They never had such a close call before. Never. It had always been a few zombies here and there, nothing they couldn’t handle but there, for an actual second, Effie had been _so sure_ they were all going to die. They had grown too confident. “Johanna?”

“I’m fine.” Johanna replied.

“Thank you.” Effie said, reaching out to touch Johanna’s shoulder hesitantly. “You saved me. Thank you.”

The young woman shrugged it off as nothing. “We lost the bags. We will need to stop for more supplies.”

“We need a camp.” Haymitch sighed, slumping back. “The kid in a fight? It’s a mistake. She will get herself killed and every one of us with her. Annie isn’t of much use either in a thick fight and Peeta is better at drawing trees than shooting guns. We need to get organized.”

“Moving works well enough.” Johanna argued. “We stand still one night and we get attacked. Now you want to settle down?”

“That motel was a stupid idea from the start.” he grumbled. “We need a secure location but, yeah, I want to settle down. We’re past the first stage now.”

“What do you mean the first stage?” Effie asked quietly.

Grey eyes stared at her. “I mean the stage where everyone tries to survive the confusion. It’s been long enough. Most people have probably gathered in small groups and are busy getting their hands on all the food, water, medicine and whatever you need and stocking it up somewhere safe. Surviving the zombies was the easy part, now we need to _stay_ alive.”

“What you really mean is we need to hoard on everything we can find.” Johanna deduced. “Take more than we actually need just in case.”

“Yeah.” Haymitch confirmed, buttoning his shirt back on. It made Effie want to tear it away all over again. She hated the sight of blood on him. “It won’t be summer forever too. We can’t live in the cars. We need to plan.”


	9. Chapter 9

**_ 9\.  _ **

“You’ve been quiet.” Haymitch observed, leaning against the living-room door frame.

Effie was standing in front of the fireplace mantle, fingers ghosting over the numerous picture frames on display.

They had found the farm by chance and had decided to try settling there because it seemed a better option than driving pointlessly. It was surrounded by a fence, the house itself was defensible and even though none of them knew anything about farming or crops, Katniss had figured they could always try to grow some vegetables close to the house. The farm was situated an hour from the nearest town – which was full of zombies but no mutts to be seen and they would take zombies over mutts any day – close enough for scavenger hunts if need be. None of that had helped the farm inhabitants of course… Finnick, Katniss, Johanna and him had to take care of that little problem but it was too good of an opportunity to miss because of four dead zombies roaming the house. The farm had wells which meant running water and, of course, independent generators with enough oil to last a while. It wasn’t perfect but it would do very nicely for now. As to why the farmers hadn’t managed to hold the farm… The lack of guns in the house was a good explanation. They must have been taken unaware when the virus had first started to spread.

And that would have been a shame to let such a potentially good lair go unused.

“They were people. All those zombies, they were people once. Like us.” she said softly, picking up a picture to show him. “I forgot.”

He walked closer and took the frame from her, placing it back on the mantle after an inquisitive glance. “What’s going on with you, sweetheart?” he asked quietly.

It wasn’t just her though, it was the whole group. There was a whole new tension that left them all unsettled.

The motel had shifted moods as if that particular attack had made everything seem more real all of a sudden. If someone had told Haymitch he would have ever missed Taylor Swift, he would have laughed for three days straight and yet… Prim had been very withdrawn since the attack and Katniss never wandered more than two feet away from her. Effie too had been uncharacteristically quiet, still insisting on wearing silly clothes and putting on make-up every day but they all felt she did it in an attempt at normalcy rather than her love for sparkling pretty stuff. She had stayed close to his side during those last few days, always fretful when he disappeared for too long from her line of sight but she hadn’t said much and that was what was worrying Haymitch. Since the motel, she hadn’t filled the truck with her chatter, hadn’t tried to talk his ear off, hadn’t really replied to his attempts at banter and let each of his gibes glide on her like he hadn’t even opened his mouth. Worse, he couldn’t tell if that was from the actual attack or from what had happened in the bathroom right before that.

She hadn’t tried anything since that day, no kissing, no snuggling… She didn’t seem to be comfortable if he strayed too far from her but she didn’t seem interested in more either… Haymitch was confused.

“I’m scared.” she confessed.

“No reason.” he lied. “We will board up the ground floor, set up some rules… We should be fine at least for a little while.”

“But not forever.” she sighed, glancing back at the photos on the mantel. Haymitch made a mental note to remove them as soon as possible. They didn’t need the daily reminder that they were living in someone else’s home even if those people were long dead. Now they needed to settle down, keep the spirits up, find a way to live again as normally as possible.

“No.” he admitted. “Not forever.”

She looked down, obviously mulling over something. Haymitch could hear the loud banging of Peeta’s hammer in the distance as they started boarding windows, Johanna was shouting for some reason and he even thought he heard Prim’s distinctive laughter. That was good news.

“I would like you to do something for me but I don’t know how exactly you request that sort of thing from someone you don’t know that well all things considered.” she whispered, folding her arms over her chest as a protection of sort. She had tied her hair in a complicated bun and some tendrils framed her face, it brushed against her cheeks every time she moved and he had to fight the urge to tuck them behind her ears.

“Well, we had sex.” He didn’t know why he chose to bring that up at that particular moment. It would probably have been smarter to let that problem rest for now. “We know each other _quite_ well in my book.” She was surely the first person he had bothered getting to know in a while and the one he cared for most in their little group. “What is it, sweetheart?”

She took a deep breath and he knew that whatever it was she was so uncertain about asking, it wouldn’t be good or easy or anything he would care to do.

“I want you to kill me.”

The words rang out in the room and drowned any exterior noise.

“What?” Maybe he had heard her wrong. Maybe she had said ‘kiss’ and not ‘kill’ even if that didn’t make any sense either because she had certainly never showed any reservation about taking anything she wanted.

Her eyes widened slightly. “No! I don’t meant…” She winced. “I apologize I am not making much sense. I mean if we ever get to the point where…” She fell silent and sighed, obviously frustrated with inability to express herself. “Don’t let me become a monster.”

Oh. _That_.

“Never.” he swore. This was a promise he could afford to make.

“Oh, good.” she smiled, relieved. “I thought you would be harder to convince.”

“Then you really don’t know me much.” he snorted.

“Did they decide on rooms yet?” she asked curiously, lifting her head to stare at the ceiling. Sounds tended to reverberate in the house and they could hear the footsteps of whoever was upstairs.

“Yeah.” That hadn’t been too difficult to figure out. Johanna had claimed the barn adjacent to the house, the first floor had obviously been used as a bedroom at some point, there was a bed, a dresser full of boy clothes, a TV and some other things. Finnick and Annie had taken the master bedroom because their status as a ‘couple’ apparently gave them the first pick – although Prim had argued that Haymitch and Effie were a couple too but that had resulted in an awkward silence and an even more awkward denial on his part. The sister had taken the guestroom and the boys had put their stuff in what had obviously been the kids room because it had bunk beds and lots of toys. “You got the small room, sorry.” And when he said small, he meant small. There wasn’t much space in the room except for the single bed and the wardrobe…

“It’s alright.” She frowned. “Where are _you_ staying then?”

“I told them I’m okay with the couch.” he shrugged.

“Nonsense.” She clucked her tongue disapprovingly. “The youngest should have left you a bed. Common courtesy. Have they no manners?”

“I didn’t fancy sharing with one of them.” He rolled his eyes. “I don’t sleep anyway. The couch is good.”

“Even so.” she huffed, already storming out of the living-room. He didn’t bother going after her, certain that the teenagers were in for a told-off of epic proportions.

It didn’t take long for all of them to fall into a welcomed routine. A mere two weeks after they had first set foot at the farm, they had all found their place thanks to Effie’s obsessive tendencies. They hadn’t been two days in that place that she had already declared they couldn’t afford to live in chaos and had come up with a bunch of schedules Haymitch hadn’t taken into account once, except for the time she had threatened to make him eat them if he disrupted them again. She had assigned them all precise tasks that were to be completed by certain hours; she was very happy with her system but, really, they were all swapping behind her back because some people were better at some tasks than others.

Cooking and general use of the kitchen had fallen to Peeta, Katniss and Gale were trusted with hunting and gathering whatever they deemed edible, Johanna’s responsibility belonged to wood chopping although she did take some watch duty too, as for Haymitch and Finnick, they roamed the grounds every day to make sure no zombies or mutts would come close to the house. Effie was overseeing the whole thing and tending the small patch of vegetables they had saved from the crops and relocated closer to the house with the help of Annie and Prim – or, more likely, as she knew nothing about gardening, she tried to help and got underfoot. She had also decided a zombie apocalypse was no excuse to get behind on one’s education and had asked Annie to take charge of lessons for the kids – which the teenagers had just _loved._ Gale claimed to never have been so glad to be of age, Peeta and Katniss had bargained for lesser hours once they had realized Effie wasn’t kidding. Prim hadn’t been that lucky and was now in class most of the day under Annie’s watchful eyes which was probably the only reason Katniss consented to leave her side at all.

Bringing the bottle of whiskey to his lips – one of his last, he would need to catch some when they went for a raid in a few days – Haymitch mused that life, right at that very second, was pretty sweet despite the threat of imminent death and Johanna’s screaming in the distance. That woman had very powerful lungs, she was having a row with Gale about whatever nonsensical thing he had said to her during a dinner Haymitch hadn’t bother to attend. They were in the kitchen and he was in the back seat of his truck, granted he was parked not far from the house but still _... Impressive lungs._

Haymitch wasn’t dealing so well with the ‘life in community’ part.

He got why Johanna decided to live in the barn even if it wasn’t as safe as the house and why she spent most of her time either lumbering down trees or chopping woods they wouldn’t need for weeks yet. The house was always full of noise, when the boys weren’t arguing – and to be honest the boys were arguing _a lot more_ now that their lives weren’t in immediate danger – the girls were slamming doors. Effie tried to put some order into that but as Johanna so unkindly – although rightly – put it one night, she wasn’t their mother which was lucky because Haymitch had caught some of the looks the boys were throwing Effie’s way and were she their mother it would have been downright incestuous.

Annie and Finnick were alright, he supposed, they were easy to live with in the sense that they mostly kept to themselves but seeing them walking hands in hands, whispering sweet nothings in each other’s ear and softly kissing when sitting on the front porch was hard for Haymitch. It reminded him of another time, of what he had with a girl who had died so long ago her face had blurred in his memory, it was the stab of a knife in a wound that had never really healed. It was their innocence he really envied, their calm certitude that they were made for each other and would forever be together no matter what… It was all ridiculous, all the more so in the world they were living in, but they believed and that was both beautiful and heart-breaking to witness.

And of course, there was Effie. They danced around each other, not actually knowing where they stood and adding tension to the already volatile mix. There never seemed to be a good time either to clear the air – and by clear the air, Haymitch meant pinning her to whatever wall was nearer because he would face a zombie before he started talking feelings – or to just simply let out some steam. Someone was always trailing after one of them or asking things or waiting for them to find a solution to every damn problem in their life…

Haymitch was used to his solitude. He had always been a bit of a loner but after he lost his family he had been living like a hermit for years. Being surrounded by people _all the time_ was a brand new kind of nightmare. A person, a single person, at a time was okay but eight other people circling around him, chatting, laughing, invading _his_ space? Bad. Really, _really_ bad. He was snapping at everybody and being mean for no good reason at all, he realized that.

He spent more and more time in his car lately, neglecting the couch for the back seat. He was used to sleeping in the truck, nothing new there. Sometimes, he toyed with the idea of just… driving away. Not that he would, of course. He wasn’t that much of a coward and he wouldn’t abandon people who were relying on him… Even if people who had relied on him in the past had generally ended in a grave and he a bit more broken with each death.

He wasn’t particularly surprised to hear the front door slamming shut or to see Johanna stomping away in the night toward the barn. He slumped down on the seat, staring at the truck’s ceiling and wondering what he was even doing there. If he hadn’t come back for Effie… His whiskey was half gone and he was feeling the pleasant buzz of tipsiness he didn’t get to experience often enough those days. The necessity to ration alcohol didn’t help his mood nor his temper, without alcohol he couldn’t sleep properly, without sleep his body was exhausted and when Haymitch was exhausted, he was usually snappish.

He almost startled when the dark figure appeared by the opposite window but his racing heart slowed down quickly once he realized it wasn’t a zombie. Zombies didn’t know how to open car doors and they certainly didn’t wear electric blue blouses.

“Drinking alone in your car in the dark.” Effie tilted her head. “Not very clever, is it? You do realize there is an apocalypse going on out there?”

“Says the woman wearing high heels and clownish make-up.” he smirked.

She whacked his feet away from the seat and he obliged, scooting over until they were both sitting side by side in the car like they had been so often in the last few months. He didn’t know how long it had been exactly, days tended to fuse together now.

“So.” he said, when she remained silent. “What brings you to my truck on this fine night?” She snatched the bottle from his hand and brought it to her lips. “My booze, then.” he snorted. “What’s the matter, sweetheart? You’re unhappy with your army of suitors?”

She frowned and handed him back the whiskey. “What do you mean?” He rejoiced in her straightforwardness. He missed it. She was different when they were with the whole group, more guarded, always careful to keep up a cheerful smile and an oblivious face. Never with him, though.

“I mean the boys drooling after you.” he smirked. “You know, you could go in that house and have any of them, right now. I bet all you would have to do is snap your fingers.”

She tilted her head and pinched her mouth disapprovingly, obviously annoyed. “Please, Haymitch, don’t be vulgar. Peeta and Gale are babies. I’m older than I look.”

He took a swing of whiskey and propped himself with his back against the door so he could watch her properly. “Finnick isn’t.”

Even in the dark he could see her blush. “Finnick is in love with Annie.”

“Doesn’t stop him from checking your ass every time you turn your back on him.” Haymitch replied.

“And you don’t?” There was a challenge in her voice he was only too happy to take up.

“Well, it’s a two millions insured ass, Princess…” he retorted. “You can’t blame a guy for staring.”

Her lips twitched in amusement but she kept a stern face. “Please, kindly refrain from saying that kind of things about Finnick. I don’t want any trouble with Annie. As for the boys, you know how in love they both are with Katniss…”

“Love… Lust…” he waved his bottle around to make his point. “Two very different things.”

“Is it?” she mused.

“Yeah.” he insisted, taking another gulp of whiskey. “Very different.”

She pried the bottle away from his grip and propped it down carefully on the front seat to make sure it wouldn’t spill and then she slid a leg across his lap so she was straddling him. His hands shot for her waist instinctively. “I disagree.” she told him. “I think it’s a lot more complicated than that.”

“I don’t want complicated.” he reminded her, tucking the blouse away from her jean and removing the gun pressed against the small of her back while he was at it. He dropped it on the front seat with the one he had been carrying.

“And yet you came back.” she whispered, brushing her lips against his ear. Her mouth trailed down his jaw and nibbled on his neck, teeth scraping his stubble. “Love and lust aren’t so different. Perhaps I should prove you wrong.”

He kissed her to shut her up. He didn’t want to think about that, mainly because he was afraid she _would_ prove him wrong and he didn’t think he would ever be ready to face that. Love wasn’t something he had let himself consider for years now and he didn’t think the middle of a zombie apocalypse was a good time to start. He slipped his hands under her blouse, sighing happily in her mouth when he felt her skin under his fingers. In another time, another life now, he was sure he would never have let her leave his bed, they would have spent days in a bedroom just having sex, fighting, bantering and having sex some more. He wished they had time to do that properly. She deserved better than a quicky in a bathroom or in a car like it meant nothing. Despite all his speeches about lust and complicated relationships, he wasn’t foolish enough to think what they were doing didn’t matter. It wasn’t just sex. There was a spark there, something more.

“Why now?” he asked, when she unbuckled his belt with shaky hands before taking a condom out of her pocket. She had come prepared, then. It was planned not a spur of the moment thing. “It’s been weeks.”

“I need you.” she simply said, wriggling out of her jeans clumsily. It made her laugh. “Not very sexy. I used to be good at this.”

He didn’t laugh with her. He cupped her cheek and drew her in a kiss that left him breathless. “Dangerous business, needing me.” he mumbled against her lips. “You know who survive that kind of world? Loners.”

But then she slid on him and his head feel back in bliss. It felt like his brain exploded. She set the pace – and wasn’t that a perfect metaphor for the way things had been between them from the start – rocking them slowly. It was a difficult rhythm to follow when he wanted to grab her, pin her down under him and make her scream his name but he respected her wish. His hands roamed everywhere on her skin, stroking and clenching in turn. She moaned incoherently and slumped against him, forgetting any idea of restraint.

“Can’t we be loners together?” she whimpered.

“Yeah?” he panted, trying to keep his cool, to make it last this time because the first time had been embarrassing enough. “What do we do with the others? We left them behind? Your boys will be heartbroken.” The memory of Gale checking her out as he passed behind her that morning came back full force and he couldn’t help himself. Her neck was right there, in front of his eyes, and for a tiny second, he understood the urge the zombies had to bite. Her fingers dug painfully into his shoulders when he nibbled on her skin probably more forcefully than was enjoyable but he wanted to leave a mark. He wanted Finnick, Gale and Peeta to know she was out of bounds even if it was only an innocent peek. She was _his_.

And wasn’t that a sobering thought…

“Haymitch…” she begged and then it was over. He didn’t know who came first, possibly she did and he followed or he did and that was her undoing…

She clung to him as she recovered, burying her face in his neck, pressing soft kisses against his skin. Haymitch held her tight, almost wishing the moment could go on forever. The windows and windshields were clouded over, they were covered in sweat and sticky in some places but it was strangely perfect.

Until someone knocked on the window.

She bolted from his arms and quickly pulled up her underwear and jeans, flushing crimson. Haymitch was slower to arrange his clothing, equally lazy, tired and annoyed by the intrusion.

The door opened on Peeta whose cheeks were just as red as Effie’s. “I’m _so_ sorry.” the boy mumbled awkwardly looking everywhere but at them. “We’re a bit low on some supplies, we were talking about going to town… Johanna is back in the kitchen, she said… Well, we could use your input, Haymitch.”

“What about my boot kicking your ass?” he grumbled.

“Language, Haymitch.” Effie chided him, still not looking anyone in the eye. “We will be right there, Peeta.”

Haymitch closed the door again as soon as the boy started walking back toward the house and kissed her hard. Her lips were already swollen and abused from previous kisses but she yielded to him without a fight, deepening the kiss.

“See?” he said, dropping kisses on her cheek and neck with special care for the spot he had bitten a bit too harshly. “That’s why I hate people. We could do that all night.”

“You are aware that I have a bed, aren’t you?” she asked, breathless again. “In a room with an actual lock instead of a couch in an open space… I was waiting for you to join me. Every night I thought you would but you never did.”

He stopped exploring her skin long enough to look at her in the eyes. So pretty blue eyes… He could get lost in them if he didn’t pay attention. “You should have said, sweetheart, I was waiting for you to invite me.”

“Miscommunication.” She grabbed his neck and kissed him senseless. “Let me clarify : you are welcome into my bed. Any time it strikes your fancy.” He was the one who kissed her this time. Her offer would probably make living in community a bit easier. He nearly tore her blouse off in his need to feel her again. She was like a drug, he was high on her…

The car door opened without any knocking this time and Effie gasped in shock either at the cool air or at being exposed in such an intimate setting. Johanna didn’t seem impressed by what she saw.

“Could you get your asses in the kitchen and focus for five minutes before I kill one of those idiots?” she asked in her familiar angry tone of voice. “I’m doing you a favor, Trinket, you’ve been at it for almost an hour. You need to stop before you break your toy, he’s not a young man anymore.”

She left before either of them could say anything.

Haymitch let his head fall on Effie’s shoulder. “I _hate_ people.”


	10. Chapter 10

“You could stay.” Effie whispered as much because the walls were thin as because she wasn’t actually sure of how her offer would be received. “There’s enough room.”

Haymitch didn’t even pause. He put his clothes on as fast as possible like he couldn’t wait to leave her bedroom. It had happened so many times over the last month, she had lost count. It wasn’t what she had meant when she had told him he was welcomed in her bed… He came and went as he pleased, seeking her at odd times, sneaking in her room in the middle of the night… It had been fun at first, fooling around each time the others weren’t looking, hiding like teenagers… Effie had felt young again, more like her old self. Haymitch made her giggle, he made her feel pretty like she used to be, he made her feel…

Well, right now, when he did just what he was doing right then, he made her feel _used_. And it was slowly destroying her.

He always left her room afterwards, sometimes he stayed in her bed for an hour or so but, in the end, he always left. He never spent the night, he never tried to put into words what those moments meant, he never… He didn’t want _complicated_ , she understood that, but she wasn’t sure she could handle stolen moments forever.

She had fallen.

At some point, somewhere along the line, she had fallen for him.

Perhaps as early as the time he had tried to run her over, perhaps when he came back. She wasn’t able to pinpoint it but it happened.

“The couch is fine.” he grumbled, tucking his shirt back into his pants. “’Night, sweetheart.” He dropped a kiss on her forehead before quietly closing the door behind him. She sat naked in a bed that smelt like him, sheets pooling on her lap and she was seized with the sudden urge to cry.

She didn’t.

Crying was dangerous. There were so many things to cry for she hadn’t bothered to mourn that she was sure once she started she’d never stop. She didn’t fall asleep either. She laid down in her bed and waited for the hours to pass until it was late enough that no one would ask questions if she started her morning routine. She often was the first person up on the farm, long before dawn. She didn’t know if the others managed to rest at night, she heard Annie’s screaming herself awake sometimes, Prim too. Sometimes it was Katniss or Peeta. Finnick, Gale and Johanna didn’t seem to suffer from nightmares but that didn’t mean anything. Haymitch didn’t always scream himself hoarse when he woke up from night terrors. They were all more or less broken in some places.

It was so _easy_ to pretend everything was alright, so _easy_ to fall into the routine she had put in place herself… She sported a bright smile all morning, laughed at one of Finnick’s jokes over breakfast, chided the teenagers when they started bickering, helped Prim braid her hair when she requested it… She felt needed and that was good. Haymitch didn’t show at breakfast nor at noon, he had gone for a survey walk with Johanna from what she was told. She felt a bit hurt that he hadn’t thought of informing her himself but that was his way so she busied herself with other tasks like she did every day.

Everything ran smoothly. Gale had gone hunting, Finnick was outside checking that the fence surrounding the property was still holding and Prim was in the living-room, working on an assignment Annie had left for her. Effie spent a few minutes in their makeshift garden, just to make sure everything was alright with their growing vegetables – she couldn’t wait to eat healthy again, the canned vegetables just weren’t as good – and went back into the house, wondering what to do with herself now that all her daily tasks were complete. If she was totally honest with herself, she could admit to being bored out of her mind.

She missed her glamorous life. She missed how easy it had all been and how stupid she had been to take all that for granted. She missed fighting with her rivals over a photoshoot or another. She missed her mother’s voice delivering blunt comments on the phone every Sunday. She missed her father’s kind eyes. She missed her penthouse apartment in Washington and she missed her house in L.A. She missed having people to take care of her laundry, cooking and cleaning. She missed not being afraid _all the time_ that today would be the day she would die. She missed when men threw themselves at her feet and didn’t make her chase after them. She missed the simplest times when she broke heart instead of putting hers on the line…

She heard the laughter as soon as she stepped into the house. Katniss’ and Peeta’s muffled voices talking in the kitchen, some clearer chuckles and outright mirth on the boy’s part… Probably the reason why Gale had insisted on going in the woods: Katniss was spending more and more time with Peeta lately, obviously enjoying his company. Effie had overheard the two boys talking one night after a particularly mean fight between the two, it was sad to watch them because somewhere along the line, they had become friends in spite of everything. She hadn’t meant to eavesdrop but she had heard Gale telling Peeta there was no use fighting over Katniss because the girl would choose whoever she felt she needed most. She was a survivor, Gale had said, always had been and always will be. Peeta had argued that, surely, she needed Gale most given that he could keep her and Prim safer than Peeta would ever be able to but Gale had replied, a bit dejectedly, than Katniss could protect them and that wasn’t what she needed. She needed someone to keep her sane, to keep her grounded, to keep her human in short.

_And didn’t they all?_ , Effie mused.

She bypassed the kitchen entirely, leaving the teenagers to their fun and climbed up the stairs. She was feeling out of sort and was almost glad to hear the sobs echoing from the first floor bathroom. Not that she was glad that someone was crying but because it gave her something to do, a purpose. She very much needed that.

She knocked on the bathroom door quietly. “Is everything alright?” She did a mental check of who was where. The sobs perceptibly belonged to a woman. Katniss was in the kitchen, she had glimpsed Prim in the living-room on her way up so it left either Johanna or Annie. It was possible that Johanna had came back to the house without any of them being the wiser but crying in a bathroom wasn’t really her style. It left Annie. “Annie? Dear? Open the door, please.”

It wasn’t uncommon either for Annie to break down in tears at random times. It had happened less and less since they were living at the farm but it _did_ occasionally still happen. She had witnessed terrible things, she was haunted. Effie could rally behind that.

There was some shuffling in the bathroom and then the noise of the key being turned in the lock. By the time Effie stepped in the room, Annie had already gone back to sitting with her back to the tub, hiding her face behind her hands. Effie hesitated for a second or two. She wasn’t very close to Annie – shockingly, she thought, she was closer to Johanna – Annie tended to keep to herself and never talked much about her former life. What little Effie knew was what she had witnessed : the younger woman was a gentle soul, someone who was tender and caring and maybe not totally equipped to deal with the kind of brutality this new world had to offer. She cringed each time she had to pull the trigger, she looked back wistfully at the corpses of zombies… Annie had a will to survive despite the odds or she wouldn’t still be alive, Effie was sure of it, but perhaps she was too innocent.

“Do you want me to find Finnick for you?” Effie asked, uncertain. Finnick always knew what to say to calm her down or to comfort her…

“No!” Annie refused, almost yelling. “You… You can’t tell him, Effie.” The laughter had stopped ringing in the house and Effie waited, the length of a heartbeat, for Peeta’s soft voice to echo again just to be sure they hadn’t been alarmed. It was Katniss who spoke next but it was in her usual abrupt way not in the tone she used when they were under attack. Effie closed the door quietly, sensing that the matter – whatever it was – would be better kept between them.

She sat next to Annie and wrapped her arms around her, unable to see her hurting by herself and do nothing about it. Johanna often joked that she acted like an overprotective mother with everyone and maybe she did, but Annie never rejected her advices or her company. The younger woman rested her head on Effie’s shoulder gratefully.

“What is troubling you?” Effie whispered, petting her beautiful hair that waved down to her shoulders. She spared a thought for her faithful hair straightener that was probably still where she had left it, next to the sink, in her house on the other side of the country. She had never liked her hair much, the curls often were untamable and the apocalypse hadn’t done anything to make hairstyling easier.

Annie didn’t answer at once, she went on crying brokenly, so Effie kept on stroking her hair, humming a song she couldn’t place but that she had heard Katniss sing that morning when the girl was taking a shower. It took a long time before Annie managed to calm down. “I’m late.”

Effie would have loved not to understand her meaning at once, to mistake it for an attempt at escaping the small bathroom and going back to her chores but she didn’t. She understood, probably because she had been _very_ careful to prevent that sort of scare herself even though it had been on her mind lately.

“How late?” she asked, willing her voice to remain calm and poised.

A baby would be a catastrophe, as sad as it was to say. None of them had medical experience, none of them had been involved in a pregnancy before, they weren’t equipped to deal with this and those were only the first problems that came to mind…

“About four weeks.” Annie sniffled. “I don’t know exactly. It hasn’t been very regular since…”

“Yes, it could be stress or maybe you need to eat more.” Effie was quick to reassure her. “No need to panic just yet.” Although she was starting to. A bit. “We need to know for sure. You need to take a pregnancy test.”

Annie wiped the tears off her face and tried to stay focused but her lips were still wobbling. “I looked through the cupboards, I didn’t find one.”

Of course, she didn’t. Effie had personally done the inventory of what they had in terms of medicine and relative health care. She hadn’t even found condoms in the house – not that she had been looking for that, she had grabbed every box she had found during a raid before they had even found the farm, she had still two boxes left, she had thought Finnick would have done the same…

“Johanna was talking about going in town in a few days…” Effie thought aloud. “There must be a pharmacy there.”

“I don’t want anyone else to know.” Annie objected. “Finnick should know first if I am… If I am…” She apparently couldn’t bring herself to say the word.

“I will go.” she offered without thinking twice about it. “I need more nail polish anyway. Don’t worry.”

That wasn’t an advice Annie was good at following. For a whole week, she obviously worried herself to death over the matter – not that Effie could blame her – which made Finnick very uneasy because he couldn’t coax the reason of her disquiet out of her. It made it easier for Effie to offer to take his place on the next raid a few days later, nobody questioned it. Well… Nobody except Haymitch.

“I just don’t get why you have to come.” he grumbled, as he drove away from the farm and toward the town.

“We already talked about this.” Effie replied, deeply regretting her decision to team with him. She had climbed in his truck out of habit but the on-going disagreement that had started when she had stated she wanted to go into town with them should have deterred her.

“Yeah, and you’re still not listening to me.” he snapped. He pushed the truck faster in his irritation forcing Johanna to speed up her own car to catch up – they had found a pick-up to replace the little car she had been driving until then. Effie could perfectly imagine the young woman rolling her eyes behind the wheel and throwing a comment about Haymitch’s annoying behavior to Katniss who was sitting next to her.

“Oh, I am listening to you.” Effie sighed, adjusting her ponytail in the sun visor mirror. “And all I hear is inanity upon inanity. I’ve been on raids before, Haymitch. I can defend myself.”

“With a _gun_.” He took a turn a bit abruptly, causing her to clutch the edge of the seat in worry. “You can’t fire in a town full of zombies. You’re no good with a knife.”

She patted the handle of the weapon Johanna had more or less willingly lent her. “It is a cutlass, not a knife.”

“Semantics, sweetheart.” He shot her a death glare. “If you wanted something, you could have given me a list. Gale should be here not you.”

Gale had indeed volunteered too but he had relented to Effie’s request quickly enough once Katniss had argued she would feel better knowing he’d look after Prim while she was out there.

“I can handle myself.” She was _tired_ by that line of conversation. She didn’t understand why Haymitch was so averse to her presence. They had always worked together even when they had first joined the group. If they had to team up, they usually got together to do it. She felt safer with him and he trusted her with a gun. Granted she wouldn’t be able to fire in town and she disliked close encounters with those things but she was positive she could use the cutlass to defend herself if she needed to. Plus, it wasn’t like she would be alone… “We’ve done this countless times before, Haymitch.”

“It was before.” he growled, his fingers tapping an angry rhythm on the side of the wheel.

“Before you figured out you could use me for sex?” she snapped, tasting bitterness and regret on her tongue. “Is that what this is all about? Are you afraid you won’t find anyone else to fuck if I get killed?” His eyes darted to her in surprise at that sort of language but she didn’t even try to hid her sneer. “You shouldn’t worry about that, I’m sure Johanna would be willing. Given the little time you spend with me, you won’t even notice the difference.” She turned her head away resolutely and studied the landscape, blinking away the tears that were threatening to fall.

“Okay.” he said, more calmly. “I’m lost.” He waited a few seconds for an explanation that wasn’t forthcoming and then took a deep breath. “I only meant before stupid slow zombies that were easy to kill turned into vicious mutts.” She remained silent and he grew frustrated. “How am I using you for sex? You make me sound like…”

“I don’t want to talk about it.” she interrupted him.

“Too bad, Princess, ‘cause we are.” he snorted. “You’ve always seemed willing to me. You never said no. You’re the one who came to me in the first place.”

“I thought you cared about me.” She zipped up her red leather jacket and folded her arms. “Obviously I was mistaken.”

“Sure.” He rolled his eyes. “I’m worried about you getting killed today because I don’t care about you at all. Make sense, Effie.”

They passed the first houses of the town. Soon enough, they were in the main street and Haymitch stopped the car. Two zombies at the end of the road immediately started coming their way. Katniss and Johanna had stopped behind them. In a matter of seconds, their friends were out of the car, Katniss’ arrows were flying and the zombies were falling. Effie and Haymitch stayed put in the truck.

“You care about me.” she granted him because she knew it was true to a certain extent. They were friends at least…. “We shouldn’t have started having sex. It was a mistake. It made everything a lot more complicated than it already was.”

“What are you saying?” he frowned, twisting in his seat to study her.

She avoided his eyes, staring at her golden painted nails instead. “You want to be alone, that’s what you’re always telling me : only loners survive. I think you should be. I would say we are over but I’m not so sure we ever even started.”

She moved to open the door but he grabbed her arm. “I don’t get it. We were fine yesterday. If this is because of this _bloody_ raid…”

“I know you don’t get it.” She smiled sadly. “That’s the problem.”

“I just want to protect you, sweetheart.” He squeezed her arm softly.

“Too late.” She shrugged his hand off and got out of the car. Katniss and Johanna were waiting with scowls on their faces, obviously not happy with the bad timing of their heart to heart. “Don’t.” Effie warned when she saw Johanna opening her mouth. The other woman must have seen something flash in her eyes because she uncharacteristically swallowed back her barb.

“How do we do this?” Katniss asked, her eyes scanning the street, ready to let an arrow fly at the smallest sign of danger.

“Johanna and I will take that side of the road.” Effie suggested, gesturing in the direction of the pharmacy. They had long since emptied the grocery shop, they had to scavenge what they could in people houses now.

“You’re staying with me.” Haymitch immediately argued, placing a hand on her shoulder.

Once again, she shrugged it off. “No. I am sorry, I am not. I can’t.” She didn’t know what she was talking about exactly but she was quite sure it wasn’t the mission.  

Katniss and Johanna exchanged a look and then Johanna stepped forward, her axe firmly in her hand. “Come on, Trinket, let’s go.” Effie turned around and started towards the closest house, careful of her surroundings. It would be easy for a zombie or a mutt to jump on them. “I will bring her back in one piece.” Johanna told Haymitch when she passed next to him.

Effie forced herself not to look back. She heard Katniss urging Haymitch to get a grip but she forced herself to focus on the task at hands. Johanna stayed blissfully silent during the first three houses, she also took care of the four zombies they found because Haymitch was right and Effie simply wasn’t just good with physical violence. Johanna, on the other hand, enjoyed it.

“I think that’s everything.” Johanna said, snatching the last canned greens from the pantry. Their bags were threatening to overspill. It was a good haul. “Let’s head back to the cars.”

Effie hesitated for a second about how to approach the subject and then decided there would be no sneaking around Johanna’s back anyway. She had initially planned to simply ask for Haymitch’s help but that had been before he started aggravating her. “I need to go to the pharmacy.”

Johanna barely glanced at her before hauling her backpack on her shoulders. “We already took all the medicine we could. Nothing left.”

“Please.” Effie sighed.

“What for?” she asked suspiciously.

“Nail polish.” Effie lied without batting an eyelash. She could tell Johanna didn’t believe her but the younger woman only rolled her eyes before agreeing with a nod. Haymitch and Katniss were nowhere to be seen, they left their full bags in Johanna’s pick-up and Effie grabbed a smaller backpack from Haymitch’s truck.

The smell of rot and decay inside the pharmacy made her gag but she forced herself to breathe through her mouth. She could see two zombies with their head already crushed laying on the floor.

“Be quick about it.” Johanna ordered, her eyes scanning the shelves. It was quiet. A bit too much for Effie’s tastes. “I have a bad feeling.”

She tried to be subtle but Johanna stayed close to her, her axe half-raised in anticipation, so Effie just grabbed whatever fell under her hands. Lotions, creams, nail polish, nail files…

“Oh, for fuck’s sake!” Johanna grumbled after a few minutes of her awkward fumbling. “Just get your condoms. I’m not stupid.”

Effie blushed but she was actually glad for the excuse. The condoms brought her closer to what she really had her eyes on. She filled the bag with boxes upon boxes of condoms – she made an oath to herself that she would personally see that everyone had at least _two_ boxes and that she would make sure the teenagers knew how to use them – and waited until Johanna had her back turned before she grabbed the pregnancy tests. She got five, just in case.

But not quickly enough.

“Oh, now, you’re _fucking_ kidding me!” Johanna huffed, eyeing her like she was the stupidest person on the planet. “You’re knocked up?”

“I…” she started without any idea of how she could finish this sentence and not betray Annie. She didn’t have to in the end. The mutt who jumped on them saved her from that fate. “Johanna!” she warned, pushing her friend out of the way in the nick of time. Of course, it only meant that the mutt fell on her instead. It had been a man, his flesh had started to rot but his eyes were still grey. Almost the same shade as Haymitch, how ironic was that? That was the last thing that crossed her mind when the thing opened his jaw for a bite.


	11. Chapter 11

“So… Are we talking about it?” the girl asked awkwardly.

Haymitch stopped stuffing their bag with the canned goods they had found in the house they were currently raiding to look at Katniss. She was keeping her bow at the ready, studying their surroundings in case they had missed a zombie going in. It was unlikely though, it was their second house, their bags were already full and they hadn’t seen many zombies on their way.

“Seriously?” he snorted. “ _You_ of all people want to talk feelings?”

The girl made a displeased face but didn’t try to deny it. Haymitch had figured early enough she was a bit like him on that department: rough around the edges. It was part of the reason he liked her so much, they were a lot alike. What he knew about her life before the apocalypse, he had learned mostly from Prim’s chitchat, it hadn’t been a stretch to guess the rest. Their father had died when they were young and her mother had all but given up, leaving Katniss to take care of her sister at a too young age. The girl had clearly never finished grieving even years after her father’s death and Haymitch could relate to that. He could also relate to the desperate will to survive when the odds weren’t in your favor.

“I meant Effie but I’m glad to know that involves feelings.” she barked back. “You two have been fighting non-stop for three days.”

They had been fighting ever since she had announced that she wanted to come along to that raid which was a stupid, _stupid_ idea. They weren’t sneaking in and out of abandoned supermarkets on lonely roads anymore, they were past joking about clothes and nail polish… This had stopped being a joke. Things had changed. If he was honest with himself, things hadn’t changed that much except in his own head. The motel had shifted the way he looked at things. He had been underestimating the threat before that : they had been cocky about the whole killing zombie business and the mutts were another problem entirely. Effie, despite the fact that she could run quickly when she had to and her ability to use a gun, wasn’t equipped to deal with this. She didn’t belong to this world. It was a dark, brutal world where only violence helped you survive and _that_ unfortunately was right in Haymitch’s alley. He could keep her alive but he needed her to cooperate with this goal, not to rush into danger without even pausing to think about it.

“We’re always fighting.” he grumbled.  

“Not like that.” Katniss argued. “It’s disturbing the whole group.”

“Oh, well, I’m _so_ _sorry_ that my personal life is disturbing you, sweetheart.” he snapped.

“Don’t chew my head off, Haymitch. I’m just saying.” she sighed.

“Well, don’t.” he hissed, grabbing the rest of the food and thrusting it in the bags. He didn’t want to talk about Effie, he didn’t even want to _think_ about Effie, just knowing she was on the other side of the street with Johanna for sole protection was making his skin crawl. Not that Johanna wasn’t good… He didn’t trust anyone but himself to protect Effie. If something happened to her and he wasn’t there to stop it…

And what had she been going on about anyway? Her weird comments about him using her for sex… Her barbs about trading her for Johanna… The fact that she actually _believed_ he didn’t care about her when _he had come back for her_ … The sex being a mistake when she had been the one to take that step in their relationship in the first place…

“Does she seem weird to you?” he asked in spite of his reluctance to discuss the matter.

“Yes.” Katniss snickered. “But I’m pretty sure anyone still caring about nail polish during a zombie apocalypse would seem weird to me anyway.”

He rolled his eyes and shouldered the bags. “I meant recently.”

Katniss stopped studying their surroundings to glance at him. “She’s hanging out with Annie a lot.” the girl said. “And she looks sad too. You better do something about that.”

“Well, it would help if you knew _why_ she’s sad, sweetheart.” he mumbled, signaling she should take point.

They got back to the cars without any trouble. The women’s bags were already in the pick-up but they were nowhere to be seen.  

“They probably went back for more.” Katniss suggested with a frown. “It wasn’t the plan.”

That Johanna _and_ Effie didn’t follow a plan didn’t come as a surprise to Haymitch. Both of them were too stubborn for their own good. “ _Fuck_ that.” he cursed, eyeing a welcomed emblem further down the street. “Come on, Katniss, we’re going shopping too.”

He started walking without waiting for her to catch up, barely taking the time to grab an empty bag on his way. The local bar was calling him.

“Haymitch, that’s not a good idea.” the girl warned him but she still followed him.

Something was wrong in the bar, Haymitch sensed it right away. He couldn’t see anything however, no zombies or mutts, but the smell… The smell made his stomach churn. It wasn’t enough to make him turn back though. He was low on liquor. Too low to pass on that kind of opportunity.

“I don’t like this.” Katniss insisted in a rushed whisper. “It’s too calm.”

“Keep alert.” he instructed the teenager. Ignoring her guts on top of his own was probably a mistake he wouldn’t usually have made but he was pissed and worried and he wanted some whiskey. Hell, he wanted enough whiskey that he wouldn’t have to worry about rationing it for the next few days.

Katniss stayed by the door and he hopped – less graciously than he would have liked – behind the bar. He crouched to get a better look at the selection. He was picky about what kind of bottles he put in his bag, only the good stuff. He was busy deciding between a bottle of vodka and a bottle of gin when he heard Katniss releasing the first arrow.

“Haymitch!” the girl warned.

He stood up, took in the scene and stayed frozen for a few seconds. There were ten or so zombies between him and Katniss. How did they get there so quickly?! But he understood the answer easily enough… They weren’t zombies, they were mutts. It explained how they had crept up on them so silently. He shouldered the bags and put his knife through the eye of the first mutt that came at him but a knife against so many… He took out his gun.

“No!” Katniss shouted, letting another arrow fly. “You will alert more of them!” The mutt moved out of the way, the arrow hit it in the shoulder instead of the head.

“Do you have another _fucking_ solution, sweetheart?” he growled. Katniss had her back against the entrance and the mutts were coming at her too quickly. She had almost no range to fire. She was starting to panic, he could tell, and why wouldn’t she? If he didn’t start firing his gun they were screwed and if he fired his gun they were also screwed. Well… _He_ was screwed. There was a nice convenient exit behind her. “Get out of here.”

“What?” she panted, shooting another arrow. A mutt went down. Those things were clever. It didn’t take long for them to figure out she was more likely to kill them than he was. They turned away from her and began to circle him. Haymitch was strongly reminded of hyenas.

“Get the _bloody hell_ out of here.” he told her again, firing his gun for the first time. He could perfectly imagine all the zombies wandering around town turning toward the sound and starting to make their way over.

“Haymitch…” Katniss hesitated. A mutt grew bolder and jumped on her. An arrow in its head took care of that but…

“ _Get out_!” he yelled and pulled the trigger twice in a row. Another mutt down, eight to go and more on the way. Two regular zombies shuffled their feet closer to the door from the other end of the street, Katniss’ face went white when she glanced outside. Not good, then. “Katniss, think about Prim. _Out, now._ ”

She looked torn but, eventually, when another mutt tried to bite her, she shot him a desperate look and then she was fleeing, leaving him alone with a bunch of undead things that refused to stay dead. Haymitch only hoped she would keep it together enough to get Effie to safety.

It was strange how it was the only thing that really seemed important at that point. He knew he was most likely going to die but he couldn’t care less… The only thing he could think about was Effie. He shot down two more mutts which made the others pause to regroup, ordinary zombies were at the door already. He could hear the faint noise of an engine coming to life in the street.

He was dead.

He didn’t stop fighting though.

He would never been able to stop fighting. That was his greatest flaw, he never knew when to just give up and accept the inevitable. It was weird how his mind worked sometimes. At the moment, its prime focus was to find a solution, a way to keep him alive… But at the same time… At the same time he couldn’t get the image of Effie grinning at him out of his head.

There were worse things to think about when you were about to die, he figured.

 


	12. Chapter 12

The edge of Johanna’s axe grazed Effie’s skin when she beheaded the mutt but Effie wasn’t about to complain. She flung the corpse away from her while Johanna made sure there was nothing left of its head. She scanned the rest of the pharmacy for more threats but they seemed to be alone. She wasn’t expecting Johanna to grab her arm and turn her around.

“Did he get you?” she spat tonelessly.

“No. No, I don’t think so. You killed it just in time. Thank you.” Effie replied, placing her hand on her neck and searching for a wound but nothing hurt. Johanna slapped her hand away to have a look for herself, she wasn’t gentle but Effie didn’t protest even when she unzipped her jacket just to be sure.

“You look okay.” she breathed out and, for a second, Effie could see relief flash on her face. “Grab your shit and let’s get out of here.”

They were half-way through the front door when the first gunshot echoed through the otherwise silent town.

“Fuck!” Johanna cursed, glancing at her. “Get your gun. You’re useless with that thing anyway.”

Effie was only too happy to comply. Katniss wouldn’t use her gun, she had her bow and Haymitch… Haymitch wouldn’t use his gun unless it was really _really_ bad and if they were at that point, she would need to be useful. She made sure the bag was safely strapped on her back and then she followed Johanna out the door.

Zombies were coming from everywhere, shuffling out of houses and crawling out of back alleys…

Some of them saw them and Johanna started swinging her axe back and forth, keeping them at bay. Effie didn’t know where to begin shooting. She had limited ammo, she couldn’t very well spend it all at random… “We’re going to the car.” the younger woman ordered.

“But the others…” she immediately started to protest only to be silenced by a glare.

“We’ll get them with the car.” Johanna hissed. “Now, go!”

Two more gun shots from down the street and Effie sprung into action. She knew what Johanna wanted her to do so she started running. Running was easy. She sidestepped zombies, and found the safest way to get to the old pick-up, Johanna on her heels. Fortunately they didn’t see any mutt, only regular zombies that Johanna’s axe was good at slowing down. Effie shot once, when they got close to the car only to have their path blocked by a particularly ugly rotting one. She opened the driver side and crawled to the passenger seat, leaving the wheel to Johanna.

“Haymitch and…” she started again, once the door was closed and they were relatively safe. She didn’t like the amount of zombies banging on the windows, she didn’t think the glass would resist for long.

“Shit, shit, shit.” Johanna cursed, starting the car and running them over. She plowed into the mass of zombies heading to the bar. One of them hit the windscreen and they were blinded. They couldn’t see anything through the cracks. “Smash it!” Johanna ordered and Effie didn’t need to be told twice, she took the cutlass from her belt and banged the windscreen twice, handle first. It smashed.

That was when they saw Katniss running down the street in the direction of the other car, bypassing zombies and letting arrows fly. Gunshots were still coming from the bar.

“Haymitch.” Effie said, unable to understand why Katniss was running away. “Johanna, we need to…” But Johanna had seen Katniss too and instead of continuing on her way to the bar, she swerved to avoid hitting more zombies and followed her. “What are you doing? What are you _doing?_ ” It was obvious what she was doing. Katniss had managed to reach the truck and she had started driving in the opposite direction, out of town. And Johanna was following. “Stop the car!” Johanna ignored her. “Stop the _bloody_ car! We’re not leaving him behind. We’re not….”

“You don’t get it, do you?” Johanna sneered. “If Katniss left him, he’s lost already. Maybe he’s been bitten, maybe he was too injured to make it. He’s dead anyway.”

“No.” she replied immediately. “No. No. No.” She could feel herself slipping into hysterics. _Panic gets you killed_ , Haymitch was always saying, well she was panicking. She was panicking very _very_ much. She could already see the town outline and she knew she needed to do something _now_ or it would be really too late. “Stop the car.” she ordered, bringing the cutlass she was still holding to Johanna’s throat.

The younger woman didn’t even glance at her. Her right hand let go of the wheel, grabbed her wrist and twisted it until Effie dropped the weapon with a small yelp. It was kicked out of reach but Effie didn’t let that stop her. She was barely aware of the tears streaming down her cheeks, she wiped out her gun. “Stop the car, Johanna. We have to go back. _We have to go back.”_

Johanna threw her an annoyed look. “You’re going to shoot me, Trinket?”

“Yes.” she said very honestly. “Turn the car around. Just take me back. Leave us if you want to but take _me_ back.”

Haymitch was all she had. Haymitch was the only one who truly mattered. The thought that she might very well never again see him smirk, hear his voice or banter with him just to see his eyes twinkle in amusement made her want to be sick. Her heart was pounding so hard in her chest she could hear nothing over the rush of her own blood in her ears. Every little things that had seemed so important to her before appeared to be of no consequences now. What did it matter if he didn’t want to spend the night in her bed? What did it matter that he acted as if nothing had changed? What did it matter when he was there to take her in his arms?

At that second, she knew only one thing : if Haymitch died today, when the last thing they had done was fighting, it would kill her.

She didn’t think she could live without him. She _needed_ him. She needed his patronizing ‘sweethearts’ and ‘princesses’, she needed his affection when he sometimes grabbed her waist out of the blue – albeit always out of sight – she needed the burn of his stubble when he kissed her, she needed his reassuring presence when the day started to turn dark… She needed him.

“Johanna, please, stop the car.” She tried to sound calm but it came out in a series of sobs that did nothing to move Johanna. “Please, _please_ , take me back.”

“It’s already too late.” Johanna retorted, grabbing the gun from her with irritation. Effie let her. She was shaking so much she couldn’t shoot straight even if she had wanted to. She would probably end up killing both of them. “Katniss left him. He must be as good as dead. She wouldn’t have left him otherwise.”

Effie shook her head. “ _Please_.”

It was Katniss who stopped first, a few miles out of town, on a deserted road, leaving Johanna no choice but to pull over. “Get out of the car.” Johanna told her when Katniss staggered out of Haymitch’s truck. “I don’t trust you not to try and go back.”

Effie wasn’t capable of coherent thought. Haymitch was all she could think about. She couldn’t believe he was dead. She just _couldn’t_. Johanna ended up manhandling her out of the pick-up and left her slumped against the hood of the car, stepping closer to Katniss who was also in tears.

“I’m sorry!” the teenager said, as soon as she saw Effie. “I’m _so_ sorry.”

Effie was in no state to comfort her. She was half lying on the hood of the pick-up, feeling dizzy and weak and so, so very useless. Everything was her fault, she thought as she pressed her cheek against the hot metal of the pick-up. She should have teamed up with Haymitch, she should have been there to protect him.

“What happened?” Johanna barked. “And stop crying for the love of God! It’s enough with _her_.” She nodded at Effie who couldn’t even bring herself to care.

“We were ambushed.” Katniss explained, wiping angrily the tears off her face. “There were too many of them, Haymitch was… I couldn’t get to him. There were too many of them.”

“And?” Johanna pressed impatiently. “He got bitten? Overrun?”

Effie whimpered in distress and clawed at the metal in despair, not caring about the scene she was giving. She didn’t want to hear that. She didn’t want to know. However, at the same time, she wasn’t able to stop listening and she picked easily on Katniss’ hesitation.

“He told me to go.” the girl whispered. She could as well have shouted for the impact it had. Johanna froze. Effie’s sobs stopped. “He said… Prim… He told me to go. _He_ _told_ _me_. I’m sorry.”

“You left him behind.” Effie hissed before Johanna could. She straightened up. Fury like she had never felt before surged through her.

“Was he alive when you left?” Johanna asked, astonished. “Not bitten, not scratched… Nothing? He was alive?”

“He told me to go.” Katniss repeated. “He told me…” She turned to Effie and that was her mistake. “I’m so sorry, Effie. I had to… My sister…”

Effie couldn’t tell what went through her own head. She wasn’t totally there anymore, she would wager. She lunged at Katniss with a desperate cry. She didn’t know what she would have done if Johanna hadn’t grasped her around the waist and held her back. Hit Katniss? She certainly felt the urge to strangle her. “We could have saved him!” she screamed, struggling against Johanna. “We could have _saved him_!”

“Yeah, well it’s too late now.” Johanna growled, using her superior body strength to bring her back to the pick-up. She slammed Effie against the passenger door not too gently but, to be fair, Effie was clawing at her arms and neck. “Quit that.” the younger woman demanded. “Don’t think I won’t punch you because you’re knocked up.”

“You’re what?” Katniss whispered in horror, her face still damp with tears.

“Knocked up.” Johanna chuckled without any trace of amusement. “She has a bun in the oven and no man to protect it anymore which means that falls on us. We’re _so_ fucked up. _Fuck_.” She kicked the car with her knee but didn’t slacken her grip on Effie. Not that it was needed. All fight left Effie all of a sudden and she toppled forward but Johanna let her go. “Hell, no! I’m not going to hug you better.”

She let her slid against the side of the door until Effie was sitting on the road, curled up against the side of the car as tightly as she could. She pressed her face against her knees and let the sobs wreck her body without any care in the world for what was happening around her. She was vaguely aware that Katniss moved as if to help but that Johanna held her back, stating that the girl had done enough for tonight.

Effie almost wanted to tell them to take the cars and go away, to leave her there to die. She had nothing left. Her parents were dead, her friends were dead and now Haymitch…

“Night will fall soon.” Johanna said after more useless kicking of the pick-up. “We need to get a move on.” Effie stayed where she was, she was crying so hard she could barely breathe but Johanna was never one for compassion. “Get up.” She grabbed her arm and tried to force her on her feet, that didn’t work out. Effie was like a limp doll, her legs were made of jelly. “Get up or…”

“Jo!” Katniss shouted, already running for the truck and the bow she had left there. Johanna dropped Effie’s arm and let her slump back down on the road, half throwing herself inside the truck for a gun. Effie didn’t know what had alarmed them and she didn’t particularly care. She was lost in an all-consuming sorrow.

The noise of an engine finally broke through her trance but it wasn’t enough to interest her until the car stopped, the door slammed and Katniss gasped loudly.

“ _Fuck_.” Johanna said, for what seemed to be the thousandth time that day.

“Haymitch!” Katniss exclaimed and _that_ got Effie’s attention. She grabbed the hood of the car and pulled herself up in time to see the teenager throwing her arms around his neck. “I’m so sorry. I’m _so sorry_.”

“It’s okay, kid.” Haymitch said awkwardly, hugging Katniss back, his eyes searching for _her_.  

Effie almost collapsed again right then right there. The moment he saw her, he relaxed. He nudged Katniss aside gently and took a step forward only to find his path blocked by Johanna and her gun. Effie wanted to hit the stupid woman but she couldn’t move, her whole body was still shaking and she couldn’t stop weeping however much she wanted to.

“Don’t take this the wrong way…” Johanna started. “But how did you get out of there?”

“Luck.” Haymitch scowled. “Killed the mutts, got out of the bar.”

“It was swarming with zombies.” Johanna sneered.

“Yeah, I noticed you didn’t go out of your way to wait for me.” he retorted. Effie made a distressed sound and his eyes immediately shot to her in worry. “I got in that car, it worked. Luck, as I said. Get out of my way, now.”

Johanna didn’t move. “No bite? No scratch?” He took off his jacket with obvious irritation, pulled up his sleeves and showed her what she wanted to see. Effie could see blood on him, an awful amount of it, but it wasn’t his. If it had been, Johanna wouldn’t have stepped aside and put her gun away. “I think she snapped.” she warned him.

It took a few seconds for Effie to understand Johanna was talking about her but by the time she got it, he was there, in front of her and there was nothing more important in the whole world. She was shaking so badly she barely managed to sneak her arms around his neck. He gathered her close to him, supporting most of her weight while she wept and stammered and more generally made a spectacle of herself. “It’s alright, sweetheart.” he promised. Except it really wasn’t.

“I can’t… I can’t stop…” she heaved against his shoulder. It was exactly what she had been afraid of. Now that she had started crying, it was impossible to stop the tears.

“Oh, get a grip!” Johanna huffed. “He’s here, he’s fine. Can we move, now?” She climbed in the pick-up and slammed the door behind her to make her point understood.

Effie’s fingers were digging in Haymitch’s shoulders. She breathed him in but it was hard to believe he was actually _there_. Real. Safe and sound. He had been dead. For a painful, endless half an hour, he had been _dead_. “Never leave me again.” she begged, burrowing her face in the side of his neck.

He kissed her shoulder, soft and feather-like, and then the spot just under her jaw. “Probably not a good time to point out _you_ were the one doing the leaving?” he joked, low enough that she would be the only one to hear. Katniss was hovering uncertainly a few feet away. Effie wished the girl would just get in the pick-up with Johanna, she was still furious with her. Unfair perhaps, but she couldn’t control it. “Come on, Princess. I’m fine.” he whispered.

She pressed her forehead against his shoulder and forced herself to take deep, regular breaths. The sobs subsided slowly and she nodded, allowing him to guide her toward the truck. He helped her climb in and then made a quick dash for the car that had probably saved his life. She could barely believe her eyes when she saw him coming back with a bag full of bottles.

“No sense in leaving it behind.” he said defensively, gesturing at Johanna to go first through the window. Effie refrained from commenting but she snuggled against his side and he put an arm around her shoulders without any hesitation, keeping her as close to him as he could while driving. Katniss had taken the third car and was following behind them. Effie took comfort in the fact that they were sandwiched between the two cars and would probably be safer in case of an attack.

“You’re quiet.” Haymitch said after a few minutes. She could tell he was unnerved by her unusual silence.

“I thought you were dead.” she offered as an explanation. She didn’t feel like acting all happy and bubbly right then even for his sake. She didn’t feel like pretending everything was alright when it so obviously wasn’t.

“Yeah, well… You shouldn’t get so worked up about that, you know.” he snorted. “Nobody would cry over me if I…” He abruptly fell silent when he caught sight of her glaring daggers at him. “Point taken, sweetheart.” It seemed to make him uncomfortable. “Pass me a bottle. I almost died for this stuff, it better be good.” She nudged the bag further away with her foot without even glancing at it. “Okay. Want to tell me what the hell you’re pissed about now?” He was annoyed she knew. The kind of annoyed that usually led to a shouting match of sort but she was too exhausted to play that game tonight.

“No more drinking and driving.” she simply told him. “No more reckless behavior either. You’re done playing the hero.”

“Did you ever see me play the hero?” he mocked her.

“All the time.” she answered very seriously. “And it ends tonight.”

“Effie…” he sighed but she pressed herself further against him and that seemed to do the trick because he dropped a kiss against her hair but remained silent all the way to the farm.

They had been out longer than they had planned. Finnick, Peeta and Gale were impatiently pacing in front of the house, hovering next to their last car, Prim was sitting on the porch with Annie and bolted to her feet as soon as she spied them. Katniss wasn’t totally out of the car when she lunged at her.

“What happened?” Finnick asked, gesturing to Johanna’s broken windshield.

“Don’t even ask.” the younger woman replied, glaring at everyone. She immediately stormed out in the direction of the barn.

Effie watched as Katniss went from arms to arms, hugging and getting hugged in turn. Finnick was the first to turn to their car, obviously not understanding why Haymitch and Effie had made no move to get out.

“We can’t stay here forever, sweetheart.” Haymitch pointed out softly, squeezing her shoulder.

“We could try.” she whispered but she knew he was right and, with a sigh, she reluctantly left his side to get out. She barely took two steps away before she was tackled in a bone-crushing hug by Prim. The smile came easily to Effie’s lips, it wasn’t sincere but it came easily.

“What happened to you? You’re covered in blood!” Annie gasped, placing a hand on her shoulder. Prim immediately recoiled, wrinkling her nose.

“Are you hurt?” Peeta worried at once, dropping the bag he was carrying to the kitchen.

“Blood?” Haymitch was at her side in seconds, gently tearing the girl away from her arms to look her over. “What happened? You didn’t say anything. Are you alright?”

Her fake smile only widened and his face darkened like he knew she was going to lie. “Nothing to be concerned about. The blood doesn’t belong to me.”

That was enough for the others who went back to unloading the bags but not for Haymitch. He frowned. “How close was it?”

She could feel her hands starting to shake just at the thought. If Johanna hadn’t been as quick as she was… “I am perfectly alright, Haymitch.”

“Not what I asked.” he growled, grabbing her arm. “How close?”

She resisted the urge to shrug. Shrugging was neither polite nor specific. “Less than it was for you, I would wager.” She gently pried his fingers away from her arm and wandered to Johanna’s car to get the bag she had left there. As small as it was, it wasn’t easy to give the box to Annie without being seen. Katniss seemed to follow Effie at a distance, obviously still upset about the whole thing, and Haymitch was watching her like a hawk. Finnick wouldn’t get too far from Annie either and, really, it was more than Effie could take so, after she successfully passed the pregnancy test to her friend, she headed to her room, declining Peeta’s offer to get her something to eat. She was pretty sure she wouldn’t have been able to keep anything down anyway.

Haymitch was standing in her bedroom doorframe a few seconds only after she had made her excuses, seemingly uncertain of his welcome. She wordlessly pulled him in the room and closed the door behind him. She didn’t have time to say anything before he kissed her.

It was a weird kiss for them, Effie thought. All their previous kisses seemed to bear a tinge of despair, as if neither of them was sure it wouldn’t be their last, it was usually messy and frantic, a prelude to more lustful activities… That one was different. It was slow, almost hesitant, lazy in a sense or perhaps just exhausted. Their noses bumped a few times but it wasn’t as awkward as it could have been.

“We need a shower.” she mumbled against his lips because as much as she loved kissing him, they were both stinking.

“We need sleep.” he argued with a final peck. “Come on.” He unzipped her jacket and slipped it off her before throwing it in the corner of the room. When he grabbed the hem of her top, she just lifted her arms so he could take it off too. He undressed her like a doll and she let him, feeling too tired to discuss the point. He guided her to the bed, pushed her under the covers and she barely had enough energy left in her to spare a thought for her clean sheets.

She was surprised when he started undressing too but she remained silent, content to simply watch him. She was even more surprised when he climbed into bed with her and gathered her into his arms without any obvious intention to have sex. The bed was too small for the both of them, she was half lying on top of him. She rested her head on his chest, listening to the strong and regular thumping of his heart. Her hand found the familiar ugly scar on his side and stayed there.

It wasn’t long before he started playing with her half-destroyed ponytail. She really should have brushed her hair, it would be a pain to untangle it in the morning, but she was too comfortable and too sleepy to move.

“What you said in the car before…” He sounded hesitant. “About me not caring about you…”

“I know.” she sighed. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said any of that. It doesn’t matter anyway.” It didn’t. She knew that now that she had almost lost him. She would take what he was willing to give and that would be enough.

“I’m not using you for sex and I’m not interested in Johanna.” he grumbled.

“I know.” she said again, hoping he would drop the subject entirely. No such luck however. Haymitch was like a dog with a bone.

“You said I wasn’t getting the problem.” he insisted. “And maybe I don’t but what I don’t get right now is why you didn’t tell me there was a problem in the first place, sweetheart.”

She stayed silent for a few minutes, debating between what she wanted to say and what she would have liked to keep secret a bit longer. And then, she remembered the terrible hollowness in her chest when she had thought him dead.

“I love you.” She closed her eyes and held her breath when she felt his whole body tense. “I was wrong though. This is my problem, not yours.” She planted a kiss right above his heart, hoping it would soften him.

It didn’t.

It took almost ten minutes before he started to relax again and he still hadn’t answered her. She waited patiently, knowing the fact that he hadn’t ran away yet was a small miracle in itself.

“I will get you killed.” It wasn’t even a whisper, more like a murmur, something so low and so rushed she wasn’t even sure she heard him right.

She propped herself on her elbow to look at him. His eyes were closed but there was a pained expression on his face. “Now, you’re not making any sense.” she frowned.

His grey eyes found her blue ones, so sad and full of regret it took her breath away. “You love me, you die. That’s the rule.”

She wasn’t sure he was totally aware of what he was saying. He had the same faraway look that he had every time he woke up from a nightmare. “Well, it is very obviously a stupid rule so I elect to ignore it.” She placed her head back on his chest stubbornly, acting a lot more confident than she felt.

She was relieved when his arms wrapped around her small frame again. His chuckles echoed in his chest, it was a low rumble and she loved it. “You would.” he said with mixed weariness and amazement. “So much for not wanting _complicated_ …”

“This isn’t complicated at all.” Effie sighed, her thumb absentmindedly retracing one of the scars on his chest. She had asked about them once but he had deflected the question like he always did when she ventured on the topic of his past. She sometimes felt like she had told him everything there was to know about her, from start to finish, her whole life had been exposed to him but his own life was off-limit. She wondered if the scars had anything to do with the current subject. “The world ended and I love you. See? It’s straightforward enough in my opinion.”

“Maybe.” he admitted without committing to anything.

She would have to count that as a small victory anyway.


	13. Chapter 13

Haymitch woke up to lazy kissing. His asleep self must have reacted instinctively because when he became aware of his surroundings, Effie was half on top of him, her mouth slowly torturing him. He wrapped his arms around her, his hands clenching the soft material of her tank top.

“Clothes.” he mumbled against her lips, his voice rough from sleep. “I don’t like clothes. Why are you wearing clothes?”

“Because I’m clean.” she chuckled, between kisses. “Which is more than I can say about you or my bed.”

He finally opened his eyes, noticing her wet hair pinned high on her head and the lack of dried blood and dirt on her body. She had taken a shower. “You could have waited for me.” he smirked, pulling her closer to him but she resisted.

“Don’t take this the wrong way but you stink.” She wrinkled her nose.

He let go of her, stretching his aching limbs while she sat next to him on top of the covers. “And yet you were the one kissing me, sweetheart.” He let his eyes trail down the dark red top to her hips hugging jeans and the texan heeled boots. He didn’t know how she always managed to look so good in the middle of an apocalypse when most of the other girls had stopped caring a long time ago.

“I tried shaking you but it didn’t work.” she grinned. “You are like Sleeping Beauty, you need to be kissed awake.”

He thought about taking offense and then shrugged. As long as it involved her and kissing, he couldn’t complain. “Does that make you my princess in shining armor?” he snorted.

“Perhaps.” Her smiled dimmed slightly and she ran a hand on his arm. “I am not doing a very good job at protecting you, I’m afraid.”

He looked down with a frown to see her fingers barely touching the myriad of bruises on his arm, there were a few on his chest too and, just like that, the disaster of the day before came back to hit him full force. The raid into town, the run-in with mutts and zombies, her hysterical weeping once he had managed to get back to the girls, her confessions… He controlled the urge to recoil from her touch. _The world ended and I love you. See? It’s straightforward enough in my opinion._ Maybe it was for her, but for him, it was _damn_ complicated. Love was a can of worms he would rather keep far, _far_ away from him.

“Good thing you were with Johanna.” he told her when her hand stilled on the biggest bruise. “It was hell getting out of there.” And it would have been worse if he had had to drag her ass out of there as well. It was unlikely they’d have survived.

“I should have been with you all the same.” she whispered, lowering her eyes. “We are a team, aren’t we?”

She sounded so uncertain he wondered if there was a double meaning to her words. If there was he pretended not to understand it. “Yeah. Yeah, we are.”

She forced a smile on her lips and he watched as she shook off the sadness and worry that had threatened to take hold of her again. “Alright.” Her voice became so cheerful it almost hurt his ears. “Now kindly remove yourself from my bed so I can change it. I don’t fancy sleeping in zombies remains, blood and sweat tainted sheets again.”

“It’s the apocalypse, sweetheart.” he reminded her but still rolled out of her bed to grab the clothes he had thrown haphazardly away the night before.

“As I’ve told you many times, an apocalypse is no reason to let yourself go.” She started undressing the bed before he even had his boxers on. He rolled his eyes but didn’t argue the point, preferring to steal another kiss before heading to the bathroom and the shower awaiting him there. She had left clean clothes for him on the side of the sink. It was all very domestic and it made his stomach churn in unpleasant ways.

He took a long shower, he knew at least one of the others would probably complain about it but he didn’t particularly care, too focused on piecing together Effie’s odd behavior. She had seemed back to her old self that morning so it was possible that her strange conduct of late had been due to her feelings for him. Perhaps she had been afraid of telling him or of him not reciprocating and that had brought her to try and put some distances… And yet… He sensed that there was something else underneath it all. Something she wasn’t telling him. Something she was hiding.

She wasn’t in her room when he finally came out of the bathroom so he went down and tried the kitchen. There were only Gale and Peeta in there but their conversation ceased as soon as they saw him and both boys looked at him with tangible awkwardness before making their excuses and fleeing the room. Strange. Very, very _strange_. He got himself some coffee and took the mug outside, intending to spike it with some of the booze left in his car. He wasn’t even halfway to the truck before Katniss called out to him.

“About yesterday…” she said, as soon as she was close enough.

“I told you not to worry about that, sweetheart.” he sighed. “I told you to go. There was nothing you could do.”

Katniss didn’t look particularly assuaged by that, her face crumpled in guilt. “But you have to understand…” she insisted. “If I had known about the baby…”

“The baby?” he interrupted, almost losing his grip on the mug. He eyed her more closely but couldn’t see any sign of a baby bump or something like that and yet… Oh, a baby would be a _disaster_. A baby would mean a useless mouth to feed, a screaming alarm that would alert every zombie and mutt in the vicinity and more generally a helpless thing they would probably ultimately fail to protect. A baby, in short, was all they didn’t need. He couldn’t believe Katniss had been so stupid. And she looked relatively unmoved too. If it had been him he would have been screaming in despair. “Which boy do I kill?” he growled. He had warned both Gale and Peeta to keep it in their pants as far as Katniss was concerned or to, at least, be smart about it. He had _even_ shoved condoms at them when Effie wasn’t looking and all that for naught?

“Oh, it wasn’t them.” She winced and Haymitch almost had a small heart attack. If it wasn’t Peeta or Gale and since it obviously wasn’t him, that only left… _Finnick_. That sly, little… “It was Jo.”

His mind came to an abrupt stop. “Jo.” he repeated. “I’m pretty sure Johanna can’t have done this. She doesn’t have the right plumbing.” Or maybe she had and she had been really sneaky about it but in that case, Haymitch really needed to go and lie down because the whole world would go upside down.

“Jo told me and I told Prim.” Katniss explained. “Prim told Gale who told Peeta. I’m just guessing but I think Annie knew from the start and that means Finnick must too. I just wanted to tell you that Prim and I will be there for the baby. We’re family as far as I’m concerned.”

He nodded and then shook his head. “You’re not making any sense at all, sweetheart. Are you pregnant or not?”

Although pregnant women often were irrational, weren’t they? So maybe that was her being irrational.

Katniss’ eyes widened and then darted around as if she was looking for a way to escape. Haymitch couldn’t blame her, he was desperate to get to his car and have some of the whiskey he almost died to bring back.

“I’m sorry… Everybody knows, I thought… I…” Katniss stammered. “Haymitch, I…”

He frowned. “Out with it, girl.” He had a very bad feeling all of a sudden.

Katniss was saved by Johanna stomping out of the barn, obviously in one of her mood. She stopped next to them and sneered at Haymitch. “So, congratulations are in order.” she spat with so much irony, Haymitch could almost taste it. “Should we call you Daddy now?”

“Jo.” Katniss cut in, shaking her head frantically. “He doesn’t know.”

“What do I don’t know?” he snapped. Lack of alcohol and that stupid feeling of foreboding was making his hands quiver, the coffee splotched one way and then another.

Johanna froze and then started laughing. It wasn’t a pretty laugh, it was mean and a bit out of control. Katniss only made a face.

“I think you should talk to Effie.” Katniss suggested, gently easing the mug from his unsteady grip.

“What about Effie?” he barked. Oh, but it wasn’t that hard to figure it out… He was quite clever after all. Katniss’ slip-up about the baby, Johanna asking if she should call him Daddy, the fact that Effie was so obviously hiding something from him and her weird behavior in the past week…

“You knocked her up.” Johanna was blunt as she always was. “Almost got us killed for her _fucking_ pregnancy test yesterday.”

“Jo!” Katniss snapped, glaring at her friend.

“You’re lying.” he accused at once, choosing to visit the pretty land of denial. It was better than giving in to the urgent need to sit down on the damp ground, in the middle of the yard. “You are _lying_.”

Johanna shrugged. “Easy to prove. She has a small green bag, the tests are in there.” And just like that she walked away, leaving him alone with Katniss and a crushing sense of dread.

“Haymitch, are you alright?” the girl asked with caution. She placed the mug down and put a hand on his arm but he shook it off and stalked towards the house. He didn’t pause when Annie asked him what was wrong, he went straight for Effie’s bedroom. The bed was made but she wasn’t there. The green bag Johanna had mentioned was propped against the wall, near the wardrobe. He could remember how she hadn’t wanted to be parted from it the night before.

He grabbed it, turned it over and spilled all its contents on the bed. Several things tumbled down : a few bottles of nail polish, some creams and lotions, feminine products he pretended not to see, a few boxes of condoms and four boxes of pregnancy tests.

His legs gave under him with the sudden realization that it was true. He sat heavily on the bed and pressed his hands against his face in a futile attempt at controlling the panic that crept from his stomach to every fiber of his being. She was pregnant. She was going to have a baby. She was going to have _his_ baby. She was pregnant and that could mean only one thing : the baby would die and so would she. Who even had babies in the middle of a zombies apocalypse? _Who_? No one, that was whom. Because it was stupid and Haymitch was everything but that.

He badly needed a drink but he was too stunned to move. He didn’t know how long he stayed there, if it was minutes or hours but at some point, he sensed her presence on the doorstep and let his hands fall away from his face. She looked equally mad and unsure. It was a long shot from that morning kissing and grinning and he desperately, _desperately_ wanted to go back in time and enjoy ignorance a little longer.

“I talked to Katniss.” she sighed. “I am not pregnant. I never even thought I could be pregnant. We’ve been too careful.”

Her words didn’t even calm him a little. “Then what’s this?” he snapped, waving at the tests. “Were you trying to _get_ pregnant?”

She took a step back as if he had physically slapped her. She looked hurt. In Haymitch’s book, she didn’t get to look hurt when he was the one having a panic attack because she was hiding pregnancy tests in her bedroom. If someone got to be hurt and upset, it was him.

“Of course not.” she huffed. “Those weren’t for me.”

“Yeah? Who were they for then?” he snorted. “They’re in _your_ room, in _your_ bag and _you_ were the one who risked her life to get them. That was why you wanted to go on that raid, wasn’t it? You wanted a pregnancy test. Why?” He didn’t like the picture it was conjuring up. He didn’t want to think she was planning on getting pregnant to keep him with her but he didn’t know what else to think. The day before, she had broken up with him only to tell him later that she loved him. If she really didn’t have had a pregnancy scare then why on earth would she go and get herself in danger for a test she had no use for?

“I can’t tell you that.” She winced but then a flicker of irritation flashed on her face, she stood straighter. “And I shouldn’t have to. I just told you I wasn’t pregnant, that should be enough for you if you trust me.”

“I don’t trust you.” he retorted. “I don’t trust people who hid things.”

She turned her head away. “I didn’t hide anything you needed to know. It doesn’t concern you.”

“The hell it doesn’t concern me!” he shouted loud enough that everybody in the house could probably hear him, slamming his hand on the bed in anger. “ _I_ ’m the one you sleep with. If you’re afraid of being pregnant, it concerns _me_. If you’re trying to get pregnant because you think that way I would end up loving you back, it concerns _me_. If you…”

“Enough.” she snapped and he fell silent because he had never meant for her to start crying but there were tears in her eyes and her voice cracked. “Listen to yourself. How can you even…” She breathed out slowly and shook her head. “Get out of my room, please.”

“I want you to take one of those test.” he heard himself say. He wasn’t thinking that clearly but it was a good decision, he figured. He needed to know, one way or another. He needed to see.

“I am _not_ pregnant.” she hissed, folding her arms over her chest protectively. “I am not…”

“I don’t care what you say, sweetheart.” he sneered, handing her one of the box. “I will believe it when I see it.”

She searched his eyes and then grabbed the box and stormed out in obvious anger. He followed her to the bathroom and stayed in front of the door while she did what she needed to do. He saw Prim peeking out of her own bedroom but a glare was enough to send the girl back to her own business. Less than two minutes later, Effie opened the door and put the empty box and a stick in his hands.

“I’m sure you can figure out how it works on your own.” she told him coldly. “Don’t presume to talk to me again. You are not welcome in my room either. Stay away from me.”

He didn’t even watch her leave, he quickly read the instruction on the box and went to sit on the edge of the bathtub. Haymitch was used to waiting, yet the next five minutes were probably the longest of his life. He added another minute of waiting just to be safe before he looked at the test. _Negative_. Relief surged through his veins and chased the panic away, leaving his mind a bit clearer.

Relief, in the end, was short lived.

He put the test and the box in the trash and shot out of the bathroom. She wasn’t in the bedroom, he went down to the kitchen but Peeta was baking alone and did a very bad job at pretending he hadn’t heard the fight, Annie was reading in the living-room and only glanced at him in obvious disapprobation as he passed by… Johanna was chopping wood, she hadn’t seen Effie but she told him Gale and Katniss had gone hunting. Finnick was nowhere to be found…

He felt like an ass.

_Those weren’t for me_ , she had said. Then they were for someone else and it wasn’t hard to guess for whom. Given their previous discussion, Katniss was obviously out, Prim was too young – because he could probably accept Katniss doing the kind of things necessary to get pregnant but Prim was still a baby and he _would_ kill the boy who tried to approach her that way – and Johanna had never been with anyone since he had joined the group or at least he didn’t think she had so she wasn’t the logical answer. The logical answer had been very friendly with Effie as of late.

And he had accused Effie of trying to trap him when she was just trying to help a friend. Granted, she shouldn’t have kept something like that from him or the rest of the group but…

He exhausted himself looking all over the farm for her, already imagining the worst and barely stopping long enough to take a swing of whiskey; he came back to the house in the late afternoon for torches and reinforcement only to find her sitting at the dining table with everybody else.

“Where _were_ you?” he asked at the same time Katniss did.

They had started eating. Without him.

Effie ignored him superbly, presiding over dinner like she always did, the perfect hostess. “Prim, be a dear and go get the apple pie Peeta baked for dessert.”

The kid jumped from the table at once and escaped to the kitchen, probably happy for the excuse to leave behind the odd tension that had crept in the room. Nobody was looking directly at him, they were all staring at their plates.

“I looked everywhere for you.” Haymitch grumbled, ill-at-ease. “We need to talk. Come outside with me.”

Effie’s blue eyes finally settled on him but they were so cold, he couldn’t help a wince.

“You will have to excuse me, I will pass.” she said very plainly albeit with a fake polite smile. He hated the way she was addressing him like she was on stage, like she did with everybody else. She rarely acted like a stuck-up idiot with him.

“Oh, come on!” Johanna sighed. “Can I have _one_ day without some sort of soap opera from you two? She’s knocked up. It’s done. Let’s move on.”

Effie’s glare would have stopped an army. “I am _not_ pregnant, Johanna. Kindly keep away from matters that don’t concern you.”

“She’s not.” Haymitch confirmed although if he interpreted her annoyed glance correctly, he should have remained silent.

Johanna rolled her eyes. “Then why are we _still_ talking about that? Go make-up and leave us alone.”

“Can’t you ever _shut_ _up_?” Katniss hissed.

“Language.” Effie chided.

“And there she goes, thinking she’s our mom again.” Johanna sighed.

“I said _shut_ _up_.” Katniss insisted, half raising from her chair. Peeta grabbed her wrist while Gale put a restrictive hand on Johanna’s arm. Both boys let go quickly enough faced with glares that could have stopped a zombie in its track. Finnick and Annie were very silent, Haymitch couldn’t help but notice.

“And I said _language_.” Effie snapped with an irritated cluck of her tongue. “Katniss, sit back down, you don’t cause a scene at a dinner table. It’s _rude_.”

Katniss didn’t seem particularly inclined to obey so Haymitch walked closer to Effie and pushed on the girl’s shoulder on his way.

“We need to talk.” he said again, lower, once he was close enough. “Come on.”

“You _don’t_ order me around.” Effie hissed with a glare of her own.

He couldn’t help his irritated sigh. “You’re insufferable, sweetheart.”

“That’s my line.” she told him coldly but one look around was enough for her to realize everybody was listening to their conversation. He outstretched a hand as a peace offering of sort but she ignored it completely, stood up and led the way to the front porch. He followed her, what other choice did he have? There was a determination to her steps, an odd sort of assurance. She walked like a queen. She closed the front door behind him and folded her arms over her chest. “I’m listening but your speech better starts with a heartfelt apology.”

“I don’t do apologies.” He made a face and leaned against the wall.

“Learn to.” she spat flatly.

He rubbed a hand over his face, longing for a drink. “Look, sweetheart… I’m sorry, okay?”

“No, it’s not particularly ‘okay’ as you say, but it’s a start.” she huffed, turning her head away from him. “I’m not the kind of girl who pretends to be pregnant or tries to get pregnant to keep a boyfriend. I wasn’t before the world ended and I am certainly not now.”

“I know.” he offered quietly.

“And, for the record, I don’t _need_ that sort of disgusting tricks either.” she scowled. “Men used to fight to date me. I could replace you in a second if I wanted to. You are nothing special after all, you’re just the drunk guy who almost run me over with his sorry excuse of a truck.”

It was a lie, of course, but he granted her the rant because he _had_ been unfair to her. He took a step closer and was pained to see her flinch when he placed a hand on her arm. “And you’re just the clown who crashes in my car.”

“Am I?” She chuckled but it sounded sad and bitter.

“No.” he breathed out slowly. “You’re much more than that.”

Still, she didn’t look his way and it was too dark for him to see her face properly. He could feel her shaking slightly but he didn’t know if it was the cold or…

“You hurt me.” It was barely a whisper.

“I’m sorry.” He was surprised by how quickly and how sincerely the words came out. He truly wasn’t one for apologies. “The idea of you being… I lost it, sweetheart. I don’t want kids. Didn’t want them before, sure as hell don’t want them now. They always die. _Always_.”

He let go of her arm and started towards the car, cursing himself for even going there. The images were coming back. All those kids he hadn’t managed to save when he was working for Snow, all those kids he had more or less helped killing… They usually weren’t much older than Katniss, Peeta or Gale. He hadn’t been much older either when he had first gotten the job. Their faces were seared on his eyelids, he could see them each time he closed his eyes, and that was his cross to bear. He got behind the wheel and grabbed the bottle he had left on the bench seat. He wasn’t particularly surprised when she joined him in the truck. She remained silent while he gulped down whiskey like it was the remedy to his worst memories.

“I hated my life before the apocalypse.” Effie confessed at some point and he couldn’t help but lower his bottle to stare at her in surprise. She was always talking about how great it had all been, how beautiful the dresses were, how fashion was such a fantastic dream… She was always filling the silence with endless stories about how good it felt to be a show business star, the famous people she had met, the actors, the hot singers… During a particularly long and painful drive, she had told Prim all about photoshoots and modeling… “I was famous but just not _that_ famous, you know? It’s an everyday fight to simply exist, to not be forgotten… You’re expected to love it, to appear grateful, to be happy for the cameras… And it was good, don’t get me wrong. I love money. I love luxuries. I’m very good at smiling. But despite all that… My life was… absolutely _meaningless_.”

He passed her the bottle. She made a face because whiskey wasn’t her poison of choice but, still, she took a swing.

“And?” he snorted. “Did you find meaning in the middle of this shit, Princess?”

“I think so, yes.” She hesitated before swallowing some more whiskey. “What have _you_ found?”

He studied her profile. He was barely able to glimpse her feature in the darkness but he was sure her face was guarded. He almost wanted to say something very cheesy but very true : that he had found _her_ which was a bit scary and also strangely good in all the right ways. He knew the words would never come out, though, so he didn’t even try. He grabbed the whiskey back and shrugged. “Taylor Swift.”

Her high pitch giggles filled the car. He smirked. He liked making her laugh for some reason. He liked making her happy.

It didn’t last long though, her pensive mood kicked back quickly enough.

“The way you acted today… Does it have anything to do with what I told you yesterday?” she asked softly.

He contemplated lying but in the end he knew it would be easier to just tell the truth. “It didn’t help but I can… deal with _that_. The idea of having a baby…” he shuddered. “Never ask that of me and we will be good. And don’t hide that kind of things from me again if you don’t want me to freak out, sweetheart. Even for… a friend.” He glanced at her, hoping his meaning would get across but she wasn’t looking at him. She was staring into nothing. “Effie?”

She startled and turned her head away, curling up on herself. “You said you didn’t trust me.”

He cupped her cheek forcing her to face him. “I trust you. I trust you enough to keep you near even if you…” Even then, he was unable to say it.

“Even if I love you.” she finished for him quietly.

“Yeah, that.” he lowered his eyes and cleared his throat. “I’m not good at that stuff. I don’t want any of that stuff.”

She frowned and gripped his wrist a bit more forcefully than necessary. “I don’t understand. If you don’t want it then just say it. Either we are all about sex or we are a couple but you need to make a decision, Haymitch, you can’t keep me close and then say you don’t want me. I am fine with either but I need to _know_.”

He closed his eyes and let his head fall on the edge of the seatback, frustrated with himself and with her for not getting it. “I don’t want to want you.” It was pathetic. So, so very pathetic.

“Is that a Taylor Swift song?” she joked. He opened his eyes to see a teasing smile on her lips.

“Probably.” he snorted.

She snatched the bottle from his hand and took a swing before settling against him like they did hundreds of time before on cold nights spent in the truck. Her head neatly tucked under his chin. He was happy to drink and let her fall asleep against him, he hoped the fight was over. He didn’t have much experience with that kind of things.

“We all have a past.” she whispered after some time. “Yours is darker than others, I grant you that, but you can’t let it control you, Haymitch. It’s over. That world is dead, we’re never going back. You did bad things once, things you’re not proud of, things that still haunts you… I understand that but…” She heaved out a sigh. “It’s different now. You are not alone. You have me. You have Katniss and Peeta, Prim and Finnick, Johanna and Gale too. And you know Annie loves everybody. It doesn’t matter if you want it or not, you have a family. Stop living in the past.”

“I’m not sure I can do that.” he confessed, taking another swing.

She grabbed the bottle, put the cap on and flung it on the back seat unceremoniously before snuggling up against him again. “I will help you.”

She didn’t do anything but cuddle with him however and he chuckled, wrapping his arms around her anyway. “Isn’t that the part where you offer me pity sex, sweetheart?”

“We’re sharing a moment.” she argued, whacking his arm playfully. She stayed silent for a few seconds and then snickered. “Besides, after the stunt you pulled today, you won’t get sex again without _much_ groveling on your part.”


	14. Chapter 14

“I miss wearing dresses.” Effie complained, glaring at the tight jeans she had slipped on that morning. They were now dirty, covered in mud and zombie parts – her fault, she supposed, she shouldn’t have offered to go with Haymitch on his daily walk around the property but it had been a fine day, all sunny and warm like they hadn’t known in some time and she simply couldn’t resist – there was a hole at the knee too and it didn’t look like a fashionable tear either. “I miss premieres, red carpets, parties… The glamour of it all… Long dresses that make you feel like a princess…”

She was daydreaming aloud, she knew, Haymitch wasn’t even listening. They were walking back to the farm and he was more worried about the fact that zombies and mutts were getting closer and closer to the house with each passing day. Katniss and Gale usually took down two or three each time they went hunting and it was a regular occurrence for Haymitch or Finning to meet new unpleasant undead people on their watch. Everybody knew what it meant but nobody was ready to say it aloud. They had been living on the farm for long enough that they had started to call it home. The prospect of leaving the house for an uncertain destination wasn’t appealing.

“What do you miss most?” she asked him, sidestepping a particularly slippery looking muddy clump. She could see the house in the distance. They would be back before ten minutes, she estimated.

“Silence.” Haymitch grumbled before a slow smirk appeared on his face. “And lately, sex. Still on strike, sweetheart?”

“Yes.” she huffed. “You hurt my feelings. You have to learn your lesson.”

It had been a few days since the fight about the pregnancy tests but it was still very fresh in Effie’s memory. Haymitch had apologized, of course, but she planned on making him regret his hasty words for a few more days. She was enjoying his clumsy attempts at securing her forgiveness a bit too much. Oh, it was nothing, really, but for Haymitch it was huge : he made her tea in the morning, he was careful not to be mean when they bantered _and_ he had started sleeping in her bed once she had allowed him access to her bedroom again. The bed was so small they had no other choice but to cuddle which was the perfect excuse because she suspected Haymitch was otherwise not a fan of such activities.

“Lesson learned.” He rolled his eyes and grabbed her wrist. He spun her around, she giggled despite herself and crashed again his chest. A second later, she was trapped in his arms. “Now…” he smirked. “You have to kiss me.”

“In the middle of a field where zombies could appear any moment?” she teased. “Did you forget we’re in the middle of an apocalypse?” He certainly loved to repeat that particularly piece of information to her at every opportunity.

He loved to kiss her even more though so she wasn’t really surprised when he forego answering to crush his mouth on hers instead. It was amazing, she mused, how Haymitch’s lips could make the surrounding world fade into nothing. An army of mutts or zombies could descend on them and she wouldn’t even notice. His hands wandered under her red jacket and her black tank top, one of them roaming on her back, toying with the clasp of her bra, and she had to laugh against his mouth.

“Determined, are you?” she taunted.

His lips brushed against her jaw before he started nibbling of the soft skin under her ear. “Maybe, I just miss you, sweetheart.”

She tilted her head to allow him better access and forgot why it was so important to make him work for a forgiveness she had already granted in the first place. “Let’s go home.” The sun was quickly setting down and the others would start looking if she and Haymitch didn’t go back soon. She didn’t fancy getting caught up in a compromising situation again. “Let’s just…” She closed her eyes when he bit slightly harder. “… go home.” She tangled her fingers in his hair and pulled him in a kiss that made her see stars – although it was quite possibly the lack of oxygen during the last few seconds of the kiss.

It took more coaxing but they ended up walking again, sneaking glances at each other and exchanging stupid grins like teenagers. Well… _Effie_ grinned. Haymitch mostly smirked like the cat who got the canary and the cream on top of it. She was so focused on what she was planning to do to him, she almost missed his complete change of demeanor.

His face grew stern and worried, his mouth pinching in a flat displeased line. He grabbed her arm and pulled her behind him and it took her a few seconds to understand the reason _why_. How she could not have seen the unfamiliar cars and the two people standing in front of them before, she didn’t know.

“Haymitch?” she whispered.

It was too late to hide now, the two strangers had seen them and had turned in their direction. The two men both had guns pointed at them.

“Stay behind me.” he ordered, half-raising an arm to make sure she wouldn’t do something stupid like try to sidestep him. His other hand was on the butt of his gun but as good as he was, it was too late to draw without getting shot first. Effie’s own hand hovered over her gun but she couldn’t resolve herself to untuck it from her belt. She just wasn’t _that_ quick with it. “What do you want?” he asked the men. “Where are our friends?”

“Inside with the President.” one of the two men replied, lowering his gun and gesturing to his friend to do the same. “We don’t want any trouble.”

“The President?” Haymitch snorted. “That’s new and not pompous at all.”

He was unnerved, she could tell. Were the men lying? Were they sending them into a trap? Effie really doubted the others would have welcomed strangers readily…

“Effie…” Haymitch’s voice faltered as if he wasn’t quite sure what kind of orders he wanted to give her. Staying out there with two armed men was obviously out of the question, stepping into the house could mean danger, however, walking away from the farm when the sun was setting down would certainly guarantee death.

“We should try to find the others.” she whispered back nervously.

“Yeah…” he replied without any conviction. His eyes were lingering on their truck a bit too long for her tastes.

“We’re not leaving without them.” She nudged him in the direction of the house, glaring at the two strangers who looked amused by their behavior.

The front door opened before he could take a step and Finnick appeared on the threshold. He first eyed the two men carefully and then looked at them. From what Effie could see, he didn’t appear to be hurt.

“What’s going on, boy?” Haymitch barked. “When did we open a Bed and Breakfast?”

Finnick shrugged. “Since people started to make appealing offers. Get inside, you will want to hear this.”

Haymitch didn’t look particularly happy but he placed a hand at the small of Effie’s back and nudged her gently toward Finnick, his other hand remained on his gun. Effie was relieved when he closed the front door behind them, finally escaping the mocking gaze of the two strangers.

“What’s going on?” Haymitch repeated coldly but Finnick only gestured to the living-room.

Effie didn’t know what she was expecting but she knew it wasn’t to find everyone sitting on every possible surface with cups of tea or cocoa. Finnick quickly took back his seat next to Annie on the couch, leaving Haymitch and her standing near the entrance. They weren’t the only one standing, though, there was a man and a woman in the middle of the room, obviously at the center of attention.

Effie barely glanced at the man, there was nothing particularly striking about him, but the woman… Effie was used to quickly decide who was Queen of the bees, this woman wasn’t a queen, she was an empress. Her eyes were so grey they looked almost devoid of color, they were cold too, cruel even perhaps, unforgiving at any rate. Effie lifted her chin slightly in an empty challenge but she couldn’t help the goosebumps that prickled her arms.

“You never said you had a Miss Patriot with you.” The woman’s voice was loathing and annoyed.

“I’m sure we can work around that.” the man quickly added, outstretching a hand in their direction. “How rude of us not to introduce ourselves. I’m Plutarch Heavensbee and this is…”

“I know who you are.” Haymitch cut in, placing a hand on Effie’s arm before she could even think of stepping forward. “You used to work for Snow. Close advisor.”

If the woman’s voice had been full of loathing, Haymitch’s was laced with hatred.

The man… _Plutarch_ frowned and then his eyes lightened in recognition. “Abernathy, wasn’t it?” It wasn’t quite a question. “The world has become a very small place, indeed. I remember you.”

“Clearly not enough or you would have started running.” Haymitch growled and it was Effie’s turn to grab his arm before he did something stupid.

“Alright.” Finnick cleared his throat and looked at Haymitch. “They say they work for the rebels and they have a safe place. They would take us in if we help them.”

“No.” Haymitch spat.

“What do you mean no?” the woman frowned.

Effie glimpsed Johanna rolling her eyes from her seat at the foot of the chair.

“I mean no.” Haymitch shrugged. “Never heard that word before?”

“What kind of safe place are we talking about?” Effie cut in before a war could erupt in their living-room. She spied Johanna’s axe not too far from the young woman and Katniss’ bow was close too but if they could get out of there without a bloodbath… “And who are _you_?”

The lifeless grey eyes were back on her and it was unnerving. “I’m President Alma Coin.”

Effie suppressed an irritated comment. It wasn’t much by way of an introduction and that certainly wouldn’t secure Haymitch’s good graces.

“Self-appointed, right?” Haymitch snorted. “I know your kind. Get out of here before I kill you.”

“And when did you self-appointed yourself as the head of our group?” Johanna snapped. “She was about to offer us a deal, I want to hear it.”

“I do too.” Katniss said. “If she has a safer place than this house…”

“The farm is safe.” Haymitch lied. “Whatever she offers will have a catch.”

“I can offer safety, food, protection from the undead and genetic mutations…” Coin argued. “I can offer you a normal life.”

“In exchange for what?” Finnick asked calmly. “You said you needed help getting there but where is _there_?”

“District Thirteen.” Plutarch answered. “You are aware of the new partition in Districts right? Well, Thirteen is quite north and there’re only four of us now. It’s too long and dangerous a trip for so few people and it is of the utmost importance to get the President back to the rebels.”

“We need a new order.” Coin nodded once in approbation of her advisor’s words. “We need to implement a new government for humankind to rise again.”

Effie squeezed Haymitch’s arm before he could start insulting them.

“That’s great.” Johanna snorted. “I don’t care much about humankind. Why are you so sure your District Thirteen is safe?”

Coin seemed affronted. “Thirteen is underground. Snow’s administration never found it, I really doubt brain-dead _things_ would have.”

“So your idea of safety is being buried alive?” Haymitch scoffed. “ _Brilliant_. We’re not interested.”

“We kind of are.” Gale argued. “A bunker sounds safer than a farm.”

“There would be schooling for the child.” Plutarch added, nodding to Prim. “Others refugees her own age…”

Katniss looked from Prim to Plutarch and then to Haymitch, obviously lost. Effie knew her enough by now to know she shared Haymitch’s trust issues on about everything. She also knew she would do anything without any reserve to keep her sister alive.

“We can protect her.” Haymitch replied. “We can protect each other, we don’t need your would-be government.”

Effie wondered what the real problem was for Haymitch: those two particular people or the idea of being in close quarters with a new governmental organization?

“A bunker does sound safer.” she ventured softly. She didn’t flinch when Haymitch’s betrayed gaze turned to her. “We won’t be able to keep the farm for very long.”

There, it was out.

“Then we will find another one.” he countered with a shrug. “We managed before.”

“And when the next one isn’t safe anymore we keep running?” Peeta asked, glancing at Katniss and Prim who were huddled together on a armchair. “It’s a miracle we didn’t lose anyone already.”

“We almost did.” Katniss corrected him with a guilty look for Haymitch.

“I won’t turn out better walls.” Johanna decided. “I’m game.”

“Never heard of a deal too good to be true?” Haymitch spat. “We’re safe here for now. Why would we leave something good for something we don’t even know really exist?”

Effie’s eyes met Finnick’s a fraction of a second before he made his announcement. “Annie’s pregnant.”

There was a heavy moment of silence, even Coin and Plutarch seemed taken aback by that new development.

“ _Awesome_.” Johanna chuckled cruelly. “Has none of you ever heard of safe sex? After Miss Proper…”

“Effie never thought she was pregnant, she was just trying to help me, Johanna.” Annie butted in. “And don’t start giving out lessons, if you please.”

“Or if you _don’t_ please for that matter.” Effie hissed, despite the fact that it was rude.

“We have a medical wing.” Coin was quick to offer. “Doctors and nurses. We could assure you a safe delivery.”

Annie and Finnick exchanged a glance and Effie saw they were sold. Johanna was too if only because she was bored of playing house. Katniss was staring at Prim thoughtfully so she must be considering it and Gale and Peeta would follow her wherever she went. As for Effie… Effie was very much tempted, rebels be damned.

“You go with her, you’re all dead.” Haymitch warned, pointing an accusing finger at the President.

“Now, that’s a bit hasty, don’t you think?” Effie tried, finally letting go of his arm. “After all… You were all in favor of the rebels when we first met, weren’t you?”

“I was all in favor of getting rid of Snow.” he retorted. “But her…” He waved at Coin. “She’s the same kind, can’t you see it? Or do you want to be the new Miss Rebel, now?”

“That’s uncalled for, Haymitch.” Effie gritted her teeth. “I am simply trying to consider the whole picture, here.”

“The picture is pretty clear, sweetheart.” he snorted. “We go with them, we meet a group of zombies and they leave us to deal with it while they drive away in their shiny black car.”

“How could you know that?” Peeta asked.

“The boy is right.” Effie said before Haymitch could turn on him. “You don’t know.”

“I know they don’t need help, they have guns and a car, they need zombie food to keep monsters occupied while they run away.” Haymitch snapped. “You’re familiar with the method, aren’t you?”

It felt as if he had slapped her and he must have realized it too because his eyes widened slightly.

“If you would excuse me.” she addressed the room with a fake polite smile that did nothing to hide the tears shining in her eyes. She ignored him when he tried to call her back, walking quickly to the kitchen where she busied herself making some tea for herself or, rather, making a general mess. Her sight was blurred and Portia’s screams filled her ears.

“Here, give it to me.” Annie’s soft voice demanded. Gentle hands took hold of the cup and the teapot and then guided her to the table. Effie sank on a chair without any conscious thought. “Whatever Haymitch was talking about, I’m sure he didn’t mean it like an accusation.”

“Of course he did.” Effie smiled weakly. “It’s his way.”

Annie placed a hot cup of tea in front of her and then squeezed her shoulder. “He will come around.”

“We’ve decided to wait until morning to make a decision.” Peeta announced, closing the kitchen door behind him. “Are you alright, Effie?”

She nodded meekly, trying to force cheerfulness back on her face but failing miserably. She watched the boy step around the table to take a seat next to her, he clasped her hands in his.

“I don’t know what Haymitch was talking about but it doesn’t matter.” he told her firmly. “I ran away from the zombies my parents had become. It took me two weeks to realize they were dead. I didn’t even feel sad before that, I didn’t mourn for them. When things get that bad, you react the best way you can.”

“Thank you.” she whispered. She didn’t resist when he pulled her into a hug. She loved Peeta. She loved everyone in their little makeshift family, of course, but Peeta held a special place in her heart just like Haymitch favored Katniss.

“We’re leaving them the barn for the night. Johanna is taking the couch.” he said, once she was calmer. “Are you okay sharing with Haymitch or…”

She said she was even though she wasn’t sure. He had hurt her feelings twice in the space of one week and she didn’t like the sensation of weakness it left her with. She took her time getting ready for bed, lingering in the bathroom so long Johanna pitched a fit because she wanted a shower. He was already laying down when she finally got to the bedroom which made her angry because he just _assumed_ he was welcome in her bed. His grey eyes followed her around the room as she opened and closed drawers without any other purpose than to waste time.

“Yell, already.” he grunted at some point, obviously frustrated by her behavior.

She didn’t want to give him the satisfaction of starting a screaming match. She remained silent when she climbed into bed, careful to stay close to the edge so they wouldn’t have to touch. However, even like that, the bed was too small for two and she could feel the warmth of his body on her back as he moved to spoon her. He placed a hand on her hip. She slapped it away so hard her fingers tingled afterwards.

“Seriously?” he grumbled, shaking his hand. “It’s a single bed, sweetheart. How are we going to sleep in it if you don’t want me to touch you?”

Excellent question and she had an excellent answer. “Well, a gentleman would offer to take the floor.”

“She speaks!” he mocked.

“But obviously, you are _not_ a gentleman.” she huffed, flinging the covers away from her. She snatched her pillow and most of the blankets before hesitating for a second. She could go to the living-room but Johanna would be unbearable or she could go to Katniss and Prim’s and hope the girls would let her sleep on the carpet but that would mean explaining the domestic they were having. In the end, she settled for the least comfortable option but the one that would allow them at least a small amount of privacy. She placed her pillow on the ground in the small space between the bed and the wall and made herself a nest of blankets.

“Come on, Princess, be serious, you won’t sleep on the floor.” Haymitch chuckled.

“Watch me.” she retorted and then switched off the lights. Silence followed.

There was no comfortable position to find and her body was already aching but she refused to give in. She tossed and turned until she knocked her elbow against the wall which made her cry in pain.

“This is ridiculous.” Haymitch mumbled. His hands felt around for her, grabbed her arms and hauled her back on the bed. He almost crushed her when he bent again for her pillow and blankets. His arm sneaked around her waist and held her fast against his chest so she couldn’t escape even if she tried. She didn’t.

“I’m still angry at you.” she warned him.

“Aren’t you always?” he sighed before pressing a kiss to her shoulder. “Be angry and sleep, sweetheart, I have a feeling tomorrow will be one of your big, big, big day.”


	15. Chapter 15

**_ 15\.  _ **

“You’re going to trust strangers to have your back.” Haymitch shook his head at the people around him. Some, like Peeta and Katniss, wouldn’t meet his eyes. Others, like Johanna and Gale only seemed happy to appear defiant.  

“Look…” Finnick sighed, folding his arms over his chest. “I know you’re not happy about this but we all agreed it’s the best course of action. You’re the only one who…”

“Then you all agreed to go to your death.” he snapped, taking a look around the kitchen. Neither Coin nor Heavensbee had been invited to the meeting but that didn’t make Haymitch more at ease. Johanna was sitting on the table despite Effie’s regular pointed glares and the usually assertive young woman was strangely silent. It seemed they had all agreed beforehand that Finnick would speak for everyone else. “I’m telling you, they have their own agenda. They won’t stop to pick you up if you fall off the wagon.”

Finnick’s face was apologetic and Annie looked sad as she slipped her hand in his. “We took our decision.”

He looked at each person standing in that kitchen, realizing a bit too late that he had let himself become attached. His eyes stopped on Katniss who was looking so torn it made him glance at Prim: the kid was staring at him expectantly, clutching her sister’s hand. Peeta was staring in the exact same way, probably waiting for him to relent and say he was going with them after all.

He found Effie’s eyes, she was standing next to the boy, a hand on his shoulder the other wrapped around her midsection. She was wearing one of her ridiculously colorful top, bright pink this time, and her hair was braided in a way that told him Prim had played hairdresser that morning. They hadn’t talked yet, she was long gone when he had woken up.

“I won’t watch you die.” he shrugged, tearing his eyes from her to look at Finnick again. “I guess it’s goodbye then.”

“Don’t be stupid.” Katniss argued. “You’re coming with us.”

“There will be a bunker. It will be safe.” Prim added, her bright eyes full of tears. “Haymitch, you’re coming, aren’t you?”

He wasn’t equipped to deal with kids’ tears, he turned on his heels and headed straight for the bedroom. No sense in long goodbyes, no sense in wasting time. Most of his stuff was still in the truck but a bag of clothes had found its way to Effie’s room at some point, a bottle of whiskey too. He had barely started throwing his dirty clothes in the bag when he felt her presence on the threshold.

“Grab your stuff and make it quick.” he told her without looking up. “I want to make the most of daylight. It will be harder to drive by night now.”

“Haymitch, you can’t leave.” she objected.

“Oh yeah we can.” he snorted. “They will get themselves killed in two days and we won’t be there to see it. Come on, sweetheart, get a move on, gather your stuff.”

He threw one of her bags her way but she didn’t move to take it, she leaned against the doorframe and watched him warily.

“They’re our family.” she argued softly. “You would leave Katniss and Prim? Peeta? Finnick and Annie? Johanna or Gale? You would really leave any of them behind?”

“They’re big enough to make their choice.” he grumbled. He emptied drawers full to the rim with her clothes and placed them on the bed in the hope she would start helping him soon. He didn’t know how she managed to get so many clothes or why she had so many pairs of panties. “They’re not our family. We don’t have any family. We’re loners, Effie, that’s how we survive.”

Some part of him knew already that she didn’t share that point of view. Effie wasn’t like him. She needed to _belong_.

“What good does it make to survive if you’re alone?” she asked. “What is the point?”

“We’re not alone, we have each other.” he retorted, finally turning to look at her. “We _do_ have each other, don’t we, Princess? You got my back and I got yours. We’re a team.” A tear rolled down her cheek and something sour coiled in his stomach. “You’re not coming with me.” It wasn’t even a question, he only had to look at the way she was hugging herself, the tears in her eyes, the teeth deeply sunk into her lower lip…

“I’m not leaving them behind.” she whispered defensively. “I’m not leaving anyone behind ever again.”

He rubbed a hand on his face. “I shouldn’t have said that yesterday. That’s what you want to hear? An apology? I will apologize in the car. I will apologize everyday if you want me to, sweetheart, but I need you to get your stuff. _Now_.”

He didn’t know where the urgency was coming from but he did know that if he didn’t get out of the farm quickly he would never find the strength to leave.

“That has _nothing_ to do with what you said yesterday.” Her eyes were begging him to understand but he couldn’t. He really couldn’t. “I _can’t_ leave them.”

“If you go with them, I can guarantee you will be dead in a few days.” he snapped. “With those people, it’s going to be survival of the fittest. They only have their governmental bullshit in mind. They won’t stop for you, they won’t stand for your quirks. They’re military. I saw what this kind of people do, how they work. The group won’t be their priority, they will protect their precious President at all costs. The others will be collateral damages. _You_ will be collateral damage.”

What would happen when they were out of ammos and it would come down to hand to hand fighting? Effie would be the first to die with Prim and Annie probably. Except Prim and Annie would have Katniss, Finnick and the other to watch other them. Who would Effie have? He could see it clear as day: eventually, they would meet a pack of zombies or some mutts and Effie would be just a bit too slow with her knife. She would die.

“Then, so be it.” she replied, her cheeks flushing red in anger. “At least I won’t have run away.”

It sounded like an accusation and he didn’t have to stand for that. He didn’t owe her anything, he reminded himself, he didn’t owe any of them anything. He grabbed his bag and passed her, pushing her aside not so gently when she tried to stand in his path.

“I’m not running away.” he muttered. “I’m listening to my guts.” And his guts had saved him more often than not.

“You _are_ running away.” she accused him, following so close he was sure that if he were to stop she would collide with his back.

He could see Prim and Gale peeking their head from the living-room, Peeta and Katniss stood in front of the kitchen, Finnick, Annie and Johanna were on the front porch with Coin and Plutarch. He continued walking without a second glance for anybody. He didn’t like goodbyes. What was the point of goodbyes when it would only be farewells? He opened the door of the truck but Effie slammed it shut before he could even put his bag on the seat. It was a miracle his fingers didn’t get caught.

“You are running away from me.” she insisted. “You are running away from your feelings because you’re afraid of losing me, of losing any of them.” She waved at the house. Everyone was standing on the porch now, watching the argument unfold. Haymitch hated being put on the spot like that. He tried to open the door again but she crept between him and the car. “You can’t live like that, Haymitch. You can’t. Stop being a stubborn idiot.”

“ _You_ are being the stubborn idiot.” he snarled. “You’re clueless, far too trusting and obsessed with stupid things. Without me you would have gotten yourself killed months ago.”

He grabbed her waist and tried to push her away but she had her feet firmly rooted to the ground and it only resulted in a useless struggle that must have been really ridiculous to watch.

“I love you, you stupid man!” she shouted at some point, slamming a fist against his chest.

“Then, come with me.” he growled, grabbing her wrist and finally finding the leverage he needed to get her away from the truck door. He pinned her against the car, closer to the back seat door but any thought of actually getting behind the wheel left his mind. He could feel her quick breaths on his lips and he didn’t even try to resist the pull in his guts, he leaned in and kissed her. It was a dirty kiss, not something either of them would have thought of doing in front of an audience but Haymitch quite forgot about them once her body was pressed against his. Her hands stopped pushing and hitting his chest immediately, one of them locked around his neck and pulled him even closer, deepening a kiss he would have sworn couldn’t be deepened. She did that _thing_ with her tongue and he was moaning in her mouth like a teenager instead of the grown man he was. “Come with me.” he whispered, when they finally gasped for breath.

“You’re not leaving.” she declared. “You’re _not_.”

She pulled him back into a kiss that left him dizzy but he was the one who slowed this one. It felt bitter, like a goodbye and he didn’t bear it for long. It didn’t feel right. His lips grazed her jaw and pressed against the side of her forehead.

“I’m sorry, sweetheart.” he whispered in her ear.

Perhaps she was right and he _was_ running away. He didn’t want to face a loved-one’s death and he _did_ love all those stupid people. And he loved her more than anyone else, it was just difficult to admit.

It wasn’t hard to shove her aside and finally get in the car. She immediately started hammering on the window but he started the engine anyway, pretending he couldn’t hear her half-cooked threats. He almost turned the radio on so Taylor Swift’s annoying break-up songs would cover the sound of his own break-up.

Of course, Effie was a very difficult woman, that’s what had attracted him in the first place, so he shouldn’t have been overly surprised when she stepped around the car and placed herself in front of the hood, effectively blocking the truck.

He cracked the window open.

“Don’t think _for one second_ I won’t run you over.” he warned her.

She narrowed her eyes at him and folded her arms over her chest, chin raised in a challenging attitude.

“Well, go ahead!” she replied. “You’ve been itching to do just that since we met!”

“Effie, I swear I’m going to start this car.” he growled, pushing the truck forward an inch. It was enough for the metal to bump into her thighs, not that it seemed to trouble her.

“You’re ridiculous.” she told him. “Get out of that car before you make even more a spectacle of yourself.”

_“I_ ’m ridiculous?” he scowled. “You’re the one who’s about to get squashed by a car. _For the second time_.”

“You won’t do it.” she huffed.

“Wanna bet, Princess?” He let the car move forward again, slowly and carefully – he didn’t _really_ want to run her over after all. She was forced to take three steps back but she didn’t move away even when he made the engine roar in warning. He was a bit surprised no one had tried to get her back into the farm yet, perhaps they had finally learnt not to cross Effie Trinket though… “Let me go!”

“No!” she frowned. “If you want to leave me you will have to do it over my dead body. Quite literally at that.”

He turned off the engine. No point in wasting gas, she wouldn’t move. He slumped against the back of the seat and her shoulders relaxed gradually. She was pouting, she was _actually_ pouting like a child who had been denied her favorite toy.

“Are you done having your tantrum?” she had the balls to ask.

Their eyes locked.

He didn’t know which one of them started first but Haymitch snorted and then he was laughing so hard his side hurt. She was laughing too, a hand pushing against the hood to keep herself upright. It was all a bit hysterical and probably desperate too but he didn’t care much. It took a few seconds before he was able to get out of the car.

He side-stepped the hood quickly and then he was kissing her again and this time it felt more than right. Dirty, hot and messy like most of their kisses were. He forgot to think, he forgot to dwell about the fact that he was definitely not able to leave her behind and that it meant he was probably going to his joyful death right alongside her and the rest of the group, he forgot to breathe, he forgot _everything_ but the feel of her mouth under his and the way her body fit so perfectly against his own. It wasn’t a conscious decision to lift her up so she would be sitting on the hood of the car and it wasn’t a conscious decision to nudge her legs apart so he could get closer. He was too busy kissing her to make conscious decisions.

“Oh, _fuck_. Get a _fucking_ room!” Johanna’s voice rang out. “The kid is too young for porn!”

Haymitch turned his head long enough to see the rest of the group standing there, most of them gaping like stupid fishes. Peeta had placed a hand over Prim’s eyes while Katniss tried and failed to drag the girl inside. It occurred to Haymitch that his hand was indeed under Effie’s top – and in her bra, but he didn’t think they could tell that much from afar – that Effie’s fingers had been quite actively tugging at his belt and that it wasn’t a show for a twelve years old.

Effie was crimson. She buried her face in his shoulder when he slowly took his hand away, soothing her top so she didn’t look like someone had been molesting her against a car in public. Was it his fault if she made him crazy?

“How improper of you, Princess…” he teased.

She whacked his arm but refused to look at him, obviously mortified. “Are they gone?”

He glanced up to the porch. Katniss, Annie, Peeta and Prim had disappeared but the others were still there. Finnick was grinning in amusement, Johanna was scowling, Gale was fed up with the drama, Heavensbee had averted his eyes but looked like he was fighting a smile and Coin was glaring although to be fair she had done little else since her arrival.

“They’re judging.” he whispered in her ear, pressing a kiss against her blushing neck. “Or maybe they’re jealous.”

“You make a mushy mess of my brain. It’s all your fault.” She pushed him away weakly. “Stop it.”

“I don’t think so, no.” he chuckled. She wasn’t expecting him to throw her over his shoulder; she squealed and then struggled, hitting him with her fists and feet but he only patted her two millions insured ass. “They can deal with it.” he promised her even when Coin hissed that this kind of behavior wouldn’t be acceptable from now on. He carried her past their audience without a glance and straight to their bedroom, kicking the door shut. By the time he dropped her on the bed covered with the clothes he had taken out of the drawers, she was giggling.

She shook her head. “You’re completely mad.”

“Completely.” he agreed, tugging her boots off one after the other. Her jeans were next.

“I will never be able to face them again.” she sighed. He couldn’t help but notice that for all her complaining she didn’t try to stop him when he quickly disposed of the rest of her clothes. He was satisfied only when she was lying on the bed in all the glory of her naked body. She hooked two fingers in one of the belt loops of his jeans and tugged with a cheeky grin. “You’re overdressed.” She pulled him forward until he was kneeling over her on the bed and she could kiss him again. He couldn’t tell when she managed to get rid of the unnecessary shirt, pants and underwear he was wearing, he was too focused on sucking on her neck and letting his hands explore all those places that made her gasp.

He was sure she would pitch a fit once she realized they were having sex over the entire content of her wardrobe but he couldn’t care less. It had been too long since the last time she had let him touch her. He didn’t quite understand how he could feel so desperate for her body after only a few days when he had gone years without having sex with a woman… He figured Effie was like a drug. He craved her just like he craved alcohol.

“I love you.” she whimpered when he buried himself inside her. “I love you. I love you…”

He wasn’t sure she was aware of what she was saying, she was too far gone in her own bliss to notice.

“I want you.” he replied softly, biting her shoulder. It was the best he could come up with, the only thing he was comfortable saying aloud. If the way her fingers tangled in his hair to urge him faster was any indication, it was enough.

It didn’t take much for her to go over the edge and he didn’t last long before joining her.

Once he got his breath back, he rolled them over so she wouldn’t be crushed under his dead weight. She, on the other hand, had no problem laying on top of his chest. Perhaps it was a way to ensure he wouldn’t get up and leave while she wasn’t looking.

“Don’t go.” she pleaded in a small voice.

Her braid was a mess. He tugged on the hair tie and then toyed with her hair until it came undone. He combed through the curls, a bit too aware he was trying to gain time before giving an answer. “Sweetheart…”

“I don’t want to leave them.” she cut him off, her voice broke slightly and he was suddenly afraid she would start crying again like she had done a few days ago. “Please, don’t make me choose.”

“Would you choose me?” he asked, running his fingers up and down her bare back.

Effie’s hand clenched his shoulder in an unconscious attempt to keep him right there. “Yes.” she finally sighed. “Yes… Would you?”

Would he stay with the group instead of leaving on his own? Would he stay even though they were probably running to their death when he could try to survive on his own? Would he stay for her?

“Yeah.” he whispered, barely loud enough to be heard. “This is a _bloody_ mistake but yeah.”

She lifted her head to look at him properly, her eyes searched his but he wasn’t sure what she was looking for. She must have found it though because her fingers brushed against his jaw softly, her nail scraping his stubble, and then she was kissing him, slow and tender like they rarely did. “Thank you.”

“I’m not sure you will be thanking me in a week, sweetheart.” he lamented before tucking a wayward strand behind her ear.

He was _sure_ Coin was bad news.

And as it turned out, he wasn’t wrong.


	16. Chapter 16

**_16_**.

“He needs alcohol, you know that as well as I do.” Effie snapped, frustrated by the whole argument. She arranged the heavy blankets around Haymitch for the third time but that didn’t help his shivering. He was slumped against her, in the back seat of their truck, and his teeth had been chattering for hours now. His eyes were closed but she knew he was awake, he would never sleep if he could help it, he had stopped even trying since he had exhausted his stock of liquor.

They had been back on the road for a week and a half and it had been two days since his last mouthful of whiskey now, Coin was refusing the idea of a trip solely to find liquor and the others were all more or less on agreement with that decision which made Effie terribly mad. Of course, she would love for Haymitch to stop drinking his problems away but not like this. She was afraid he wouldn’t make it, he got sicker every day.

On the front seat, Finnick and Annie exchanged a look, Effie could barely see their features in the dark. They had given up on driving during the night. The more north they went, the more treacherous the roads became – not to mention the cold. They were parked right behind Annie’s truck but Gale was driving that one with the rest of the teenagers, Effie had insisted they exchanged the girls for Finnick and Annie as soon as Haymitch’s headaches had kicked in. Behind them was Johanna’s new car with most of the supplies and behind her, Effie could hardly make out the massive shape of the rebels SUV. She hated the idea of being trapped between two cars and she knew Johanna didn’t like it one bit either, both of them would rather be on point or at the rear.

“Look…” Finnick sighed, leaning an arm on the back of the seat. “Maybe it’s for the best… He will be fine in a few days, right, Annie?”

“I’m not a doctor, Finnick, I’m a marine biologist.” the younger woman replied with a sympathetic glance for Haymitch. “He should be… I guess.”

“He’s in withdrawal.” Effie argued. “I don’t know the first thing about withdrawals and he is one of our best shots. We are putting ourselves in danger just because…”

“There will be doctors in Thirteen.” Finnick interrupted her. “He will be fine once we get there.”

“Then, we should wait to be there to sober him up.” she scowled. “I don’t know who that woman thinks she is but…”

“She’s our new President.” Haymitch mumbled from his nest of blankets. They didn’t have much of those : one per person only so it wouldn’t overload the cars. Effie had relinquished hers as well as her jacket to keep him warm.

“Yes, well… I didn’t vote for her.” Effie huffed, tightening his hold on him when he moved so he was pressed against her rather than crushing her with his whole weight. “And you shouldn’t be suffering because she’s being a… a… a…”

“Bitch?” Finnick suggested. She could hear the grin in his voice.

“ _Yes_.” Effie was annoyed and the more Haymitch’s discomfort increased, the more she wanted to climb out of the truck, march to Coin’s SUV and claw her face out with her bright blue nails – although the President had _also_ tried to banish nail polish, insisting on reviewing their bags before they started their journey and on them getting rid of unnecessary products; needless to say, it hadn’t settled well with Effie. “She hasn’t even been properly elected! This is a dictatorship.”

“Is it too early for the ‘I told you so’?” Haymitch snorted. He pushed the blankets on her with shaky hands. She tried to protest but he said he was too hot now, his breathing was quick too. He tugged on the collar of his shirt in a desperate attempt to cool down even though it was freezing in the car. Effie’s heart was aching to see him hurt like this.

“Dictatorship or not, she has what we need.” Finnick shrugged. “We need the bunker.”

Effie couldn’t see properly but she thought his hand was on Annie’s stomach.

“At the pace we’re going, we won’t reach it before your child in ten.” It was mean and perhaps a bit low, but it made Effie feel better. They were too slow, everybody agreed on that. When they weren’t trying to avoid groups of zombies or trying to escape mutts, they were stopping for the night or getting lost because they couldn’t use the road they were supposed to follow. Highways were out of the question entirely and side-roads in that part of the country were more cluttered than in the south.

“I honestly think she’s doing her best.” Annie pointed out. “She wants to reach Thirteen as much as we do.”

“Perhaps.” Effie granted. “However that doesn’t give her the right to lord over us and to order us about.”

“You’re just bitter because she threw away all your clothes.” Finnick joked.

Effie’s eyes narrowed in displeasure at the memory. The scene hadn’t been a pretty one. When Coin had emptied her bags and allowed her a _single_ pack only, Effie’s sight had turned red. One of her soldier – _lapdog_ , as Haymitch was calling them, since they never even tried to mingle with the group – had sorted out all her bright clothes from the black and grey and had thrown them away while she was helping Prim with her own bags. Peeta had to physically restrain her before she tried to kill the guy, she was now left with dark clothes only, her less fitting jeans and she looked ugly on a permanent basis. The only thing she had managed to salvage and sneak in Haymitch’s truck was her make-up and a few bottles of nail polish.

“And you were not bitter when she declared that your harpoon wasn’t a suitable weapon?” she retorted, glancing at her feet where Finnick’s faithful harpoon was lying in wait of being used. She hadn’t been the only one doing some sneaking around.

“Is it bad that I don’t even listen anymore when she does one of her speeches?” Annie asked, out of the blue, her voice laced with amusement. “She _does_ love those, doesn’t she?”

She absolutely _did_. Effie wouldn’t have been able to count the number of “inspirational” speeches Coin had given since they had decided to follow the rebels. She seemed to love the sound of her own voice just as much as she loved giving out orders.  

“Politicians.” Haymitch grumbled.

“My favorite was the one about proper behavior.” Finnick grinned. “About that ‘no-sex on the road’ rule…”

“Yeah, we know you broke that one a few times.” Haymitch replied, pressing his forehead against the window to cool down.

“Like _you_ didn’t.” Finnick laughed.

“Unfortunately not as much I wanted to.” he chuckled.

“ _Haymitch_!” Effie could feel the blush burning her cheeks. “That is _not_ a proper topic.”

Annie was chiding Finnick as well but with much more amusement than Effie.

“Sorry, sweetheart.” he smirked but it didn’t look as smug as it usually did. Even in the darkness, she could see the exhaustion on his face, the dejection. She didn’t resist the impulse to brush her fingers against his cheek, he leaned in the contact, dropping a kiss on her wrist. “Stop worrying.” he told her low enough that their friends could pretend not to have heard.

“I can’t.” She didn’t even try to make up a lie. She was too afraid he would give up and die. She settled against him to sleep, knowing it was useless to try and convince him to do the same.

On the contrary of what Finnick had promised, he didn’t get better after a few days.

The tremors in his hands became so bad he couldn’t pick up anything. He felt so humiliated when he dropped his fork for the fourth time one night that he simply refused to eat after that. Effie didn’t make the mistake of trying to spoon-feed him, he made enough of a fuss each time she brought a bottle of water to his lips. He stopped eating and he was _so_ _weak_ already… He was fading and Effie couldn’t bear it. It took her two days and an especially ugly round of crying before he surrendered and ate a few crackers that did nothing for his ever-present nausea.

Coin still refused to try and find alcohol, arguing that he would snap out of it eventually and that it would be better for everyone involved.

Effie had stopped arguing – she had stopped getting close to the woman entirely because the temptation to draw out her gun and put an end to this dictatorship was simply overwhelming and it frightened her – but she kept an eye open for any sign of a shop. People weren’t fighting to ride with them either. Haymitch was slipping in and out of consciousness now, his nightmares vivid and so violent he woke up screaming more often than not. Even the screams were muffled, however, he was too weak to be of any danger.

There was always someone with her in the car, she suspected that, despite what they claimed, the others weren’t sure Haymitch would make it and didn’t want her to be alone in case something dire happened. Effie refused to think about that.

“You are not very talkative today.” Peeta commented and she startled back to the present moment. She had been driving mostly on autopilot, following Annie’s truck. Johanna was driving which meant they were going fast, too fast for Katniss’ tastes if Effie interpreted the distance she had left between her car and the back of their truck correctly. The rebels were far behind, she almost couldn’t glimpse their black car in the rear-view mirror.

“Sorry, dear.” she offered quietly. “I have a lot on my mind.”

Peeta’s eyes softened. “He’s going to be okay, Effie, you’ll see.”

She glanced in the mirror, checking on the back seat. Haymitch was passed out against one of the door and Gale was looking out the window, lost in his own thoughts.

“Of course, he will.” She attempted to put some cheerfulness in her voice but it fell flat. She didn’t even convince herself.

As if on cue, Haymitch jumped awake, startling them all. Effie almost hit Johanna who sped up, before passing her arm through the window to flip her off – not that Effie noticed. Haymitch’s grey eyes darted from left to right, he looked panicked, crazy, and when Gale placed a hand on his shoulder, she just knew it would end badly. The second Gale made contact, Haymitch was on him with a desperate cry.

Peeta unbuckled his seatbelt and almost went over the back of the seat to try and get Haymitch off Gale but Haymitch was dead set on strangling Gale. The teenager was already purple by the time Effie threw the car on the side of the road. Katniss had to steer violently to avoid hitting it but Effie was already out of the truck. She opened the backdoor and grabbed Haymitch’s arm.

“Stop!” she ordered. “Haymitch, stop!”

His eyes darted to her but he obviously didn’t consider her a threat because they went back to Gale quickly. He wasn’t totally awake, she could tell, or maybe he was hallucinating. She pulled on his arm, Peeta had grabbed him around the waist and was tugging too.

“Haymitch!” She was so desperate she slammed her fist against his shoulder.

It was a mistake.

He flung her off so hard she collapsed on the road but at least he stopped throttling Gale who coughed in a desperate attempt to get oxygen into his lungs. She cried out when she hit the road.

“Effie!” Katniss was crouching next to her suddenly. “What happened?” the girl asked. “You’re bleeding.”

Was it her crying out in pain or Katniss’ words that finally passed the fog surrounding Haymitch’s brain? The next thing she knew, Haymitch was out of the car and kneeling next to her, cradling her bleeding hand in his.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry, sweetheart, I’m sorry.” he mumbled over and over again. She wasn’t sure he was totally _there_.

“It’s alright, it’s just a scratch.” She nodded to Katniss in reassurance because the girl didn’t look really sure. “I’m alright.”

“I’m not if anyone cares.” Gale coughed, he stumbled out of the car and bent over, a hand covering his already bruising throat. Katniss hurried over.

“I’m sorry.” Haymitch repeated. He pressed his forehead against her shoulder. “I thought I was back there, I’m sorry. I forgot.”

_Back_ _where_?, she wanted to ask but she refrained. His past wasn’t a pretty place to be.

“It’s alright.” she told him, ignoring the stares. Everyone had gotten out of their car by now and Coin’s glare was heavy. Effie glared right back, glad Haymitch hadn’t noticed. “Let’s get you back to the car. Peeta, could you drive, dear?”

Peeta agreed quickly and it wasn’t long before they were back on the road except this time she was the one sitting with Haymitch and Peeta was the one driving in silence. Haymitch was awake but refused to talk or banter even when she tried her best to babble him into annoyance.

It only got worse after that, it happened again although no one got hurt this time but he refused to let anyone sit in the back seat with him.

By the time they finally reached a store three days later, Effie was at the end of her rope. It had been decided that they needed more winter clothes so they stopped to Effie’s relief, she volunteered to go and get the clothes with Peeta and Johanna while Katniss and Finnick went for food. Haymitch was so out of it, he didn’t even protest when she grabbed a cutlass and followed Johanna into the building.

There were zombies inside, four attacked before they were even in the store but Johanna swung her axe and Finnick harpooned around until they had cleared a safe passage. Katniss’ bow did the rest. The zombies had obviously been dead for a while because they were slow and quite easy to dispose of.

The store had been thoroughly ransacked that much was clear but there were still some useful things to grab. Neither Finnick nor Katniss seemed optimistic about food however but they still went to have a look. Johanna took watch duty, Peeta grabbed coats and sweaters without pausing to check sizes. Effie reluctantly did the same but took great pleasure in taking the most colorful clothes she could find : beggars couldn’t be choosers after all and Coin would just have to deal with that.

“I will take this to the car.” she said innocently enough, nodding to her bags full to the brim.

“No one goes alone.” Johanna argued.

“I’m almost done.” Peeta added, shredding his jacket for a warmer one.

Try as she might, she didn’t manage to convince them to let her wander on her own. She had to carry the bags and an armful of clothes back to Johanna’s car for later repartition. Gale and the soldiers were busy siphoning the cars abandoned in the parking lot under Coin and Plutarch’s watchful eyes but there wasn’t much left there either.

Effie watched the truck where she had left Haymitch with Annie and Prim and sighed. “We need more blankets. I will go, you don’t have to come, it’s safe enough in there.”

Peeta frowned and Johanna scowled.

“You’re not even convincing, you know.” Johanna huffed before turning to Peeta. “I will go with her, distract Coin.”

“Thank you.” she whispered, as soon as they were back in the store.

“Whatever.” Johanna grumbled. “I wouldn’t mind a bottle of tequila myself.”

They crept around aisles, stepping over fallen shelves and avoiding crawling zombies as much as they could. They could hear Finnick and Katniss arguing in hushed whispers about what type of food to take and by mutual tacit agreement, they walked around that aisle. When they finally found the liquor section, Effie almost sat down and cried.

The shelves had been pushed over, it was all a mess of broken glass and dark sticky puddles on the floor.

“Not your boyfriend’s lucky day.” Johanna sighed, kicking a fragment of bottle away.

Effie didn’t reply. She leaned against the closest still standing shelf and hid her face behind her hands, focusing on keeping her breathing even.

“Hey, don’t start weeping on me again.” the younger woman warned, obviously ill-at-ease. “He will have to pull through on his own, that’s all.”

“He doesn’t eat, he barely drinks and it’s getting colder every day.” Effie snapped. “ _How_ exactly do you expect him to pull through?”

Johanna had the decency not to answer that. She was often blunt to the point of cruelty but she never lied. She suggested they find some soup because it might be easier for him to stomach and Effie agreed but her heart wasn’t in it.

She refused when Johanna offered to drive the truck, tired of the others’ attempts to help. She drove for hours in silence with Haymitch’s raspy breathing on the back seat for sole companionship. When they finally stopped for the night, she didn’t linger by the small fire. Dodging questions and concerned gazes alike, she climbed back into the truck and made it clear no one was welcome.

She tried to feed him some of the broth she and Johanna had found but he refused to eat. He moved his head each time she brought the spoon to his lips. He was delirious again, feverish, but it wasn’t quite as bad as it had been some of the previous nights.

She let her mind wander for a while, allowing herself to imagine a better world where zombies or mutts weren’t roaming in the night. They probably wouldn’t have met before the world ended. Never. How would it have been possible?

And yet… It was easy to imagine meeting him by chance. He could have almost run over somewhere else, she would have insisted on him buying her coffee as an apology and they would have argued the whole time before deciding to meet up again. He would have hated her world though, probably as much as she hated this apocalyptic one. It was hard to imagine them being totally happy anywhere.

She tried again but he batted the spoon away and the back seat was so crammed with both of them, most of the broth spilled on her lap. She couldn’t even begin to care about her clothes, they were already stained with zombie blood and sweat. She was hideous and she didn’t even care. She dropped the spoon back in the bowl and it clattered loudly in the silence.

“You are giving up.” she said, looking at the bowl rather than at him. “You are giving up on me, you are slipping away. You are _not_ allowed to do that. You will fight for me or I swear to God, Haymitch, I will bring you back to kill you myself.” She glanced at him, relieved to find his grey eyes riveted on her. She wasn’t sure he understood what she was talking about but at least she had his attention. “We need you. _I_ need you. Fight for me.”

They stared at each other for a few minutes and just when she was starting to hope again, he closed his eyes and let his head roll against the back of the seat. She closed her eyes too, fighting the urge to simply throw the bowl just to have the satisfaction of hearing something smash. But then, as she was about to climb out and offer the rest of the broth to Prim or Annie, he placed his hand on her wrist. She looked up to find him staring at her.

“Do you want to try again?” she asked quietly, almost afraid of his answer.

He didn’t nod or offer any kind of response but when she brought the spoon to his lips, he opened his mouth this time. She hastily wiped away the tears that had started to fall and gave him the rest of the broth before curling up against him to sleep. He tried to protest that, conscious enough to know he could hurt her during a nightmare, but she ignored him.

He didn’t hurt her and she stubbornly stayed on the back seat with him the next day, leaving the wheel to Gale. Over the next few days, he forced himself to eat despite the nausea and he regained enough strength to sit up and even walk around on his own. He was still terribly grumpy and barked at everyone who tried to help but Effie didn’t feel bad when she snapped right back. A grumpy, snappish Haymitch, she could handle a lot better than a passive one.

“You look like bigfoot, Haymitch.” Katniss snorted, over the loud music.

Beyonce had replaced Taylor Swift and Haymitch wasn’t enjoying it much more but Effie was so fed-up by his general behavior that day that she couldn’t find it in her to ask the teenagers to turn the volume down. From the passenger side, Johanna snorted. “She’s right, you need a shave.”

Prim was with Gale and Peeta, in the car right behind them. The sisters had a fight during breakfast and Coin had ordered them in separate cars – which had given way to another kind of fight entirely but Effie had stayed out of it.

Effie glanced at Haymitch but didn’t offer any comment. They had an argument on their own earlier. He had reproached her to baby him and she had retorted that she wouldn’t have needed to baby him if he just grew up and took care of himself. Admittedly, she had been a bit unfair, he was still struggling but he was doing better and he would keep improving if he only stopped wallowing in self-pity.

“I will shave if you stop that _bloody_ music.” he grumbled.

“Deal.” Johanna sneered, turning the music off. “I can’t look at the dead thing on your face any longer.”

Effie chuckled which prompted Haymitch to glare at her but, to be honest, she couldn’t even call that a beard now. It was unshaped, unkempt and unstyled.

“When Jo and Effie agree on something, you know they’re right.” Katniss joked.

Haymitch mumbled something she didn’t quite catch. Perhaps it was better that way. Nobody could hold a grudge like Haymitch could except Effie so it was of no surprise to her that they didn’t talk again that day. But when she noticed his absence around the fire during that night dinner, she still searched for him. It wasn’t hard, she only had to follow the string of curses to his truck.

“What are you doing?” she frowned.

He turned around from where he had obviously been staring at his reflection in the wing mirror, his face was covered with shaving foam. He held his knife in his right hand and there was already a cut on his cheek. The tremors were particularly bad that day.

“Trying to get a few new scars, obviously.” he retorted. “It’s been awhile since the last.” She rolled her eyes but stepped closer, outstretching her hand for the knife. He gave in after a few seconds of hesitation and opened the door to sit down so it would be easier for her. “Another thing I can’t do on my own.”

“You’re still recovering.” she replied, stepping between his legs and tilting his head up. “Be patient.”

He dropped his gaze to stare at her boots. “You and I both know I will never totally recover, sweetheart, cut the crap. I can’t shoot.”

“And I can’t use a knife.” she shrugged, carefully getting rid of that atrocious beard. She would have given the world for a razor and almost went back to search for the one she kept in the trunk if she hadn’t been sure he would change his mind and walk away while she was gone.

“Really reassuring since you have one on my throat right now.” he snorted.

She glared. “Well, if you don’t stop talking…” He _did_ stop talking but the smirk remained in place and he placed his hands on the back of her thighs. “There.” She wasn’t totally satisfied but it was the best she could do with a knife. He grabbed the dirty shirt he had left on the seat earlier to wipe the rest of the foam off despite her obvious disapproval. Or maybe because of it.

She sighed but brushed a hand against his cheek. It was smooth in places and rugged in others, she wasn’t a very good barber. “I miss you.” She didn’t know where that came from although she couldn’t bring herself to regret the words. She truly missed him. She missed their life on the farm too. She missed their bed. She missed waking up in his arms. She missed having a room to themselves when they felt like it. She missed his occasional laughs and their usual banter.

He pressed on her thighs until she stepped closer enough to straddle him. It wasn’t practical at all, she had to grip the wheel to prevent a fall. “I’m better now.” he hesitated, pressing a soft kiss against her neck before wrinkling his nose. “You need a shower, Princess.”

She pushed him back, vexed, he wasn’t expecting it and fell on his back which was actually _good_. She could work with him stretched out under her on the seat.

“So do you, if you must know.” she replied. “Only, I’m too polite to comment on it.”

His hands ran from her thighs to her waist, sneaking under her sweater to feel the warm skin underneath. His unsteady fingers roamed over her ribcage and she could feel her breathing starting to quicken. It had been _so long_ since the last time…

His smirk was already promising a thousand sweet tortures. “You…”

The knocking on the back seat window made her jump so hard she almost knocked herself out on the roof. She glanced over her shoulder to glare at Finnick who was sporting a wolfish grin.

“I’m _so_ sorry to interrupt the show but : one, everybody can see you – _again_ , I have to point out – two, our dear President wants me to remind you we’re not allowed to do that before we reach Thirteen. Military policy and all that jazz.” the young man said, his eyes twinkling with amusement.

“Are we going to reach Thirteen while we’re alive?” Haymitch shot, grabbing the wheel to haul himself up. Effie quickly got off him, trying her hardest to pretend she wasn’t embarrassed. “’Cause the rate we’re going, I’m beginning to think Thirteen exists in her head only.”

“Don’t shoot the messenger.” Finnick shrugged. “Ah yeah… Coin says you and Effie should sleep in different cars to avoid temptation.”

“Like hell.” Haymitch snorted.

“Yeah, that’s what I said too.” Finnick laughed. “But we _do_ have Johanna to chaperone us. They’re drawing straws to see who gets to spend the night with you. Apparently, nobody trusts you to keep it in your pants, Haymitch.”

“Once.” Effie whined, her cheek flushed. “It happened _once_.” And it was all Haymitch’s fault. If he hadn’t started kissing her _like that_ in front of that farm, she would never have forgotten where they were and who was watching.

“Well, twice with tonight to be fair.” Haymitch pointed out, still sporting his smirk. “You’re a minx.”

“Perhaps I _should_ sleep in another car after all.” she snapped.

“Nope.” he denied, making the _p_ pop in the most ridiculous fashion. He grabbed her wrist and pulled her over him again like a giant blanket. “You’re all mine, sweetheart.”

Finnick’s joyful laughter boomed into the night.


	17. Chapter 17

“Have you figured out where we are?” Effie asked.

He glanced at her over the map spread in his lap and half in hers. She was looking at the road ahead, closely following Annie’s truck, both hands on the wheel in the perfect ten to ten position. Her drumming fingers were betraying her frustration though. He watched the metallic red painted nails dance up and down for a few seconds, wondering how she always managed to sneak that kind of stupid things out of raids and scavenger hunts. Coin might have forbidden colorful clothes or anything that could be interpreted as a personality statement but Effie didn’t abide by those rules. She was wearing a fisherman’s jumper, complete with a sailor cap on her head. Fashion statement, she had said when he had ventured a question, and it also hid her dirty hair from sight. She would kill for the opportunity to shower, he knew. He would too, to be honest, and he wasn’t picky about that kind of things.

“Between a dead crop field and even deader cows.” he sighed, letting go of the map. It reminded him of their first meeting when he had almost swerved his truck into a rotting cow corpse to avoid running over her… _Good_ _times_ , he thought.

“Charming.” she scowled. “ _Deader_ isn’t a word.”

“Sure it is.” he argued.

“Dead things don’t stay dead, so I think it’s a word now, Effie.” Katniss offered from the back seat where she and Prim were engrossed in a cards game of some sort.

“See?” He waved at the girls on the back seat with a shaky hand. “It’s a word.”

She rolled her eyes, obviously unconvinced. “It doesn’t tell me where we are.”

“Somewhere in _bloody_ Nebraska, that’s where.” he sighed. He wasn’t particularly enjoying their stay. It was cold, damp and he was sure it would start snowing before too long.

“Thank you, I believe I knew as much.” Her drumming on the wheel became even more restless. “The huge sign ‘ _Welcome to Nebraska’_ was a straight give-away, I must confess.”

Katniss and Prim both looked up with raised eyebrows, surprised by the sarcasm. She was usually nothing but politeness and smiles in front of the others. Haymitch smirked, well-used to her sassy comments.

“Well, someone is cranky today.” he snorted.

“Someone is tired of running around in circles.” she snapped. “Their itinerary makes no sense at all. If they would just tell me where they want to go, I could plan a better route and a schedule. We could be in Thirteen in no time.”

“I know.” he offered. She was good with planning and sticking to schedules and he was good with strategy. If they had let the two of them do as they thought fit, the whole group would have reached the bunkers by now. Coin, however, refused to give out the exact location. Every morning Plutarch gave them new directions and every morning they drove seemingly at random. Haymitch understood that they were trying to avoid the most populated regions but that made for a twisting path. They were constantly going back on their steps it seemed. The food was starting to become scarce, even with Katniss and Gale’s regular hunting trips, they were all starting to get very frustrated and Effie and Haymitch more than others. Effie held a grudge the size of Texas about the way Haymitch’s withdrawal had been handled and Haymitch was concerned with the dismissive way the President was treating them. “Cheer up, sweetheart, at least we’re still alive.”

There was a perfectly synchronized grunting from the back seat.

“Did you have to say that?” Prim whined.

“You’re going to jinx us!” Katniss complained.

“Please.” Effie huffed. “We are on the run in the middle of a zombie apocalypse and we’re governed by incompetent morons. It can’t get much worse than this.”

Haymitch almost face-palmed. Prim certainly did.

“Now we’re jinxed, alright.” he grunted with irritation. “What did you say that for?”

She frowned and glanced at him. “I beg your pardon?”

“It can’t get worse.” Katniss replied with a sigh. “You can’t say it can’t get worse. _Now_ , it’s going to get worse.”

“It’s like a scientific process or something.” Prim nodded wisely. “You should have watched more movies.”

“Don’t be ridiculous.” Effie laughed. “We aren’t in a movie. Nothing will happen because I said our life can only improve.”

“It’s the apocalypse, sweetheart.” he reminded her for the thousandth time. “I think we are kind of in a movie situation.”

“ _Ridiculous_.” she insisted. “How can you believe in such things?”

“With zombies in the backyard?” Haymitch replied. “Easily enough.”

She looked at Prim in the rear-view mirror. “Nothing is going to happen, dear, I swear. Neither Haymitch nor Katniss believe it will either, they are just joking.”

“Are we?” Katniss winced. Effie gave her a pointed glare in the mirror and Katniss rolled her eyes. “We are. We… _Watch_ _out_!”

Effie was still looking in the mirror when Finnick’s truck swerved abruptly to the left. She braked instinctively but that wasn’t enough to avoid the lonely figure walking in the middle of the road, it rolled on their windshield which – miraculously – didn’t smash.

“Oh, crap.” Katniss hissed.

_Crap_ was an accurate description, Haymitch figured, his blood running cold at the sight of the group of zombies shuffling along the road. What did you call a group that large? A herd? He didn’t have time to ponder the thought, he grabbed the wheel and pulled it to the right before Effie could bring the car to a stop so they wouldn’t get hit by the truck following them. They toppled a few more zombies over and found themselves in the middle of the weathered field on their right. Gale didn’t stop in time and drove straight into the group of zombies, that was the last thing he saw of their friends.

Effie had trouble controlling the car. She must have sped up in panic, the truck was going too fast and it slid dangerously over the muddy earth.

“Slow down. _Slow_ _down_.” he instructed.

How she managed to stop the car without any of them breaking their neck, he didn’t know. They weren’t saved, though. There were zombies in the field too albeit less. He grabbed his gun and bolted out before they could get too close, barely noticing Katniss and Effie doing the same.

Katniss’ warning cry came too late.

He had taken two steps out of the truck when something jumped on his back from the roof. His gun flew out of his hand and he readied himself for a bite that never came. A shot rang out and the mutt on his back became a dead weight that Katniss kicked away with her boot.

“Good shot, Effie.” Katniss sounded relieved.

Haymitch took the hand the girl offered, immediately finding Effie’s eyes. “I never told you I’m damn glad you tried to become an actress, did I?” Because if she hadn’t taken those shooting classes for that movie she never played in, life would have been a tad harder.

“ _Do_ try to remember you aren’t allowed to die on me.” she replied but there was an amused twinkle in her eyes. “ _Sweetheart_.”

“I told you you would walk if you ever called me that again.” he growled but then there was no time to joke around. Katniss was already shooting arrow after arrow, Prim had climbed out of the truck and was clutching her knife despite her sister’s instructions to get back inside… He and Effie started shooting but…

With the tremors in his hands, he was missing more than he hit and they were getting low on ammos.

He exchanged the gun for the knife and ignored Effie’s protests. He lost himself in the fight. It was easy, all that he used to know really : kill first and think later.

And then it was over.

There were only dead zombies around him. Katniss was already picking up her arrows with Prim’s help and Effie was looking at the road in utter horror. Gunshots and screams were still ringing out over there.

The rebels’ SUV was parked a few feet away from the main fighting zone but that hadn’t saved them. He could see the corpse of one of Coin’s lapdog on the hood. The President and Plutarch were standing on the roof and shooting on sight while the other soldier was trying to keep zombies at bay. The rest of the group he couldn’t quite see. The sun caught the gleam of Johanna’s axe here and there, she was swinging that thing like crazy and had considerably helped cleaning up the herd. He spied Annie and Finnick on the roof of their own truck.

“Back in the car!” Haymitch ordered. “ _Now_.”

Nobody even thought about discussing his command, they scrambled up into the truck. Haymitch took the wheel, Katniss exchanged the bow for a gun which was easier to manage at close range and they were gone. He drove them around and right to the thick pack of zombies. Johanna and Finnick were doing a good job at protecting Annie but the boys were still missing and their car was still covered with zombies and mutts.

“Make each shot count.” he told Effie and Katniss. He didn’t make the mistake of taking the car too close to the group of undead people. By the time the zombies realized there was another possible source of meat, the mutts were already running toward them. Haymitch made sure he wasn’t going too fast for them or they would abandon the chase. The respite was enough for Peeta and Gale to get out of their car and finish the remaining zombies.

“I’m going to brake.” he warned the girls, keeping his eyes on the five mutts in the rear-view mirror. “And then we are going to get rid of them _really_ fast. Prim, you stay in the car, on the floor where they can’t see you. Seatbelts on, sweethearts.”

“Are you sure it’s a good idea?” Effie asked.

“No.” He did it anyway.

The mutts were smarter than zombies but not smart enough to predict that kind of maneuver, they ran past the truck when he braked abruptly. It gave Haymitch, Effie and Katniss the time they needed to get out and shot them before they turned around. Effie took two down, Katniss two others and he managed to hit one, shaky hands or not.

“It wasn’t such a bad idea, was it?” he smirked.

Effie’s mouth pursed in a thin line and she looked at him with obvious disapproval. “Is it _really_ an appropriate moment to gloat?”

It was. They could handle regular zombies well enough and he could only see around six of them left. Johanna, Finnick and Gale were dispatching those quickly. He opened his mouth to tell her just that when a yell gave him goosebumps. It was followed by Katniss’ own shout, he barely had time to turn around before he saw the girl jumping on a mutt – one that had been clever enough not to fall for his ploy. They never killed mutts with knives, it wasn’t clever to get close enough, but this mutt went down with Katniss’ knife drilled deep into his brain. And that was when he glimpsed Peeta.

“ _No_!” Effie breathed out and then she started running and Haymitch had no choice but to follow.

By the time they reached the teenager, the rest of the zombies were dead. It didn’t change anything. Katniss had already rolled up Peeta’s jean and there was no denying the bleeding wound on his calf. The two teenagers were looking at each other completely horrified.

“Fuck.” Johanna spat, before kicking the closest corpse. “ _Fuck_!”

“No.” Effie repeated firmly and she pushed Johanna aside to kneel next to the boy but it was Prim who had the smartest reaction. She sneaked past Finnick and Johanna, completely disregarding the blood, took her belt off and tied a tourniquet. Haymitch didn’t know where she had learned to do that but Katniss didn’t look surprised, perhaps she was too stunned.

Effie, meanwhile, was clutching the boy’s hand in his own and rocking a bit. “You won’t turn. It’s nothing. You won’t turn.”

“Welcome to the land of denial.” Johanna snapped. “Of course, he will turn. One bite, you turn.”

“Shut up.” Katniss barked at her. “Shut the hell up!” She grabbed Peeta’s other hand. “Effie’s right. You won’t turn. It’s going to be alright. _It_ _is_.”

“The infection spreads through the blood.” Annie said softly, a hand on her stomach.

“He needs to be put down.” Coin’s voice rang out from behind them. “I’m sorry but it’s the human thing to do.”

“Just try.” Katniss growled, her free hand on her gun. “Just _try_.”

“I concur.” Effie glared at the other woman, also clutching her gun. “ _Try_.”

“Maybe it would be best.” Gale’s voice was hesitant. “He’s going to suffer and…”

“Shut up!” Katniss warned him and the boy did.

“Stop it!” Prim shouted suddenly, placing a hand on Peeta’s forehead. The boy was white as a sheet and breathing hard through the pain and the fear. “You’re upsetting him. Stop it.”

“Through the blood?” Haymitch asked Annie in the silence resulting from the girl’s outburst. “Then it hasn’t spread yet? Maybe it’s still in his leg?”

Annie frowned and then comprehension dawned on her face. “Yes. _Yes_ , it could work but we need to do it quickly.”

“Do what?” Finnick placed a concerned hand on Annie’s shoulder, she was pale.

Less pale than Peeta when Haymitch delivered the next part, though. “Cut the leg.”

“Cut the…” Johanna trailed off thoughtfully. “Are you sure than will work?”

“Only one way to find out.” Haymitch replied. “Your choice, boy.”

Peeta’s eyes were wide and it wasn’t hard to see the sheer terror on his face, he was clutching Katniss’ and Effie’s hands like a lifeline. And then he nodded.

“We… We can’t do that.” Effie objected. “None of us know how to amputate. This is not a sterile environment. We don’t even have any alcohol to…”

“We have alcohol in the car.” Plutarch offered despite Coin’s glare.

“You _what_?” Effie roared. Haymitch was sure that if she hadn’t been so worried about the boy, she would have bolted to her feet and punched Heavensbee as unladylike as it was. “I’ve been looking for alcohol _for_ _days_ and you…”

“Not now, sweetheart.” Haymitch cut in. “It can wait.”

“If we’re doing this, we need to do it now.” Annie added. “Haymitch, do you know what to do?”

When precisely had they decided he would be the one to do it? Annie was the one with a degree even if it was in marine biology… Unfortunately, his years working with the CIA taught him more than he would have liked. “Yeah. Someone better knock him off. Mason, I need your axe.”

“I will do it.” Johanna offered even though she didn’t look thrilled by the prospect. “I’m better with an axe than you are.”

“I can help.” Finnick said. “I’ve seen my share of amputations on boats.”

Everyone moved at once. Plutarch went in search of alcohol, Annie took Prim back to the car even though the girl offered to help, Gale and Coin took watch duty and Finnick readied himself to knock the boy out. Katniss and Effie refused to leave him.

“Wait, wait!” Peeta called, before Johanna could strike. He sounded desperate, he _looked_ desperate too. “Do I get a kiss?”

Katniss flushed a bit. “When you wake up.”

“Promise?” the boy insisted.

“Promise.” the girl replied.

Peeta forced a smile on his lips and shrugged. “I can work with that.”

Then Finnick knocked him out and Haymitch detached himself from the situation. Or he tried to, at least. The next fifteen minutes went by in a blur : swinging the axe down, cauterizing, making sure it wouldn’t get infected, wrapping the lump. He sent Katniss and Effie away early enough : Katniss looked about to retch and Effie was so white he was afraid she would faint. His hands were shaking so badly before the end he had to let Finnick carry the boy into his truck. They couldn’t stay there any longer, the blood would attract more zombies, they couldn’t drive at random either.

“He will need antibiotics.” Annie explained the rest of the group. “Anything to stop an infection and to reduce a fever, we can’t take any risk. We can’t keep on driving either.”

Annie wasn’t doing much better than Haymitch was. All the blood had made her go white and he was sure she was fighting off the same kind of panic attack he was. He had caught her pressing her hands to her ears more than once in the corner of his eyes. She was doing her best to remain in control though. They didn’t have time for panic attacks.

“There is a hospital not too far away.” Effie said, looking up from the map she and Plutarch were studying. “We should find a house. Peeta won’t be able to travel for a few days.”

“We are low on gas anyway.” Plutarch added, before Coin could pitch a fit. “We should organize a raid.”

“Let’s find shelter first.” Finnick decided. “Then I will go check out the hospital.”

“I will go with you.” Katniss offered.

“Me too.” Gale volunteered.

“It’s settled then.” Finnick agreed. “Are all the cars still working?”

It only took a few minutes to check that they did indeed. Katniss and Effie both followed Haymitch to his truck where Peeta was lying on the back seat, still out cold.

“I’m taking Katniss.” he told Effie. “I want you with Johanna.”

Johanna overheard him, rolled her eyes but nodded discreetly behind Effie’s back.

“But we are a team…” Effie started arguing.

“I don’t want you in that car if he turns, Effie.” he growled. “Go with Johanna and stay safe.”

She opened her mouth to object but Katniss opened the truck window. “Could you take Prim with you and make sure she’s alright?”

Effie’s blue eyes traveled from the truck to Haymitch and then to Prim who was clinging to Gale’s arm obviously upset by the whole ordeal although she, unlike her sister, didn’t seem troubled by the sight of blood. In the end, Effie conceded defeat and nodded but she grabbed Haymitch’s wrist before he could get into the car.

“Don’t play the hero.” she admonished quietly and then rose on tip toes to press a chaste kiss on his cheek. “You’re in no state to drive, let Katniss do it.”

He didn’t trust Katniss behind the wheel if they had another unpleasant meeting with zombies.

“None of us are.” he shrugged, then hooked a hand behind her neck and pulled her into a proper kiss that made Katniss groan in disgust. “Stay alive, sweetheart.”

“You too.” she whispered before walking over to Johanna’s truck. He watched her free Gale from Prim’s grip and then hug the girl for all she had worth before Johanna barked at both of them to get into the car or to walk to the next safe house.

“Do you think he’s going to make it?” Katniss asked as soon as he had started the engine.

He steered the truck behind Johanna’s before answering. “Maybe.”

“He used to give me bread.” She swallowed with some difficulties and looked through the window. Haymitch pretended he didn’t see the tears shining in her eyes. “When my dad died, mom stopped working and we were kind of broke… Everybody knew it at school. He stole some loafs from his parents bakery and he left them in my locker. He got into trouble with his mom over it. I never thanked him. I pretended I didn’t know it was him. It was…” She trailed off.

“Humiliating?” Haymitch offered. That was how he would have felt if he had been in her shoes.

“I was in his debt.” She chew on her nail nervously. “I don’t like being in anyone’s debt. We saved each other so many times since then, I think we’re even. But I never said thank you for the bread.”

Haymitch was ill-at-ease. Effie would probably have handled this particular conversation better. “You tell him when he wakes up, then. Besides, you kind of owe him a kiss, sweetheart.”

She glanced at the back seat with worry carved on her face. “Maybe I should have kissed him before.” She bit her lower lip and stared at Haymitch. “Do you think I should have?”

“Do I really look like the gossiping kind of guy?” he sighed. “Talk about your crushes with Effie or Johanna.”

“You’re the one always saying I should stay away from Gale.” she scowled.

Once or twice. He had advised her to stay away once or twice. It wasn’t _always_. She was a drama queen. “Gale is a good guy but he’s impulsive, angry with the whole world and too eager for a fight.”

“He’s my best friend.” she warned him. “He isn’t…”

“You asked.” Haymitch snapped. “It’s your choice, kid. But, see, every time we’re in the middle of a fight, I see Peeta trying to protect you and Prim.”

“Gale does too.” she argued stubbornly.

“Yeah, he does.” he granted. “When he’s not too busy counting how many zombies he’s killed to beat Johanna.”

“That’s unfair.” Katniss folded her arms over her chest like an overgrown spoiled child.

“Maybe. Maybe not.” he shrugged. “But from what I’ve seen, Peeta’s devoted to you and you only pay attention when it suits you. You don’t deserve him.”

“I know I don’t.” She turned around in her seat to watch the boy and outstretched a hand to brush the hair out of his eyes. His forehead was damp with sweat. His body was going into shock. They needed a place to stop and _fast_. He honked to alert the others and speeded up, hoping they would understand. They did. Finnick picked up the pace and Johanna followed. “We’re going to save him, Haymitch. I don’t care what the others say. We are going to save him.”

He hoped she was right because when were the odds ever in their favor?


	18. Chapter 18

“We can’t wait anymore.” Annie declared, her shaking hand on Peeta’s forehead.

Effie folded her arms over her chest in an attempt to keep warm. On the couch of the abandoned house they had made camp in, Peeta was sweating heavily in the throe of a fever but the rest of them was as cold as could be. Coin had vetoed the idea of starting a fire and nobody had really argued the point. They were low on ammos, half of their group had left for the hospital in search of meds and Peeta, Annie and Prim would have been liabilities in a fight – not to mention Effie trusted Coin, Plutarch and the remaining soldier only as far as she could throw them – they really didn’t need to attract zombies.

“I’m sure they will be back soon.” Plutarch offered. He was the only one from the rebels group to take any interest in Peeta’s fate and he was also very much ignored by the rest of them so he wandered back to Coin.

“Is it the leg or is he turning?” Johanna asked from her perch on the arm of the couch, at Peeta’s feet. Well… _Foot_ , Effie supposed.

“The stump looks clean. I don’t think it’s infected.” Prim offered after taking a look at the wrapped leg. It was cut at the knee but it was very obvious it wasn’t the work of a surgeon. Effie couldn’t even glance at it, it made her stomach churn. “The fever could be from shock, I think…”

“Or he could be turning.” Johanna pointed out. Her fingers were twitching like she was hitching to reach for her knife.

“I don’t think so.” Annie sighed. “Prim’s right. It might be the pain… His body is… He could really use meds right now.”

Effie burrowed further into her leather jacket. Haymitch, Finnick, Katniss and Gale had been gone for hours now… They should have been back already. It was starting to get dark outside…

“They will be back any minute, I’m sure.” Prim offered, trying to sound reassuring.

“Are we really doing the thing when we bury our head in our ass?” Johanna sneered. “They’ve been gone for almost a whole day. They should already be here. Everything could have happened.”

“I am sure they are fine.” Effie snapped, for Prim and Annie’s peace of mind as much as her own. She wouldn’t be able to handle anything happening to Haymitch right now. “They must have been delayed.”

“Let’s hope it won’t take them much longer.” Annie countered. “Peeta’s body needs help.”

The three women were looking at Effie waiting for an input from her.

“We passed a building on the road…” she recalled. It had been too big to even think about using it as shelter, offices for a company of some sort… They had figured it would be crammed with zombies and they couldn’t really take the risk of a massive clean-up with a wounded on a their hands. “They may have an infirmary…”

“You know what else they will have?” Johanna snorted. “A pack of starving zombies.”

“Do we have a choice?” Effie retorted, her eyes on Peeta. He was thrashing a little, turning his head this way and that to escape imaginary enemies. He calmed down when Annie petted his hair. “I will go.”

“Alone? Yeah, I don’t think so.” Johanna scowled. “I don’t want Haymitch kicking my ass ‘cause you got yourself killed on my watch.”

“I’m coming with you.” Prim decided, turning her back on the teenager to look at her. “I know what kind of meds we need.”

“Certainly not!” Effie exclaimed at the same time Johanna shouted a “Like hell!”.

Prim frowned, obviously annoyed. “I can handle myself, Effie, I _swear_.”

“You are staying here with Annie and Johanna.” Effie declared, her decision taken. “You will be safe and…”

“You are _not_ going anywhere alone.” Johanna cut her off.

“ _I_ am in charge of my own life, thank you very much.” Effie spat. “I don’t need your permission or Haymitch’s to do anything.”

“Then I don’t either.” Prim argued. “I want to help. I’m not a kid anymore. I can… I can use the knife, Jo and Katniss showed me how. And I trust you to protect me. We will be fine.”

“It is a completely different situation.” She shook her head. “I am an adult. You are…”

“Oh, come on!” Prim huffed with too much bitterness for a child her age. “Do you really think there is such a thing as childhood anymore?”

Effie glanced at Annie who had placed a hand on her stomach but she didn’t venture a comment. That particular debate could be put on hold for now.

“The kid got a point.” Johanna argued. “Just so we’re clear, neither of you is going anywhere without me, end of discussion.”

“Do you want to leave Annie and Peeta here alone without any protection?” Effie lowered her voice so it wouldn’t carry to the rebels in the next room. “I don’t think it’s a particularly good idea. Me going alone is the logical choice.”

“Yeah, maybe if you’re _fucking_ stupid.” Johanna shrugged. “You’re not going without me and the kid _does_ know her stuff. She should be safe enough with me there. Annie will manage on her own until we or the others come back, won’t you?” The question was directed at the young woman kneeling on the floor who nodded.

“I have my gun.” Annie whispered. “If anything happens…”

“You don’t hesitate to shoot.” Johanna’s voice was harsh. “You can have a meltdown later, got it?” Annie kept nodding as if she wanted to reassure herself as much as the others. Effie remained unconvinced but Johanna turned to her. “Your call, Trinket.”

It was a complete dilemma. Effie didn’t trust the rebels and she wasn’t thrilled by the idea of leaving anyone with them for sole protection but on the other hand… Katniss had specifically told her to keep an eye on Prim and she was reluctant to leave her out of her sight. Annie, despite being vulnerable, could probably handle herself if she really had to and she could do that more easily if she had no one to worry about but herself. Besides, Effie really didn’t know that much about medicines…

“Alright.” she agreed reluctantly. However, as soon as Prim was out of earshot, she placed a hand on Johanna’s shoulder. “You have to protect her at all costs. If it comes to a choice…”

“There will never be a choice to make.” Johanna sneered, shrugging her hand off. Effie nodded to herself, happy for once for the younger woman’s hostility. At least she knew Johanna would put Prim’s safety first and foremost.

Coin wasn’t happy at all with their plan and stepped in their way. “I strictly forbid it.”

“Bite me.” Johanna spat, lifting her axe in a threatening way.

Effie had never been a particularly violent person but each time she saw the President, she was seized with the urge to punch her in the face. She refused to give in to that kind of vulgar instincts however so she just lifted her head, chin jutting in the air with all the dignity a superior upbringing could provide. For a second, she forgot her bloodied clothes, her dirty hair and the smell of sweat that seemed to cling to her body no matter how much of her stolen perfume she sprayed on herself.

“ _Do_ try to stop us.” she invited Coin. “Please, _I insist_.”

Coin’s calculating eyes roamed on Johanna’s axe, the knife Prim was clutching in her fist and the cutlass in Effie’s own hand. The President wasn’t a stupid woman unfortunately. She stepped aside, muttering something about “good riddance”.

Johanna rolled her eyes once they were out of the house. “ _Fucking_ bitch.”

For once, Effie wasn’t inclined to chide her for her colorful vocabulary. The rest of the group had taken Haymitch’s truck so they climbed in Annie’s, it was a fifteen minutes drive to the building they had in mind. Five minutes in, Effie had exhausted all the exertions for caution she could give Prim and a heavy uncomfortable silence settled in the car. The furthest from the abandoned house they drove, the more Effie regretted having allowed Prim to come.

“Do you think Katniss loves Peeta?” the child asked out of the blue.

“Love is a joke.” Johanna huffed from behind the wheel, her eyes straight on the road ahead. She was probably wary of another encounter with a pack of zombies.

“You don’t mean that.” Effie countered softly.

The other woman glanced at her with a mocking sneer. “I do but you’re such the perfect princess I don’t expect you to get it. You still believe your knight in shining armor is coming to sweep you up your feet even in this shitland, don’t you?”

“There is nothing wrong with believing in love.” Effie argued. “It is a beautiful thing and it should be nurtured.”

“Do you love Haymitch, Effie?” Prim leaned forward on the back seat, obviously very curious about her answer.

“Well…” she stuttered, blushing a little. That was quite a private topic.

“Of course, she does.” Johanna snickered.

Effie glared at her but that had never affected Johanna before and it certainly wasn’t upsetting her now. Prim eagerly scrambled closer, sitting almost at the edge of her seat. “What does it feel like?”

“Cramps.” Johanna scorned.

She couldn’t very well let Johanna’s bitterness be the sole answer to Prim’s questions, Effie decided, the younger woman would traumatize the girl. “It feels like…” She came to a halt, trying to find the best words to describe it. “It feels like your skin is humming. It feels like something warm lights in your chest each time you see the person you love. You don’t need to breathe, to drink or to eat, you just need him and when he’s not here you miss him so much it’s like an ache in your heart.”

“That was quite the poetic bullshit, Trinket.” Johanna declared. “Please, don’t write a book.”

Effie and Prim tacitly decided to ignore her.

“Does Haymitch love you like that?” Prim was being too curious.

Effie turned her head, suddenly fascinated by the landscape. What Haymitch loved or didn’t love was anyone’s guess.

“Haymitch loves to fuck her.” Johanna laughed and it was mean and cruel.

“No need to be so crude.” Effie snapped.

“No need to kid yourself either.” the younger woman shrugged. “He’s not the kind who falls in love except maybe with an especially fine whiskey.”

The unpleasant topic was dropped when the company building loomed into view. Fortunately, there were no zombies in sight so they got out of the car, weapons at the ready. Effie glanced at the huge golden logo on the front, some sort of bird with wings spread wide circled by laurels; the name of the company was displayed on equally huge golden letters: _Capitol_.

“What do you suppose…” she started only to be interrupted by Johanna.

“Don’t know, don’t care.” Johanna snapped. “We’re doing this the clever way. In and out. Kill everything you find but do it in silence or I will kick your ass. Prim, stay close to me. Trinket, try not to get yourself killed.”

The sliding doors were smashed and they had no difficulties getting in the building. Effie frowned as soon as she was in the lobby, it was… _too_ _clean_. They could see traces of blood on the walls and on the floor in the decreasing light of the late afternoon but there were no corpses, dead or dead _er_ as Haymitch would say.

“Where are the bodies?” Effie whispered.

Johanna shrugged and waved them, in the direction of the stairs. They climbed them in the dark, Johanna first and Effie last, Prim safely in the middle. They were all ready for a fight but it never came. There were absolutely no zombies and the silence was deafening : no moan, no shuffling, no snapping of jaws…

“Something’s not right.” Johanna declared when they reached the first floor. It was an open space office with desks crammed around the room separated by cheap plastic walls. There were traces of blood there too but no corpse to explain them.

“Maybe they have a good cleaning company…” Prim joked.

“Quite dedicated.” Johanna snorted before inspecting the closer desk. “Check this out!” She held out a black purse.

Effie glanced and wrinkled her nose. “It’s been out of fashion for three years and it was ugly _even_ _then_.” Her two companions stared at her and them exchanged _a look_. She couldn’t repress a sigh. “What have I done now?”

“Do you know everything isn’t about fashion?” Johanna sneered, rummaging in the bag until she found what she was searching for. She proudly showed them the basic painkillers bottle. “Women have cramps, women take meds. Check out the other desks.”

Prim hurried to do as she was told. She wandered two feet away and stumbled on something. Everything happened so fast Effie barely saw anything. Something flew in the air, Prim shrieked in fear and then it was over. Johanna was at the girl’s side in a matter of seconds and forced her to crouch, her axe held high, scanning their surroundings for their enemy.

“Hello?” Effie tried to sound cheerful but it came out mostly scared. She hid behind one of the desks. “We don’t want any trouble.”

“Next, you will say we come in peace.” Johanna snapped. “Get out of there, you coward!”

But nothing moved. Nothing changed.

“Prim, are you hurt?” Effie asked, craning her neck to get a glimpse of the girl.

“No…” came the shaky response. “It barely grazed me… Lucky I’m not tall…”

“Lucky, yeah.” Johanna was obviously fed up. She jumped on the desk, gun in hand, to get a better sight but then, she froze. “There isn’t anyone here.”

Effie warily came out from behind the desk. “How is this possible?”

The youngest woman climbed down and picked up something from the ground. She was holding a really thin string. “The place is booby trapped.”

Effie looked around. Her skin was tingling in foreboding. “Perhaps we should try our luck somewhere else.”

“You’re kidding?” Johanna scowled. “ _Bloody_ coward is too chicken to come out. We’ll scavenge what we can. Just be careful where you step.”

They searched every little cubicle, every drawer and every purse all the while being careful not to trigger anymore traps. There were quite a few of those strings at ankle level. Still, their spoil was far from being impressive.

“We need more medicine…” Effie shook her head at the mere two tablets of pills they had. “These one aren’t even that strong…”

“Could come in handy sometimes.” Johanna shrugged, pocketing the pills.

“I found the infirmary!” Prim exclaimed proudly, pointing to an evacuation plan on the wall. “It’s on the next floor.”

Johanna and Effie didn’t need to say anything aloud, they both glanced at the big windows at the same time. The sun was setting, it would be dark soon and they didn’t think to bring torches…

“We will be quick.” Effie finally decided. “We need to go back to the car before it gets too dark.”

“Your call, Trinket.” Johanna repeated for the second time that night. Was it because she was the oldest or because she had taken to mother them all around that she was suddenly in charge of tactics when Finnick and Haymitch weren’t there? Either way, as much as she enjoyed responsibilities, she wasn’t sure she wanted this one.

“We have to try for Peeta.” she insisted. “He deserves our best.”

“If he’s not already a _bloody_ zombie you mean.” she sneered but she shrugged. “Let’s do this now. Kid, you stay between me and Trinket at all times.”

“ _Trinket_ _and_ _me_.” Effie corrected her.

It only owed her a glare.

Despite Johanna’s very loud concern the stairs weren’t trapped and they managed to get to the next floor alive to everyone’s relief. The silence in there was almost heavier and more oppressing. They followed the different corridors for a few minutes, taking a customary glance in each room they passed. It was exactly the same as below : blood but no corpses.

“Anyone else feels like the back of their neck is prickling?” Johanna hissed at some point.

It didn’t call for an answer so Effie didn’t give her one but she could only concur. She felt… watched. The silence didn’t seem natural either. Their breathing was almost too loud and she was very sure all of them were holding their breaths more often than not. She instinctively adjusted her hold on the cutlass but it still felt clumsy in her hand even though Haymitch had tried to teach her time and time again. Some people were just better with a gun, she supposed…

“I think we already went that way…” Prim frowned.

“Yeah?” Johanna sounded irritated. “I don’t know, maybe. It’s like a _fucking_ maze in here!”

Effie swallowed back a suggestion to go back to the car. Johanna was right, whoever had designed this building had made this floor an impractical clutter of small rooms linked by twisting corridors that didn’t seem to follow a pattern. They stopped at a crossroads between four identical corridors. The dying light of the sun didn’t reach that far and they were almost in total darkness.

“It doesn’t feel right…” Prim looked like she was regretting her insistence to come on this desperate mission.

“No.” Effie agreed wholeheartedly. “It doesn’t.” She walked to the closest room with a window, hoping to find another one of those handy plans on the wall but she couldn’t see anything. She wandered further and…

“ _Trinket_!” The warning came too late and Johanna’s weight on her back was equally futile. Her foot hit something that wasn’t the floor and before she understood what was happening, she and Johanna were prisoners of a sort of wooden cage in a tangle of limbs. It was very small and obviously meant for zombies rather than grown people. She understood the reason for the protection easily enough. The room was stocked with enough food to feed a small army. Someone had been hoarding food in the Capitol while the rest of them was starving outside…

“ _Fucking_ brilliant, you stupid bitch!” Johanna was mad and she didn’t even try not to step on Effie as she got up, rattling the wooden bars. Her axe was on the ground, on the other side of their prison cage with Effie’s cutlass.

“What do I do?” Prim asked nervously, obviously hesitant to drop her knife to pick up the axe. Effie wasn’t sure she would have been able to swing it anyway. “Jo, what do I do?”

“You shut up, kiddo, that’s what you do.” came a man’s deep voice from another corridor. He whistled appreciatively as soon as he saw them trapped in the cage. He had graying hair, dark glistening eyes and Effie’s skin started crawling at once. “Check this out… Two lost chicks and a duckling.”

“Keep it down, Cray.” Two other men came into view. The one who had just spoken was middle-aged but still very fit and his eyes held the same cold cruelty as Coin’s. The other one was much younger, red-hair, probably around twenty-five and he eyed them with something akin to fear. Effie was pretty sure he wasn’t afraid _of_ them but _for_ them and given the way Cray was looking at her and Johanna, there was indeed cause for worry.

“Sorry, Sir.” Cray mumbled.

“Military.” Johanna hissed low enough that Effie was the only one to hear.

Military wasn’t good, Effie though. She felt something like lead drop in her stomach. Coin and the rebels were military but those three men clearly weren’t of the same sort. They were wearing what appeared to be fatigues : combat pants and heavy jackets with the star-spangled banner on their shoulder. They weren’t rebels, they were regular soldiers who probably wouldn’t be happy to learn they had been traveling with the President of the rebellion.

“Drop your weapons.” the older one asked. He was obviously in charge.

“Yeah, sure.” Johanna snorted.

The man moved almost too quickly for Effie’s eye. One second he was standing there, the next he had an arm around Prim’s throat and a gun on her head. Her knife fell to the ground.

“No!” Effie gasped, both hands in the air in a pleading fashion. “No, please.”

“Colonel Thread, she’s just a kid.” the youngest of them argued, obviously uncomfortable with the way Prim was being treated.

“Shut up, Darius.” Cray ordered.

Effie slowly reached for her gun and dropped it between the wooden bars, intentionally forgetting about the blade Haymitch insisted she kept in her boot, away from prying eyes. Johanna reluctantly did the same with her own gun and the knife strapped to her thigh.

“Feel better now?” Johanna couldn’t help but taunt.

Effie nudged her not too gently in the stomach. “Let me do the talking, you can be in charge of the killing.” she murmured under her breath.

“Are there more of you?” Thread asked calmly.

“No.” Effie lied without any hesitation. “We’re alone.”

“No man to keep you warm at night, honey?” Cray’s laughter was just as repulsive as the rest of him. “That’s _sad_.”

“Are you sure?” Thread insisted, ignoring his subordinate’s jab. His gun was pressed more firmly against Prim’s head who gasped in fear.

“Yes.” Effie lifted her hands in front of her again in a gesture of peace. “Please, don’t hurt her. She’s only a child. Please.”

“Is she yours?” the colonel asked with a frown.

“She’s… She’s family.” Effie stammered. “I’m responsible for her.”

“I’m sorry, then.” Thread shrugged. He let go of Prim and pushed her in the direction of the cage. Effie was quick to catch her through the bars before she could fall or get hurt. They hugged each other as tight as they could. “Kill them.”

Thread’s order almost didn’t register.

“ _Son_ _of_ _a bitch_!” Johanna yelled, attacking the bars with her hands and feet. “You _coward_!”

“Colonel, please.” Darius stepped forward, his eyes darting to Prim. “She can’t be more than thirteen… She’s harmless.”

“Would you rather we keep her, private?” Thread rolled his eyes. “We can’t afford to waste food.”

That was a sorry excuse given what Effie had spied when she had first entered the room.

“Then let her go.” Darius looked at Johanna and Effie but he didn’t argue their case, as if he already knew that fight was lost. “Let her go, Colonel. She might make it on her own.”

“Alone outside at night?” Thread shook his head. “She will be dead before dawn.”

“Please.” Effie cut in, petting Prim’s hair soothingly. “Please, give her a fighting chance. _Please_.”

Thread stared at her for a long time, then at the girl and he shrugged. “Alright. Get her out of the building, Darius, but let’s be clear, I see her again around here and she’s dead.”

Prim screamed when Darius grabbed her around the middle to tear her away from Effie and Effie had trouble holding back her own tears. Her shouts for help echoed for the longest time.

“You did good.” Johanna granted reluctantly in a low whisper.

“Take care of them, Cray, and burn the bodies afterwards. I will be in my room.” Thread declared and then left without even glancing back.

“Damn shame.” Cray mumbled, picking up Johanna’s gun. “’Been months since we saw a woman…”

“It has been a long time since we saw a man too, you know.” Effie replied. A plan was starting to take form in her head and she felt as if the hidden blade in her boot was burning her skin.

“Yeah?” the man made a face. “Even more of a shame. We could have had the best of times.”

“Who says we can’t have the best of times now?” Effie smiled, letting her jacket fall to the ground. She was disgusting but Cray obviously didn’t notice.

Johanna didn’t ask what she was doing but soon enough, her own coat was on the floor and Cray was almost drooling.

Acting seductively was second nature for Effie and she thought it would work better than Johanna’s perpetual provocative attitude so she took the lead. She grabbed the bars and leaned against it, making sure he had a good view of her chest. “If I have to die… Isn’t it customary for someone sentenced to death to be offered a last cigarette?”

“Try a _cigar_ , honey.” Cray snorted. He seemed to debate with himself for a few seconds but then he must have decided they were quite harmless because he tucked the gun at the back of his pants and walked closer to the cage. She forced herself to stay still even when his hand brushed her cheek and then tangled in her hair to press her face against the cage. She felt sick to her stomach when he crushed his mouth on hers but she chased any thoughts of Haymitch away and she responded to the kiss as eagerly as she could. “Okay.” the man said, his hands left her hair and trailed down to grope her backside. “Okay, let’s do this. The Colonel doesn’t need to know.” He glanced at Johanna appreciatively. “You will have to wait for your turn, honey. Blondie is going first.”

Johanna’s smile had a dangerous edge to it but Cray didn’t seem to notice.

He pulled on a string and the cage fell flat on the floor, ready to trap someone else again. He kept his gun trained at Johanna so neither of them could get any ideas and once Effie was off the wooden planks he triggered the mechanism. Johanna was behind bars once more but she never lost her smirk.

“Now…” Cray said, putting the gun away before turning to Effie. “Where were we?”

She swallowed the urge to throw up when he placed his hands on her waist and put his lips on her neck right there in the middle of the corridor. She caught Johanna’s eyes above his shoulder, the younger woman lifted a challenging eyebrow and Effie forced herself to get over her revulsion and reached for her boot.

Time to put her plan into motion.


	19. Chapter 19

**_ 19\.  _ **

Haymitch glared at the red flashing warning light on his dashboard.

“We won’t make it.” Finnick stated.

“A little more optimism wouldn’t hurt.” Haymitch pointed out. Not that he was really optimistic himself.

“What is there to be optimistic about exactly?” the younger man chuckled. “The mutts who almost got us at the hospital, all the zombies hitchhiking or the fact that we’re about to get stranded on a lonely back road in the middle of nowhere?”

Haymitch was in no mood for his sass. Getting in and out of the hospital had been a nightmare. They had managed to find appropriate meds and even a prosthetic leg for when Peeta eventually recovered but they had almost gotten eaten alive trying to escape. And that was when, of course, they had stumbled upon another huge group of zombies similar to the one that had cost Peeta his leg. They had to double back and find another road. They wasted time and gas.

They didn’t have much of either left as the flashing red light and the decreasing sunlight kept reminding him.

He watched as the needle indicating the level of gas quivered a little lower. It had long since plummeted into the red zone and was now closer to zero than to one.

“We have to get to the house.” Katniss argued from the back seat, leaning forward to look at the gauge. “Peeta needs the meds, just speed up before there’s no gas left.”

“Because we can outspeed our lack of gas.” Haymitch snorted. “See? This is why nobody lets you make the plans, sweetheart.”

He could feel Katniss’s glare burning at the back of his neck and that made him smirk.

“We will make it.” Gale offered. “We’re not that far, now. Half an hour at most.”

“It might be too late.” the girl insisted. “Go faster, Haymitch.”

He sighed but complied with her request.

The car shuddered to a definitive stop about fifteen minutes from the house they had taken as shelter. The walk back wasn’t enjoyable but it wasn’t dangerous either. Katniss’ arrows took care of the few zombies they met and they made it back in good time. Finnick made a beeline for Annie, Katniss almost tripped in her impatience to check that Peeta was still alive – and, to everyone’s relief, he was – and Gale went to talk to the rebels he was becoming fast friends with. Haymitch looked around and frowned at the distinctive lack of blonde curls.

“Where’s Effie?” he asked.

It was like the whole room had frozen. Everyone stopped moving at once and that was when Katniss looked around and went white. “Where’s Prim?”

“And Jo?” Finnick added, his hand on his harpoon.

“They decided you were taking too long and went in search of medicine.” Coin explained, arms folded on her chest. “Against my orders, I must add.”

“It didn’t happen quite like that.” Annie piped from the couch where she was busy trying to get the meds in Peeta’s body. “Peeta’s fever was getting worse. We needed to do something. Effie suggested the building we drove by and Prim was adamant she should go to make sure she took the right meds. Johanna went with them as protection.”

“They left you here alone?” Finnick was obviously displeased but Haymitch didn’t care much about the boy’s sensitive side.

“And you let them?” Haymitch roared, terror and fury battling in his chest for dominance. He glared at Annie and Coin.

“Calm down, soldier.” The President sneered. “I forbade it, they chose to dissent.”

“I’m not your soldier.” he hissed with a threatening step in her direction. The remaining soldier immediately lifted his gun but Haymitch ignored him. “Better pray that nothing happened to them or there will be hell to pay.”

“That can wait.” Katniss shot to her feet and grabbed her bow. “I need to find Prim. Where did they go?”

Annie explained their plan and it was as foolish as it was stupid. Clearly a typical Effie plan. Taking on a building that large with only Johanna for qualified fighter…

Gale volunteered to go with Haymitch and the girl but Finnick declared he was staying with Annie. No one was very surprised by that decision. A problem arose as soon as they walked out of the house however. The only cars left were Johanna’s and the rebels. Johanna’s was full of supplies and as Gale promptly informed them just as low on gas as Haymitch’s had been.

“Let’s take the SUV.” Haymitch shrugged, already starting to walk to the rebels’ truck.

“Coin will never let us take it.” Katniss argued.

“That’s why we’re not asking her.” he growled, climbing in before she could add anything more. The keys weren’t in the car because, of course, the rebels had to do everything differently than the rest of them. If Coin had thought that would have stopped them, she was seriously mistaken. It had been a while since he had stolen a car but he still knew how to do it.

“You need to teach me how to do that.” Gale requested when the engine roared into life.

Plutarch and Coin barged out of the house just as Haymitch drove away. He waved at them through the window before flipping them off. Coin would just _love_ that, he bet. Well… What could she do ? She needed them to reach Thirteen. Three people on the road would never make it by themselves, if anything the larger groups of zombies they kept meeting proved that.

“If they’re alive, I’m going to kill them.” Katniss muttered next to him. She was tapping her feet anxiously and Haymitch speeded up despite the fact that he didn’t know the roads and that it wasn’t very wise.

“Get in line.” he retorted.

“What were they thinking bringing Prim?” Gale grumbled.

“That the kid would be safer with them than with Coin.” Haymitch shrugged. “I’m not angry because they took Prim with them, I’m angry because they went without any protection.”

“Jo is protection enough.” Gale argued. “And Effie can handle herself.”

“ _With a_ _gun_. How much ammos does she have? None. Just what’s left in her handgun.” he growled. “She’s shit with a knife and she knows it. It’s stupid to go there with only Johanna and her axe to keep the zombies away.”

“I’m going to kill them.” Katniss said again, nibbling on her nail nervously. “Johanna first because she should know better, then Effie because I _trusted_ her and then Prim because _seriously_ …”

“I will be in charge of killing Effie, thank you.” he snapped.

The sun set when they were still five minutes away from the company building. It made him curse. “Do we have torches?”

“Maybe in the trunk…” Gale suggested.

“Do _they_ have torches?” Katniss grumbled. “If they got themselves killed I swear I’m…” The sentence ended in a shriek when he swerved abruptly to the right to avoid colliding with a human-shaped something.

He would have went on if Gale hadn’t gripped his shoulder from the back seat. “Stop! It was Prim!”

“What?” He barely had time to stop the engine before Katniss was out of the car and hugging her sister, alternating between scolding and making sure she was alright. Prim struggled free from her grip and appeared relieved to find Haymitch and Gale standing next to the car. Her eyes were as wide as a doe caught in headlights – which was probably a good description since Haymitch had almost run her over.

“Effie and Jo are in trouble.” she panted, obviously out of breath.

“Of course they are.” Haymitch grumbled. “Get in.”

Once they were all back in the SUV, Prim started summing up what had happened, trying to escape her sister’s coddling hands. Haymitch took it all in: the booby trapped building, Effie and Johanna locked in a cage – that, at least, he would have paid to see, he was sure they would kill each other before long – the military guys…

“So I picked up the phone from the reception while Darius wasn’t looking and I hit him as hard as I could behind the head. Then I ran for help.” Prim concluded.

“Clever girl.” Gale smiled, ruffling her hair.

“No.” Katniss snapped. “She’s not clever. What were you _thinking_ going anywhere _without_ _me_? You were supposed to…”

Haymitch tuned down the dressing-down, he was too worried to care about that. Finally, _finally_ they reached the building and Haymitch abandoned the truck more than he parked it next to Annie’s. He was opening the trunk before the others were properly out.

“Prim, you’re waiting in the car. Katniss, grab a gun and a knife, it’s a close space you won’t be able to use the bow. Gale, you’re staying with the kid.” He barked his order without even glancing around but it occurred to him when he straightened up that no one had moved. He lowered the trunk to see what was taking so long and froze. Katniss and Gale were gaping – with good reasons – at the two women casually leaning against Annie’s truck. Prim was tightly latched on the waist of one of them.

“A bit late for the rescuing, aren’t you?” Johanna sneered.

They looked worse for the wear and he couldn’t even see the full extent of it in the dark. There was more blood on their clothes than when they had left for the hospital in any case. Haymitch breathed out slowly, his heart suddenly started beating at a normal pace again. Effie was right there, avoiding his eyes but also very much alive.

“I take it you found meds for Peeta?” Effie asked politely, directing her questions at Katniss.

“Yes.” the girl narrowed her eyes at her though. “ _Thank_ _you_ for keeping an eye on my sister while I was away by the way. It’s good to know I can trust you to _keep her safe_.”

She grabbed Prim’s arm, pulled her away from Effie and manhandled her into the car.

“Come on, Katniss…” Johanna rolled her eyes.

“Don’t even start, Jo.” Katniss warned her. “Just… _don’t._ ”

She gestured at Gale to get behind the wheel and before Haymitch had even opened his mouth they were gone, leaving him stranded with two women he realized he was just as angry to see as he was relieved.

“Go on, yell at us.” Johanna challenged him. “You just can’t swallow that we don’t need a big man like you to rescue us like proper damsels in distress, can you? You know what, Haymitch, we were _fucking_ fine on our own, you can’t…”

He heard nothing after _swallow_. Three long strides were enough to invade Effie’s personal space. She kept her eyes down but he was so close he could feel her breath on his neck.

“I could kill you right now, sweetheart.” he growled, cupping her face in his hands with a care that betrayed the stupidity of his threat. “Don’t _ever_ do that again.”

“Believe me, I have no wish to.” She gave him a small smile.

“Are you hurt?” he asked, trying to get a good look at her in the dark. She shook her head, so he glanced at Johanna who was sitting on the hood. “You?”

“Oh, finally you ask…” She rolled her eyes. “If you’re done being all lovey-dovey, you might be interested to know we found a golden mine.”

“Yes.” Effie’s smile grew warmer. “Enough food for weeks if we’re careful, bottled water and quite a lot of ammos. We should move in this building.”

“Yeah.” Johanna nodded. “Ground floor is a wreck but the first floor is trapped so it should be secured and the second floor will be more than homey once we get rid of the corpses.”

“Zombies?” he frowned. “Prim said there were men…”

“The key word being _were_.” Johanna shrugged. “Told you we didn’t need you. The princess was kind of smart in there, I’m surprised.”

Haymitch felt something like dread and guilt steering in his stomach. She shouldn’t have had to deal with human monsters, zombies were enough…

“I didn’t kill them.” Effie added defensively, leaning against him a little in a hug that wasn’t really a hug. “I only handled the talking. Johanna did the rest.”

“You stabbed one.” Johanna pointed out. “I only finished him.”

“You stabbed…” Haymitch repeated, dumbfounded. He forced Effie away from him so he could look her in the eyes. “One of you better tell me what happened and fast.”

Effie’s quick summary was very similar to Prim, she stopped abruptly after explaining how Colonel Thread had ordered Cray to kill them and winced, glancing at Johanna for help.

Haymitch was confused. “How did you get out of that cage?” He directed his question to Johanna since she was probably the one who had escaped and killed the guy in the first place. He _did_ notice Effie discreetly shaking her head next to him but that only made Johanna smirk harder.

“She seduced the pervert.” the younger woman shrugged. “Once his dick made the thinking for him it was actually pretty easy.”

“Nothing happened.” Effie was quick to say. “And _language_ , really, Johanna, must you be so crass?”

“There _was_ some gross kissing and groping.” Johanna corrected her.

Haymitch could feel his face becoming more and more purple with each passing second. “You…” He couldn’t even finish his sentence, he wasn’t sure how he felt about the whole thing. Effie was looking at him, obviously wary of his reaction. “Let’s hit the road. You can tell me the rest in the car.”

An argument about leaving the building unprotected followed but Haymitch insisted they went back to the house at least for the night. Peeta couldn’t be moved for now and he didn’t want to attempt it in the dark anyway. The building would still be there the next morning.

The silence in Annie’s truck was deafening. Effie had claimed the wheel and Johanna was sitting next to her before Haymitch could object so he ended up on the back seat.

“Don’t you want to know what happened next? It’s the best part…” Johanna taunted. She was having too much fun with the whole thing.

“Could you not?” Effie sighed but it was a lost cause.

Johanna told him in painfully thorough details how Effie had reached for the knife hidden in her boot while Cray was busy fondling her body and stabbed him in the shoulder without thinking twice about it – a stupid move according to Johanna, she should have aimed for the neck – but it had been enough to push him away. By the time Cray was on his feet, Effie had freed Johanna and it hadn’t taken long to pick up the axe and making sure the pervert kept his wandering hands to himself forever. Zombies or human, she then announced, all died the same way.

Effie’s hands were shaking on the wheel but Haymitch pretended not to notice as he listened to Johanna narrating the next part of their break-out. Thread hadn’t seen the gunshot coming. As for the third guy, they had found him waking up from a nasty blow to the head but since he had helped Prim, they had let him go with the warning that they wouldn’t be as forgiving if they saw him again. When the SUV arrived, they were about to take the truck and go look for Prim.

“Quite the story.” His voice was flat and Johanna seemed disappointed by his lack of reaction given that she was, for once, pleased with Effie. Effie, on the other hand, didn’t look pleased at all but steered the conversation towards the supplies they had found.

He was relieved to reach the house and to escape the oppressive atmosphere in the car. He checked on Peeta, listened to Coin’s aggressive rant about stealing the rebels car and watched the debate about moving camp to the Capitol building unfold without really agreeing to anything. He was mostly going through the motions. The familiar thirst for alcohol was burning at the back of his throat and his hands were shaking badly. When everyone started to settle for the night after deciding to head out to the Capitol the next morning, he volunteered to take first watch.

He sat outside, on the porch, his gun on his knees and wondered if Coin would properly kill him if he forced the trunk of her car to get the bottle of vodka. They had used most of it to clean Peeta’s lump, there couldn’t be more left than two swallows but, he thought, it would be enough to clear his head. He was about to stand up when the front door opened and closed in a long and loud squeaking noise.

He didn’t need to look to know who it was. Effie was the only one wearing heels – even if they were square and practical, she felt feminine as she had so proudly informed him on several occasions.

“It’s Finnick’s turn.” he said, staring straight ahead at the winding path that led to the main road.

“We swapped.” She came to sit next to him and for a long time, they simply surveyed their surroundings. Haymitch thought it was more to avoid looking at each other than to watch out for eventual zombies. “You are crossed with me.”

He pondered how to answer that and then shrugged. “I don’t know. Yeah, probably.”

“Because of what I did with…” Her voice trailed off and she hugged herself, burrowing in her red leather jacket. It wasn’t warm enough anymore, he had told her plenty of times and still she had given all the coats away to the others. “I did what I had to do. I saved us both. Nothing happened. You have no reason to be jealous.”

He turned his head to stare at her so fast something snapped in his neck. “You think it’s what this is about? _Jealousy_?” He didn’t hide his sneer. “Sweetheart, I wished Johanna hadn’t killed him just so I could do it myself and not because I’m _jealous_. Did you want him to kiss you? Did you want his hands pawing at you?” His over-active mind had conjured a pretty clear picture and it made him _mad_ , absolutely seething with rage.

“I handled it.” she replied firmly.

“You could have gotten raped. Or killed. Or both.” he hissed. “You don’t go and take off without me, Effie. You _don’t_.”

She narrowed her eyes. “You went with Katniss, Finnick and Gale without asking for my opinion on the matter. You didn’t ask me to come along.”

“So you decided to have your own girl night to punish me?” he snapped.

Her mouth was pursed into a thin annoyed line. “It had nothing to do with you – or with _us_ – I simply wanted to help Peeta.”

“By putting yourself in danger?” he snorted. “And taking Prim with you? Aren’t you the one always insisting she’s only a kid?”

“I thought she would be safer with Johanna than with Annie.” Effie replied. “I explained my reasons to Katniss and she understood them even if she didn’t seem quite thrilled.”

“You bet she didn’t.” he spat. “You were stupid.”

“I will thank you to stop questioning my intelligence each time we have an argument.” she retorted. “You were late and Peeta needed medicines. I took a decision and if I had to do it again, I would probably still choose to go.”

“Well, you would be stupid _again_ then.” He rubbed a hand against his face, trying to chase the exhaustion away. How long had he been awake? He had lost count of the hours. Nights spent sleeping in a truck crammed with people, without alcohol to control his night terrors, weren’t helping him to get some proper rest.

There was a short silence but it wasn’t comfortable. He was almost relieved when she started talking again.

“I make my own decisions, Haymitch.” she declared very seriously. “You are not my keeper but my partner. If you don’t trust me to…”

“I trust you with my life.” he interrupted her, surprising even himself with that impromptu declaration. “I don’t trust you with yours. You never _stop_ to think before you do dangerous things. You will risk your life for _bloody_ nail polish or clothes or…”

“The nail polish, the clothes and the _girly_ _stuff_ you like to make fun of makes everything bearable.” She hunched on herself to keep the cold at bay. He rolled his eyes, shed his jacket and placed it on her shoulders. Her smile was small but sincere. “I know you think it’s foolish but it is less destructive than liquor. Besides, it has nothing to do with the reason you’re angry. I went _for_ _Peeta_ , just like you did. Why is it any different?”

“Because I can’t lose you, Effie.” he snapped. “Is that what you want to hear? I came back here and you weren’t there where you were supposed to wait for me. _That’s_ why I’m mad.” His angry outburst left him out of breath and he averted his eyes before he could see anything akin to sympathy on her face. He forced his voice to get back to a lower level, he didn’t particularly want anyone to hear their conversation even though he was pretty sure more than one of their friends were listening. The house was old and they weren’t exactly being discreet. “What if that guy had stopped you before you could stab him?”

“It didn’t happen.” Her argument was weak.

“It could have.” he barked. “At the end of the day, I would have been left with your corpse and God knows what he would have done to you before that. I don’t care what Johanna said. It was a _stupid_ _reckless_ _move_.”

“Haymitch…” Her hand fell on his arm tentatively. He glanced at her, she looked distressed but he was still too angry to properly care about hurting her feelings. “I apologize. I didn’t realize it would affect you this way.”

“You risk your neck without me to make sure you’re alright and you _don’t_ think it will affect me?” he chuckled. “Sometimes I wonder why I even bother with you…”

She snatched her hand back as if she had been burned. “Yes. Why do you?” Her tone was clipped and her accent was stronger which meant she was actually angry now.

She had some nerves being angry when it was his prerogative, he thought.  

There was no good answer to that question, no answer he was ready to give in any case, so he simply kissed her. Her lips were chapped, she pushed him away almost at once.

“So I can warm your bed at night?” she sneered and it was an ugly look on her.

Why did they always get back to that particular topic? “Didn’t we already cover that? If I just wanted sex, I could get it elsewhere.” He didn’t need to say where precisely it was fairly obvious : there were only two other single women and Coin had never been an option. Her cheeks flushed red with fury and she opened her mouth. He didn’t let her speak. “ _Not_ that I want to.” He rolled his eyes. “ _How_ did we get from me being angry with you because you pulled a stupid stunt to you being angry with me, sweetheart?”

She seemed to consider very seriously remaining angry for the time being but in the end she just shuffled closer to him and rested her head on his shoulder. “You were being a heartless… I despite cursing but you should know I am thinking of a bad word.”

“Asshole?” he snorted, wrapping an arm around her shoulders to bring her closer. He was cold without his jacket and she was warm.

“You said it, not me.” She burrowed against his side, thrusting her hands in the pocket of his jacket. She needed gloves. He did too, he mentally put that on the list for the next raid. “I _am_ sorry, though. I didn’t mean to upset you, I was just trying to help.”

“I know.” he sighed. “Just… Wait for me next time. And if you can’t… Stay clear of guys with wandering hands. Stay clear of guys _full_ _stop_. I don’t know if anyone could resist your two millions insured ass.”

She hummed softly in agreement and then giggled. “You do realize I was mocking you when I said that, don’t you?”

He thrust his left hand in his jacket pocket, intertwining their fingers. “I figured.”

They played with their thumbs for a while, trying to get the other’s pinned down in the safe warmth of his pocket. It was childish but Haymitch enjoyed the peaceful moment. Eventually they stopped their little game and she relaxed further against him. He thought she was slowly giving up to sleep so he was a bit surprised when her voice rang out again. It was only a whisper but it sounded loud in the nocturnal silence. “I feel dirty.”

His arms instinctively tightened their hold and he pressed a kiss to the top of her head, trying hard not to care about the fact that her hair hadn’t been spared by zombie gore at some point and it was so filthy it was more brown that blond those days. “I’m sorry, Princess, you’re stinking so much I can’t tell if you mean that literally or metaphorically.”

“You don’t exactly smell like roses yourself, you know.” she huffed.

“Yeah, but I was good enough not to bring it up.” he snorted.

He didn’t need to see her face to know she was rolling her eyes, it didn’t stop her from coming back to her main topic. “I want a hot shower.” she whined. “Or a bubble bath. I can’t remember the last time I took a bath… But a hot shower would be sufficient. ”

He mulled that over for a while and shrugged. “I will siphon some gas from Coin’s car later, they have plenty left. We will go get our truck as soon as the sun is up.”

He winced when he realized he had said _our_ instead of _my_ but she didn’t seem to pick up on it.

“You have peculiar ideas about dates, you know.” she laughed.

“How many dates have we been on?” The prospect amused him. He had certainly never _dated_ in his life. He and his girl had been a thing for as long as he could remember and the women after that… No dating had been involved. It had been a string of one-night stands.

“Oh, I lost count… But the first one was unforgettable. You took me shopping and insulted my sense of fashion by picking up a Stetson and when I forbade it, you chose that awful beanie.” she teased.

“A beanie that mysteriously _disappeared_.” he reminded her. “You still don’t know where it is?” If his guess was right it was lost somewhere on a back road.

“And now you’re going to take me on a romantic stroll to put gas back in your truck.” she continued as if he hadn’t spoken at all. “I’m such a lucky girl.”

“And you better remember it, sweetheart.” he joked, squeezing her hand. She turned her head and their mouths naturally met as if they had their own gravitational system. The kissing, for some reason, seemed to help get the argument fully behind them. Haymitch felt more grounded when they finally stopped to breathe. “There’s a stream not far from the truck. It will be freezing but you can wash-up and pamper your hair with your stupid pink shampoo. I will keep watch for you.”

Her beaming smile was enough of a reward but he accepted the extra kiss anyway. He was smiling too when she buried her cold nose in his equally cold neck.

“You love my pink shampoo.” she muttered.

He kind of did but he wasn’t about to admit that.


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A bit of warning, the steam is very steamy in this one. I'm hesitant to call it smut because it's not all that explicit but... If you think I should up the rating tell me? =)

**_ 20\.  _ **

The air was charged with electricity, the sky was a cloudy grey and the faintest rumbling of thunder could be heard over Prim’s joyful rendition of the latest – and probably last – Disney song. Effie and the girl were busy bringing the last of their supplies from the cars to the second floor of the Capitol company building. They had been staying there for a week already and it was becoming clearer and clearer than it would stretch into a longer stay than they had first planned, to Coin’s obvious displeasure.

Peeta’s leg was slowly healing but there were other problems to take into account. The most urgent was the lack of gas. Haymitch, Finnick and Gale had taken to raid surrounding farms everyday but so far, they had barely scraped up enough for a few miles : there were too many cars and too many of them. It was a losing battle according to Haymitch. Effie glanced at the road in concern and was a second too late in catching the bag Prim was handing her. The subject of her worry wasn’t hard to guess.

“I’m sure they will be back soon.” the girl offered, before going back to her singing.

Effie couldn’t glimpse the slightest hint of a car in the horizon. She hoped they would be back before the storm hit, it looked like it would be a bad one. She was distracted from those thoughts by Johanna who started an off-key rendition of Prim’s song with distorted lyrics. She swung zombie corpses on the growing pile to the disgusted singing of “ _fuck it all_ ”. Johanna hated doing the clean-up.

“ _Language_.” Effie snapped over her shoulder.

The song morphed into a “ _Fuck it all, fuck it all, Trinket can shut her mouth_ ” that left Katniss – who was helping Johanna dragging another corpse – in stitches.

The zombies were the second problem. In their seven days stay at the Capitol, they had seen three large groups of zombies pass by the building, followed by mutts. It looked as if more would follow. Annie had a theory according to which they were migrating like geese to warmer countries, Katniss and Gale thought they had drained their food stock and were looking for more meat. Effie had no opinion whatsoever, she was just happy that the building was so well protected. Some zombies and the occasional mutt always wandered inside but zombies remained stuck in the lobby and were easily put down, unable to manage the stairs, as for mutts, they _did_ manage the stairs but either they triggered the traps on the first floor or they got killed by whoever was on watch.

Effie had designed the watch duty schedule herself, it was her pride. She had managed to devise it in a way that everyone could get a full night of sleep every two days. She had also implanted a schedule for daily chores. When she had showed them to the group, the only one enthusiastic had been Coin who had _almost_ smiled at her despite the fact that Effie defied her dress-code on a daily basis. The President was still insisting on black or grey clothes. Effie’s only response to everyone who reminded her was a disdainful snort.

“Trinket, you got matches?” Johanna asked, looking at the heap of dead zombies.

She rummaged in one of the bags Prim had unloaded and threw the little box to her. She hurried inside before Johanna and Katniss could start the unpleasant process of burning the corpses. Doing that without any fuel wasn’t an easy task, nor a pretty one – Katniss had ended up with some singed hair, the last time, earning herself the nickname of “girl on fire” from Haymitch, Finnick and Johanna. Effie hadn’t seen the joke and still failed to see how it was funny.

Plutarch met them on the stairs and helped them haul the bags up to the second floor where they had made camp. It wasn’t as good as the farm, Effie mused, but it wasn’t that bad considering. There were a multitude of little offices and most of them had been claimed as private rooms. Privacy was a welcomed luxury after so many weeks on the road.

What had been the break room had become the common room and that was where Effie and Prim headed. They checked on Peeta on their way. He was lying on his sleeping bag, the lump tucked out of sight, and was busy sketching on a notepad. He accepted the offer to join them but refused their help in getting up although Prim made sure he was using the clutches Finnick had brought back from one of the farms in the right way. He was dealing with his injury a lot better than Effie would have if it had been her.

They made small talk for a while in the break room but soon enough everyone was focused on their own task. Peeta had gone back to sketching, Prim was reading a book she had found in one of the offices, and Effie was reviewing her own notes. On Coin’s demands, she had made an inventory of the food and water stocked in the building – there was enough to feed them all for a month or two if they were careful – however she hadn’t stopped there and had taken to note down everything that could be of use. Plutarch had been the one inventorying the guns and ammos the soldiers had been hoarding up but Effie had made her own calculations and had insisted upon reviewing his numbers. A good thing, as Haymitch had told her later, since the rebels had been trying to snatch a few guns and ammos without anyone’s noticing. No one had particularly believed Plutarch’s assurance that he had “made a mistake”. There were other things of interest in the offices and among the supplies left behind by the staff, albeit nothing that could help them survive an apocalypse : books, make-up, condoms, hair ties – to every girl’s relief… A hundred of little things that could make life easier.

When the storm finally broke out and the rain started to pour, she asked Prim to go tell Johanna and Katniss to put whatever containers they could find outside. They needed as much clean water as they could get. It wasn’t an immediate concern, they had enough bottles of water to last a while, but they were low on washing water and Effie insisted on everyone maintaining a high level of personal hygiene – not only because they were all living in close quarters but because they couldn’t afford anyone getting sick due to filthiness; and it had nothing to do with the fact that she was “a big sissy ” as Johanna had implied.

She spent the following hour trying to find a way to best divide their blanket supplies. Some were sharing a room, others were alone but some also had sleeping bags when other had air mattresses – Haymitch and Finnick had found a couple of those a few days ago and had claimed their bounties for themselves, usually Effie would have complained about the unfairness of that but since she had gained a bed in the process, she had held her tongue. Nevertheless, now the problem was to decide who needed more blankets. They already had one each but there were still five left… It was all a conundrum to decide who needed them more. She was so focused on her notepad, she didn’t even react when Prim started giggling.

“Wearing red… You’re such a little rebel, sweetheart.”

She startled and looked up, surprised to see Haymitch leaning against the doorframe. A relieved smile blossomed on her lips, she looked him from head to toes but apart from the fact that he was dripping wet, he seemed to be in one piece. He must have been there for a few minutes because a puddle of water had gathered around his feet.

“I’m surprised Coin didn’t tear it from you yet.” Haymitch snorted. “She’s in a foul mood.”

When wasn’t she? “She can try.” Effie offered, closing her notepad and patting her well-loved new cardigan. She had sneaked it behind the President’s back during the last raid. It was a slow process but she was starting to rebuild her wardrobe. She would never forgive the rebels for what had happened to her former stolen clothes. Black and grey _weren’t_ an acceptable color scheme. “Although it _is_ cashmere so I might have to murder her.”

Peeta and Prim both laughed and she smiled at them.

“What if _I_ were to tear it off you?” It was so innocently asked it took a few seconds to realize what he had said. Peeta and Prim choked on their laughter and Effie flushed crimson. Haymitch seemed very amused by it all, his eyes were twinkling with mischief.

“You won’t if you value your life.” she snapped, eying him more carefully. She stood up and walked closer, suspicion making alarms ring in her head. “Are you drunk?” He could have found alcohol somewhere, he had an inner detector for liquor.

“Unfortunately no.” he sighed. “Quite horny, though.”

“ _Haymitch_!” she shrieked, absolutely appalled by his behavior. Both teenagers grunted in disgust and scrambled out of the room as fast as Peeta’s clutches could carry him. “This is _really_ improper.” she chided him as soon as the others were out. It didn’t discourage him from advancing steadily towards her even when she stepped back, hands held out to keep him at a respectable distance. “You’re dripping wet!”

“And?” he asked. Her back was against the wall and her hands were spread on his chest. It was all she could do to keep him far enough from her that he wouldn’t ruin her cashmere cardigan.

“And I am not.” she hissed. She still responded to his kiss and almost forgot to protect her clothes from his damp body. It was like a switch, she mused, each time he kissed her, her brain shut down.

“Maybe we should do something about that.” he mumbled against her lips and it took her a few seconds longer than it usually would to push him away.

“Must you always be so crass?” She wrinkled her nose in distaste. “First that kind of innuendo in front of the children and now _this_.”

“Saying I’m horny isn’t innuendo, it’s a fact.” he corrected her with a smirk. “You drip…”

She placed a hand on his mouth before he could finish his explanation. “Stop this. We’re not having sex.” His eyes were sparkling and he clearly mistook her statement for a challenge. His tongue poked her palm and she snatched her hand away. “ _Haymitch_.”

He rolled his eyes but stepped back. “It was worth a shot.” he mumbled under his breath.

She pretended she didn’t hear anything. “You should go and change before you catch your death. It’s freezing in here.” She was lamenting the loss of the farm and, above all, of the fireplace. Effie wasn’t made for cold. She always spent the winter in Los Angeles or Miami. Effie loved to live in perpetual summer.

“Come with me.” he requested. “I have something for you.”

“A gift?” She lifted her eyebrows in surprise.

“If you want to call it that…” he shrugged, obviously feeling embarrassed.

It was cute.

“What is it?” she asked, overly curious. It had been some time since she had been given a gift.

“You will see when you’re in our room.” he smirked.

“How convenient.” she deadpanned. Still, she followed him. “Did you find anything?”

“People.” he replied. “An old woman who called herself Graesy Sae and her granddaughter. They lived in an old farm not too far, nice enough. They said we won’t find gas anywhere around here but there’s another town about four hours away north. We will try our luck there.”

“Four hours away?” She didn’t like the sound of that. “It’s too far. Anything could happen.”

“Anything could happen anywhere.” he sighed. He opened the door to their room for her and went for the bag he had obviously thrown in at random earlier. They had pushed the desk against the wall but even like that it was crammed : the air mattress took almost all the space despite the fact that it wasn’t that big to begin with, their bags were piled up on the desk with their weapons. “Here. We hit a store on our way back.”

She had been so busy mentally thinking about how to reorganize the space that she hadn’t realized he had gotten something out of the now empty bag. He was holding a heavy woolen coat, it was a light grey with patches of bright pink and apple green here and there. She almost squealed in delight when she snatched it away from him. She tried it on immediately, it was a bit large for her but it was otherwise perfect. She twirled on herself, laughing in pure glee. “It’s _so_ pretty!”

“I figured you would like it, it was the ugliest one.” he mocked her. He shed his jacket and pulled his sweatshirt over his head. His undershirt wasn’t wet so he kept it. His shoes and pants followed the jacket and the coat. Before long, the narrow space left between the bed and the closed door was cluttered with damp clothes he clearly intended to leave there. That was a problem that should have been addressed quickly, she decided, she had been picking up after him since they had started sharing the room.

“You should put that to dry.” she said pointedly.

“Later.” It was so dismissive…

“I am not going to do it for you, Haymitch.” she warned him. “I am not your maid and if you are unable to keep some order in this room then you can find one all for yourself.”

“Are you mad now?” he smirked. The room was so small he only had to reach up to slip the coat from her shoulder. “I brought you ridiculous clothes. You should say thank you.”

“Haymitch.” She tried to sound stern, she really tried.

His mouth brushed her throat just in _that_ spot, she could feel drops of water from his damp hair rolling on her own skin. “Yeah?” He chuckled at her sudden intake of breath. “Something wrong, Princess?”

He was just teasing for now: ghosts of touches on her side under her shirt, soft kisses on her neck… He would retreat if she asked him to. Yet her hand found the back of his head and urged him closer. They kissed with more teeth than tongues and she didn’t try to resist when her cashmere cardigan joined the coat on the floor, rapidly followed by her top.

“Make it quick.” she ordered. “I don’t have much time. It’s my turn to cook tonight.”

It owed her a mocking laugh against her shoulder. “Then we will go extra slow and save everyone from poisoning, Princess.”

She pushed him but he wouldn’t move. It was probably for the best anyway, she didn’t really want him to step back. She did a quick job of the last remaining clothes he had still on but he didn’t seem in any hurry to undress her completely, seemingly happy to kiss and tease.

They knew each other’s body quite well by now. They knew what the other loved best and what they didn’t like. They knew how to make it last or, on the contrary, how to reach their peak in a matter of minutes. It was the perfect moment in a relationship where it was still so new you couldn’t keep your hands off each other but old enough that the first awkward stumblings were truly behind you.

If Haymitch said he wanted to make it slow, he could.

“You _are_ rather horny.” she observed when she took matter into her own hands – so to speak. “You mentioned a granddaughter… I’m guessing she was adult. Was she pretty?”

She didn’t even try to cover the jealousy in her voice with fake cheerfulness and she made sure to bite his neck so hard he hissed. She suck the skin at the junction of his shoulder and neck, worrying it between her teeth until she was sure it would leave a mark.

“Gale seems to think so.” he replied, finally peeling her top. “’Can’t really say, I was too busy thinking about you.”

“Smooth.” she giggled when his fingertips tickled her side. “A lie too, almost certainly, but smooth.”

“I never lie, sweetheart.” he objected, pushing her gently to the air mattress. The thing rumbled and made so much noise she was sure everyone near their room must have heard it. “Stop thinking.” The corner of his mouth was upturned in a smirk. He kissed his way from her throat down to her belt and took his sweet time removing her boots and jeans, she tried to do it herself but he wouldn’t let her.

“What are you planning?” she asked, already frustrated when he continued kissing her body but nowhere she wanted to be kissed.

The smirk only increased. “Making you beg.”

“That is not going to happen.” she huffed. She still had her pride, she told herself, even when she grabbed his arm and pulled him so his body would cover hers. “Now, enough teasing.”

“So bossy…” he chuckled. He kissed her and she couldn’t help but gasp against his mouth when he finally gave her what she wanted, so slowly it was almost a torture. Their natural instinct was for rough and brief intercourses but he was clearly making an effort to pace himself and she let him, arching more than once under him from her building pleasure.

Taking their time had become a luxury since they had left the farm. They were always in a rush, there never was any real privacy or safety… They had been aching for each other for weeks before they finally got a room to themselves with four walls hiding them from indiscreet eyes.

“Haymitch…” It was a sigh or a warning, she wasn’t sure. Her orgasm washed over her in a familiar and welcomed wave of ecstasy. She was a ragdoll by the time she climbed down from her high and she let him switch position and do what he wanted with her. He mumbled something in her neck when he came but she was too far gone to figure out what it was.

She snuggled up against him as they tried to get their breathing back under control. Cold bit at her sweaty skin and she wriggled until she could grab the covers that had somehow ended up in a heap at the foot of the mattress. Haymitch’s warm body and the two blankets weren’t enough barrier against the cold though, even when he wrapped his arms around her. His still damp hair wasn’t helping matters.  

“You’re worse than an ice cube.” he complained, leaving the nest she had spent at least five minutes building. She whimpered in distress when her naked skin got exposed to the freezing temperature again.

“Can’t we just cuddle for a minute?” she sighed. “I highly dislike it when you leave right after we had sex.” She didn’t like the way it made her feel, like she was nothing but convenient. She was always hesitant to brush that kind of subject with him, he never reacted well to any attempt at talking about feelings but they had been together for… She thought it was months now but she wasn’t sure. She had tried to keep count of the days in the very beginning but they had blurred and fused together at some point. How much time had passed since she had met Haymitch? Three months? Four? Perhaps it was closer to five or six. Long enough, in any case, for her to speak plainly.

He paused in his rummaging of the bags to glance down at her over his shoulder.

“I don’t do _cuddles_ , sweetheart.” He made a face at the very idea. “Don’t go and tell people I’m a cuddler.”

“No chance of that.” she snapped and then threw the blanket over her head in a somehow childish display. She hoped it would be warmer – and it would have been if he hadn’t sent it flying on the side. “ _Haymitch_! You are such a…” The rest of her rant was cut by a handful of clothes dropped on her stomach. Woolen socks, a thick flannel shirt and boxers.

“I’m not going near your shit.” He nodded to her perfectly organized bags. “I like my head on my shoulders and not chewed off.” Perhaps she had been a tad… _excessive_ the last time he had tried to go through her clothes.

“Thank you.” she said, oddly touched. She didn’t lose any time before slipping everything on – _after_ having checked it was clean. Not only was it warmer this way but it also was… _comforting_ to be wearing his clothes. They had never done that before.

He was slower in getting dressed and even sloppier. He barely bothered to put a shirt over his boxers and he left it open, she didn’t complain she rather liked the sight of his chest. There wasn’t much muscles but killing zombies almost every day kept him nicely in shape although he was in obvious need of being fed. They all were. Effie’s body wasn’t as prim as it had been before the apocalypse either, she was painfully aware of it.

He sat back down next to her, careful not to flop on the mattress like he had done the first time – it had only resulted in more hours spent in blowing the thing up again until they were blue in the face. Effie hated the air mattress, it made all kind of noise each time they moved and it wasn’t really comfortable and yet it was still better than the hard cold ground. He had started toweling his hair with the undershirt he had picked up from the ground. He was doing such a poor job of it, she kneeled behind him and took the shirt from his hand. She did her best but it was still wet when he got bored and grabbed her around the waist. For someone who didn’t like cuddles, he certainly liked lying in bed with her. She suspected that if they hadn’t been running for their life in a zombies infected world, Haymitch would have been the lazy kind.

“You are still picking up your clothes and putting them to dry.” she told him, snuggling against him once more. He grabbed the blankets to cover her but didn’t bother getting underneath. He claimed the cold didn’t bother him because he was used to it. He lived in the north once upon a time.

He hummed but didn’t explicitly agree and she simply knew he would never do it.

Her hand roamed on his chest at random before settling on his side, over the largest scar. Her thumb ran over it by habit, wondering how it came to be in the first place. It must have been a nasty wound. It was a milky white so it must have been pretty old but it was far from faded, it was still swollen as if the skin had been torn and then hastily patched together in the first place. What sort of things left that kind of scar?

“Axe.” he spat and she startled, wondering if she had asked her question aloud. “Jo isn’t the only one fond of them.”

She lifted her head to look at him but he was staring at the wall. The storm was still raging outside and almost no light passed the small window by the desk, she couldn’t quite see his face in the darkness. His chest was rising and falling more quickly than before and she found herself at a loss for what to do. He didn’t talk about his past very often but, at the same time, she knew that if she pressed him for information, she would only scare him away.

“How old were you?” It seemed like innocent enough a question. She pressed a kiss on his shoulder to let him know she didn’t mean to pry.

His fingers tangled in her hair like they always did. He loved to play with her hair for some reason. “Seventeen.”

She opened her mouth and closed it again before she could say something that would spoil the moment. She could remember the year she was seventeen. She had been going to castings for two years already, her life had been full of boyfriends, parties and studying for school. She had never even been close to an axe at that point…

“Were you already…” She didn’t quite know what she wanted to ask. Had he already been working for the CIA? Had he _always_ been working for the CIA or…

“That’s how I was recruited.” he cut her off.

There was a warning in his voice not to press the subject so she let it drop. She placed her hand over the scar – it was so long it didn’t even cover it entirely – and kissed his shoulder again. “I love you.” He didn’t flinch anymore when she said it, sometimes he even relaxed. It wasn’t one of those times. He didn’t flinch but he didn’t exactly relax either.

“If you knew half the things I’ve done, you wouldn’t touch me with a ten foot pole.” he snorted. His hand left her hair to cup her cheek, his thumb retraced the shape of her mouth.

She kissed it and then she dropped her eyes. “I’ve slept with people in exchange for jobs.” It was expected, all the more so in the beginning. That was how the business worked. It didn’t mean she was proud of it. It was secretly her biggest shame. She had tried to succeed by herself at first but after a while she had simply given up. There was nothing she wouldn’t have done for fame by that point and her body had seemed like a feeble price to pay. “I was barely more than an escort. See, you’re not the only one who did despicable things.”

“You’re cute, sweetheart, but that’s nothing.” he sneered.

“I beg to differ.” she mumbled, placing her head on his shoulder. The thought of some of those men was enough to make her shudder.

“I watched kids die.” It was blunt, harsh and full of hatred. “I watched and I didn’t save one.”

She didn’t dare move or even breathe. His body was so tense under hers she was sure he would bolt. “Didn’t or couldn’t?”

“Does it make a difference?” he snapped. “I watched them die all because Snow ordered so. There was a slaughter and nobody ever noticed because you were too busy distracting them with your Miss Patriot act.”

She felt as if she had just being slapped. She turned on her other side, far from his body’s warmth and curled up on herself. “How many times do I have to apologize for accepting a job more than ten years before I even met you?”

She expected him to leave the room because that was what he would have done before they left the farm, before he was forced into sobriety. The lack of alcohol made him short-tempered and snappish with everyone, her more than anyone else, but he always seemed to regret it afterwards, he always made sure she knew he didn’t quite mean it. It was never an apology - Haymitch very rarely apologized - but it was something.

The hand he placed on her hip was hesitant but when she didn’t push him away he pressed his chest against her back, holding her close until he was spooning her.

“It’s not your fault.” he said. She didn’t know if he was talking about the fact that she used to be the government’s face or the sudden shift of his mood. “I don’t like talking about that.”

“There is no point looking back at the past anyway.” she sighed, giving up on her idea to remain angry when he kissed her neck tentatively. “Carp Diem…”

“Pretty sure, it’s _Carpe_.” he mumbled against her hair.

“Whatever fish you please.” She rolled her eyes. “We should enjoy the present instant and, right now, I am cold which means I am not enjoying anything. Do something about it.” He hauled her on his chest, moving the blankets around until they were both under them and she was pressed against his warm skin. “Better.”

“So glad you approve, Princess.” he deadpanned.

She buried her face in his neck, wondering what kind of spell she was under. She was utterly mad for that man. She had never felt quite like that before. Losing him, she knew, would devastate her.

“Do you really think a four hours away raid is a good idea?” she asked.

“I don’t think we have much of a choice.” he shrugged. “We’ll talk about it with the others at dinner.”

She was about to suggest he abstain from the raid or let her go with him when she gasped in sudden horror and scrambled up. “Dinner!” She forgot everything about the cold and his grabby hands. “We will be _completely_ off-schedule now! Oh, everything is your fault…”

She grabbed her jean and tucked his borrowed shirt in without a second thought. It certainly wouldn’t be pretty but she couldn’t waste any more time getting ready when everyone was counting on her to cook dinner. He watched her zip her boots and twist her hair in a hasty ponytail with an amused smirk.

“What is it?” she snapped.

“You’re not wearing a bra.” he pointed out.

She looked down but his shirt was baggy enough on her. She frowned. “Can you tell?”

“No, but I know.” He looked so smug she couldn’t help but lift an eyebrow.

“Well, I hope it doesn’t distract you all evening.” And with that, she stepped out and closed the door on him.

Fortunately for her, Annie had already started dinner even though it wasn’t her turn. It was good. As good as tasteless canned vegetable that they already had sampled three times that week could be. The friendly conversation didn’t really make up for it and Effie had to hide her irritation when the next raid was decided on and she wasn’t allowed to go. Johanna imposed herself, claiming she was going crazy doing nothing but babysitting all day, Haymitch and Finnick would both go, that was a given, and Katniss said she didn’t mind as long as Gale, Peeta and Effie stayed behind to watch Prim. Neither Coin nor her soldier friend lingered after they had finished their plate, Plutarch stayed. He was making an effort to get to know them, Effie would grant him that.

“I miss tiramisu.” Gale said, out of the blue, when the conversation stalled to a halt.

The breaking room felt crammed with all of them but Effie liked it best like that. All of them were there, all of them accounted for.

“Hot showers.” Plutarch added wistfully.

“My cat.” Prim sighed.

“Nothing could kill that thing, Prim.” Gale snorted. “I’m sure Buttercup is just fine.”

“Probably feasting on zombie flesh as we speak.” Katniss nodded. Prim smiled but it was small so Effie reached out to squeeze her hand.

“I miss lazy week-ends in bed.” Annie offered.

“Oh, yeah…” Finnick wriggled his eyebrows, placing an arm around her shoulders. “Those were _the best_.” Annie rolled her eyes but she melted into his side. “I miss the beach… What about you, Jo?”

Johanna scowled. “Not being surrounded by idiots?”

“I would drink to that if I had any booze.” Haymitch grunted. “I _do_ miss booze.”

“Everybody knows you miss booze, Haymitch.” Peeta chuckled. “You tell us at least three times a day.”

“Well, what do _you_ miss most, boy?” he shot back and Effie held out her breath.

“Having two legs was pretty sweet.” Peeta replied. It could have put a damp on the general mood but he was so obviously attempting at levity that most of them laughed with him. Not Effie though.

“Yeah, but then you wouldn’t have gotten the girl…” Haymitch pointed out to most of the teenagers’ embarrassment.

What was going on between Peeta and Katniss was very unclear to Effie. She had walked on suspicious hugs more than once but she had never caught them kissing or anything of the kind. Her probing of Prim hadn’t told her anything she didn’t already know. Gale, on the other hand, was getting more and more sullen by the day.

“He didn’t _get_ the girl.” Katniss grumbled. “It’s a stupid expression anyway.”

“Question is… Are _you_ worth a leg?” Johanna mused.

“I’m on watch duty.” Gale muttered. He stood up and stormed out before anyone could say anything.

Effie was about to follow him to try and smoother ruffled feathers but Haymitch grabbed her wrist before she could do anything. He shook his head no.

“What do you miss, Effie?” Finnick asked, smoothly changing the topic.

All eyes were on her and she was at a loss. What she missed most, she thought, was the feeling of being safe. Oh, they were all quite safe in the Capitol for now but it wouldn’t last. In that world, safety was a fleeting thing. And feeble. So, so very feeble…

“Glamorous dresses.” She laughed instead of telling the truth. “ _Haute_ - _couture_. Designers clothes…” Everybody laughed with her, agreeing that it wasn’t very surprising. Haymitch and Peeta were the only ones who looked at her with something akin to understanding.

“You’re sure far from glamorous tonight.” Johanna taunted, eyeing the flannel shirt she was still wearing with amusement. “Aren’t you a bit old to borrow your boyfriend’s clothes?”

Effie didn’t know what to protest first : the fact that she was old or that Haymitch was her boyfriend. She wasn’t _that_ much older than Johanna but she was certainly too old for the term “boyfriend” – not to mention the fact that their relationship had never been labeled.

“She’s rocking my clothes.” Haymitch retorted. “It’s much better than what she usually wears. No pink, no trimming… She doesn’t look like a Christmas tree for once.”

She glared daggers at him.

“You weren’t wearing that earlier, were you?” Katniss pointed out with a frown before she could tell Haymitch he was very welcome to use one of the empty offices for the night.

Of all the times the girl could have chosen to become observant…

“ _True_.” Johanna’s eyes were shining with the urge to go for the kill. She sneered. “Was it a good fucking session?”

Peeta and Prim exchanged an amused glance, Katniss made a face, Plutarch looked like he didn’t quite know what he was doing there, Annie was lost in her own world and Finnick’s grin was wolfish.

“Johanna, it saddens me to say your behavior is beyond help.” Effie stated disapprovingly. “You are more than rude, it is truly appalling. I will thank you to keep your nose out of my private life, where it doesn’t belong.”

There was a small silence.

“To be fair, it’s not very private when we can hear you screaming two corridors away.” Finnick coughed in his hand.

Effie flushed crimson. She knew she was sometimes quite… _vocal_ but she was trying to keep it quiet.

“Oh, like you were being very quiet the night before yesterday…” Haymitch snorted before taking an unbearable high-pitched voice. “ _Annie_ … _Annie_ …”

Annie, fortunately for her, was still spacing out. Effie wished she could do the same.

“Haymitch, you do _not_ have any gift for imitation.” Effie hissed. “And this conversation is neither proper nor suitable for every ear. Shall I remind you all that there is a twelve years old with us?”

“Twelve years old or not, between the four of you I bet she knows everything there is to know about sex.” Johanna snorted. “Including the fact that Haymitch sounds like a _fucking_ walrus when he…”

“Not for my sister’s ears!” Katniss shouted, grabbing Prim’s arm and dragging her out of the room kicking and screaming.

Effie could only approve but even then… “Haymitch does _not_ sound like a walrus and _you_ snore so loudly it could wake the dead. _Literally_. ”

Johanna rolled her eyes. “That’s the best you can come up with, Trinket?”

“You _do_ snore.” Peeta interrupted. “I’m tempted to move to another room.”

“Well, don’t get one too close to either of them because I’m regretting my choice every night.” Plutarch offered good-naturedly, nodding to Finnick and Annie and then Haymitch and Effie. The man winced. “And I’m afraid Miss Mason is right. You _do_ sound like a dying walrus.”

“Call me Miss Mason again and I will hurt you.” Johanna warned.

Effie opened and closed her mouth, not understanding why Haymitch wasn’t even trying to defend himself. He simply shrugged and waved her concern away. “They’re jealous, sweetheart. Leave them be. In fact…” He got up and outstretched a hand to help her up. “Let’s call it a night.”

“Next raid, I’m getting ear-plugs.” Johanna vowed.

Effie exited the room with her head high, holding on to Haymitch’s hand and to the tatters of her dignity. They had developed a routine for bedtime and they stuck to it after Effie had forced him to finally pick up his clothes – it led to a shouting match but she won once she took off his borrowed shirt and he got distracted by the sight of her breasts.

They ended up snuggling in bed again, facing the same problem they had faced every night that week : how to keep her warm? She finally settled for half-lying on his chest, wrapped tightly in his arms and the blankets, with so many layers of clothes she couldn’t be bothered to count them. Haymitch always complained that it was stifling by the end of the night but given that he would have been content to sleep in his clothes and a single blanket, Effie had elected to ignore him.

She was dozing off to his distracted petting of her hair when he spoke. Her head was cushioned on his chest and it sounded like a low rumble at first.

“Do I really sound like a walrus when I come?”  

She faked sleep.


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Be prepared for some violence in this chapter - and don't hate me too much =)

“No, but seriously, does this guy even _has_ a name?” Johanna laughed from the back seat. She and Finnick were very busy gossiping about the only remaining rebel soldier who never talked to anybody but Coin. From what Haymitch had gathered, they had concluded he was a robot – not that he could hear much over the deafening sound of Beyonce. Katniss and Johanna had disastrous tastes in music. More worrying was the fact that Finnick had been singing along to a couple of songs and hearing their golden boy sing “put a ring on it” was disturbing.

Haymitch was tempted to remind them for the fiftieth time that it wasn’t exactly a fun family road trip.

They needed gas or they would remain stranded in Nebraska and that wasn’t something Haymitch was looking forward to. It would get colder, it would probably snow eventually and more zombies would come from the north…

“There’s a highway.” Katniss said suddenly, _finally_ turning the volume down. She gestured to a board signaling an upcoming junction.

“Yeah, remember the last highway we went on?” Johanna sneered. “You barely escaped with your guts in your stomach. A _thank you_ wouldn’t have killed you by the way.”

“I don’t hear you thanking me each time I shoot a zombie.” Katniss rolled her eyes. “Besides, who says highway says cars and cars mean…”

“Gas.” Finnick finished for her. “I like the plan.”

“The plan was to hit the next town.” Haymitch reminded them.

“Which may or may not be swarming with zombies and mutts.” Finnick pointed out. “A highway is open ground… From a strategic point, it seems safer.”

“I can climb on the roof and shoot everything that comes too close.” Katniss argued. “Jo can kill the rest while you two siphon…”

Despite his best judgment, Haymitch slowed down. They were still two hours away from the town and a highway _did_ seem a good place to find gas. It still wasn’t a good idea, though. Tempting, yes, but not clever at all, not safe in the least.

Katniss and Finnick were all for a quick trip, he knew, they were anxious to go back to their loved ones. He was too, as strange as it still felt to think about people like that, but he was also impatient to go back to them _alive_. It really wasn’t safe.

Yet, he couldn’t help but remember that the last time he left for so long, Effie had run away straight into danger and he was afraid that she would do it again. She could be extremely stupid when someone she loved was in danger.

“Jo?” he prompted.

Johanna was chewing on her lower lip, fingers drumming on the handle of her axe. Then she rolled her eyes, obviously throwing caution to the wind. “I’m game.”

“Alright.” He followed the signs to the junction.

He couldn’t go far. The road was cluttered with cars well before they even reached the actual interstate. He parked a few feet behind the last jeep, not keen on risking his truck closer than strictly necessary.

“Stay close to each other.” Finnick advised as they all climbed off. “Don’t wander off.”

“If you find something useful in one of the car, get it.” Haymitch added, grabbing everything they would need to siphon gas from the trunk. He also grabbed a gun and two more knives – just in case.

Finnick shouldered the harpoon but bypassed the guns. “I have my bodyguards.” he winked, nodding to the girls. “Let’s go.”

They were cautious, they didn’t pounce on cars at once… They established a small perimeter first, made sure that nothing undead would jump on them… There were a lot of dead people in and around the cars but none of them moved. Still, the stench was bad enough to make Haymitch want to gag. You would think one would get used to the smell of death but no.

After ten minutes, they were fairly confident that there were no zombies lurking around. Johanna was the first to lower her axe. She stared at the endless clutter of cars that stretched as far as the eye could see and shook her head. “How _fucking_ stupid must you be to try an highway when zombies are knocking down your back door?”

“People in group don’t think. They panic.” Haymitch retorted, finally placing his gun back into its holster. He pulled out a knife from his belt and placed it on a nearby truck, in easy reach, before bending to get a better look at the gas tank. He pretended very hard there were no corpses inside. “Why do you think I wanted to stay alone?”

Katniss climbed on top of the car’s roof, bow at the ready and focused on keeping watch. That, at least, made one of them.

Finnick bumped into Johanna playfully as he started working on the closest car. “We should ask you why you didn’t _stay_ alone…” the younger man taunted.

“We _know_ why he didn’t stay alone.” Johanna rolled her eyes. She forced a trunk open with her axe and started rummaging inside. “Trinket’s ass, that’s why.”

“Leave Effie’s ass out of this.” he mumbled, struggling to fit the plastic hose in the tank with his shaking hands.

“She does have a fine ass.” Finnick agreed.

“I’m sure Annie will be happy to know that.” Katniss retorted from the car’s roof with perceptible annoyance. “What is it with you boys and Effie’s ass? Peeta and Gale are always ogling her.”

“Yeah, Heavensbee and What’s-his-name too.” Johanna shrugged, flinging useless camping gear out of the trunk she was inspecting. She soon slammed it shut and wandered to another car. “I’ve seen Coin’s watching once or twice.”

“ _Eeew_.” Katniss made a face. “Gross. Imagine that.”

“I’d rather not.” Finnick snorted.

“Can we stop talking about my girl’s imaginary lesbian life?” Haymitch snapped, glaring at all of them in turn. “At least, pick someone else, she’s too hot for Coin.” Not to mention that what Coin liked or didn’t like, he didn’t want to know. She was shacking up with Plutarch for all he knew.

“She’s too hot for _you_.” Finnick joked.

The tank he was working on was empty, he moved to the next one, hoping the topic would move at the same time but he wasn’t that lucky.

“Did I dream or did he call her _his girl_?” Johanna sneered, from the back of a red Ford. She passed her head through the window. “What’s next, Haymitch, you’re gonna write her poetry?”

“Poetry is Finnick’s thing.” Katniss laughed. “Haymitch would do something nice and pretend it never happened.”

“Like buying her a coat for instance?” Finnick asked innocently.

Everyone was staring at him and Haymitch could feel an unwelcomed blush starting to burn his cheeks. Nothing but the heat, he told himself even though the sun was a pale withered thing in the sky.

“You bought her a _fucking_ coat?” Johanna sounded disbelieving.

“Don’t be stupid.” he grunted. “I _stole_ a coat.” She was laughing so hard she barely managed to get out of the car. “It’s _only_ a coat.”

“Sure, it is.” she snickered. “When you get her a ring, don’t forget she’s like a magpie. She likes her stuff shiny.”

“ _Shut_ _up_.” he retorted but it only made her cackle harder. The fact that Katniss started to hum that Beyonce song about _putting a ring on it_ wasn’t a coincidence, he was sure of it. It almost made him miss the good old times of Taylor Swift. “You’re all so stupid…”

“That’s the best you can do, seriously?” Johanna taunted before suddenly grinning at what she found in a trunk. “Sweet. We’ve got two more cans of gas. Lids still on.” She carried them back to their truck.

Haymitch moved to another car with his half empty can, Katniss stopped humming but Finnick started whistling a familiar tune. Haymitch couldn’t help but snort. “Highway to hell?”

“It’s kind of a once in a lifetime opportunity, here.” Finnick shrugged, crouching next to a new car. “The perfect song at the perfect place.”

Haymitch rolled his eyes, crouching too. Two more cars and, if they were lucky, that can would be full. He was trying to estimate how many trips to the highway it would take to stock enough gas for their four cars to get the hell out of Nebraska when Johanna called out to Katniss.

“Help me with this.” Johanna demanded. He glanced over the hood, she was trying to force open a car that looked well-stocked but resisted to her strength. No immediate danger. “So, Katniss, you’re going to spill the beans on Peeta or what? You’re shagging yet?”

“ _Jo_!” Katniss hissed.

Haymitch almost hit his head on the wing mirror. “What?” He wasn’t particularly sure why he cared so much and why he was already planning the speech he would give Peeta as soon as they were back.

“Jo, we seriously need to find you a guy.” Finnick chuckled. “You are so…”

The end of the sentence never came.

There was the clicking of something metallic hitting the ground and by the time Haymitch and the girls realized something was wrong, they were surrounded. Haymitch got up and drew out his gun but Finnick was already down. A mutt was munching on his arm, another grabbed his hair with rotting grey fingers and the third one simply tore his throat open with its yellow teeth. He didn’t even have time to shout. Katniss’ arrow took out his killer but too late to make a difference. Blood still gushed out and pooled around him, leaving him gasping for an oxygen that couldn’t get in.

Katniss was screaming.

More mutts appeared, crawling from under cars.

Time seemed to slow down.

Haymitch caught Johanna’s eyes and for a second he saw the same shock on her face that he was feeling. Then, her expression hardened. She didn’t nod, she didn’t say anything but Haymitch knew they were thinking the same thing. There were different ways of protecting someone. She grabbed Katniss before she could try to run for Finnick and swung her axe with her free hand, trying to keep some distance between them and the mutts. Katniss in relative safety, he turned his gaze back to the mutts and Finnick. He tried to think of a brilliant plan but apart for a time machine, he knew there was none. There was only one thing to do, the human thing.

Haymitch took a deep breath to steady his aim and then he pulled the trigger.

Finnick stopped moving.


	22. Chapter 22

“I think it should be twenty-two.” Effie frowned at the math homework she was trying to help Prim with in the break room. She was very good at math as long as it involved additions, subtractions, percentages and everything that could help her when she went shopping. Equations were a little out of her league. “Maybe we should just ask Annie when she wakes up from her nap.”

Prim readily agreed to that plan and Effie checked the clock on the wall for what was probably the hundredth time that day. They had been gone for three hours and a half. They probably didn’t even _reach_ the town yet.

“Maybe you should just stop wasting your time with homework.” Gale mumbled from the window. He stiffened before Effie could launch in a speech about the importance of proper education. “They’re back.”

“What?” Effie exclaimed without any of her usual poise. Gale was already moving and she followed with Prim, half-walking and half-running along the tortuous corridors to reach the staircase. They were almost there when Katniss came up running at full speed, tears streaming down her face. She evaded Gale’s prying hands, ignored Prim’s question and bumped into Effie without any apology. The next thing they knew, a door was slamming shut a few corridors down.

Something cold and, strangely enough, burning hot at the same time churned in Effie’s stomach. It felt like panic. It wasn’t before she tasted blood that she realized she had been biting on the inside of her cheek. And then she hurried to the stairs, her brain already creating a thousand catastrophic scenarios that always ended with Haymitch’s death.

She didn’t have time to go far. He came up before she could start climbing down.

“Haymitch!” she cried out in sheer relief. She threw her arms around his neck and for a second he embraced her back, so tight it almost hurt. She felt his stubble tickling her neck and then he pressed a kiss to the side of her head and let go of her.

“Where’s Annie, sweetheart?” His voice was rough and uncharacteristically cracking on odd words.

It was all it took for her to understand what was happening. The rebels had gathered behind them. The only people missing were Katniss, Peeta, Johanna and Annie. _And Finnick_.

“Her room.” Gale replied.

Haymitch nodded and walked past them all. Someone started to cry, she thought it was Prim, others were cursing. She didn’t stay to listen or offer comfort, she climbed down the stairs without really knowing why. She didn’t think as she walked down to the lobby, following the growing noises of destruction and the swearing. “Johanna?”

The lobby had always been the most damaged part of the building, Johanna was apparently set on proving how true it was. She was flinging things left and right, leftover papers or pencils, a useless phone…

“ _Fuck_!” Johanna roared with every new object she threw. “ _Fuck_!” She grabbed a knocked over chair and flung it at the wall again and again but the chair refused to break. Johanna’s leg twisted under her and she collapsed in the dust, panting hard. She didn’t get up. She simply sat there.

“Johanna.” Effie tried again.

“Get _the_ _fuck_ out of here, Trinket.” Johanna growled.

Try as she might, she couldn’t. She wanted to go to her friend who was so obviously hurting and offer comfort but she knew Johanna wouldn’t want that.

“Johanna, what is going on?” She heard herself ask that ridiculous question even though she perfectly knew the answer. It wasn’t hard to guess after all. Four had gone out, three had come back and two of those were crying.

“What, you want the full ugly story?” the younger woman chuckled – or maybe she was sobbing, it was hard to tell because she had her back on Effie. “You want to know how that mutt ripped his throat open? You want me to tell you…”

“Stop.” she begged, feeling her own breath catching in her throat. “Stop.”

But Johanna _couldn’t_ stop. Not now that she had found something else to destroy. She turned around to face her, finally getting back on her feet, and Effie saw the traces tears had left on her face, clean lines through the dirt and the blood.

“Is he… Is he…” Effie couldn’t seem to stop asking stupid questions or even say the word.

“Dead?” Johanna sneered and then she started laughing an ugly, desperate laugh. “We’re _all_ dead, Trinket, we just don’t know it yet.” She went on laughing and laughing until she broke down and fell on the ground again. She kept laughing. Perhaps she didn’t know how to cry anymore.

Effie ran away.

She sat on the stairs, pressed her head against her knees and she waited. The tears never came. She should have cried, she thought, Finnick had been her friend. She _should_ have been crying. She took deep ragged breaths but it didn’t make the sensation that all of this was surreal – a nightmare maybe – go away. She remained on those stairs for the longest time and, still, she couldn’t shed a tear nor totally accept it. There was no body, nothing to bury or burn, nothing to help make it real, only a missing presence in the shape of Finnick.

Familiar footsteps finally found her but not familiar enough. The hand that kindly squeezed her shoulder wasn’t entirely welcomed either.

“If you’re feeling up to it, someone should sit with Annie.” Plutarch said quietly.

_Oh_ _God_ , _Annie_ … she thought. What other choice did she have but to stand up, force a brave smile on her face and soldier on? It was actually easier to fall back into that persona, to fuss over everyone and forget about her own pain. She instructed Plutarch to check on Johanna regularly but to not disturb her if it wasn’t strictly necessary and then to make sure the teenagers had everything they needed, before she headed to Finnick and Annie’s room – she wondered if they would ever call it anything else but that.

Annie was as distressed as could be expected yet there was no sobbing, no desperate wailing for someone who would never come. She kept rocking back and forth even when Effie hugged her, kept asking for Finnick every ten minutes and then pressed her hands over her ears before Effie could try to explain again, she kept wiping the silent tears rolling down her cheeks but she didn’t seem to understand why she was crying.

It went on for hours. By the time Annie laid down on her side and simply vanished into her own imaginary world, refusing to interact with her anymore, Effie was exhausted. She sat with her back to the wall and she held her friend’s hand even if the young woman wasn’t aware of it. She tried to offer strength and support.

Eventually, the door opened on Johanna. She had cleaned up and changed clothes but she didn’t look much better than she had earlier. “Go get some sleep.”

Effie almost declined the offer because Johanna wasn’t the most compassionate person but when she saw the determination with which the young woman sat next to Annie, she relented. Johanna had been friends with Finnick and Annie long before Effie came along, perhaps that was something she needed to do.

“Make sure she drinks regularly.” Effie instructed, passing her a bottle of water. “She needs to stay hydrated or the baby…” She didn’t finish her sentence. The baby had been on her mind constantly since she had stepped into that room but she had carefully not let herself linger on the thought at the same time. Not only this baby would be born in a dark world but he would never know his father either.

Johanna nodded her understanding but didn’t say anything else so Effie left. She headed to the break room, intending to check on the teenagers but it must have been later than she thought because the children were nowhere to be seen. She didn’t mean to eavesdrop, she really didn’t mean to, but when she heard the low rumble of Haymitch’s voice mixed with Coin’s and Plutarch’s, she couldn’t help herself.

“We can get by with two cars.” Coin argued.

“We could.” Haymitch replied. “But between people and supplies, it will be so crammed it won’t make any difference. We will run out of gas just as quickly.”

“Three, then.” Plutarch suggested. “We have enough gas to reach South Dakota with three cars.”

Effie peeked inside to see the three of them hunched over maps spread out on the table.

“Barely.” Haymitch objected again. “And that’s if we don’t have to take turns to avoid herds. I don’t want to risk it.”

“We need to reach Thirteen.” Coin hissed, rubbing her eyes. “Plutarch told me you were opposed to Snow’s government before you got fired. You must know how important it is that…”

Coin looked tired too but Effie didn’t want to sympathize with her, they all were tired. She leaned against the wall outside the room and closed her eyes.

“I get that you want to get back to your rebellion before someone takes your place.” Haymitch interrupted her. “But…”

“Commander Paylor is more than capable of holding fort while I am gone.” Coin cut him off.

Effie wondered if those two would ever be able to have a discussion without cutting each other mid-sentence.

“ _Great_.” Haymitch spat sarcastically. “Because the way I see it, trying to move without enough gas in the dead of winter is way too dangerous. I won’t risk it.”

“Odair’s body isn’t even cold yet and you’re already playing leader, aren’t you?” Coin mocked. “Are your little friends aware you’re taking decisions for them?”

“We wait two months.” Haymitch said, without dignifying her accusation with a response. “We gather supplies, we siphon gas and we wait until we won’t risk dying of exposure if we have to spend a night in a car.”

“You want to wait two months with a pregnant woman on our hands?” Plutarch’s voice was disbelieving. “Haymitch…”

“In two months she will be four or five months pregnant.” Haymitch argued. “That leaves us plenty of time to reach your bunkers.”

Effie didn’t wait to hear the rest. If Haymitch had decided they were staying for two months then they were staying for two months. He knew best, after all. She wanted to make sure the children were alright but her feet took her to her own room. She felt strangely disconnected from her body, exhausted and yet still very much awake.

They couldn’t live in that room in its current state for two months.

It was a stupid thought and an even more stupid idea but she still found herself reorganizing the office. She emptied the desk’s drawers of their papers and filled it with their neatly folded clothes instead. She cleared shelves of the now useless files and placed the rest of their stuff on them. She moved the desk and the air mattress in a desperate attempt to get more space. It didn’t work but the whole room looked different, as if it had been tilted one quarter to the left. Perhaps it was an adequate way of thinking about the rest of the world too.

She wandered to Peeta’s room and knocked without getting any answer. Perhaps it wasn’t very well-behaved of her to open the door anyway but she needed to be sure everyone else was alright. Peeta was fast asleep, Katniss curled up against him. There were still traces of tears on her face. Effie closed the door softly and continued her search.

She found Gale standing watch in front of the stairs, Prim asleep with her head on his shoulder, fidgeting with his gun.

“She wouldn’t stop crying.” he explained when he spotted Effie. “I didn’t want to leave her alone and Katniss…” He shook his head and closed his eyes. “ _It_ _sucks_. Everything sucks.”

“Language.” she chided him quietly. It was a desperate attempt to get back to something familiar and it didn’t work. Gale didn’t even acknowledge her. “Could you carry her to her room? You should get some sleep yourself, you were on watch yesterday.”

“So were you.” he pointed out with a tired sigh.

The whole schedule would have to be re-arranged, the mere thought exhausted her. “I am not tired. Go to bed, Gale.”

It was a lie but the teenager didn’t need her to tell him twice. He handed her his gun, scooped up the child and they disappeared in the dark corridors. She sat down on the cold hard floor, almost wishing a zombie or a mutt would crept up the stairs. She realized, wearily, that underneath the numbness she didn’t seem to be able to shake away, she was angry. It was a bubbling sort of anger though, one that rose only to pop and be washed away by a lack of feeling – or an overload of feelings, she wasn’t sure – and then it started up again. She thought of Annie who would be left fending for herself and she felt angry at the world and at Finnick but then it felt stupid and counterproductive because the world certainly didn’t care and Finnick was…

“Effie.”

She startled out of her daydream, blushing when she realized she had been making a poor job at keeping watch. Haymitch and Plutarch didn’t look about to tell her off though, they both looked worn over.

“Come on.” Haymitch said gently. “You need sleep.”

“I’m on watch.” she argued, sitting straighter. She could do this at least, help her people by keeping watch… Let them sleep, take care of them, make sure they were all safe… She felt it was her job somehow.

“I will take over.” Plutarch said. “It’s almost my shift anyway. You need to rest.”

Which really meant she needed to grieve, she thought. She hesitated but Haymitch outstretched a hand to help her up and she took it instinctively. She let go as soon as she was on her feet. If he was hurt, he didn’t show it. They walked to their room in silence but it wasn’t comfortable, it was tensed and awkward and she didn’t understand why. He paused on the threshold, she almost walked into him.

“You redecorated.” he pointed out. “I don’t like it.”

She squeezed past him to get inside and made a beeline for the desk. “If we are to stay for two months…”

“Who says we’re staying for two months?” he interrupted her.

She heard the air mattress groan and rasp but she didn’t turn, she kept rummaging in the drawer until she found clean clothes to sleep in. “You, apparently. Not that you consulted any of us on the matter.”

“Eavesdropping, sweetheart?” he snorted. “I thought talking about it could wait until tomorrow or even the day after. If someone wants to leave before then, they’re welcome to some of the supplies and some of the gas but it’s stupid if you ask me. With this cold and the herds, it’s a death warrant.”

She watched him. He had shed his jacket and was taking off his boots. When he was done, he rubbed a hand against his face and then looked up at her. They stared at each other for a few minutes, her neatly folded clothes remained forgotten in her hands.

There was pain in his grey eyes, too much pain for her to handle.

“I should go and check on the others.” she said suddenly, placing down the stack of clothes on the desk. “I should make sure nobody needs me.”

She was almost to the door when his whisper stopped her. “I do.” She turned around, unsure. “Sweetheart, I’m ten seconds away from drinking the antibacterial lotion simply because the label says alcohol.” He outreached a shaking hand to her. “Come to bed.”

She grabbed his hand and let him pull her on the air mattress with a frown. “This isn’t that kind of alcohol. It would poison you.”

“Not sure it would be so bad.” he mumbled.

Effie wasn’t a violent person. She really wasn’t. It probably explained why Haymitch didn’t see the slap coming at all. He sat there, a hand pressed against his burning cheek, a confused expression on his face.

“Don’t _ever_ say that again.” she hissed. “How can you… How…” To her utmost shame, the tears she hadn’t been able to shed earlier were burning her eyes now. “Finnick is _dead_ and you…” It was the first time she said it aloud and it only made it worse. “How can you be so callous? How can you…” The sobs made her hunch over. They were inelegant, loud and so very, very painful.

He gathered her against him, tentatively at first and then more firmly. He held her while she cried and pounded his chest in turns, not sure why she even did that. She stopped crying because she was exhausted and had no more tears to shed not because she was feeling better. He grabbed a bottle of water from his backpack and forced her to drink some, then he helped her get under the blankets before laying down next to her. She felt like a ragdoll but still she clung to him like she did most nights, her head on his shoulder and a leg hooked over one of his.

“I killed him.” he said and the sentence seemed to echo in the dark room. “His throat was… He was… I killed him.” His voice cracked but she knew he wouldn’t cry. Haymitch never cried, not even when he woke up from his nightmares screaming himself hoarse.

If he expected her to shudder or feel something akin to disgust, he was mistaken. She wasn’t horrified. He had only done what she had asked him to do for her if the situation warranted it.

“ _Mutts_ killed him.” she whispered. That was what Johanna had said.

“I still pulled the trigger, sweetheart.” he objected. He shifted against her, she felt his chest rise and then deflate under her hand, the arm that wasn’t around her was thrown on his eyes even though there was no light to block.

“You spared him a more painful death or worse, he could have turned.” she argued. “It was kind.” It didn’t make him feel better, she knew. He didn’t say anything more on the subject but he dropped a kiss on her head and held her tighter. “I feel horrible too. All the time I was sitting with Annie… All I could think about was _thank God, it was not Haymitch_. I’m a horrible person.”

She buried her face in his shoulder but his hand brushed her cheek, trailed to her chin and nudged it gently until she lifted her head so he could kiss her. It was the soft sort of kiss, the one that usually only followed near-death situations, the one that let her know he cared about her a little more than he claimed out loud. His mouth wandered to her neck and his hands sneaked under her sweater slowly, almost hesitantly, giving her plenty of time to say no. She didn’t. She pulled his shirt and undershirt over his head and threw them in the corner before guiding his face up so she could kiss him again.

She should have felt guilty, she mused as he dealt with her clothes, leaving a trail of hot kisses in their wake. She should have been mourning for their lost friend and not… But when Haymitch nudged her legs apart, she realized that it was what she needed. _Haymitch_. The comforting weight of his body on hers, his breath catching in her ear, the dark spark of lust in his grey eyes when she cradled his head in her hands and guided his mouth on hers again…

It was the difference between having sex and making love, she thought. That night wasn’t about pleasure but about _being there_.

“I’m not sure where we go from here.” he confessed later.

“We carry on.” she shrugged. What other choice did they have?

“Yeah.” he sighed. “I guess.”

“Eyes bright, chins up, smiles on.” she murmured bitterly. “The others need us.”

That was what one of her designers used to say when she complained about aching feet or dresses that wouldn’t let her breathe properly. It didn’t matter that you were in pain, people should never know.

_Never let them see the damages._


	23. Chapter 23

“We could push through.” Effie suggested, peeking the sky through the windshield.

The sky was turning darker and darker by the minute. It would be night before too long.

“I don’t want to risk it.” Haymitch replied. “Take right. There’s a suburb two streets away. Gale and Johanna took shelter there last time.”

The raid had taken longer than they had expected but it was the norm those days. They had been camping at the Capitol for about a month and a half and Haymitch wasn’t sure his decision to stay and wait out the worst of winter had been so clever after all. Tensions were rising a notch with each new day. He felt as if they were sitting on gunpowder and it was bound to explode.

He hadn’t thought twice about it when the time for a new raid had come, he had simply stated he would take Effie and that would be it. Since Finnick’s death, Johanna had become insufferable, Katniss was acting out in every possible way, Gale was angry with the world, Peeta was slowly learning how to use the prosthetic leg they had found him and spending the remaining time either locked in his room with Katniss after one of her temper tantrum or drawing, Prim was getting quite rebellious too although she was diligent about taking care of Annie who was spacing out more and more… The rebels were a daily pain in his ass and they all seemed to wait for him to take decisions only to criticize and argue the point until they were hoarse. He couldn’t remember a night in the past three weeks when he hadn’t been asleep before his head even touched his pillow.

Effie was doing her best to second him : she was quite good at keeping everyone busy with mindless chores and although she was constantly annoying him too with pointless questions and arguments he had already thought of, this was, at least, _normal_ for them. Taking her to the raid had seemed a good idea if only in the sense that it gave them some much needed alone time.

“The children will be worried.” She sighed but she still complied with his wishes and turned right.

“You realize they aren’t ours, right?” he retorted. He refused to get worked up over the children getting worried. Let them get worried, he thought, that might make them stop arguing for more than two minutes.

“Does it make a difference at this point?” she joked, tousling her blond hair with the hand that wasn’t steering the wheel.

He badly wanted to remind her to watch the road and not her reflection in the mirror but he knew – from multiple experiences – that it would only lead to a long rant about how he should trust her driving skills and in which she would probably call him a misogynistic man at least twice.

“Choose a house.” he told her instead, waving at the white picket fences bordering the street. He wasn’t very worried about undead things coming after them. Zombie activity had vastly decreased after winter had kicked in. Those that hadn’t left were slowed down by the cold and the small coat of snow on the ground made them less dangerous. Mutts weren’t so easily dispatched but they weren’t as common as before either.

“Less than a year together and you already want us to look at houses…” Effie laughed. “Why, careful, Haymitch, or I will start to think we are serious.”

He rolled his eyes. “Since we already have eight children, houses are the least of my worries.”

“You’re counting Johanna and Annie?” she inquired, neatly parking the truck in front of a white house with a pink mailbox. _Of course_ , you could trust Effie to choose the pink one.

“Lately? Yeah.” he snorted. “I almost wish Gale would make a move on Jo. It would give them something to do.”

“Haymitch!” she scowled. “No. I forbid it. Don’t encourage them.”

He didn’t make any promise before climbing out of the car. At that point, he was desperate enough to accept anything that would put some balance back into their group. Finnick’s absence was keenly felt every day, he had possessed a rare gift for bringing levity in every situation. It didn’t seem very likely that Gale was interested in Johanna though; nowadays, he was more busy listening to Coin’s whispers about the rebellion and what a great purpose being a soldier was.

One of the advantages of teaming with Effie certainly was that he didn’t need to tell her anything. They had been doing this long enough that they both knew the drill. He handed her the cutlass and another gun wordlessly, pulling out his knife and making sure his own gun was loaded. The front door was closed but it wasn’t locked, they moved silently down the halls, clearing every room one after the others. There were four downstairs : a living-room, a dining-room, a bathroom and the kitchen.

It was a very posh house, he realized it at once. The grand piano in the living-room was a dead giveaway. Effie made a beeline for it as soon as they were sure there were no zombies hiding in the room. She lifted the lead and let her fingers run across the keys…

“You play?” he asked.

A small smile graced her lips and she closed the lead again before facing him. “Of course. I play piano, I ride horses, I stitch and embroider, I learned ballet, I’ve won the beauty queen crown more times than I can count and I can shoot a gun.” She seemed amused when she passed by him to move to the kitchen. “I am a proper lady, Haymitch.”

“I don’t know if _proper_ is the right word, sweetheart. I can remember you doing a lot of improper things with me.” he taunted.

The kitchen was huge and the cupboards were stocked.

“Chocolate chips cookies!” she shrieked in utter happiness. She reaped the wrapping open and took a big bite as if she was afraid a zombie would come and crash her own private party. She actually moaned around a mouthful and Haymitch was very tempted to push her against the counter. He was sure a chocolate cookie kiss would taste deliciously. He was also very sure it wouldn’t stop at a kiss.

Fortunately for them, he had enough common sense not to listen to his lusty brain.

 _Sometimes_.

“Come on, Princess, you will binge on sugar later.” he mocked. “Let’s clear the first floor first.”

She didn’t even try to look ashamed when she placed the cookies on the central unit. She even glanced back with longing.

The first floor was just as deserted as the ground floor. There were no signs of fighting or any attempts at escaping. It was likely whoever lived there never made it back to the house after zombies took over. There were three bedrooms and two bathrooms upstairs. The guestrooms weren’t very interesting but he thought Effie was going to have a stroke when she saw the main one. Obviously, the woman who had lived there before shared Effie’s tastes in clothes.

Before Haymitch had even time to blink, she had shed the coat he had given her and was lost in the walk-in closet, laughing so hard he was sure she had snapped.

“What’s so funny?” he asked, leaning against the closet’s doorframe.

Effie was reverently touching dress after dress. When she looked at him, there were tears in her eyes. “I haven’t seen so many beautiful things in months.”

“And that makes you cry?” he frowned, always uneasy with her recurrent outbursts of emotion.

“Happy tears.” she whispered. She selected a red dress and walked to the big mirror that took up an entire wall. She held the gown in front of her and tilted her head as if she was lost in long dead memories. “Let’s have a date, Haymitch.”

He thought he had heard her wrong. “What?”

“A date.” she repeated uncertainly, turning around to face him again. “The house is safe, it’s just you and me… Let’s have a date.”

“I don’t date.” he shrugged.

A flicker of annoyance flashed on her face. “I want to dress up and have a nice dinner with you, toppled with sex. Do you realize how long it’s been since we last had sex, Haymitch?”

“Don’t be ridiculous…” he chuckled. “We did it…” And, embarrassingly enough, his mind drew a blank. “Well, you were having your… _you_ _know_.” He felt the tip of his ears burn and he was sure there was a nice blush on his face. He wasn’t accustomed to discuss that kind of things, he never had a reason to in his life but now that he was more or less living with Effie he had grown used to moodiness, cramps and general bitching for a few days each month. He had also learned to never _ever_ mention it upon threat of impending death.

“It was four days, three weeks ago.” she snapped. “We haven’t had sex since Finnick’s death.”

“No, that’s not right.” he huffed. “How about last week? In the break room…”

“Johanna came in and never walked out.” Effie cut him off. “Then it was Peeta who knocked in the middle of the night before you could so much as take off your clothes. Don’t mention Katniss who decided to tag along on the last raid or Coin and Plutarch who always seem to be glued to your side!”

Her voice had risen somewhere in her rant and he was left speechless. He knew he had been a bit busy but…

“We don’t need a date to have sex.” was the sole argument that came to his mind. “There’s a convenient bed in the next room, sweetheart.”

It was the wrong thing to say, he guessed it at once. Her mouth was pinched in a thin displeased line and she tilted her head on the side.

“It has been weeks since I wore something without blood stains on it and _months_ since I last wore a dress. I want to feel pretty. I want to feel like _me_.” she snapped. “If you don’t want to have dinner with me, fine. Then… Go away.” And just like that she turned her back on him and started inspecting the clothes, all the while muttering about how “romance was more dead than a zombie.”

“Fine.” he sighed. “Dress up. A date. Whatever.”

She didn’t even try to look surprised at his change of heart. It was as if she had known all along he would end up humoring her.

“Since I don’t have the smallest illusion you will consent to look for a nicer shirt, you will find candles and prepare dinner.” she ordered, focused on the dresses.

“Don’t push it.” he warned her.

“I will push it however I please, dear.” she retorted coldly. “You’ve been ignoring me for weeks and you didn’t even care.”

“I didn’t _ignore_ you.” he grumbled, walking closer to her and grabbing her arm so she would face him. “I didn’t pay attention.”

Her eyebrows shot up. “Which is actually _worse_ , thank you very much.”

He rolled his eyes and kissed her. It was the only efficient way to shut her up.

“You’re a pain, sweetheart.” he mumbled against her lips.

“Candles.” she reminded him with a triumphant smile, pushing him away a little.

He stole another kiss and, even if it was barely more than a peck, he still counted it as a little victory. “ _Still_ a pain.”

It was easier to let her have her way though so he _did_ search for candles in the kitchen drawers, making sure the curtains were closed so no potential zombie would be attracted by the glow. Since it was getting dark, he supposed candles were needed – that was how he rationalized it because he wasn’t one for romance and he didn’t have any interest in becoming _romantic_. As for dinner… He didn’t know what date dinners looked like and he didn’t care enough to find out, he simply grabbed two cans of tuna, dropped their contents in two bowls and grabbed packets of cookies for dessert.

By the time everything was on the dinner table, Effie was still upstairs playing with her clothes so he started rummaging through the cupboards for anything they could take with them. Food wasn’t a problem as such for now, the raids were more about getting gas, but they never passed out on opportunities to find more supplies. He added every sweets he found on the growing pile; they were luxuries nowadays, they ate to survive not for pleasure.

He was actively scheming on the best way to bribe some peace back in the Capitol with sweets – Johanna was _quite_ partial to chocolate and he was sure he could get the teenagers back under control through cakes – when he opened the wrong cupboard. Or perhaps it was the right one, it was a matter of point of view.

He stared hard at the stack of alcohol in what was probably the liquor cabinet. Six or seven bottles at the very least. Good ones too.

His hands started to shake, his mouth felt parched suddenly… He reached for the whiskey bottle as in a daze: without conscious thought or clear motive. Unscrewing felt only natural. The smell was almost enough to intoxicate him… He could almost taste the bitterness on his tongue already…

He didn’t bring the bottle to his lips.

He wasn’t quite sure _why_ he didn’t because he had every reason to but… it didn’t feel _right_ somehow.

And yet the thirst was there, the unbearable craving to just gulp the liquor down until everything faded – no more crushing sense of responsibility, no more guilt, no more memories…

“Are you going to drink that?”

He would forever deny having jumped. He _startled_ – badly. He glanced at Effie in irritation only to take a second peek. She had found a golden dress just as ridiculous as the one she had been wearing when he first met her, she had stolen jewels too, she was wearing more make-up that he was used to as well as black stilettos laced all the way to her mid-calf and her hair was twisted in a complicated side bun. Obviously, she had enjoyed herself, she looked every bit the model she used to be before the world went to hell.

She was simply stunning.

“No.” He placed the bottle back in the cupboard and closed the door. It was surprisingly easy. It was even easier to walk closer to Effie and pin her against the kitchen counter before kissing her senseless. “Nice dress, sweetheart, not yours though. Best take it off, stealing isn’t very lady-like.”

She giggled when his mouth left hers for her jaw and trailed to the spot below her ear. The long silver earring felt cold against his nose but he didn’t mind it as much as the heavy perfume she had sprayed herself with.

“This is not how it works, Haymitch.” she chided him, tangling her fingers in his hair and bringing his lips to hers. She deepened the kiss until the need for air made him see stars. “Dinner first. Seduce me.”

“That’s what I’m trying to do.” he grumbled, out of breath and annoyed by the way she kept replacing his hands on her waist each time they wandered higher or lower than her hips.

“ _Romance_ me.” she clarified with a smug smile.

“You’re being very difficult.” he grumbled.

“Isn’t that the reason why you love me?” she grinned with so much cheek he forgot to frown at her choice of words. Her smiled faltered a bit when he didn’t answer and she pecked his mouth and then pushed him back a little, so she could twirl slowly in front of him. The dress sparkled in the candlelight. “How do I look?”

She looked beautiful but, to be fair, she _always_ looked beautiful to him even when she was covered in zombie parts.

“Ridiculous, sweetheart.” he lied. “As usual.”

She huffed but didn’t reply and wandered into the dining room. He followed – what else could he do?

“Tuna.” she sighed when she saw the table. “In _bowls_. Couldn’t you try to find plates? Or something that we haven’t been eating two times a day all week?”

She muttered the last part but he heard it anyway. He rolled his eyes. “I bet some people out there would literally kill for tuna right now, Princess. It’s food. Eat it or starve.”

She glared but pointedly took a seat and grabbed her fork. He did the same and started eating without waiting for her to stop looking at her share of tuna with a sullen look. She toyed with her fork, pushing pieces of fish left and right.

“I don’t think it’s very proper to play with your food.” he taunted. He loved it when he could lecture her on propriety.

Her cheeks colored slightly and she finally brought the fork to her lips without another word. Silence stretched for the longest time and, for once, it didn’t sit well with Haymitch. His mind kept wandering back to all the liquor that was waiting a few feet away.

“Come on, Effie.” he insisted, nudging her calf with his foot. “If you eat everything, you get a chocolate cookie.” She smiled but it was a pale copy of her usual bright grins. “What’s wrong?”

She turned her fork this way and that for a few seconds longer and then looked up at him. Her eyes looked bright in the candlelight. “Do you have a dislike for dates in general or are you just not interested in dating me?”

“Are we back on the dating thing?” he sighed, not even trying to hide his irritation. “You wanted a date, I gave you a…”

“I am not talking about tonight.” she cut him off. “You are terribly off-putting. I don’t know what we are. I’ve been meaning to ask you for some time now but there never seems to be a right time for it. I suspect there never will be.”

“What are you prattling about now?” He pushed his bowl away and grabbed a handful of cookies.

“Us.” she whispered tentatively. “Are we an _us_ , Haymitch?”

He didn’t have the slightest idea what she was talking about. Perhaps it was a reaction to the heavy – obviously expensive – perfume and she had gone mad.

“Well…” he snorted around a mouthful of cookies. “There’s you and there’s me, I would say that make an us. You tell me, you’re the grammar freak.”

She didn’t look pleased by his answer. “Are you misunderstanding me on purpose?”

“Are you being unclear on purpose?” he shot back, munching unhappily on his cookie.

Her face hardened. “Alright, let me speak plainly then. What kind of relationship do we have? Because, it used to be strictly sexual on your side until recently. If you have lost interest in me and…”

“It has _never_ been strictly sexual.” he interrupted her before he could think better of it. “I’ve told you. _Again and again.”_

“You care about me.” She waved her hand to dismiss that argument. “Fine. But…”

“What do you want?” he snapped. “You want me to get on one knee and make a speech about what you mean to me? Because if that’s why you wanted to dress up for, you could have saved yourself the trouble, sweetheart. I wouldn’t know how to do a love declaration even if I wanted to.” He closed his hand in a fist to stop the shaking. “And I don’t want to. You _shouldn’t_ need me to.” He lowered his voice and finally met her eyes. “I sheltered you, I protected you, I came back for you _twice_. I let you have my back. I _trust_ you. You know me, Effie. You know me better than anyone else, it should tell you everything you need to know about what I feel for you.”

He stood up, intending on storming out to the kitchen and the welcomed comfort of alcohol but he didn’t get further than two steps away. She tugged on his arm and forced him to turn around. He was expecting an angry outburst or something equally stupid but he was physically attacked instead. Her hand locked around his neck and pulled him in a kiss that was aggressive by all standards, all teeth and tongue and so much pressure he was sure their lips would be swollen and bruised by the time it ended. It didn’t stop him from kissing back.

She almost ripped his jacket from his shoulders and blindly unbuttoned his shirt, never ending the kiss. Each time they gasped for breath, she kissed right back. He didn’t remain idle for long, though, he fumbled around for the zipper, nudging her back until she bumped against the table. Then the dress finally gave away and he lost all restraint. He tore his mouth away from her and dropped kisses down her throat, pushing the fabric off her body. He couldn’t help but smirk when he realized she wasn’t wearing a lot under that sparkly thing.

“So, were you trying to start a fight to spice up things or…” he asked, tangling his hand in her hair and tugging gently until her throat was exposed.

“Shut up, Haymitch.” she warned, uncharacteristically rudely. Her fingers were quick to deal with his belt and his pants and, before he could truly understand how, she was naked with only stilettos on and he had his pants and underwear around his ankles. In the middle of an abandoned house lost in a ghost town during a zombie apocalypse. It should have been a sobering thought but for some twisted reason, it only made it more arousing.

He grabbed her under the thighs and propped her on the table so carelessly the bowls clattered and the candle fell over. Fortunately it snuffed and didn’t start a fire but wax spilled everywhere.

“This is _mahogany_.” Effie shrieked in horror in the sudden darkness.

“Who cares?” he grumbled.

“I do.” she replied sternly but it turned into a moan when his mouth closed on her breast. “Alright.” she panted after another few minutes of slow torture on his part. “ _Three_ _weeks_ , Haymitch. I need you. _Right_ _now_.”

“But, sweetheart, you didn’t say please…” he teased, nuzzling her neck.

She bit – not so gently – on his shoulder.

“ _Now_.” she ordered again, wrapping her legs around his waist so he would have no choice but to… “Wait!” she pushed him away before he could actually _do_ anything and that made him grunt in frustration and disappointment.

“If that’s a game, it’s not funny.” he complained.

“Condom.” she whispered, out of breath. He couldn’t see very well in the darkness but he was ready to bet she was flushed.

“Condom.” he repeated. “Yeah. No. I don’t have one. _Fuck_.”

“Apparently not.” she replied drily. Grabbing his shoulder to get back on her feet. “Check upstairs, I will look in the downstairs bathroom.” She pressed a kiss to his cheek and just like that she was sauntering off in all the glory of her naked body.

“Princess.” he called back when she was at the door.

“Yes?” she glanced over her shoulder curiously, not the slightest bit self-conscious. And why would she? There wasn’t an inch of her skin he hadn’t already kissed or caressed.

“We’re keeping the shoes.” he told her.

She laughed but went on her merry way for which he was glad a second later when he forgot about the pants around his ankles and almost cracked his head open on the floor. He shed the boots, pants and underwear right in the dining room, praying that no zombie or mutt would have the idea to attack them in the middle of the night.

The search of the upstairs bathroom proved futile even once all the contents of the cupboards and drawers were flung on the floor. He put some things aside – meds and practical items like unused toothbrushes – but remained empty handed as far as condoms went.

“Anything?” Effie asked, suddenly appearing on the threshold. If her grim face was to be believed, she had been as unsuccessful as he was. The idea must have floated in her mind because it was very much in his, but she didn’t suggest they took the risk. Even through the fog of lust, he knew as much. They couldn’t afford another pregnant woman – and he would go crazy if she ever _did_ get pregnant. He slammed the last cabinet shut and walked back to the bedroom.

“Well.” He flopped on his back on the bed. “That’s disappointing.” He closed his eyes and willed his still very present arousal away. He could have taken care of himself, of course, but it wouldn’t be as good and since he knew she wouldn’t do the same, it hardly seemed fair. He was trying to count how many zombies he had killed since the beginning of that hell when he felt the mattress dipping next to him. She straddled his thighs and _that_ made him open his eyes.

“Sit up.” she instructed quietly, tracing a line of kisses from his heart to his lower stomach.

It took all he had to reach for her shoulder instead of letting her do what another part of him really wanted her to do.

“Don’t, sweetheart.” he said. “You don’t enjoy doing this.”

“You just told me you love me.” she scowled. “We’re having sex.”

“Pretty sure I didn’t actually say that, sweetheart.” he grumbled. Although, perhaps, _now_ she would stop pestering him about _feelings_.    

“Besides, the problem isn’t that I don’t enjoy this but that I would enjoy it more if we could shower regularly.” she offered with a shrug. She pressed another kiss to his stomach. “Let me do this for you. I want to.”

“I’m not going to reject you twice.” he warned her in case that was a stupid test of some sort.

“Good. Don’t reject me _at all_.” she grinned. “Now, _sit_ _up_.”

He probably should have been ashamed of the way he scrambled up against the pillows like an eager puppy but he didn’t have time to linger on the thought because then the angle was just right and her mouth was on him, so wet and perfect and his mind was simply overcome by pure bliss.

He felt like his whole body was made of jelly by the time she was finished with him.

She laid down next to him and did a poor job at hiding her giggles. “Do you feel better?”

“Yeah.” he snorted. “You bet.” He rolled on his side and kissed her shoulder. “You turn, sweetheart.”

“I was promised chocolate cookies.” she reminded him.

“You sure you want the cookies?” he teased, kissing her neck and letting his hands wander everywhere she liked best. “You could have me instead.”

“I want both.” she whimpered. He couldn’t help but smirk at the way she wriggled and moaned under his fingers. He liked watching her and if that made him a pervert then he would gladly be called so.

“Still want the cookies?” he mocked afterwards while she was climbing down from her climax.

“Yes.” she hummed, snuggling up against him.

She looked so gorgeous with her sweaty skin and her dark blond hair spread on the pillow, she could have asked him the moon and, at that moment, he would probably have found a way to give it to her.

“No, stay. I will go.” she said when he started to get up. He rolled his eyes and told her he needed to get his clothes and gun back anyway.

They had been reckless, he mused, as he got dressed. He grabbed the cookies they had never gotten around to eat and went back to the kitchen to grab some of the other sweets – too bad for the kids but they should have volunteered to go to the raid instead of sulking.

His feet took him back to the liquor cabinet.

He didn’t want to get drunk, not _wasted_ anyway but maybe a little buzzed? A few mouthfuls should be enough for that…

Except it wouldn’t stop at a few mouthfuls. It never did.

He was doing well recently with the lack of alcohol. Sometimes, he even forgot to yearn for some. He was so exhausted the nightmares didn’t have quite the same hold that they used to. He didn’t _need_ alcohol, he was functioning. As strange as it was, he felt better than he had in years. He was useful, he had a purpose… And he had people to take care of, as terrifying as it was.

He turned around.

She was so sensitive to the cold that he wasn’t surprised to find Effie dressed again in jeans and a sweater. She was sitting with her back to the headboard, her chin on her knees. She watched him like a hawk when he dropped his stock of sweets on the bed and he suddenly understood why she had been so keen on going for the cookies herself.

“I didn’t drink, you can stop worrying.” he said, laying back on the bed. She relaxed at once and cuddled against him with obvious relief. She kissed his shoulder, his cheek and then his mouth. He thought she would start crying if he let her dwell too much so he grumbled “Let’s eat those cookies.”

She didn’t seem interested in that though. She stayed right where she was, snuggled against his side, her head on his shoulder, an arm wrapped around his stomach.

“It was… hard the last time.” she whispered. “I thought I was going to lose you. I know you don’t remember but I can’t go through that again, Haymitch.”

“I remember.” he replied flatly. It wasn’t a lie, not really. His memory of the days spent in withdrawal were blurry but there was one single permanent feature to them and that was Effie. “You took care of me. ‘Never said thank you, did I?”

“You never do.” she sighed.

He held her closer and buried his nose in her hair.

Maybe he should thank her more often, he mused.

 


	24. Chapter 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A word of update: given that the movie comes out next week, I won't be updating on Sunday. So next update will be not next Sunday but the one after that on the 30th by my account.
> 
> Thanks for your support on this story, I enjoy your comments. Keep them coming! Love to all

Effie was leaning against the side of the truck, checking her reflection in the wing mirror – everything not to look at the Capitol looming behind her – Haymitch had judged her outfit ridiculous as he often did but she liked the heart-shaped sunglasses Katniss had brought her back from a raid a few weeks earlier; it fitted nicely with the glittering hair clip keeping her blond curls out of her face and her pink and green coat.

“You’re good to go?” Johanna asked her when she exited the building with her backpack.

Effie glanced at the inside of the truck in which Katniss and Prim were browsing through their growing CDs collection and arguing good-heartedly with each other. The trunk was full to the rim as was the rebels’ SUV but that was nothing compared to the pick-up Johanna had claimed as hers. It was stocked with gas, food and camping gear, leaving only enough room for two people. Annie was already inside, waiting for them to leave.

It was sooner than Haymitch had hoped, the cold was still sharp at night, but zombies and mutts had started to wander back north and as much as they had tried to pretend it wasn’t happening, it had appeared clear they couldn’t linger any longer when the last rebel soldier had fallen prey to a pack of zombies. Johanna and Gale had escaped only miraculously that day, Effie still had nightmares about it.

“Yes.” she finally replied even though it was hesitant. Too late. Johanna was already gone, slamming the pick-up door shut. It had been decided they would only take three cars and Annie’s old truck was to be left behind. It was probably a good thing, every time any of them looked at her car all they saw was Finnick joking… They didn’t need the daily reminder.

Nevertheless, Effie sometimes felt the only thing they were doing was leaving things behind.

She had enjoyed her time in the Capitol. She had enjoyed the safety of a roof above her head and walls around them.

Her eyes met Peeta’s who was hovering uncertainly next to the rebels SUV and who looked as sad as she was to leave their safe haven. She forced a cheerful grin on her lips that elicited a small smile from the boy and she mentally scolded herself. She couldn’t let herself wallow in that fashion, she needed to lead by example and keep everyone’s spirits up.

She climbed behind the wheel with a new determination and turned around to join the girls’ discussion. After much deliberation and a debate upon which pop singer in their meager collection would annoy Haymitch the most, it was decided that Britney Spears was a good choice. Spying Haymitch and Coin finally exiting the building, she put the CD in discreetly and did her best to look innocent. Prim was trying hard to disguise her giggles with a fake cough.

“We’re taking point.” Haymitch declared as soon as he was in the truck, without another word of greeting. “Let’s go.”

He was all business, grim face and hard eyes that were too busy to roam on the map in his hands to even look at her or even comment on her outfit like he usually did – not that she appreciated to be called ridiculous but she appreciated being _looked at_. If Effie had felt a tad guilty at the idea of imposing him the teenagers’ choice of music, it quickly disappeared after that.

She turned the engine on with a huff and grinned like the cat who ate the canary when the first notes of _Oops… I did it again_ started and he jumped in surprise. The string of profanities that left his mouth was fortunately covered by Prim and Katniss’ laughter.

“You’re kidding me.” he whined as she drove away in the direction they had agreed to take beforehand. It only made the girls laugh harder. “You have giant hearts on your face, sweetheart.” He shook his head and mumbled. “I’m surrounded by crazy people.” Her only answer was to start singing along with the CD player which prompted Haymitch to cringe further. “Please, don’t sing.” he grumbled. “If zombies are like dogs they can probably hear your annoying voice three miles away.”

She glared.

He sulked.

She sang louder.

The girls joined in and for a while it was actually fun. She was always surprised by how easy it was to sometimes forget about the end of the world – until something reminded her like a wayward zombie on the side of the road.

Being on the road was familiar which was strange in itself because even though she had traveled a lot when she was a model, Effie had never spent so much time behind the wheel. She had grown used to it though and the truck felt more like home now than any building ever would, she thought. She was glad they didn’t have to leave that behind… Her mind wandered to Annie and she wondered how she felt about giving up the last piece of Finnick she had – well, it wasn’t _the last_ , soon enough there would be a baby after all.

They drove all day, taking turns behind the wheel and only stopping when they came across an abandoned car in hope of siphoning some more gas. They ate while driving and, after a few hours, even Effie’s best attempts at being cheerful were starting to fall short. By nightfall, everybody was tensed and snappish, it didn’t improve when Coin decided they shouldn’t stop to camp.

The music had long been turned off and the radio was only giving statics when Effie finally stopped pouting about a nasty comment Haymitch had made a bit earlier and slid closer to him on the bench seat. The girls were fast asleep on the back seat, Prim’s head in Katniss’ lap.

“This system won’t work.” Effie sighed, snuggling against him. She loosely wrapped an arm around his waist, he immediately placed his around her shoulders and brought her closer until she could rest her head on his shoulder and bury her face in his neck. He dropped a kiss on her hair but never took his eyes off the road. It was dark and the landscapes seemed treacherous for someone unfamiliar with the place. “We will kill each other. We should establish a rotation schedule… People should switch car more often.”

“You’re the schedule freak, Princess, you work it out.” he shrugged. “But I want you in the same car as me at all times.”

That meant he didn’t trust anyone else to keep her safe. She wanted to argue she could keep herself out of danger but she wasn’t sure anyone could nowadays, even people better equipped than she was to deal with that new world.

“I will do it first thing tomorrow morning.” she vowed, stifling a yawn behind her hand.

It didn’t escape Haymitch’s notice. “Get some sleep.”

She wanted nothing else but slumber was slow to come. She dozed off mostly, lulled by Haymitch’s breathing but still painfully aware of the purring of the engine and the radio’s static noise. Haymitch kept wriggling, she sluggishly realized his arm was probably getting numb and she curled on the bench seat, her head cushioned on his thigh. It didn’t stop him from rubbing his eyes every so often. It was close to dawn, he should wake up Katniss and switch driver, Effie mused, half-asleep.

The screeching in the radio took her by surprise and made her startle. Haymitch turned the volume down with a frown but played with buttons. Strange sounds came out, broken hisses and echoes.

“What is it?” she asked, giving up on the idea of sleep to sit up properly.

“A voice, I think.” Haymitch muttered, trying to keep his eyes on the road and tinker with the radio at the same time. “Someone’s broadcasting.”

“Switch with me.” she sighed, glancing at the rear-view mirror.

She didn’t know who was driving the pick-up but they were far enough behind that they barely slowed down when Haymitch stopped the car. Effie didn’t have any intention to wander outside in the dark so she pulled and manhandled him to exchange their place. His hands held her in place briefly when she straddle him.

“If you wanted to do that, you should have said.” he teased.

“The children are here.” she scowled him, slapping his hands away. She drove on just as the pick-up was catching up and for a while, there was nothing in the car but the broken voice on the radio and Haymitch trying to get a clear signal.

_“… help…”_ was the first full word they got. Haymitch stopped fumbling with the buttons.

“I can’t get a better read.” he shrugged. “It must be a short distance broadcast. That guy must be close.”

_“… wounded…”_ the voice said, between two flare of statics. It sounded familiar for some reason and, unconsciously, Effie slowed down, ignoring Haymitch’s questioning glance. _“… Help… Motel…. On the 47 th… Please…”_

The nagging feeling wouldn’t leave her. She knew the voice. She hadn’t heard it in a long time now, but she knew the voice…

_“… Danger… People… Ambushing… Cars…”_

“That doesn’t sound good.” Haymitch mumbled, already grabbing the maps. “We should avoid the area and…”

She didn’t listen to what he was saying, she was focused on the voice. She was so focused she simply stopped the car.

“ _… Please… I’m… Crane… I… Help… ”_

Was it her loud gasp or the truck coming to a stop that woke up the children? Effie was aware of them asking questions but she couldn’t hear anything but the broken voice, the painfully familiar broken voice. _Seneca_ ’s voice.

“Effie, what’s wrong?” Haymitch’s hand fell on her shoulder, squeezing not so gently to bring her back to earth.

“We need to help him.” she heard herself say, turning to him with a pleading face. “We need to help him, please. Where is the 47th?” She tried to get the map but he held it out of her reach. “We need to…”

“We don’t need to do anything.” Haymitch cut her off. “He says he’s wounded. It might be a zombie bite, by the time we reach him he might be dead. Besides, I don’t like the ambushing thing.”

“It might be a trap. We can’t trust a stranger…” Katniss agreed, glancing at Prim.

“But he’s not…” Effie stammered. “He’s not… I know him.”

“What?” Katniss and Haymitch asked at the same time.

She was dimly aware the pick-up and the SUV had stopped too and that people were getting out, probably not understanding what the problem was. Effie didn’t care, her whole mind was on Seneca. What were the odds? _What were the odds?_

“I recognize his voice. He… He said his name is Crane. It’s him, I’m sure it’s him…” she babbled, trying to turn the volume up but all she got was statics and a vague rumble of words she couldn’t decipher. It was maddening to know Seneca was on the other side of that damned machine and she couldn’t hear him, couldn’t answer him…

“Who?” Prim asked gently. “Who is it?”

“My boyfriend.” It was a reflex born from years introducing him as such. They had been going out on and off for so long… But Seneca was so much more than that. He was a dear friend, probably the best she had before the apocalypse and if there was any chance at all she could find him…

She didn’t realize the girls were watching Haymitch warily.

“Yeah?” he snorted with a detachment too casual to be sincere. “How many of us are there?”

She didn’t have time to explain herself, the door was opened on her side and Johanna glared at her.

“Any reason you decided to take a nap in the middle of the road?” the young woman sneered. “’Cause, you know, it’s not like we have anywhere to be or…”

“We need to go to a motel on the 47th.” Effie interrupted her.

“Effie…” Haymitch tried but she didn’t want to listen. She pushed Johanna to get out and frantically summed up the situation for the others.

No need to say the reactions were divided.

“We won’t risk everything for a single man who might already be dead.” Coin decided. “Our mission is to reach Thirteen and…”

“ _I_ don’t have a _mission_.” Effie glared at the President and at almost everyone in turn because it hadn’t escaped her notice that no one was speaking up in favor of helping Seneca. “And I will go alone if I have to.”

“You won’t go alone.” Peeta said at once. “I will go with you.”

“And you will be _so_ useful, limping after zombies…” Gale muttered, loud enough that everyone heard.

“Don’t.” Katniss warned her best friend as Peeta’s cheeks flushed red either in embarrassment or anger.

“Let’s take a vote.” Annie suggested, rubbing her baby bump. “I think we should help. And so would Finnick if he were here.”

“But he’s not. This is suicide, there is no need to vote.” Coin snapped.

“I want to help.” Prim offered, ignoring the President.

“Count me in.” Peeta smiled. “I will happily limp after zombies.”

“Against.” Johanna spat but it wasn’t a surprise.

“Against.” Gale added.

Plutarch refused too and everyone turned to Katniss who shuffled on her feet, ill-at-ease. Her eyes darted from Effie to Prim and she winced. “I’m sorry, no, it’s too dangerous.”

Effie walked closer to Haymitch, the only one who hadn’t yet voted and grabbed his hand.

“ _Please_.” she begged. “He’s my friend.”

“You’re not even sure it’s him.” he replied.

“Even if it’s not…” Peeta shrugged. “Is that what we came down to? Having to vote to decide if we help another human being or not? How are we better than zombies? How are we going to sleep tonight knowing we let someone die when we could save him?”

Effie’s heart swell with pride for that boy who had lost so much and was still so ready to give.

“I will sleep just fine as long as I’m alive.” Johanna retorted.

“I’m with Katniss. It’s too dangerous.” Haymitch said at last, squeezing her hand to soften the blow. It didn’t help. Effie tore it away angrily and marched to the trunk where her backpack was stocked.

“Then I will go on my own.” she declared.

“Like hell, you are!” Haymitch grumbled, going after her and slamming the trunk shut before she could grab her bag. “Look, if you’re so desperate to go find your _boyfriend_ …”

“It’s not like that…” she winced. “It’s…”

“Why did we even vote?” Johanna sighed, flicking her brown hair over her shoulder in irritation. “Either we let her go and get killed and lover boy and the kid will moan and cry all the way to Thirteen…” She nodded to Peeta and Prim who were standing together next to Katniss “And I’m not even talking about Haymitch… Or we don’t go and then lover boy, the kid _and_ Miss Fashion will _fucking_ moan all the way to Thirteen and remind us every day what bad people we are.” She rolled her eyes. “I changed my mind, I vote yes. I _hate_ moaning. Let’s go check the guy out. Who knows, maybe he’s hot. We’re lacking a hot guy.”

Effie sighed with relief. “Thank you.”

Johanna shrugged. “I’m not doing it for you. I just want a sex-friend.”

That was a lie, Effie knew, but Johanna hated showing any weakness so she let it pass.

“The guy used to sleep with a model, you think he would go for you?” Gale snorted.

Johanna didn’t like the comment. “You’ve become a very bitter man since you got dumped, Hawthorne.”

“Okay.” Haymitch grumbled, bringing the argument to a stop before it could fully blow out. “I guess we can try. _If_ we’re careful.”

“Thank you!” Effie threw her arms around his neck and pressed a kiss to his cheek. He didn’t seem happy with that, though, because he leaned in and kissed her full on the mouth. They didn’t often do that in public and it felt more like a claim than a loving gesture. Nobody was fooled.

“Yeah, yeah, we got it, Haymitch, she’s yours.” Johanna taunted. “Wanna piss on her to mark your territory too?”

“ _Language_.” Effie shrieked, horrified by such vulgarity. “And in front of Prim, too! Oh, I don’t know what we’re going to do with you, Johanna…”

Some of them laughed and tension seemed to dissolve a bit. However, the new decision didn’t settle well with Coin. While Plutarch and Peeta were consulting the maps to find the exact location of the motel and the others mingled, Effie spied the President and Haymitch wandering slightly away from the cars to the edge of the woods.

She didn’t like that.

“Come on. Time to relieve natural needs, Trinket.” Johanna appeared at her shoulder suddenly and nudged her towards the woods. Obviously, she had noticed the aside conversation too and wasn’t any happier than Effie.

Effie followed Johanna into the forest, trying to be as quiet as possible. It wasn’t hard to get close enough to hear the discussion without being seen. Coin was obviously angry because even though she kept her voice low, it was clipped and harsh.

“… have to see how stupid this is!” the President was saying. “Talk her out if it. That man is dead.”

“Or wounded.” Haymitch argued, shrugging. “Effie and the boy have a point. If we start ignoring people who need help…”

“Wounded!” Coin spat, ignoring the rest. “We already have three useless mouth to feed and protect. Now you want to add a fourth one? We have enough liabilities as it is.”

Her cold grey eyes darted to the cars and more precisely to the place where Prim and Peeta were talking to Annie.

Outraged, Effie opened her mouth but Johanna gripped her arm and squeezed in warning.

“I don’t like what you’re implying.” Haymitch growled.

“I’m not asking you to like it.” Coin replied. “Just _keep_ your people in line. We’re slowed down enough as it is, I _need_ to get back to Thirteen.”

She turned on her heels and walked away before Haymitch could reply, leaving him to walk back to the others. Johanna waited until he was far enough before trekking back to where they had entered the woods.

“What do you think it means?” Effie asked because Johanna’s silence was unnerving. She knew what _Coin_ meant of course but she was less certain about what it meant _for them_ in general. She didn’t like the way the President had looked at their friends or her comments about useless mouths to feed.

“It means you keep Peeta and Annie in the truck. I will get Katniss to take Prim in the pick-up and I will go in the SUV to find out more.” Johanna ordered with a scowl. “Keep your _fucking_ mouth shut for once and don’t babble to the others about it.”

She nodded grimly just as they left the haven of trees. Effie felt Haymitch’s eyes on her at once, tracking her progress until she was back to his side. He didn’t say anything but she knew he didn’t like it when she wandered too far from him.

“Alright…” Plutarch said, a finger on the map. “Here’s the plan…”


	25. Chapter 25

The plan was a good plan, Haymitch told himself again and again as they trudged along the 47th, or at least it was as good a plan as could be.

“I don’t like the plan.” Gale grumbled, kicking a pebble off the road.

“You don’t like anything anymore.” Katniss hissed through her teeth, her eyes darting all around them, ready to let an arrow fly at the smallest sign of danger. Haymitch was clutching his own knife, Gale and Effie both had their guns out…

They had left the car and the rest of the group on the road while they went on a reckon party on foot to try and find Effie’s former boyfriend. He didn’t quite know how he felt about that. He didn’t like the idea of another man competing for her attention and he didn’t like the idea that someone else could come first for her. He was selfish. And probably a little jealous of that man he hadn’t yet met but for whom she was so willingly ready to risk her life.

Effie was strangely silent.

“You never mentioned a boyfriend before.” he commented after a while, low enough that the kids wouldn’t hear. He would have preferred to take the truck but Plutarch had pointed out they should protect the supplies first and with people supposedly ambushing cars… It was only a fifteen minutes walk from the cars to the motel from what they had estimated but still.

“We need to go this way.” Katniss said, waving at the trees bordering the road. “We cut through and we’re at the motel in five minutes. I think.” The last part was added with a wince.

“I agree.” Gale concurred. “Be careful, the ground will be uneven and we don’t need anyone breaking their ankles.”

The teenagers took point, they always were more at ease in the forest than anyone else. Haymitch and Effie fell back, keeping an eye out for an eventual threat.

“It was never like us.” she answered at last. It was barely a whisper, yet it was defensive and almost angry. “Seneca and I were desperate to make it work because we couldn’t find anyone else and we were yearning for the perfect partner. It wasn’t love, Haymitch, I know that now but he’s still my friend.”

He pondered that for a while and then shrugged. “I’m hardly perfect, sweetheart.”

“Precisely.” She shot him an amused glance and he was relieved to see the small genuine smile on her lips. “ _I_ am, though, and you know what they say about how opposites attract…”

He snorted and shook his head. “You’re so full of yourself.”

“And you love it.” she replied with a grin.

“Maybe.” he smirked. It was always fun to bring her down a peg or two.

The familiar hiss of an arrow being released startled Haymitch and Effie alike. Katniss was already retrieving her arrow from a lone zombie’s head. She wiped the point on her pants despite Effie’s cringing and notched it back in place.

“We’re close.” Gale said, peering through the trees. “Stay focused.”

Haymitch was a bit miffed at being told what to do but he held his tongue. The teenagers were easier to tick off than a bomb nowadays.

The parking lot was deserted. Katniss took down the only zombies shuffling their feet their way.

“Do we team up?” the girl hesitated. “It would be quicker.”

“Quicker to get killed.” Haymitch snapped, exchanging his knife for his gun. “We stay together.” The motel was a grim brown building that Haymitch despised at once. Too many hiding places, too many opportunities for an ambush. “We will secure a perimeter around it first.” Nobody discussed his orders but he saw Effie’s eyes darting with impatience to the reception sign. He placed a hand on her shoulder briefly to make sure he had her attention. “Don’t wander off.”

She nodded. He was relieved to see her keeping her word, she stayed right next to him as they trekked around the building, a few feet behind Katniss and Gale. The teenagers didn’t make a sound as they moved around but Haymitch and Effie kept stomping on twigs or plastic garbage that had never been picked up. It was too loud in the silence, Katniss tensed more than once. She looked on edge and Haymitch wondered if she was as bothered as he was by the eerie atmosphere surrounding the motel.

“Something’s wrong.” Gale whispered just as he was about to say it himself.

The silence was too heavy.

“Perhaps I should call out to Seneca…” Effie suggested. She kept adjusting her grip on her gun. “He will recognize my voice…”

“Bad idea.” Haymitch and Katniss replied at the same time.

“I don’t think he can hear you anyway.” Gale sighed, dropping his gun. “Well… That was a waste of time.”

The boy had wandered off to the edge of the wood. It took Haymitch a few seconds to glimpse what he was talking about. He barely had time to grab Effie’s arm and pulled her against his chest.

“Don’t look.” he ordered. He tried to keep her away from the sight but she struggled.

“What is going on?” she hissed. “Let me go! What on earth…” Effie was cunning and too devious for her own good. She stomped on his foot. It took him by surprise and he let go. He tried to force her away again but it was too late. “No… _No…”_ Her voice broke when she saw the figure hanging from the tree, swaying quietly in the light breeze. “Seneca…”

She brought a hand to her mouth, her eyes filled with tears and it was all Haymitch could do to open his arm again. The gun clattered on the ground, falling from her numb fingers, and she buried her face in Haymitch’s neck, clutching at him like a drowning man would clutch at a life preserver. He felt her burning tears rolling down his skin, dampening his coat. It was the silent kind of crying, thought, the worst kind. He would have welcomed sobs over those tensed attempts at control.

“I’m sorry, sweetheart.” He meant it despite his reservations about having a former boyfriend of hers in their midst. She had just lost a piece of home. Maybe her final one.

Katniss cut the rope with a well-placed arrow and the corpse fell to the ground in a loud _thump_. Effie shuddered in his arms, he tightened his hold but it didn’t seem to help.

Gale let out a string of curses. “He didn’t do it himself.”

“Are you sure?” Katniss frowned, hitching closer to the dead man. The girl hated that, Haymitch knew, the dead and the wounded weren’t something she was facing easily. He would have looked himself but Effie didn’t seem ready to let him go and he didn’t want to bring her closer than necessary.

“Pretty sure, except if you think someone can hang themselves with their brain already blown out.” Gale retorted.

Effie let out a small whimper and Haymitch glared at the boy. “Ever heard of something called tact?”

“Look who’s talking.” the teenager muttered but his face softened when he glanced at the woman in his arms. “Sorry, Effie.”

“We should go back to the others.” Katniss suggested. “I don’t like this.”

Haymitch gave a sharp nod. He didn’t like it either. Crane had talked of people ambushing others on the radio and putting two and two together wasn’t exactly hard. Wrong time, wrong place.

“We have to bury him.” Effie insisted, pushing away from Haymitch. She was unsteady on her feet but she stood proud, chin jutting in the air as if to dare them to contradict her.

“We don’t have time.” Gale refused straight out. “The others might be in danger. It wouldn’t make a difference anyway. Animals or zombies will dig him up.”

Effie’s mouth pursed in a hard line. She picked up her gun and walked closer to Crane’s body with a determined spring. Haymitch followed her, worried she would lose it. She didn’t though. She was always so much stronger than he gave her credit for, it should stop surprising him but for some reason it didn’t.

She kneeled next to the corpse. It wasn’t a pretty sight and he was certain she would wake up screaming that night if she even managed to fall asleep at all. She reached out as if she wanted to touch Crane but then she drew back her hand before she made contact.

“I can’t leave him like that.” she whispered.

Haymitch and Katniss stared at each other while Gale simply stood there impatiently, waiting for one of them to bring Effie back on tracks. The teenager was taking airs since he had started hanging out with the rebels and Haymitch didn’t like that one bit.

“We will burn him.” Katniss said finally. “We will put him in the motel and start a fire.”

“Not a bad plan.” Haymitch agreed. “It might even lead those people away from us.”

“We don’t have time.” Gale argued.

“We will take it.” he retorted. His decision was definitive and even though the boy grumbled and kept muttering how foolishly sentimental they were being, he helped finding flammable things and he also helped him move the body since Katniss and Effie were squeamish.

The fire caught well enough, they didn’t wait to see if the whole motel would burn to the ground. They headed back to the road through the woods, keeping an eye out for eventual threats.

“You’re okay, sweetheart?” he asked, low enough the teenagers wouldn’t hear. He urged her faster with a hand on her shoulder, eager to escape the dark smoke that was starting to make his throat hitch.

“He was a good man.” she simply answered.

It was all he got from her as they hurried back to the rest of the group, concerned that they might have been attacked while they were gone.

Their worry was unfounded though.

Everyone was exactly where they had left them. Peeta and Prim were still laughing about some fantasy book they both liked, Annie was still looking in the distance, Coin was still bitching to Plutarch, and Johanna was watching over the kids and the pregnant woman as if she expected them to be attacked. Her behavior and the new cars arrangement Effie had made that morning helped Haymitch relax a bit about the whole “Coin issue”. The President was starting to get too pushy, too impatient to get to Thirteen. That could become dangerous.

Of course, Johanna and Effie’s sudden vigilance made him suspicious that they had spied on one of his conversations with Coin but he couldn’t care less at the moment. He was tired of the President’s insinuations anyway. Her recurrent hints that they would be quicker if they simply left the “weaker” ones behind didn’t set well with him.

They kept the explanations short. Plutarch ushered everyone in the cars, anxious to get as far away from there as possible in case the people who hanged Crane were still around. When Prim started towards the truck, Johanna herded her back to the pick-up not so discreetly, laughing about wanting to ride with Gale again and Annie’s difficulties with driving lately. It was a poor excuse but no one seemed to find it odd so Jo and Gale went in the SUV with the rebels, Katniss and Prim took the pick-up and Peeta, Annie, Effie and Haymitch went back to the truck.

Nobody protested Effie climbing behind the wheel or her tinkering with the CD player. Haymitch even refrained from commenting on her music choice– which was as bad as ever. Coin took point so that meant the truck was at the rear of the procession of cars, behind Katniss who was so slow a driver, Effie was practically going at a snail pace. He doubted that helped her. He knew her enough to know she was yearning to drive fast, to the limit of dangerous, to clear her head.

They rarely allowed Annie to take the wheel because she spaced out a lot and before too long, Haymitch wondered if they shouldn’t have applied the same restrictions to Effie for now. Peeta was trying to make conversation but it was labored and Effie didn’t make any attempts at participating. She slowed down and sped up as if on autopilot, her eyes slightly unfocused but bright with unshed tears. She declined food when they offered and only drank some water because he insisted.

The day felt endless.

Night was long upon them when Haymitch finally had enough of her apathy. “Let’s switch. You drove all day.”

Peeta and Annie were already asleep, pressed against their respective windows. Annie’s arms were wrapped around her baby bump.

“I’m fine.” Effie replied mechanically.

“No, you’re not.” he snapped. “And I’m not in the mood to crash into a tree. Stop the car, we’re switching.”

“I said I’m fine.” she hissed through clenched teeth.

“Learn how to lie to me and try again, sweetheart.” he snorted. “Now stop being pigheaded.”

“Did you just call me a pig?” She glared at him with all her might. He didn’t even blink.

“Effie, you’re tired, stop this truck before you crash it and kill us all.” It was harsh and unsympathetic. She turned her head away in a huff and then finally complied. They switched places quickly and efficiently. He didn’t even try to grope her when she straddled him briefly to get on the passenger’s side. “Eat something.”

He didn’t care about Coin’s and her stupid laws on how food should only be passed around at specific times. He didn’t care much about Coin in general. He hadn’t changed his mind about her. If anything, each passing day convinced him they should head in the opposite direction she was going.

There was a box of crackers on the front seat, she took a handful and munched on one unhappily.

“Don’t order me about.” she complained weakly. “I am not a child.”

“Then don’t act like one.” he shrugged, ignoring her glaring. “Do you want to talk about it?”

He would regret this offer, he knew.

“Since when do you want me to talk?” she retorted. “You say this just so you can tell me to shut up in ten minutes.”

He rolled his eyes. “I will let you chatter all you want and I will even pretend to listen, Princess. Just stop… You’re hurting on your own. You’re not on your own.” She didn’t bark back at once so he risked a glance. She was leaning against the door, chewing on another of the tasteless cracker with a faraway look on her face. “Do you want a hug?”

He would reach the end of his patience before long.

“A hug would be… appreciated.” she whispered finally, creeping closer until he could wrap his arm around her. It wasn’t practical at all to do that while driving but if it meant she would feel better… She settled against him with a sigh. “I apologize, my behavior was unacceptable.”

“It’s unacceptable when you dash off in a store full of zombies for new shoes.” he snorted. “Today was understandable.”

She burrowed against his side, trying to find a more comfortable position. She settled for burying her face his neck, her legs folded under her on the seat.

“You wouldn’t have liked Seneca.” she said at last. “He was too much like me.”

“I can only take a _fabulous_ person at a time.” he snorted but he traced soothing circles with his thumb on her shoulder to let her know he didn’t mean it.

“He _was_ fabulous.” she smiled. “Once, he had to dye his beard blue for a commercial. We thought everyone would laugh at him but it launched a fashion trend. Seneca and I used to laugh a lot. It was always easy. We were young, we were famous and we had money…”

“Everything I don’t have.” he pointed out.

“And that’s why I love you.” she shrugged. “Life with Seneca was easy but life with you is real.” She shook her head. “He was a dear friend. He was always more my friend than anything else. I thought he was dead for months and now…”

“He came back to life just to die again.” Haymitch finished for her. “It’s sad but it tends to happen nowadays, sweetheart.”

“I suppose so.” She gave him a small smile that didn’t reach her eyes. “There was never a point in being jealous, you know.”

“I wasn’t.” he scoffed. Besides, the man was dead.

She stared at him for a few seconds, clearly debating something in her head. She was about to ask if there was a chance of former girlfriends of his popping up along the way, he just knew it. Fortunately, she didn’t say anything in the end. She simply stretched like a cat before settling in for sleep like she had done the previous day and countless nights before they joined the group: curled up on her side with her head on his thigh.

There was a blanket tossed by Peeta over the back of the seat earlier, he wrapped her into it as efficiently as he could one-handed and with his eyes mainly on the road ahead.

“Who do you think the people who killed him were?” she asked.

“I don’t know and if we’re lucky, we will never find out.” he offered. “A world like that… Some people will take it as a game or a competition. Survival of the fittest and all that shit.”

“They’re still out there.” Effie shivered. “They could hurt the children.”

He combed her blond hair with his fingers soothingly. “Nobody will hurt our kids, sweetheart. I will kill them first.”

The promise helped her fall asleep.

Of course, Haymitch mused later, he should never have promised anything. There are some kind of promises you simply couldn’t keep no matter how much you tried.

When the pick-up abruptly swerved in front of him a little after dawn, several things shot through his head in the absurd space of a second. First, that Katniss had been driving all day and all night and that they had completely forgotten to send someone to replace her. Second, that he was tired and his reflexes were sluggish. Third, that Effie should really have put her seat belt on.

He braked and turned the wheel because that was the only thing to do, sending the truck into a loop that ended with the side of the hood colliding with the trunk of a tree. It happened so quickly, no one had time to scream or shout. Haymitch barely grunted when the belt dug painfully into his chest, holding him in place, already sensing the deep bruising it would leave. Annie was wearing hers too and simply whimpered when Peeta – who wasn’t buckled – was flung into her. Effie was projected forward, her head hit the side of the wheel but it could have been worse, it _would_ have been worse if she had been against his chest and not lying down.

She sat up slowly, a hand pressed on the bleeding gush on her forehead. Head wounds always bled so there was no point in getting concerned about the dark smudges rolling down her face, Haymitch reminded himself, still a bit stunned.

Being stunned was a luxury they couldn’t afford.

The first shot guns started before they a had even completely realized what had happened.

“Stay in the car!” he barked, grabbing his gun and rolling down on the road, expecting zombies.

They weren’t zombies.

Zombies didn’t shoot back.

The situation, he saw at once, could have been worse. The rebels’ SUV had run straight into a makeshift barricade in the middle of the road but everyone was already outside and shooting in the direction of the woods bordering the road where he could see shadows moving, obviously armed. They seemed to follow a woman whose teeth caught the light every time she shouted an order, they looked like fangs.

The pick-up was in the middle of the road, on its flank. Katniss was out and letting arrows fly but Prim was nowhere to be seen. If she was clever, she was hiding in the car.

He joined in the shooting even though his aim wasn’t accurate, not totally surprised when Effie crawled out of the car and crouched next to him, still trying to stop the bleeding on her forehead. She didn’t try to use her gun, she simply made sure he never went out of ammos. Peeta started shooting from the other side of the car, urging Annie to lay low.

Haymitch was still stunned from the crash – he wasn’t sure his head hadn’t hit the wheel too and he regretted never having taken the time to have the airbag replaced – time seemed to be running its course very weirdly. His ears were ringing with gun shots. He could hear Coin and Johanna screaming instructions in the distance but he wasn’t able to actually _hear_ them. At some point he saw a girl – small, blond hair _glimmering_ in the sun, not much older than the kids – sneaking behind Katniss with a knife, he tried to shoot but his hands were shaking too much so he ran to them instead.

The girl was good with a knife and Katniss didn’t have any range to shoot. The struggle took the three of them away from the pick-up and closer to the rebels. Johanna had already foreseen that the truck would be left without any protection other than Effie’s unreliable skills at the moment and Peeta’s awkward shooting and was sprinting toward it.

Katniss kept saying she had to go back to Prim in the pick-up but the path was blocked, they were shot at each time they took a step in that direction. There was an odd smell in the air but Haymitch didn’t have time to find out what it was. He was still very much trying to keep their ambushers at bay _and_ to keep an eye on the truck Johanna wasn’t quite succeeding in reaching.

Yet, the smell was sending alarms ringing in his head.

“Stop!” he screamed at the top of his lungs when he _finally_ placed it. “ _STOP!”_

But no one listened to him, bullets were flying in every direction. Coin and Gale escalated the SUV and laid low on the roof to get a better angle and…

“STOP!” he shouted at them. All he got was Plutarch’s attention. The man’s eyes widened as he, too, realized the danger.

_Gas_.

His answering screams for caution were the last thing Haymitch heard before the deafening explosion made all the other sounds disappear. The blast projected him and Katniss a few feet away, the heat was so unbearable he could swear they were on fire… He tried to cover the girl with his body, to shield her, but she struggled free and ran to the burning pick-up, screaming her sister’s name.

He didn’t hear it.

He couldn’t hear anything but an unending hissing.

He ran after her awkwardly and tackled her to the ground before she could throw herself into the blaze – he had no doubt she would.

The others remained shell-shocked. No one was shouting anymore and he figured their ambushers had gone because the pick-up had probably been their main target all along anyway.

His right ear popped and he regained some hearing in time to hear Effie’s desperate howl. She dashed for the pick-up, exactly like Katniss had done, except Haymitch was too far and too busy keeping the girl down to stop her.

He had never been so grateful for Johanna’s quick reflexes. She grabbed Effie around the waist and dragged her away, shouting the same thing over and over again.

_She’s already dead._

And it wasn’t until that precise moment that it sank in for Haymitch.

Prim was dead.  

No more joking about teaching him proper music taste, no more attack hugs from behind when he wasn’t expecting it, no more innocent laughter…

Prim was dead.

Katniss stopped struggling under him.

He pressed his forehead against the floor and closed his eyes.

There was nothing else to do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope it wasn't too hard ^^ There are only 4 chapters left after this one, we're nearing the end. I hope you liked it! Let me know!


	26. Chapter 26

Some grief is so powerful it could only be silent.

The truck was quiet but the noise in Effie’s head was deafening. She kept hearing the explosion again and again, the original detonation that had left her ears ringing, the whoosh of the blast, the crackling of the flames, the whining of the burning metal… Everything in her head was sound.

What had happened after was a blur. Johanna had forced her to sit down next to the truck, she remembered Plutarch, looking sad, gently dabbing at the wound on her forehead, the commotion a few feet away where everyone was circling Katniss and Haymitch as if they were wild animals that needed to be approached with caution… And then Katniss’ howling, the howling of someone who had lost everything she had left.

They had to give her sleeping pills to calm her down. She had been sleeping in the back of Haymitch’s truck ever since, with Peeta watching over her.

Effie also remembered the tears on Annie’s face, the ones Johanna couldn’t quite hide in her own eyes and Gale’s silent but defeated raging. She didn’t know who said there was no body to recover. She didn’t know who gave the order to move on. Haymitch had hauled her in the car without a second glance and they had started to drive again.

Then there had been silence in the truck and the sounds in her head.

She was seeing everything on a loop.

Again and again and again.

“Don’t fall asleep.” Haymitch barked at her suddenly.

She sat up straighter, realizing that she had indeed been nodding off. _Concussion_ , a voice in mind whispered. She was supposed to stay awake for a few more hours.

She stared at Haymitch but he wasn’t looking at her. He was looking straight ahead, at the back of the rebels SUV, with a hard look on his face. He had closed up. His hand were shaking so much it was a wonder he could hold the wheel at all but Effie wasn’t in any state to drive and Peeta was asleep on the back seat with Katniss. Gale, Annie and Johanna were all in the rebels’ SUV.

_Where is Prim?_ , the absurd thought popped into her mind. Prim should have been with them, nagging Effie with questions about this or that. Prim should have been singing joyfully out loud with Katniss. Prim should have been…

“Stop the car.” she whispered.

Haymitch didn’t answer or show any sign of slowing down. He was so lost in his own thoughts she wasn’t sure he even heard.

“Stop the car, Haymitch, please.” she repeated louder – louder than the deafening noise of the explosion in her head.

He glanced at her in annoyance that soon turned into worry. “You’re okay?”

“I feel sick.” she replied, forgetting to feel embarrassed.

The truck slowed to a stop and she fumbled with the door so much he had to lean across and open it for her. She stumbled out, the cold air slammed into her but she welcomed the chill. It helped clear her head of the sound. She bent in two, feeling the urge to be sick, to be _something_ _else_ than silent with grief but her stomach was empty and the only thing that came out was a wretched sob.

Haymitch’s arms wrapped around her from behind. She turned and clung to him, burying her face in the grey wool of his coat, not even trying to hold back her tears. She managed to collect herself for Seneca’s death but Prim… Haymitch didn’t even try to ask that of her. He pressed his cheek against the side of her head and held her so tight she suspected he needed the comfort just as much as she did.

“What’s wrong?” Johanna asked, from where the SUV had stopped.

He sighed, pressed a kiss on her hair and shouted back to the younger woman. “Can you drive?”

Johanna clearly hesitated, glancing back inside the truck, reluctant to leave Annie. But in the end, she came to the truck and sat behind the wheel, telling them to get a move on before Coin took off without them.

The loss of the pick-up meant a loss of space that would require Effie’s skills at organizing but she was sobbing so much, she could barely see the seat as it was so she let Haymitch pull her back inside, slightly surprised when she found herself almost on his lap despite the small space left where she could have sat. She wrapped her arms around his neck while he cradled the back of her head in his hand to keep it from bumping against the roof.

The sobs wretched her body. She couldn’t remember ever having cried like that. It was physically painful. When the sobbing finally died down into a pitiful whining, it was from body exhaustion rather than because she had exhausted her grief.

“Are you done wailing?” Johanna snapped, her own voice suspiciously hoarse.

Effie was surprised it had taken her that long to tell her to knock it down, she wasn’t surprised by the way the younger woman was biting her bottom lip to the point of bleeding or the wet traces on her cheeks.

“It’s all my fault.” Effie whispered. “If I hadn’t wanted to help Seneca…”

“No, it’s not.” Haymitch’s voice was harsh and his arms tightened around her. “Don’t start thinking like that.”

“You’re so self-absorbed…” Johanna sneered. “This isn’t about you. Don’t even _think_ of making this about you. You had your cry now you move on.”

“This isn’t the kind of thing you simply cry over once and then move on!” Effie protested, horrified at the mere thought. Haymitch and Johanna exchanged a glance and she knew, in that second, that they understood each other a lot more than Effie could ever hope to understand Haymitch. They would bury Prim’s death as deep as they could and pretend it never happened or, at least, that it didn’t hurt them as much as it truly did. “We lost Prim!”

Peeta steered on the back seat but didn’t wake up. Katniss was still out to the world.

“We lost Prim and we lost Finnick.” Johanna hissed. “That’s how this world works. Get over it.”

“You can’t let it break you, sweetheart.” Haymitch added. “You will be of no use to anybody if you let it break you. We carry on, that’s what you told me.”

“It was different!” she argued. “Finnick was… Prim…” There was no comparing the two.

“It’s not.” Haymitch shrugged but it was a bit too detached. He was faking it, she was certain. “Look, Effie, we need to stay on top of things here. We can’t let our guard down.”

“You saw who took the shot.” Johanna stated, her hands gripping the wheel so tightly her knuckles turned white. “Because, I’m pretty sure the others weren’t shooting when it happened. There were only the weird teeth bitch and a blond guy left. They were running.”

It took a few seconds for Effie to catch up and when she did, her eyes widened in shock. “Are you saying one of us hit the pick-up?”

“I’m saying there were only two people shooting when it exploded.” the woman replied, gritting her teeth.

“We can’t know that.” Haymitch countered but the hand that was resting on Effie’s thigh clenched reflexively.

“Please!” Johanna scoffed. “Gale and Coin. They were the only ones using guns by that point.”

“You can tell Katniss that.” Effie objected at once. “If she thinks Gale… It would destroy her.”

“Agreed.” Haymitch nodded. “Keep your mouth shut, Jo.”

“So we’re really kidding ourselves into thinking it’s an accident?” Johanna insisted. “Because I don’t think it was. I think it’s _fucking_ convenient. One less… What did she call them, again, Trinket? _Liabilities_? Or did we imagine that as well, Haymitch?”

The younger woman’s speech left an uneasy feeling in the pit of Effie’s stomach.

“I thought it was rude to spy, Princess?” he nudged her, obviously not happy. Effie didn’t dignify that with an answer. It had been Johanna’s idea and he shouldn’t have kept that kind of information from them. “The way I see it, we have three options: first one, we choose to think a stranger killed Prim; second one, it was Gale and it must have been an accident, so we _don’t_ talk about it because Katniss is already going to be damaged enough, we don’t need to add Gale to that; third one, it was Coin and it was murder.”

“I’m leaning toward option three.” Johanna spat. “Trinket?”

Effie took her time. It was difficult to think. There was still the noise in her head, no matter how hard she tried to will it away. The sound of the blast kept echoing and the image with it… As much as some of the memory was clear some of it was blurry and she hadn’t been paying attention to President Coin in the first place. She had been focused on Haymitch and Katniss.

“I… I don’t know.” she stammered, remembering a lot of odd instances, odd thrown-off comments. “I think it’s possible.”

“It’s not possible, it’s likely.” Haymitch sighed, rubbing his face. “Except we don’t have proof.”

“Do we need one?” Johanna retorted. “She hinted a million times that she would have left the weakest one behind.”

“Are we really thinking Coin murdered Prim?” Effie whimpered. Sweet, _sweet_ Prim who never had a mean bone in her body… Sweet Prim who was always so eager to braid Effie’s hair or to chat about mindless things… Sweet Prim who was always so cheerful even when Effie was faking her own smiles…

“Question is : what do we do?” Johanna growled. There was a murderous glint in her eyes.

“Again, three options.” Haymitch replied. “One, we cram everyone in the truck and we take off. Two, we pretend everything is alright.”

“What is three?” Effie asked innocently. Haymitch and Johanna didn’t glance at each other but they didn’t need too. They both tensed. Effie almost fell off the seat in her hurry to get off Haymitch’s lap. Three people on the front seat was a tight fit and she found herself stuck between Johanna and Haymitch. “You can’t be serious!” She stared at one and then at the other but they were both sporting grim faces. “ _No one is killing anyone_.” she hissed before they could say anything else.

Even through the grief, even through the rage she felt at the idea that Prim might have been sacrificed on purpose, she couldn’t resolve herself to that.

“Then we take off.” Johanna rolled her eyes.

“We can’t. We need the bunker.” Haymitch said. “We could kill them and pretend to find Thirteen by pure luck but we can’t take off and then show up at Thirteen.”

“You were the one saying we don’t need any bunker.” Johanna reminded him.

“Yeah, when I could still shoot straight and Finnick was still alive.” He shrugged it off but Effie saw how much it pained him to feel diminished. “Peeta limps, I bet you Katniss will be in a right state for a while, Annie is pregnant, I’m not sure how right in the head Gale is anymore and my aim is off. Effie is good with a gun but ammos won’t be eternal. That leaves you, Johanna. Can you protect the whole group by yourself?” He made a face. “Taking into account that we will have a screaming thing on our hands in a few month.”

“It’s a _baby_ , really, Haymitch.” Effie clucked her tongue.

“Doesn’t change the fact that we need the bunker.” he snorted without amusement.

“So we stay put. That’s your solution?” Johanna growled.

“It’s the only one we have.” Haymitch said, his hand falling on Effie’s thigh. “You keep Annie close, Effie and I will keep an eye on the kids. I don’t think Gale is in any danger, he’s too taken with their rebels ideology.”

He didn’t say he would watch out for Effie too but it was heavily implied. She felt tired. Wasn’t it enough to run from zombies? Did they really have to be wary of each other too?

Her head was throbbing.

“Do you think it has been long enough that I can sleep now?” she asked, burrowing against Haymitch’s side.

“Yeah.” He twisted so his back would be to the door and she could use him as a proper pillow. Johanna rolled her eyes but didn’t comment. There wasn’t enough room for any of them to be comfortable anyway. Effie felt better when his arms were once again around her but it didn’t make the exhaustion or the images in her head go away.

She drifted off, lulled to sleep by the hushed conversation between Haymitch and Johanna. She didn’t know what they were talking about and she wasn’t sure she wanted to.

None of them noticed that the sleeping pills had stopped working.


	27. Chapter 27

Haymitch quickly crossed the small distance from their campsite near the lake to the place slightly hidden by trees they had been using to wash up earlier, in an attempt at preserving the last remnants of dignity they all had. The camp was busy and a little louder than he would have liked but it was the first time in days that they’d stopped and he didn’t want to damper anyone’s relief and joy at finally being out of the cars.

After what had happened to Prim, the general mood had been difficult. Not only did they all have to deal with their own grief but, on top of that, there had been _the Katniss problem_. The girl was withdrawn, always curled up in a place or another, they needed to force her to eat and drink, getting a word out of her was a herculean task… She seemed to live in her own little bubble of despair. The only one who could usually coax her out was Peeta and even then it was tenuous at best. She didn’t want to look at Gale, she glared at Coin, she tolerated Effie, Johanna and Haymitch but she didn’t engage with them, Annie was still dealing with her own pain over Finnick, and Plutarch had always been nice with her but they weren’t friends. The Katniss situation had only added tension to an already unstable mix.

He ducked under a low branch and immediately spotted Effie, standing alone with her back turned to him, wearing nothing but her blue jeans and a pink bra. Shaking his head at her recklessness, he wrapped an arm around her middle from behind. She startled and then relaxed against his chest.

“If I was a zombie, you would be dead, sweetheart.” he chided her, dropping a kiss on her shoulder. His hand was spread on her ribcage, he could feel every single bone. She needed to eat more. They all did.

“And yet I would still be less dead than this shirt.” she sighed, showing the blue blouse she had been so focused on. It was badly stained in parts and he didn’t think she would manage to get it back to its original color. “I loved it.” she lamented before dropping it on a pile on the right. There was another in front of her and one to her left. Apparently, she was very busy sorting and washing all of their clothes. He saw one of his shirts and spied some of Katniss’ in there too.

“You should have taken someone with you to do that.” he grumbled. “I don’t want you alone. Anything could happen.” And by anything he meant she could have disappeared mysteriously without anyone being the wiser. He and Johanna had been watching the rebels like hawks ever since Prim’s death, keeping a watchful eye on the rest of their group too. He didn’t think Plutarch was or had been involved in anything – _or_ he was an exceptional actor.

Coin was growing more and more restless and agitated every day. She wasn’t right in the head anymore, everyone could see it, even her right hand. If Plutarch had called her out on it… But there was no use going down that road. Plutarch was very much a power lover but he wasn’t a leader, not in the traditional sense, he was a man behind the scenes, not the guy outright calling the shots.

Haymitch snatched a sweater from the pile on the left and forced it over Effie’s head. She let him but rolled her eyes.

“You do realize I can dress by myself, yes?” she taunted.

“And yet, here you are, strutting around the woods in nothing but a bra.” he snorted, smoothing the sweater over her body if only to cup a feel.

“You love that bra.” she reminded him with a grin, clasping her hands behind his neck.

“All the more reason not to flaunt it at me when we don’t have time to do anything.” he replied, still very willingly giving her the kiss she was so obviously requesting. As often with them, the kiss turned into two and then three and he had to put a stop to it before he forgot where they were and he started something they wouldn’t be able to finish. He was also surprised at the lack of “ _eeew_ ” and “ _you’re too old for that”_ but given the state the girl was in, maybe she didn’t even care about what he and Effie did anymore. “Where’s Katniss?”

Effie’s brow immediately furrowed in a frown. “What do you mean? She’s with Johanna and Peeta.”

“No.” He let go of her to take another proper look around the clearing but there was no brooding teenager sitting on a rock. “Peeta said she went after you.”

“She didn’t.” she denied, looking around with a frantic expression. It was odd how little it took to shatter a peaceful moment nowadays, he mused. “Do you think she went deeper into the woods? Do you think…”

She didn’t finish her sentence but she didn’t need to, they only had to exchange a glance. They had never discussed it but Effie just like Haymitch had been very careful not to leave the girl alone with knives or guns or anything she could use to hurt herself.

“Go get the others.” he told her. “We need to find her.”

In the end, they left Plutarch and Annie at the campsite and started searching their surroundings. Haymitch wasn’t sure Johanna and Peeta would cover a lot of ground because of his leg but Coin and Gale took off in the opposite direction he and Effie did. He’d rather have Gale with Coin. The boy wouldn’t let anything happen to Katniss.

He and Effie didn’t talk much between their frantic calling for the teenager that would probably attract zombies rather than her. Haymitch didn’t even care. He _couldn’t_ lose that girl – not so shortly after Prim; not ever.

Effie was efficient, focused and very obviously fighting hard to keep collected but he saw the tiny cracks in the reassuring mask she was wearing for the others’ sake. If Katniss died, he wouldn’t be the only one to be destroyed.

Haymitch wasn’t a great tracker but he knew enough to get by and it didn’t take him long to conclude Katniss had never been in the area they were searching.

“We need to double back.” he told Effie.

She simply nodded and folded her arms over her chest. She had forgotten to grab her coat and she must have been cold but there was no time to offer his or to suggest she went back to camp to get it.

“We will find her.” she whispered several times, low enough that he knew she was talking to herself rather than to him. “We will find her.” It was almost a prayer. He didn’t dare promise anything to her. He had promised nothing would ever happen to the kids and they had already lost one. She didn’t blame him for that, he knew, she blamed herself like the stupid person she was, but he, on the other hand, _did_ think it was his fault. If he had rushed to the pick-up when he had first smelled the gas… If he had identified the danger earlier… If…

_If ifs and ands were pots and pans, there’d be no work for tinkers’ hands_ , his mother used to say.

“Come on.” he bristled, quickening his steps to the point Effie had troubles following. Even after all those months of living in the wild, she was still unsteady in the woods.

He had been _so_ afraid of finding Katniss swinging from a tree like in that awful song she kept humming from time to time, he didn’t see Gale before he tripped on his unconscious body. He managed not to fall by grabbing a nearby trunk but not in time to prevent Effie from flying past him with a scream of anguish.

It all happened in seconds, by the time he was back on his own two feet, Effie had torn the small bottle of sleeping pills away from Katniss and had thrown it as far as she could before gathering the girl against her chest in a tight hug, not caring about the teenager’s weak struggling. In the end, Katniss gave up and let the woman rock her slowly back and forth as if she was an infant.

The rest of the scene, Haymitch had difficulties believing in: Coin was laying on her back, an arrow jutting from her chest – in the heart, perfect shoot – very obviously dead. The quiver full of arrows and the bow forgotten near Katniss were evidence enough of what had just taken place.

“Why?” he simply asked. He needed to know. If there was a reason behind her actions, there was hope. If it had been random…

Katniss lifted her grey eyes from the forest ground all the way to his face with deliberate slowness. There was sorrow in there, sorrow and hatred and guilt.

“You said she killed my sister.” the girl hissed.

“Oh, Katniss…” Effie’s voice was pained.

“And him?” Haymitch insisted, nodding to the still unconscious form of Gale. He should have gone and checked his pulse but he couldn’t quite resolve himself to do that yet.

She averted her eyes this time and buried her face in Effie’s shoulder. “I just knocked him out from behind. I couldn’t… I…”

“Good.” Haymitch breathed a little more easily. He crouched next to Gale and indeed found a steady pulse. “Did he see you?” Katniss didn’t give a verbal answer but shook her head. He ignored Effie’s reproachful glare. There was no time for sugar coddling. “Sweetheart, take her back to camp while I deal with this mess. Take the quiver and the bow but hide them in the bushes near the lake, don’t take them back with her.”

“But…” Effie started and then fell silent without any prompting on his part, probably working out why telling the truth was simply out of the question. She nodded, forced Katniss to her feet and led her away. He hoped the teenager had enough sense left to make sure they were going in the right direction.

He made a quick job of disposing of the evidence, relying on skills he hadn’t used in years. The arrow was thrown away, the body dragged a few feet off the path and any trace of the girl’s passage obliterated. Just as Gale was starting to stir, he hauled the boy up and forced him to walk quickly, almost to the point of running, repeating again and again that a mutt was after them.

Gale was disoriented enough that he swallowed his explanation bait, hook and sinker. Effie and Katniss were already back when they stumbled into camp with their mutt story. Nobody appeared saddened by the news of Coin’s tragic death under the teeth of a genetic monster although he wasn’t sure anyone truly believed it either. Plutarch certainly didn’t, he did the math pretty quickly, glancing from Katniss to Haymitch and then giving a short nod to the other man.

Haymitch didn’t trust him but, then again, nobody had been trusting Coin for a while – not even Plutarch, her disappearance wasn’t of great importance to the group. If anything, it was good news.

“We’re still going to Thirteen?” Johanna asked, as they were quickly getting ready to leave the campsite in case “the mutt” wandered their way.

“Yes.” Plutarch replied before Haymitch could suggest anything. “I can guide you there. It will probably be quicker in any case.” Because he was less paranoid and would take less detours. “We’re not that far now.”

“Good. Thirteen it is.” Haymitch agreed. He forced Katniss in the truck but stepped in Peeta’s way when he tried to follow. “You’re going in the SUV for now.”

“Why?” Peeta frowned.

“Because I’m telling you to do so.” he growled, pushing the boy in Johanna’s direction. Jo didn’t look any more convinced by the story than Plutarch. She grabbed the boy’s shoulder and guided him to the rebels’ car without a word.

“Her weapon is back in the trunk. Nobody saw me.” Effie whispered before climbing behind the truck’s wheel.

He sat on the passenger side and waited for Effie to start the engine and for the car to be back on the road before turning to look at Katniss. The girl was curled up against the right door, her knees held tight against her chest.

“So, who’s next?” he sneered. “Effie because she wanted to look for her friend? Me because I was too slow to stop it? Johanna because she was too far away? Gale because it could also have been him? Peeta because his leg is good for nothing? Annie because she’s pregnant? Plutarch because he’s pompous as hell? Who’s next, sweetheart?”

“Haymitch!” Effie hissed, startled and obviously uncomfortable.

“Just drive.” He waved her off. “I’m having a chat with Katniss.”

Katniss, however, wasn’t in a chatty mood. She rested her cheek on the top of her knees and watched the landscape through the window.

“Answer me.” he snapped.

“Haymitch, enough.” Effie retorted, slamming her hand against the wheel to make her point. She was usually so controlled, it also tended to show she was at the end of her tether. “Don’t you think she’s been through enough horrors? Don’t you think…”

“I need to know if she’s a killer.” he interrupted her. “Because if she is, then we have a problem. Do we have a problem, girl?”

Finally, Katniss looked at him. “We’re all killers, aren’t we?”

“Are we?” he insisted.

“She killed Prim, you said so. You said she would kill Annie and Peeta.” Katniss growled. “I did what you didn’t have the balls to do.”

“In cold blood.” he pointed out.

“She was protecting the group.” Effie cut in, in a tone that wouldn’t leave any place for argument. “Her intentions were good. Let’s just… Let’s just forget about it, the whole thing. Let’s just…” She shook her head as if she knew her own request was absurd. “Please. Katniss won’t do anything this rash again, will you, Katniss?”

“She’s a survivor. She will do what she has to do.” Haymitch shrugged. “That’s the difference between predators and preys. She’s very much a hunter.” He chuckled bitterly. How alike they were… What a shame it was.

“Please.” Effie said again, clearly upset.

“Alright.” he gave up. Nothing good would come out of that discussion anyway. He placed a hand on Effie’s thigh and squeezed gently but the muscles never relaxed under his fingers, she remained tensed and anxious for the next following hours until he claimed the wheel back from her.

Peeta wandered back to the truck at some point and seemed very unsettled by the unusual silence. Effie attempted to chat it away sometimes, inducing enough fake cheer to her voice that they could forget for a while where they were and what was happening around them, but it never worked. They were all exhausted in all the possible ways and most of them were ready to give up.

When Effie snuggled up to him at night, her clinging grew more and more desperate with each passing day. It was a new sort of hell, a desperate waiting for something to happen.

Something _did_ happen.

One day, they found their way closed by a barbwire fence that ran in the middle of the road and continued its merry way in the surrounding landscape. They all got out of the truck to find a smile plastered on Plutarch’s face.

“Welcome to District Thirteen!”

Somehow, it didn’t make Haymitch feel any better.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Only two chapters left, let me know what you thought about it =)


	28. Chapter 28

**_ 28\.  _ **

Thirteen wasn’t at all what it was cut out to be, Effie decided.

She dropped her pack in the standard room they had been assigned – very small, very grey and very practical, like everything she had seen of that place until then – and turned to Haymitch.

“Do you think the children will be alright?” she asked.

They had been whisked to the medical wing as soon as their cars had been allowed in the compound. Plutarch had been greeted by a middle-aged woman named Commander Paylor – she wasn’t much nicer than Coin but, at least, she seemed to not be insane which satisfied Effie – and had left them to be probed and examined by doctors who had, ultimately, declared them free of infection. Peeta and Annie had still been kept there to make sure they were both alright, the others had been dispatched to different rooms, with the grey mandatory uniforms, guided by a soldier who had enumerated in a bored voice too many rules for Effie to take in.

Thirteen was military from floor to ceiling, she wasn’t sure she was completely alright with that.

Haymitch certainly wasn’t but that might have had to do with the fact that their weapons had been sent to the armory. He hated being defenseless just as much as he hated being told what to do – she was already tired of all the tact she would have to show to prevent incidents in the upcoming days.

“They should be.” he shrugged, looking around curiously. There wasn’t much to see : bunk beds, a metallic chest of drawers and what she mistook for a cupboard but turned out to be the bathroom, a small shower cubicle, a sink, a mirror and a toilet.

“It’s better than anything we had for a long time.” she tried to sound cheerful. She tried. The grey was depressing and as much as she attempted to forget it, she disliked the idea of being buried so deep underground. There was something deeply wrong in a world where the dead walked the Earth while living people had to resort to crawl below ground.

“Yeah.” He didn’t sound enthusiastic. He tossed his backpack on the top bunk.

“Walls and a door that actually locks.” she insisted.

“Walls and a door that actually locks in an underground base where we will get stuck if zombies or mutts find their way in.” he muttered, reaching for the uniforms they had been given and unfolding them. They looked like square piece of grey rough cotton. “You’re going to have a blast with those, sweetheart.”

She wrinkled her nose at the horrid piece of clothing. She was determined not to let him damper the mood, though. “We’re safe.” She had to cling to that because that was all they had left. They had lost Finnick, they had lost Prim, Peeta had lost his leg, Katniss had very probably left her sanity behind… They had fought to reach Thirteen. They had fought to get there. And they had won.

It didn’t taste like a victory.

“For now.” He flung the fabric aside and turned to her, framing her face in his hands with a smirk. “You have a point about the door that locks though, Princess.”

“Shower first.” she grinned when he leaned in for a kiss. “ _Hot_ water, Haymitch. I am not even sure I remember how that feels.”

“Less good than what I plan to do to you…” He captured her mouth, swallowing her giggles. They fumbled with each other’s clothes for several minutes – layers were good against the cold but they were very frustrating when they got in the way – kissing and bumping into the furniture and the walls that stood in their path to the bathroom.

She didn’t know what felt best : the way he trapped her against the shower wall or the water that poured over them when he turned the tap. It seemed like forever since she had both and both felt equally heavenly.

“You, me, shower sex…” he chuckled against her neck. “Feels familiar.”

Her mind had to stretch to remember that first time, all those months ago.

“We never _did_ make it to the shower, did we?” she laughed quietly.

“We did today.” His fingers were doing things that should have been deemed illegal. Her head fell back against the tiled wall, her eyes shut tight… It was hard to stay focused.

“Priorities.” she chided him, pushing him away enough to grab the soap they had been provided with. “We only have ten minutes of hot water each.”

“I can do plenty of things in twenty minutes.” His smug smirk was contagious. When he kissed her, she lost sight of the important thing again. She wrapped her arms around his neck, not caring at all about the bottle of shower gel that plummeted to the floor.

“We should get clean first…” she moaned.

He sighed loudly against her neck and then bent down to retrieve the soap. She was grateful for the hand that never left her waist because her legs felt like jelly and she wasn’t sure she would have been able to stand on her own. Of course, she mused, when he looked at her with that devilish glint in his grey eyes, she should have known he would find some other way to torture her. He covered her in soap very thoroughly from head to toes, making sure to caress every part of her body until she was almost quivering in need.

She would have returned the favor but the water was already getting lukewarm. She had to resort to other methods… Wrapping her body around his seemed like a perfect way to share the soap.

They weren’t kidding with the ten minutes of hot water limit. They barely had time to rinse out the soap before the stream of water completely stopped in a whining and gushing pipe noise. Effie looked at the remaining drops in dismay, she wouldn’t have minded a longer shower – or an actual _bath_ for that matter.

She was so focused on mourning the loss of water she actually startled when Haymitch wrapped a towel around her. It didn’t stay on for long.

The trip from the bathroom to the bunk bed was a blur. He had had his fun and Effie was determined to have hers, she kissed him all the way there, forcing him to step back and pushing him on the mattress when they were near the beds.

Of course, she _had_ to miscalculate and knock the back of his head on the metallic edge of the top bunk. He groaned in pain.

“Oh, my! I’m so sorry!” she gasped.

He rubbed it a few times with an annoyed expression before flopping down on his back. “If you’re trying to kill me, there are better ways, sweetheart.”

She didn’t take the bait, crawling next to him – the top bunk _was_ rather low, she couldn’t even sit without bending her head – to inspect the wound. She cradled his head into her hands and felt around for a bump but found none. She wasn’t expecting to find one : if he had truly been hurt, he wouldn’t have let her check.

“I’m sorry.” she repeated anyway, dropping a soft kiss on his lips.

“You bashed my head against a metallic bar, a kiss isn’t going to cut it.” he taunted, running his hand from her hips to her back. He pulled her on him. “You will have to do better.”

“Yes?” She kissed him again, slow and lazy. It was nice to be able to take their time, she thought, it had been too long since sex had been anything else than a hurried affair on the side of the road that always left them frustrated. It was also nice to be completely naked and to feel skin on skin instead of sweaty, bloody clothes that reeked of days of traveling. And, the icing on the cake: they didn’t have to worry that someone – zombies or annoying teenagers who didn’t grasp the insinuation behind _needing some fresh air_ – would barge on them. She was practically purring in contentment at finally being able to do whatever she wanted. “I miss you.”

The words left her lips almost against her will. They had been distant lately and it wasn’t just because of the lack of privacy on the road. They had never talked about his acknowledgment of his feelings for her, they had never talked about Prim and they had certainly _never_ talked about Coin’s murder.

“I’m right here.” he grumbled but it was faint. He must have been as aware as she was that things looked fragile between them. “I’m right here.” he said again, firmer, it sounded like a promise. He tightened his grip on her hair a little to bring her mouth back to his. “You’re always talking too much.” The kissing turned from something almost innocent to heated in no time at all. He rolled them around – or tried to, because the bed was so small he almost made them both fall on the floor – to get a better access to her throat and…

The lights went out.

They both froze, limbs still tangled, pricking their ears for any sign of struggles, zombies moans or more general undead invasion. There was nothing to hear but silence.

“I think it’s automatic.” Effie whispered. “They said something about curfews to relieve the generators…”

“Or we’re so good we make the lights blow out.” he joked, going back to kissing his way down her throat. “I can already tell I’m going to hate this place.”

Effie wished he could have been wrong.

Adjusting to sedentary life, a _military_ life in a _large_ community, was complicated and it took its toll on every one of them.

Everyone in Thirteen must have a purpose, that was the rule. It was understandable but Effie just wished she could have chosen the area in which she had to work. She wasn’t cut out to wash dishes all day. She had tried to apply for a secretary job but there was no opening so she remained in the kitchen, washing dishes. Her silver lining was that she wasn’t alone, Peeta had been assigned to the kitchen too, as an undercook. He would have enjoyed it more if there was any cooking involved but they were _so_ meticulous about rations that the cooking job mostly consisted in checking how much calories a person was allowed and making sure they didn’t get more on their tray.

Katniss and Gale had offered to hunt but that had been shut down, they had both been whisked away to the soldiers squads that patrolled the surroundings of the bunker daily, went on supplies runs and were generally tasked with zombies and mutts killing.

Gale, from the little Effie had seen of him, seemed to be having a blast. Katniss, on the other hand, spent all her free times curled up in her room, humming depressing songs to herself. Peeta was the only one she was really talking to, she avoided the rest of the group.

Annie, too, seemed to be happy with their new lodgings. She helped around the hospital but they didn’t force pregnant women to work. She was thriving.

No, Effie mused, after a week of washing dishes, there were two real problems : Haymitch and Johanna.

Haymitch and Johanna had both applied to the squads and had both been shot down. Haymitch’s aim with a gun was inaccurate, they said, and his physical condition wasn’t good enough – that had infuriated him to the point that he had almost turned their entire bedroom upside down. As for Johanna, she was too hot-tempered – although how they could accept Katniss and reject Johanna, Effie didn’t know. She felt dearly for the people who had to bear Haymitch’s and Johanna’s presence all day long. They had both been assigned to the armory where they were supposed to clean weapons.

“I hate this place.” Haymitch grumbled into her neck every night before he fell asleep and he repeated it every morning when the sharp electronic alarm bell called the whole compound to rise and shine for a new work day.

Some days, Effie thought it was like living in an anthill.

They had to follow schedules and obey the rules : there were punishments for every type of offense… They were granted a free day a week but since Effie’s never matched Haymitch’s, it wasn’t of much use. Going to the surface was unadvised if not forbidden. There were regular safety drills to make sure everyone knew how to reach the shelters if there ever was a zombie attack.

They all agreed that gathering the entire population of the compound in a big shelter, without any weapons, and trusting the soldiers to defend them was calling for a massacre but they seemed to be the only ones to think so, the other inhabitants were happy to leave the defending to somebody else.

If Haymitch thought Effie didn’t know about the knife he had sneaked out of the armory the day after the first drill, he was dead wrong – she held her tongue about it because she could guess the punishment for stealing a weapon would be a dire one and she didn’t want to draw attention to that. Besides, she was sure Johanna had a nice collection of stolen blades in her own room.

On the bright side, they were all safe, clean, fed and comfortably settled. Effie relished the facts that she didn’t have to worry about a zombie popping in if she was taking a shower, and that she could sleep soundly without being either cold or certain that something would take a bite of her before she woke. Of course, Haymitch occasionally _did_ take a bite while she was asleep but those were usually meant to wake her up playfully and were actually welcome.

Nevertheless, it wasn’t as good as the farm.

The worst thing was watching Haymitch getting more and more frustrated with military proceedings until he completely stopped snapping at everyone to fall into an apathetic grudging silence even she couldn’t break. Sometimes, she spent the entire lunch break trying to add some cheers to a table where Katniss and Haymitch were brooding, Johanna was sulking, Annie was humming and Peeta was staring at her with sympathy. The boy usually tried to make an effort but the gloomy mood always got to him in the end. As for Gale, he was always too busy doing important things and never had time to sit with them. The more Peeta and Katniss grew together, the more Gale distanced himself from the group.

They were falling apart, Effie didn’t need anyone to tell her that.

After a month in Thirteen, she wasn’t sure how the others were doing. Peeta was closed-mouth about Katniss, simply stating that she was coping. The boy had grown even more protective of her and Katniss was just the same way, Effie pitied anyone who would try to come between them. Johanna was restless and getting in trouble more and more frequently for starting brawls. Gale barely said hello. Annie was getting ready to give birth…

And Effie was struggling to keep everyone together because she had her own set of worries.

Haymitch _wasn’t_ adjusting to life in Thirteen at all.

The nightmares came back after a few weeks. They had grown too confident about his night terrors, he was having less of those ever since they had left the farm but now they were back full blast with the addition of new horrors like Finnick’s and Prim’s death. One night Effie had failed to get away early enough and he had back-slapped her across the face in his sleep. It was an accident, she _knew_ it was an accident, she told him so repeatedly, but there was no convincing him that sleeping in the same bed was safe.

He moved to the top bunk.

He wasn’t sleeping.

She knew because she couldn’t sleep either, she had grown too accustomed to sharing space with him at night, so she listened to him tossing and turning above her every night without fault. If there had been any way to get alcohol in Thirteen, he would have found it.

She was afraid he would.

He constantly snapped at her when she tried to have a serious talk, he barely touched her or kissed her anymore, she was the one starting things most of the time and even then it looked as if he wasn’t truly there. She was so desperate she asked Johanna to talk to him but Johanna barked back at her to mind her own business.

Effie had hoped Thirteen would be their salvation.

She cried in the shower every day – not that Haymitch would notice because they didn’t share showers anymore, they didn’t share anything. Sometimes, she wondered if he would notice her absence if she took her backpack and left. She could do that she supposed : ask to be reassigned to another room, do just as Gale had done and find new friends.

Except they had been through _so much_ together, she couldn’t give them up. Thirteen was supposed to be their happy ending – or as happy as they would ever get.

The only one for whom it was happy was Annie. She gave birth to a little boy she named Finn and he was the sweetest angel. Effie was truly thrilled for her friend. The hour they all spent together around Annie’s hospital bed was the best moment since they had arrived in Thirteen. The only one missing was Gale, even Plutarch popped in to offer his congratulations.

Effie suspected she would have continued on smiling like an idiot if Haymitch hadn’t gone back to his grim attitude as soon as they were out of the hospital room. The walk to their room was spent in a tensed silence, the same silence that had crept between them during the last months.

She didn’t know why that night was the last straw. She didn’t know what was different : if it had been watching Annie and her newborn or the fact that they had all been having a good time together for the first time in weeks… It wasn’t any conscious decision on her part to slam the door shut behind her.

Yet she knew when he turned to face her with a startled expression that it would be it : the fight that would make or break them.

They had had their share of fights since they met and even more since their first kiss but that one would be huge. She felt it in her bones.

“Do you even love me anymore?” was the first thing that came out of her mouth. It was a poor choice. His feelings were never to be discussed or analyzed, he was too afraid of them.

He studied her for a few seconds and then turned his back on her with a huff. “Don’t be _stupid_.”

His favorite insult. It cut deep every time. She had been reduced so many times to the blonde stereotype, diminished because she liked clothes and girly things, assumed dumb because she was pretty… She wasn’t a genius by any means, but Effie wasn’t stupid either. She never had been and she never would pretend to be for any man’s ego.

“I must be _very_ stupid indeed to think you care at all.” she snapped, watching as he peeled the clothes from his body layer by layer, obviously getting ready for bed. He was ignoring her like he so often did lately, acting like he couldn’t even hear her. She was done with that. “Because when you care for someone, you don’t treat them like _crap_ , Haymitch.”

He paused long enough to toss his shirt and undershirt on the top bunk. He didn’t face her, leaving her to trace the familiar lines of his back with her eyes. His shoulder blades were jutting out, she thought he had been eating more when they were still on the road than now that he had access to food. His rations were usually mostly divided between her tray and Katniss’ or Peeta’s, he would never let them refuse. She went with it because she figured it was his way of still feeling useful.

“What do you want, Effie?” he growled. “I’m too tired to fight.”

“Tired of doing nothing all day?” she hissed. It wasn’t true, he worked just as much as she did but she sensed she needed to provoke him until he finally exploded if she wanted to get something out of him. She needed to push him over the edge. Maybe, then, they could actually go somewhere. “Or are you finally tired of being a jerk?”

“You’re the one acting like a bitch and I’m the jerk.” he snorted. “How’s the weather in your pink _bloody_ kingdom of nonsense, sweetheart?”

She hated the patronizing way he was treating her. She narrowed her eyes at his back. “Don’t talk to me like that, I am _not_ a child for you to lecture. And the least you could is look at me when we have a conversation, it’s the proper thing to do.”

“We _aren’t_ having a conversation, you’re looking for an excuse to nag me until I fall asleep from boredom.” His tone left no room for argument and he sat down heavily on the lower bunk to unlace his boots. “And you can shove propriety up your ass for all I care.”

She stepped back as if he had slapped her.

“Apologize.” she demanded.

His only answer was to laugh, a low and mocking rumble of a laugh. He didn’t even glance up, he was focused on the recalcitrant knot of his shoelaces.

It was so obvious he didn’t care in the slightest…

Maybe she _was_ stupid. Stupid to love him despite everything, stupid to insist he kept on fighting when all he wanted to do was give up, stupid for trying to built something in a world that had no stable foundations anymore…

She needed space.

She felt as if she was suffocating and the knowledge that they were so deep underground didn’t help at all.

She needed air. _Fresh_ air.

And she also needed another place to stay, she couldn’t remain in that room with him any longer. She couldn’t watch what they shared wither and die. She couldn’t. It was too raw, too beautiful… She loved him too much, it would destroy her.

He kicked the first boot in the corner of the room, it connected with the wall before flipping back down. The loud noise made her flinch, it also brought her back to the present. She grabbed her backpack, placed it on the metallic chest of drawers and started shoving all her belongings in it, regardless of proper folding. Her sight was blurred by hot tears. She tried to blink them away but some rolled down her cheeks all the same.

The second boot hit the wall before she was done.

“What are you doing now?” he sighed as if she was being insufferable. She was getting on his nerves, that much was clear.

“Giving you what you want.” she replied quietly. She forced the rest of her clothes in the backpack and struggled to close it. She heard him standing up and walking closer so she hastily brushed the tears away with her sleeves, hoping her make-up hadn’t made too much of a mess of her face.

“You’re packing.” he mumbled as if he was talking to himself. She didn’t nod or even acknowledge his words. She had been wrong before, she shouldn’t have pushed him. There was no coming back from that, she knew it. She would pass that door and she would never come back because whatever was happening with him, he wouldn’t let her in. He was shutting her out and that wouldn’t work. She tried to lift the bag but it was heavy and she almost dropped it. Her hands were shaking so it was no surprise that she wasn’t able to hold on to it when he tore it away from her and flung it at the opposite side of the room.

It was ridiculous of course, the room was so small it was only a few feet away.

It was more of a statement, she supposed.

“You’re not leaving.” he growled.

She lifted her arms and let them fall helplessly. “Isn’t it what you want? Because you certainly don’t want _me_ , Haymitch. When was the last time you even _kissed_ me? Do you remember? Because I don’t. I’m invisible to you.”

She shook her head dejectedly and moved to get the backpack but he stepped in her way.

“I hate this place.” he spat.

“And you think I don’t?” she riposted. “That’s not an excuse. I can bear your emotional constipation, I can bear your rudeness, I can even bear your drinking issues but I _can’t_ bear to be a toy you take off the shelf when the whim strikes you. Either we are together or we aren’t.”

“You’re such a _fucking_ saint to _bear_ me, sweetheart…” he sneered. “What about me? Don’t I get credits for bearing your endless chatter, your complaining about clothes and your obsession for politeness?”

“Since I’m so horrible, I wonder what you saw in me.” She tried to sidestep him but he kicked the backpack further away.

“I saw _you_.” he replied and for a second, the world froze. He took a quivering breath. “Don’t leave. I can’t…” He reached for her face warily, as if he was afraid she would run away. His grey eyes found hers and begged her to understand. “Don’t leave, Princess.”

Coming from him, it was almost a love declaration. She wanted to give in to him but…

“I can’t live like this anymore.” she whispered. “You’re… You’re slipping away. It doesn’t matter what I do, you are slipping away and I can’t stand by and watch you do that.”

A flicker of annoyance flashed in his eyes. His hand fell back at his side. “I’m here, I’m trying. What more do you want from me?”

“Are you?” Her sarcasms flew high above his head.

“I could be miles away from this _fucking_ place !” he yelled suddenly, obviously at a loss for patience. “The kids and Jo have been nagging me to take off _for_ _weeks_! But I stayed. _For you_. Because, here, you’re safe. And because you love your _bloody_ hot showers and I didn’t want to be the guy who ask you to give it up to head out to a certain death. I am _here_. _I stayed_. You don’t get to lecture me about how much I don’t care for you, Effie, because I gave up _freedom_ for you.”

It left him breathless.

As for Effie, she was speechless.

She frowned, utterly lost. “What are you talking about?”

He opened and closed his mouth without a sound and then he ran a hand in his dirty tangled hair. “The kids and Jo are talking of heading north, find a place like the farm… Settling somewhere that isn’t a _bloody_ prison.” He shrugged. “They were waiting for Annie’s baby to be born. She doesn’t want to come. Gale doesn’t want to either.”

She must have been gaping because it almost hurt when she snapped her jaw shut. She blinked a few times processing that new information and then she started laughing. She laughed until she gasped for air. She laughed so hard that tears rolled down her cheeks again.

And Haymitch watched, obviously confused.

“You are all leaving and nobody told me.” she heaved finally between two chuckles and then she laughed some more, to the point her side actually started to hurt. She didn’t know why she was laughing. Perhaps because it was easier than crying.

“I told you _I_ ’m not going anywhere.” he grumbled defensively. “You’re staying so I’m staying.”

“Why didn’t anybody tell me?” She was still chuckling, a little out of breath, and yet she was _so far_ from being amused… She sat down on the lower bunk, staring at him.

“I told them not to until they were actually leaving.” he shrugged. “I didn’t want you to get upset before you had to.”

“So you took the decision out of my hands. Didn’t we have a discussion about this? The night before we moved to the Capitol building?” She could recall it clearly. “Didn’t we agree you are my partner and not my keeper?”

To his credit, he did wince guiltily.

She was angry now but, oddly, the tension was gone. It was hard to be angry at him when he was standing bare-feet and bare-chested in nothing more than his grey pants soiled at the knee.

“I knew you wouldn’t want to go. I didn’t want you to feel conflicted about it.” he sighed. “Look, sweetheart…”

“Who says I don’t want to go?” she cut him off with a snort. “Ah, yes… _You_. Perhaps you should have asked me first, don’t you think?”

“Okay.” he mocked, annoyed. “Do you want to go back to living on the road again, Princess? Do you want to say goodbye to your three meals a day, your daily shower and your nice comfy bed?”

“Yes.” she said simply.

It was his turn to be speechless.

It didn’t last though, he rolled his eyes. “See? That’s why I didn’t want them to tell you. You shouldn’t have to leave all that behind because…”

“Would you _stop_ telling me what I want and don’t want?” she hissed. “It might have escaped your notice with all your brooding and self-pitying but I hate this place too, Haymitch. I wash dishes. _All day long_. And you are unhappy here, so unhappy you don’t sleep, you don’t eat and you don’t speak to me anymore. Do I love being safe behind concrete walls? Yes. Would I keep that over you or the children? No.” She let out a long suffered sigh. “I’m not happy here either. Life outside is difficult but at least we are living. What is it you told me when we met? Try to enjoy the ride? This isn’t enjoying the ride, Haymitch. This isn’t a ride at all. This is pointless waiting. If the children are leaving, I _am_ leaving with them.”

She had made her point, she thought. So she lied down on her bed and turned her back on the room, facing the wall, hoping it wasn’t too far from lights out because she didn’t want to _see_ him anymore. She was so _furious_ …

“Scoot over.” he asked, tapping her shoulder gently.

She didn’t move, except to bend her right leg in front of her so she would be taking even more space on the bed.

“Okay.” he snorted. “You better remember later _you_ wanted to make it difficult.”

She was expecting him to tug her out of the bed. She _wasn’t_ expecting him to crawl on top of her when she was lying on her side and the lack of space was critical. She was sure her hip dug in his stomach and he was very much crushing her but no matter how much she complained, he wriggled until he was in the few inches between her and the wall. It couldn’t have been comfortable.

“You are ridiculous.” she huffed, trying to turn away from him again. He grabbed her shoulder before she could do that which only prompted her to purse her lips even more in disapproval. “In case it escaped your notice, I am _angry_ , Haymitch.”

And he was annoyed, it was plain on his face.

“I fucked up.” he said.

“Accurate.” She didn’t meet his eyes. She didn’t want to. “You don’t take decisions for me.”

“I was trying to protect you.” He squeezed her shoulder briefly. “I thought… I thought you wouldn’t want to go but you would feel forced to and I didn’t want you to be unhappy.”

“Well, you thought _wrong_.” she sighed. “I _am_ unhappy. If you had stopped playing martyrs for one second you might have seen that.”

“I hate this place.” he shrugged. “It makes me… All I can think about is drinking. All day.”

“Then we are leaving.” she replied. “It will be difficult but we will find another place eventually…”

Somewhere cold – she _hated_ the cold but the zombies hated it even more. They could find a natural reserve perhaps, somewhere with cabins and game to hunt for Katniss… Thirteen was the safest place left on Earth but it wasn’t for them. Effie had known that the second she had walked in.

“Why didn’t you trust me?” she asked. Because that was the real question in all of this. Why didn’t he trust her to make the right choice? “You think I’m selfish to the point of forcing you to live the rest of your life safe but miserable?”

His grey eyes roamed on her face, guarded. “I was afraid you would tell me to go even if you chose to stay behind.”

The confession was mumbled and awkward and she huffed again at how ridiculous that man was.

“ _You_ were stupid then.” she shook her head. “You are stuck with me for the rest of your life, haven’t you understood that yet? What were the chances of you and I ever meeting? It’s fate, Haymitch.” She finally moved back a little so he could have more space.

“I don’t believe in fate.” he replied. He followed her body instead of settling more comfortably, unbuttoning the grey shirt in a matter of seconds.

“What do you think you are doing?” She lifted an eyebrow, because if he thought…

“Apologizing, sweetheart.” A tentative smirk danced on his lips, his fingers ghosted over her thigh and she rolled her eyes, giving up with a sigh. Damned him and damned herself for being so weak. He seemed pleased by her wordless agreement. He slipped the shirt off her shoulder carefully, and started rolling up the undershirt, chasing the fabric with his lips. She couldn’t help her intake of breath under the trail of hot kisses he dropped on her stomach. His mouth stopped on her breasts and she arched her back so he could unclasp her bra. He didn’t and she froze with a frown.

“What’s wrong?” she asked.

For a second he didn’t answer, then he propped himself on his elbows on either side of her head and looked down at her.

“Before I met you…” His voice was rough and uncertain, as if he couldn’t even believe what he was saying. “My life wasn’t good – zombie apocalypse aside.”

“I know.” she whispered, reaching up to steal a kiss. He didn’t deepen it.

“You made it better. I never thought I could have that again.” He winced at his own awkwardness. “You get what I’m saying, yeah?”

It was a huge admission coming from him. A better one than the speech he had made months ago about how his actions should tell her exactly how he felt about her.

“If you are saying that you are madly in love with me, then yes I get the picture.” she teased.

He brushed a hand against her cheek, her hair… He was trying to say the words, she knew it because he looked torn and frustrated. She kissed it away, not leaving him enough time to breathe or think.

“I know.” she murmured in his ear when he finally unclasped her bra.

Any restraint was off after that.

Their remaining clothes were almost torn off their bodies. He tried to stop her when she undid his belt, tried to make it all about her but that wasn’t what she wanted. She wanted him. She wanted _them_.

It started rough, so rough she was sure she would have bruises and scratches all over her body the next day but that was alright with her because he would have them too – she bit his jaw so hard the mark would last for days. It started rough but it ended slow. They had to make that one last because safety was a rare thing in that world and they were about to forsake it.

She didn’t even realize it when time for lights out rolled around and they were plunged in the dark.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a chapter left, to be honest it’s more of an epilogue than a real full-length chapter but I hope you will like it all the same. Tell me what you thought of this one!


	29. Chapter 29

The once glossy blond hair of the zombie hung limply over bright pink clad shoulders. Haymitch avoided her grabby still red-painted fingernails and stabbed the other corpse on his left without hesitation. An arrow shot down the one that wanted to take him on his left, leaving him to face the very dead woman in front of him. Her blue eyes looked milky in a way that unsettled him.

It unsettled him less, of course, than the truck that slammed into her and almost flung _him_ on the side of the road. He fell on his ass without any kind of grace.

“Nice touch, Trinket!” Johanna cackled, swinging her axe to dispatch the remaining zombies surrounding the kids’ car. Katniss smoothly jumped from the roof when the last one hit the dust, joining Peeta who was waiting not far behind Johanna. Haymitch did a quick visual check but no one looked hurt.

He turned his attention to the woman staring at him, leaning on her elbow though the open window of the truck.

“You nearly ran me over.” he grumbled.

“Sorry, sweetheart.” she grinned. “I thought you were a zombie.”

“Very funny, Effie.” He rolled his eyes and scrambled up, wiping his hands on the side of his pants only to make her cringe.

“I believe you _are_ aware of what they say about payback?” she joked but her tone turned serious. “Are you alright? It was awfully close.”

“Peachy.” he confirmed, picking up his knife and stashing it in his belt. “You?” She nodded so he turned his attention to the rest of the group. “You’re okay over there?”

Katniss waved his concern away, Johanna only flipped him off and Peeta smiled reassuringly. He decided that was better than nothing and he stepped around the truck to climb back in. He shot Effie an irritated glance. “You tried to kill me, not nice, Princess.”

Effie blinked, the perfect picture of innocence. He wasn’t fooled for one single second. “Perhaps now you will think twice before making decisions for me.”

His lips twitched despite himself.

“I should have kicked your two million insured ass out of that truck when we met.” he replied.

“But think about all the shared moments you would have missed…” she retorted, turning the engine on to follow Johanna who was already driving off. “Not to mention the sex. Rescuing me was the best thing you ever did and you know it.”

“There was no rescuing.” he argued. “You hijacked my car.” Although she had a point, it _was_ easily the best decision he had ever taken. His hand ended up on her thigh – not to start anything, just… to _touch_ , to reassure himself she was still there; he was doing that a lot since they had left the safety of Thirteen behind – she caught it, entwining their fingers, her other hand maneuvering the wheel expertly.

It was ridiculous, he mused, almost a movie-like story.

There they were, the model and the drunk, sitting in a truck they had grown accustomed to call home, while flesh-eating monsters roamed the earth, holding hands, sneaking glances and sharing smiles like only stupid people in love could do.

Haymitch would have laughed mercilessly at anyone else in that situation. He did mock himself sometimes, when he caught himself staring straight at her for more than five minutes, his head full of mushy thoughts. He was a grown man, he was a bitter man.

And he had found a new family.

Over a year ago, he had been determined to remain alone for the rest of his life, waiting for death to pluck him out and now… Now he was never happier than when Katniss managed to muster the strength to give them one of her rare smiles or when Peeta proudly presented them with an edible dish or when Johanna bumped his shoulder and insulted him, her eyes twinkling in amusement. Or when Effie rested her head against his shoulder at night, in front of the fire, and snuggled against him to keep warm.

They were all broken in places, they all had their annoying quirks… But they _fitted_. He knew with an absolute certitude that they belonged together. As Effie was so fond of repeating, they were a family. They were the grumbling old parents – even though, Effie would probably want to dispute the ‘old’ statement – and Johanna, Katniss and Peeta were the unruly kids that somehow always got in troubles. And he wouldn’t have it any other way.

There was a definite upside to that zombie apocalypse : in a world dominated by the dead, he had found a reason to live again.

**_ The End  _ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And here we are at the end. I know it’s a bit of an open ending but I wanted them to end up on the road, where they started.   
> I want to thank everyone of you who left reviews and support, they all meant the world.   
> I hope you enjoyed the zombies ride.  
> Find me again next week in a brand new story called “Running From Snow” =)


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